22-Stone-Cold Dead in the Market Affair

by John Oram

  "After the war he drifted from job to job and finally dropped out of sight. He wasn't heard of again until six years ago when Price Hughes bought his farm. Morgan was the first man he hired."

  Illya said, "Well, well! Things begin to add up."

  "They do, indeed. There's not much doubt that the farm is the center of operations. I think it's time we stopped the presses."

  "High time," said Illya. "But getting near them will be quite a trick."

  He replaced the receiver and went up to bed.

  At nine o'clock next morning he walked into the dining room for breakfast. And there, working earnestly through a plate of ham and eggs, sat Blodwen. She was wearing a suit of cheap tweed with a chain-store blouse. Her black hair was combed lankly and she wore all the wrong kinds of makeup.

  She looked up uninterestedly when Illya walked in, then resumed her assault on the ham.

  He took a chair opposite from her. The waitress brought him a bowl of cereal.

  "Nice morning," he said.

  Blodwen scowled. "Dim saesneg," she answered with her mouth full.

  "I beg your pardon?"

  "The lady do say she don't speak no English," the waitress interpreted. "A Welsh lady she is," she added unnecessarily.

  "'Lady' is right," Illya said as a heavy shoe landed on his shin. He got his revenge by making the cereal really audible.

  He had got to the toast and marmalade stage when Blodwen brought out a packet of cigarettes. She lit one, then started to transfer the others to a case. Somehow she fumbled the job. The case made a clatter on the table and the cigarettes spread over the floor.

  Illya bent down to pick them up. So did Blodwen. Her hair brushed his cheek and he liked it.

  She whispered, "The little red schoolhouse. In half an hour."

  When the cigarettes had all been retrieved she straightened up, muttering grudging thanks in Welsh and walked out. She left a threepenny piece by her plate for the waitress. Illya thought it was wonderful how quickly she had picked up the customs of the country. He didn't know then that she was born in Wrexham.

  He allowed her time to get clear of the hotel, then went down to the lobby and wasted fifteen minutes talking to the receptionist.

  There are several schools in Corwen but he thought he knew the one Blodwen meant. It stood only about a hundred yards from the Cader Idris and it wasn't red. He strolled along to it.

  She was standing outside the playground gate, holding the poodle. As Illya approached she turned to her right and began walking. He followed at a discreet distance as she cut down a long, narrow street of workmen's cottages. An old Austin twelve was parked at the curb outside a little general store. She climbed in and waited for him to come up. He opened the door, settled himself beside her and said, "Surprise, surprise! When did you get in?"

  "Last night. Solo had the thought that you needed a hand." She let in the clutch and headed for the open country. The poodle snuggled into her lap and went to sleep.

  "And the fancy dress?"

  She laughed. "I was out at Cwm Carrog bright and early this morning, before you were out of bed. Just to see what I could pick up, as you might say.

  "As you know, it's a two-story house with entrances front and back. The main entrance, facing on to the drive, has double doors. There's a single door at the back. They're faced with steel painted like wood and all the windows have steel shutters.

  "Around the back of the cobbled yard there are two barns — one Dutch, one modern brick — a brick stable and cowshed. All normal as far as I could judge. Built on to the stable is a garage for two cars. They were both in when I got there. One is a big Vauxhall, number LP0094, finished black. The other is a Minivan, gray, number XL4454."

  She took a notebook from the glove compartment, tore out a leaf and passed it to him. "There's the layout of the buildings."

  Illya studied it carefully. He said, "Did you get into the house?"

  "No. A man working in the garage stopped me. A big guy in overalls. He wore horn-rimmed glasses and spoke like a Londoner."

  "Rafferty," Illya said.

  "Yes? Well, I talked Welsh at him till he was in a flat spin. He told me to wait, went over to the back door of the house and knocked. Your chum Morgan came to the door. They talked for a few seconds and I think Morgan got suspicious. He called me over and started shooting questions at me.

  "I told him I was starting a new job at Rhys's farm and lost my way.

  "He checked and cross-checked every angle — how long I'd been in the dairymaid business, where I'd come from, which Labor Exchange had sent me to Rhys's — but all so it seemed like ordinary Welsh curiosity. Finally he seemed satisfied and gave me my route. But the other chap walked right back to the lane with me to see that I took it."

  Illya asked, "You didn't see anything of Price Hughes — the old man?"

  "No. Nobody but Morgan and this other fellow. Didn't you tell Solo there were six men up there?"

  "Don't quote me on it," Illya said. "All I saw was three. But if Davis is right, there are seven — counting Price Hughes himself."

  "That's ---Blast! What does that fool think he's doing?"

  A big combine-harvester was backing slowly out of a side lane only a few yards ahead, blocking the entire road. Blodwen had to jam the brakes on hard to avoid a collision. She said furiously, "What the hell is he trying to do? He can't possibly turn in that space."

  She wound down the side-window, leaned out and tossed a torrent of Welsh. The combine driver grinned back stupidly.

  Illya was looking through the rear window. He said, "Oh, oh! Don't bother. We've got company."

  A black Vauxhall saloon was coming up behind them, fast. It's number plate read LP0094.

  Illya's hand went to the P38 under his left armpit, then dropped away. Rafferty was sitting beside the Vauxhall's driver, cuddling a Thompson sub-machine gun. And his finger was on the trigger. He could have put a burst through the Austin's rear before Illya's pistol had cleared its holster.

  The black car came to a halt about ten feet behind the Austin. The driver climbed out and took up a position where he could cover both Blodwen and Illya with his wartime-issue Sten gun. He was a sullen-looking teenager, dressed in jeans and a check shirt. His hair hung Beatle-style to his unwashed neck.

  Rafferty walked forward, pulled open the car door and stood back a pace, tommy-gun at the ready.

  "Get out," he said. "And don't try anything."

  He motioned to the teenager with the snout of the gun. "Give'em a rubdown."

  The grubby youth cradled the Sten in the crook of his arm and came around the hood of the car. There was a glint in his unpleasant eyes that said he was going to enjoy searching the girl.

  Illya said, "I'll make it easy for us all." He took the P38 from its holster and threw it on to the grass.

  "You think I'm crazy?" Rafferty sneered. "Turn around and put your hands on the roof of the jalopy."

  "How can I?" Blodwen demanded. "I'm holding my dog."

  "Well, put the bloody thing on the ground," he said. "Unless you want me to wring its neck. Now come on. Get weaving."

  She obeyed. The poodle crouched by her feet, making high-pitched whimpering sounds. She was a pup who liked her comfort.

  The teenager ran his hands down Illya's body, patting at chest and hips. "'E's clean," he announced.

  "Which is more than could be said for you," Illya murmured. "Did you ever try taking a bath, my smelly friend?"

  "Ah, button yer lip."

  He moved on to the girl. This time his examination was more lingering. Blodwen shuddered. When his grimy fingers curled near her pelvis she revolted. Her brogue-shod foot lashed back viciously.

  The youth screamed and bent double, clutching his groin.

  Rafferty laughed.

  "Serve you right, you bleeding little creep," he said. "You asked for it." Then his voice hardened. "All right, you two mugs. You're going for a ride."

  He marched them to the Vauxhall an
d opened the rear door. "In!" he ordered. And to Illya, "You first, then the dame."

  He wedged himself in beside them, the tommy-gun's snout uncomfortably close to Blodwen's midriff. He warned again, "Don't try anything. I'm liable to get nervous."

  Illya said, "You should take something for it. Where are we going, or shouldn't I ask?"

  "The boss wants to see you. Now shut up!"

  The teenager got behind the steering wheel and made a thumbs-up signal through the windshield. The man on the combine-harvester made an answering gesture. The big machine started up with a jolt and lumbered back the way it had come. The teenager put his foot on the accelerator and the Vauxhall nosed forward.

  After a few miles the car turned right off the main road and jolted through a fir plantation along a rutted track that was hard on the springs. The track ended in a farm gate and beyond there were outbuildings and a gray house flanked by macrocarpas.

  Illya said, "Ah, the old homestead."

  The driver sounded the car horn twice. Morgan, wearing overalls and gumboots, came out of the brick barn and opened the gate. The Vauxhall rolled through into the yard of Cwm Carrog and stopped by the back door of the house. The driver slid from behind the wheel, picked up the Sten gun and opened the door on Illya's side of the car.

  Rafferty waggled the tommy-gun and said, "Out!"

  Illya stepped down, followed by Blodwen. While the teenager kept his gun on them Rafferty walked forward and opened the house door. He said, "In here," and stood aside for them to pass.

  They found themselves in a stone-flagged, white-washed kitchen, furnished with a long Welsh dresser, a plain card table and six straight-backed chairs. An old-fashioned iron range took up most of one end of the room. At the other end there was an open door. Rafferty motioned them toward it.

  He herded them through and along a passage that opened into a wide, oak-paneled hall. Heavy gilt frames on the walls held pictures of somebody's ancestors. There was a somber grandfather clock with a tick that sounded like the rap of a hammer on a coffin lid. A broad staircase with dark oak banisters led up to the first floor.

  Morgan came through from the kitchen, knocked on a door at the right-hand side of the hall and flung it open. He said, "They're here."

  The bright, dry room could have been the parlor in a vicarage. It had cream-pained walls, high and well-proportioned, a molded ceiling with a pattern of wreaths and cherubs, and a fireplace that might have been Adam. The chairs and sofa had loose covers of flowered cretonne somewhat in need of laundering. High leaded windows looked out onto flowerbeds and a green expanse of lawn.

  Price Hughes was sitting at a Victorian oval table in the exact center of the room. He wore a rusty black coat, gray striped trousers, a stiff white collar with oversize wings that exposed his Adam's apple, and an old-fashioned black cravat. His feet were incased incongruously in tartan carpet slippers that had black metal fasteners like belt buckles. Apart from the slippers, he could have been an old-time marketplace medicine faker.

  He sat huddled forward in the ladder-back chair with his hands on the table, gnarled fingers interlaced. His slate gray eyes were as full of human kindness as a horned toad's.

  He said without preamble, "Who are you, and why do you persist in pestering me?" He spoke in a queer harsh whisper.

  Blodwen laughed. "That's right," she said. "It seems to me the pestering has been all on your side. Here we are, out for a quiet morning ride, and suddenly your hoodlums set on us with enough artillery to finish a war. This we should enjoy?"

  "Morning ride, my foot!" Rafferty interjected. "The bloke was carrying a Luger."

  "A P38, my friend," Illya corrected mildly. "There's a difference."

  The old man made an impatient gesture. "That's enough! Rafferty, hand your weapon to Mr. Morgan and get back to your duties. One guard is sufficient."

  He waited until the door had closed behind the strong-arm man. Then he said to Illya, "Let us have no more prevarication. You have been making inquiries about Cwm Carrog ever since you arrived in Corwen. The girl was here early this morning with some trumped-up story of finding employment in the neighborhood. That, frankly, I find as incredible as your claim to be a Canadian tourist."

  "Then what's your guess?" Blodwen asked.

  "I will tell you." His knuckles cracked as he pushed himself to his feet. "You are two typically clumsy agents of the United Network Command of Law and Enforcement."

  "In that case," said Illya, "you know exactly why we are here. U.N.C.L.E. doesn't approve of naughty people who make their own money."

  "And you innocents were sent to stop us?" The old man emitted a graveyard sound that was probably intended to signify amusement. "You had the audacity to pit yourselves against Thrush? That was unfortunate — for you."

  "That's the way it looks," Illya admitted. "But don't bank on it. You might be disappointed."

  Price Hughes shook his head. "You have been a nuisance," he said. "No doubt you have sent a certain amount of information back to your headquarters. But it was useless. U.N.C.L.E. can do nothing to stop us now. We have worked here undisturbed for almost six years. Our mission is practically completed. Even without your intervention we should have left Cwm Carrog within the next week. Nothing remains but to dismantle the plant. You have merely made it necessary to expedite out departure."

  Blodwen said, "That doesn't make sense. None of your phony notes appeared until your man turned up stone-cold dead in the market. What have you been doing for the past six years? Just practicing?"

  He cackled again. "You see?" he said. "You don't think things through. We are not common forgers. It was never our intention to circulate the currency piecemeal. During our operation, paper to the face value of one hundred million pounds has been transported from Britain and lodged in secret depositories throughout Europe and the United States. Soon it will be released — not by degrees but in a sudden flood. And the result will be world-wide chaos."

  He sank back into his chair, his eyes suddenly dull. "Take them away," he said to Morgan. "Lock them up."

  Illya said, "One moment. Just to satisfy my professional curiosity, how did you achieve such perfect reproductions?" He put real regret into his voice. "That I should like to have seen."

  Price Hughes drummed his fingers on the tabletop considering. Then he replied, "There is no reason why you shouldn't. It can make no difference now." He looked up at Morgan. "Show them your handiwork before you put them away."

  Morgan said with the pride of an artist, "It will be a pleasure."

  Chapter Seven

  They went back into the hall. Morgan whistled and Rafferty came from the kitchen at the double. Morgan handed him the tommy-gun and said, "Keep them covered."

  He walked across to the grandfather clock, opened the glass door over the clock face, set the hands to twelve o'clock and stepped back. The clock whirred and swung away from the wall on oiled hinges, revealing a short brick corridor that opened into a brilliantly lit room. There was an acrid odor of printing ink and acid. An electric motor crooned in a high register.

  Morgan led the way through the corridor. Rafferty with the gun brought up the rear.

  Batteries of neon tubes in the high ceiling flooded the room with an effect approximating natural light. The place looked more like an electricity generating station than a printing plant. At one end, covering almost the entire wall, there was an ebonite panel where red, green and yellow lamps glowed and winked like small circular eyes and needles quivered against white dials. The humming sound came from a single long, low-built machine which extended down the center of the room. It was entirely enclosed by gunmetal gray panels in some form of plastic, and at intervals along its length there were shielded observation peepholes. Toward the farther end there was a domed extrusion like the gun turret of a bomber.

  Stacked high against one wall of the room were flat rectangular packages that Illya guessed contained bank-note paper. Along the other wall were ranged crates bound with thin metal
strips.

  There was only one man in the room. He was sitting at the desk near the machine, studying a set of graphs. He wore a white laboratory coat over an open green shirt and cavalry twill slacks. His hands bore the yellow stain of acid. He looked up, did a double-take when he saw the poodle in Blodwen's arms, then returned to his work without a word.

  Illya said, "Well, well! So this is the instant-currency plant. How does it work?"

  "It's simple, really." Hugh ap Morgan spoke deprecatingly, in the way inventors do. "It was just a matter of applying automation to the job. The old-time forger was too slow — and too uncertain. It is not easy to copy a note by hand. The best of craftsmen made mistakes. And photo-reproduction had its drawbacks. There was the matter of numbering, for instance." His voice took on the singsong intonation of the North Welshman as he warmed to his lecture.

  "Now we have cut out all that. My press works on the continuous process, and it is completely automatic. There is no place for human error. The press does everything — and does it perfectly. Only the paper is not quite right — and that is not our fault. It is made elsewhere, unfortunately. The heart of the machine, and the first stage, is the computer.

  He took a pound note from his trousers pocket and called to the man in the white coat. "Mr. Jones, if you please, will you come and demonstrate?"

  Jones got up from the desk, went to the ebonite control panel and made adjustments. He returned, took the note from Morgan's hand and crossed to the head of the machine.

  Morgan said, "Now watch."

  Jones fitted the note into what looked like the dark-slide of an old-fashioned plate camera. He dropped the slide into a slot and turned a switch. The hum of the electric motor rose to a higher pitch. Lights on the control panel danced crazily.

  Morgan said, "The computer is scanning and absorbing every detail of the note. The knowledge will now be fed to the etching, printing and numbering sections. Now come with me."

  He led them to the far end of the machine. They saw brand-new pound notes stacking themselves with lightning rapidity into a glass receiver.