Never Give Up

by Heidi Lis

  Liza’s face beams. “Pip, he is amazing. More like lick-a-licious, that’s a better word.” She calls me Pip. It’s the nickname she’s blessed me with. I don’t argue it, like when have I ever won an argument with Liza? Never.

  “That’s over one word and I’m not sure it’s even a word,” I say with a slight smirk in my sleepless state. I’m in need of coffee.

  In her current dream state, Liza whispers, “Yeah, but it fits him.” Her eye’s glaze over every time she talks about him.

  “Why did he leave so early? Or should I ask, am I ever going to meet this one?” I had to ask. Seeing her so smitten, I really need to see this guy with my own eyes.

  With a nod of her head, she says, “Of course you are. It’s just been bad timing so far.” Bad timing is what she calls it, but I was wondering if she is doing it on purpose. She must really like this one. She is acting in a different manner that’s for sure. This is the first time my roommate has ever acted this way over a guy.

  “Get dressed. Let’s go get coffee and see Tristan,” I say, getting up off the couch. I needed to get some much-needed caffeine, and there’s no better place than the Starbucks down the street from our apartment. Tristan is an added bonus. He works there and overtime we’ve gotten to be good friends.

  “Oh heck yes,” she frantically replies. “Let’s go.”

  We walk the few blocks instead of driving since it was beautiful outside. The sun is shining, not a cloud in the sky.

  Most days, Liza drives me crazy, but she’s my only real friend other than Nick. I met Liza the day she started at the Dental Office I work for as a receptionist. Dr. Jeffrey Davis was my actual dentist who hired me while fixing a cavity shortly after I graduated high school. Funny story, he loves to tell it to our patients every chance he gets, hiring me right out of the chair.

  Liza and I formed an instant friendship, and as luck would have it, we moved in together a few months later. It was a huge relief because I got to get away from under my parents constant eye. The relationship I have with my parents is strained at best. It’s such a long, sad story. Meeting Liza was a blessing, and I would kindly put up with her wild behavior if it means I get to live away from my parents.

  Nick, I met a few years back, he’s my closest friend other than Liza. I’m not one to hang around many people, I keep to myself, if possible. Liza and Nick are the ones always reminding me I’m twenty-one, not forty-one. Nick’s the only one who knows all of my secrets. Liza, not so much. I’ve only told her the basics. A boy had hurt me in the past, and the rest stays guarded in the confines of my heart. If it weren't for a drunken night with Nick a while ago, he would not know all that he does. They say loose lips sink ships. Yeah, that’s pretty much true.

  Walking into Starbucks, the aroma of coffee engulfs me, and I’m desperate to get my daily cup of Joe. My face lights up when I see my favorite barista, Tristan. His face could light up any room. He’s just that kind of person who brightens up your day. He and I hit it off from the first coffee I ordered here. If it weren’t for the fact that he likes to hit on my friend Nick, I might have tried to date him myself.

  “There’s my girl. Double Mocha Latte is coming right up. You look like you need it, I might add.” Tristan says, as he is punching my order into the register.

  “Thanks, buddy,” I yawn, “Liza kept me up all night.” I say with an eye roll, slightly joking.

  “Oh please, it was so worth it. Sorry, Pip.” Liza’s nickname for me is definitely an odd one. I swear, the girl has never used my real name. She once told me I reminded her of a pip-squeak, and for that reason it stuck. Go figure!

  Liza can’t help gloating. She’s been on cloud nine ever since she met Ace a few weeks ago. Grabbing my coffee and her tea, we sit by the window. Sitting down, I realize just how tired I am. I’m so tired, my bones ache.

  “So you want to know what’s weird?” Liza looks at me with her lips puckered up. Something is on her mind.

  I stare at her, wondering if I want to answer her. “No idea, but I’m sure you will fill me in, though.”

  “Well, it is clear that you were totally screwed over by this dick in your past, right?”

  I roll my eyes, not this again.

  With a big sigh, I whisper, “Well, that’s not entirely accurate, but whatever.” I’m never one to enjoy discussing my past.

  “Anyway, Ace was telling me he has had a hard time getting over a girl from his past. He won’t talk about her, but he wanted to let me know why he’s careful and wants to take things slow.”

  Okay, this is news to me. She has mentioned how hot he is, and how beautiful he makes her feel. The rest is all new, and I do not understand where she is going with this.

  Taking a sip of her tea, she looks off into the distance. “Tell me something about him, Pip. You don’t tell me anything about what happened, not even his name. I have never pried but why the hell can’t you just get over him?”

  My moan lasts longer than I intend. “Oh Liza, there is just too much to relive it all. It’s best to leave it where it is.”

  Without pausing, she asks. “Why did things end?”

  Looking into her curious brown eyes, my mind drifts back. That question haunts me to this very day. How our marvelous one night together had changed my life forever. After that evening, things changed drastically. Micah became distant. I knew he never regretted it, but things were not the same. The short explanation I got is he had family issues to work out. Whatever it was, it took him from me. Not a month later, Micah had left. He joined the Air Force Academy earlier than originally planned. I learned he left school, being privately tutored so he could earn his diploma before heading to the academy. He was older than I, and only needed a few more credits to graduate. His father, and his father before him had all been in the military. Dave Taylor had connections in high places from what Micah had mentioned, at one time.

  He had his life planned out, and apparently I would not be a part of it. I had to take a back seat to the larger picture. It happened so fast. One minute I’m in his arms, in his bed and the next, I’m on the outside. The girl he said he loved was a girl he needed distance from as he lived his dream. The idea his family expected of him. A note and a brief phone call were all I received. Life stood still, and shock took over. Losing him tore me apart and left me confused. Something did not add up and if losing him wasn’t bad enough, I certainly wasn’t prepared for the unexpected gift from our one night together.

  Loving Micah was easy, hearing him say he loved me was an unexpected blessing. Even more surprising was finding out about the life we created from our love.

  Shaking away those memories, I concentrate on Liza, who is eyeing me carefully. Finding my voice, I explain. “He never loved me though, not like he said he did. He moved on.” I leave it at that as I fight back my emotions. How could he truly love and then leave?

  “You and Ace need to get together and see if you can both help one another move past it all.” Hearing her say this, I’m baffled because she is being sincere.

  Seriously, there is no way I’m sharing my life with a stranger.

  “Not happening, let’s get out of here.” I stand up a bit mortified.

  With a wave of my hand at Tristan, we head back home. My phone rings in my purse. Holding it, I glance and see it’s Nick calling. He always seems to know when I need him the most. Over the years he’s been the one to calm my nerves. He just understands me.

  Sighing, I answer, knowing he will help me forget one of the most painful times I had to just relive. “Hello Nick,” I say with an amused grin. Just saying his name, I feel better.

  “Well, good morning beautiful. Where the hell are you two?” He asks, just as I can see him standing outside our building with the phone up to his ear.

  My heart skips as I say, “Heading your way.”

  PULLING A SHIRT over my head, I’m singing the lyrics to Fight Song by Rachel Platten, making my way to the kitchen. Nick came in with us when we got back from Star
bucks and stayed until his questions were too much for me to handle. I swear, sometimes he needs to learn to back off. Announcing I was going to take a shower, I hoped he would take the hint and leave. It worked.

  He pushed me today with lots of personal questions, starting with asking when the last time I spoke with my parents was. To be honest, I’m not sure. Two weeks, maybe. It’s an uncomfortable subject to approach with me, and he knows why.

  To make matters worse, Nick is their investment banker. That small rift between us is another reason I don’t date him. He likes my parents way too much, and he knows the way they treated me back in high school. He knows it all.

  “You realize Elsa, they also lost out, it’s not only you.” Their choice, not mine, I scream in my mind.

  That comment from him made me want to punch his lights out. He may think he was trying to be helpful, but I did not take it that way. He was sticking his nose where it was not welcome.

  Grabbing water from the refrigerator, I shake off all of those thoughts and sit down next to a grinning Liza who is typing into her phone a mile a minute. “Wow, must be good from the look on your face,” I revealed.

  “Oh my God, he is so freaking hot.” Liza expressed, dropping the phone in her lap. Throwing her head back against the couch, she let out a passionate sigh. “He’s getting more brave and sexy in his messages.” Licking her finger, she holds it up giving a sizzling sound. “He may be the one.”

  She can’t hide her giddiness for him. Its non-stop talk about the things he makes her feel. A part of me is beyond happy to see her so into this guy, then another part of me feels like I’m missing out. All those firsts you get to have with someone, yeah, I miss those.

  Forcing a drink of water, I’m drowning out my slight pang of jealousy. I find it hard to breathe as my chest constricts. “At least one of us is lucky. I can dream of the wild sex I’m not having, through you.” Shifting my head, I realize she is not paying any attention at all. She’s blushing and typing back a message.

  It’s time like these that Micah filters in my mind. I have yet to allow myself to date anyone. Part of the problem is, no one has ever appealed to me. Not the way Micah did. I can’t seem to escape him, no matter how hard I’ve tried. Maybe a part of me doesn’t want to forget him. Forgetting him might mean I will also forget a part of me that is locked down tight in my heart. That part of my heart, cries out in the middle of the night, just enough to make sure I never forget. It’s highly unlikely, but then again, I realize just how much of a broken mess I am.

  Liza’s fingers freeze as she pauses, it's then I notice she is studying me. I can imagine the look on my face. It’s the same look I always have when I remember back to my thoughts that still haunt me.

  “You’re spacing out again, Pip. Jesus, honey, you need to either let him go, or hunt his ass down. What's it been, four or five years?” Her bitchiness hurts, because she has no clue it’s not just him I miss. No, my pain doesn’t extend to just him. Her attitude is yet another reason I’ve not told her about it.

  I don’t answer her right away. Finding peace to let it all go is not a feat I’ve been able to carry out yet. She drops it, for now.

  “Okay, Ace is taking me out for dinner and drinks. What to wear?” Her puzzled expression diminishes as her eyes go wide, looking straight at me. I know what she’s doing, she wants to borrow one of my dresses. I love to buy beautiful clothes. Clothes I never wear, but idiotically enough, when I see a bargain, I have to buy it.

  My groan and eye rolling don’t even phase her in the least. “Which one do you want?” I say with a deep, weighted sigh.

  I’m sure I don’t even need to ask, she’s been eyeing this one since the day I hung it up in my closet. It’s a black, form fitted dress with sequins around the neck and down each side. The plunging neckline is perfect for showing off your chest. Someday I would dare myself to wear it out.

  Liza jumped up off the couch screeching. “Oh goodie, the black one.”

  See? I knew it. The dress is new with the tags still attached. Sometimes I wish we were not around the same size. Wonder what she would do then? She’s marginally taller than me at around 5’5”, this dress would hit my knees, but for her, it will rest higher on her thighs. We also have similar features, the only difference is my chest is larger than hers. Her hair is thick and lustrous as it flows against her back. My hair is long and most days pulled back in a ponytail. I dress for simplicity where Liza goes for style. Her blonde hair to my dark brown. We are close to what matters when you want to swap clothes. Looking at her, she is the perfect image of a Barbie Doll.

  “Go on girlfriend, get beautified,” I’m happy knowing one of us would get some use out of this spectacular dress.

  “Sweet, love you so much. You’re the best, ever.” She says, before blowing me a kiss.

  Her eyes twinkle as the sequins in the dress bounce off the light in my room. “Yeah, yeah, I hear ya. Go get ready.” A part of me is excited to see how great she will look in it. All I can think is I sure hope her guy, Ace, is ready for her dressed up in this outfit. When Liza gets all dressed up to go out, she is a total knockout. The girl is gorgeous, witty and damn funny. She’s the total package, plus she comes with no baggage. The complete opposite of me.

  My phone rings, interrupting my thoughts. My smile widens as I see his name pop up. Yet again, he knows when I need him.

  “Hello.”

  “What’s up girl?” Nick is always happy and over the top full of energy. I call him the energizer bunny. Whenever I do, he always responds with, “want to find out for yourself?” I’ve known him for some time, and his dream is to take our friendship to the next level. I’m the one putting the brakes on it. He’s handsome and sweet, but I’m not ready to take that next step with him. He’s been my best friend for so long and I don’t want to ruin that. My parents have been the other issue. We need to talk about, for sure.

  “Not much, we need to talk about what happened earlier.” It’s a way to remind him how annoyed I was with him earlier today.

  “I know, but save it. I’m sitting here waiting for you to call and ask me out on a date, I can make it up to you then?”

  I can’t help but laugh. “You don’t stop, do you? But to be honest, it’s nice to know I have you at my beck and call, waiting for me. I’m a lucky girl.” Honest to God, this boy is too good to me.

  His sudden growl lets me know he’s a tad bit frustrated. “That you are. Now if I could just get you to take me up on my offer to take us to the next level, I would be one damn lucky son-of-a-bitch.”

  With a shake of my head, I wonder if he will ever get it. “That would be a tragedy, Nick. I refuse to ruin what friendship we have for what, sex?” I soften my tone. “You’re too important, I can’t lose you.”

  His pause lets me know he’s at least pondering what I said. “Damn it El, it won’t ruin a damn thing. I’m good for you and you know it. It’s him, isn’t it? I’ve never met the jackass, and I hope I never do. Not sure I could keep from beating his ass.”

  Oh God! “See? Right there, that would ruin it for me. I can’t take that chance. Please, just don’t…just be you. I need you to be my friend.”

  “Fine, just know I hate this. You deserve to be happy and have a life. You’re like an old lady before your time. Are you happy not having sex? What the hell?”

  It’s a good thing he is on the phone or I might have punched him for that remark. “Oh, I am NOT. I’m living through Liza. She has enough sex for the both of us.” I’m surprised by his display of anger or frustration, not sure which. I do what I always do, turn the conversation away from me to someone else, like Liza.

  “TMI, that girl just scares me. Have you heard her stories with this guy, Ace? That poor bastard doesn’t stand a chance with her.” Nick and Liza’s friendship is closer than I even realize. He seems to know more about her latest guy than I do.

  I know he’s only half kidding, Liza is a wild child who loves to share her sordid stories. I
can’t help laughing, so hard I have to wipe the tears from my eyes. “Oh stop it, she’s getting ready now for a hot date with him.”

  “And let me guess, she has raided your closet. So she has a hot looking outfit ready for her hot and heavy sex she will have later tonight? Not to mention, when she returns it, you can be left to clean her stained dress. Or should I say your stained dress. The least she could do is wash the damn thing before she returns it. Shit is gross.” What the hell?

  Sadly each word he speaks is the truth, and I wince hearing it. I’m not sure how he knows any of this.

  “How the hell do you know she doesn’t wash them before she returns them?” Okay, I’m bit horrified. I sound pathetic.

  “Ah, well most times I am at your place, and I’ve seen her toss the clothes on your bedroom floor. Bitch has no clue.” He says criticizing.

  Running a hand through my hair, clearly frustrated, I let out a heavy sigh. “Listen, Liza lives for herself. It’s just the way she is, and I’ve grown to expect her to act a certain way. None of which surprises me anymore.” Needing to change the subject. “Hey, why don’t you come on over, so we can order pizza and watch a movie?”

  No, hesitation. “It’s a date, good looking.”

  “Nick, not a date, just a hangout. Now shut it, and get over here. I’m starving, and if you are not here soon, I pick the movie.” I know this will drive him insane, it’s a guaranteed ‘see you soon,’ response before he hangs up.

  “Shit, on my way, your movie choices suck.” Click.

  I knew that would work, and my movie choices don’t suck.

  A knock comes from my door, turning around, I find Liza modeling her outfit for the evening. She’s leaning against the door frame, with one had on her hip.

  “Hey, Pip, what do you think?” Her smile is bright as ever.

  I whistle. “Wow, you look smoking hot.” My mouth is left open as I take in her appearance. She looks damn sexy, her hair’s curled with locks spiraled down her back. Her make-up is spot on, and her legs look like they go on for miles. Yeah, her guy…well, he’s a lucky man. If he is half as sexy as her, they could set the world on fire.