Never Give Up

by Heidi Lis

  I took away from that admission that indeed, women were hot after him. Now I can’t say I blame them for wanting him, he is beyond sexy. I just did not need to hear it.

  Okay, I’m mentally seeing myself on a daily basis watching women hang on him…I’m not sure this is a good idea after all. Rolling my eyes, not liking it, I accidentally talk out loud. “Oh great, just what I need.” I say it and the minute I do, I regret it.

  Clearing his throat, Matt looks at me like I’ve grown ten heads. “Seriously, my brother only has eyes for you. Always has, always will. You are the only woman I can say with one hundred percent confidence that your man…my brother…would never cheat.”

  I shyly reply, “Ah, thanks Matt. He knows better.” I say with my butter knife in my hand, waving it around.

  “Hey, I’m right here and I don’t need anyone else. Five years ago you, ruined me for any other woman. No one compares to my pretty girl.”

  I hold my hand over my heart. “I’m one lucky gal.”

  “Not lucky,” Matt’s smirks. “I do think you have a magic…um… let’s just say you must…yeah, I’m not going to finish that thought. I’d rather not get hit from my brother for less than pure thoughts of you, El.” He lets out a quick exhale which sounds more like a snort.

  I can’t help but snicker. “You Taylor boys will be the death of me yet.”

  “Damn straight baby,” Micah says with a head roll.

  “THE HOUSE IS AT the end of Park Street near Harrison Heights. It’s perfect for us El, I took my dad there a few days ago. He liked it and to be honest,” Micah says with a shrug of his shoulders, “He gave me the money for the down payment. I think it was his way of making amends.”

  I hate to tell him I’m not super comfortable with his parents yet. I’ve yet to face them now that they know about the baby.

  “He doesn’t need to do that Micah, even though it’s beyond thoughtful. He has no reason to make amends with me, either.” I don’t need another reason to feel uncomfortable around him.

  “Don’t let it bother you, El. If he wants to help us out, let him. It’s not like he’s hurting for cash. My mother would string me up if I made him take it back. Just spend your time decorating it the way you want it.”

  The idea of decorating a place of our own is exciting. It’s a lot to take in for the short time we’ve been back together. When has anything gone according to plan with me in my life? Never. Why start now?

  The idea of finally being happy with Micah and us moving forward is like a dream come true. The only sad part of this dream is living my life without my parents in it. That part hurts.

  “Why the sad face, beautiful?” He asks me, nudging my chin up with his finger so our eyes could meet.

  “Nothing, forget it.” My lack of a smile says it all.

  Using his finger, he slides my hair from my face. “Not happening. Spit it out, El.”

  Wiping a stray tear, I try to shake my sad thoughts away. “Just thinking about my parents missing out on all of this. Growing up, I always looked forward to having them by my side in every facet of my life Micah, and none of it will ever happen. I now see them for what they are, and it kills me. To realize how much hatred they have for me, it’s not love, it's sick.”

  After dinner we ended up sitting in his room. Needing a breather, I go walk back to the living room. I’m sick of crying and I need to get the idea they would be a part of my future out of my mind. They won’t be there for me, not anymore. They stopped the minute they found out I was pregnant. A switch had flipped with them. I no longer held the same value in their eyes. I was pushed aside. Just like baby Michael, I was also swept under the rug.

  I notice Matt sitting on the couch watching TV. I decide to sit next to him, he always could make me laugh…and right now, that is exactly what I need.

  “Hey sweet pea,” he can see my tense expression. “Oh no, what did my brother do now?” Of course, he thinks it’s Micah’s fault.

  “No, not your brother…this time,” I say with a smile. “Let’s just say my parents suck. I’m the outcast and need to come to terms that they will never be by my side. They will miss out on all the beautiful things my life will bring.” Placing my hand on his knee, he covers his hand on top of mine. “It’s not a great feeling.”

  Taking a moment to let what I said sink in, he takes me by the shoulders and crushes me to him in a bear hug. I relish the comfort this crazy Taylor boy can bring me, he’s the brother I’ve never had.

  “You will be okay El, they are the ones who will miss out. You have your nutty boyfriend, my parents, and of course me. Now having me in your life, has got to rank right up there with number one.” His sense of humor holds no bounds.

  Of course, I agree with him. “Don’t let your brother know that,” I say laughing.

  “Lips are sealed, baby.”

  And just like that, presto, my mood goes from sad to delight. Noticing movement out of the corner of my eye, I glance up to see Micah standing against the wall, watching us with such a sweet smile on his face. He enjoys the fact his brother and I get along so well. Sneaking a peek over Matt’s shoulder at him, he winks back to me. My love for that man takes my breath away, to see him so strong and right in front of me is a magnificent sight.

  I mouth the words, “I love you.” Then give him a wink of my own.

  Walking toward us, he sits with us. We spend the next hour watching whatever we can find. Relaxed, we all sit back laughing and talking like lifelong friends. It’s a great way to pass the time, being here with the Taylor brothers is just what I needed. The rest of the night, not one time did I think of my parents.

  MICAH’S DRIVING US to our new house today so I can get a look at where we will begin our future together. Arm out the window, he’s bopping to the music like he doesn’t have a care in the world. Me? I have one leg bouncing and I’m so nervous, I have to wipe my clammy hands on my pants. It’s not so much I’m worried I won’t like it, in fact, just the opposite. I’ll love it because I’ll be with him. The fact is his parents will be there, and facing them after all this time terrifies me.

  As we pull up to the house, the lightness in my heart gives way to my wide grin. My pulse is racing, the house is beyond magnificent. The view reminds me of what you may find on the cover of magazines. I smile instead of speaking because Micah keeps asking me what I think. Wow.

  It’s slightly larger than he let on, it has arched peaks above the front door and second story windows. Two stall garage is trimmed in black which accentuates the incredible dark tan color of the house. There is an incredible winding walkway from the driveway to the front door. Noticing the color of the front door, I laugh and look over at Micah’s beaming face. It's then he raises his eyes, and I know what may have sold him on this particular house. The front door is a beautiful shade of red. A nice match for his beloved Chicago Blackhawks. My man is a sports nut, lucky for him so am I. Yet, another reason we get along so well.

  Holding my smile, I shake my head, noticing his parents are here. They open the front door to welcome us. Excitedly, I take Micah’s hand walking to greet them. The quiver in my stomach is not helping my nerves.

  “Hello sweet girl, come on in and see your new home.” His mother Skylar greets me like we’ve been friends forever. No awkwardness at all, she takes me in for a hug and walks us through the door. She’s just as beautiful as Micah. Both of Micah’s parents are tall, light hair and blue eyed. No wonder they have good looking children. Micah and his dad share a few hugs and laugh following us inside.

  Letting go of his son, David gives me a hesitant nod. “Hello Elsa, I’m so happy for the both of you.”

  Really! Nervously, I rake my hands through my unruly hair. “Thank you so much.” It’s barely a whisper, but I’m too busy swallowing more than usual. Damn nerves.

  Wanting to avoid a conversation I know is coming, I look around the house, keeping my attention occupied on anything but them. My first impression is Wow! The inside is decorate
d with modern fixtures. Wood floors, gray, granite counter tops, and top of the line stainless steel appliances. A dream kitchen to cook in, yeah, I could see me baking up a storm in here for sure. Micah and his parents are busy chatting, so I continue exploring. A large brick fireplace is the central focus point in the living room. Even better, the fireplace has large bookcases on each side of it. Enough room to put my favorite books, note to self, need to buy many more books.

  Walking behind me we venture up the staircase to the second floor. Each of them are pointing out different features they think I would like, it’s odd I’m the last actually to view the house. In all honesty, I love everything about it.

  Micah stands out in front of the doors to the master bedroom, it has two doors that are currently closed. The gleam in his eyes tells me I’m in for a treat. Opening them one at a time, he says, “this is the best room in the house, babe.”

  I raise my eyebrow at him, only to have him return it with a sexy grin.

  Opening both of the doors, what I notice first is the view from the big, wrap around windows. The house backs up against a wooded area. The back yard is fenced and large, a great place for a dog and someday children. Okay, not letting my mind even think of kids. The attached bath is so big it’s ridiculous.

  “Holy crap, this is insane, Micah.” Everywhere I look, it keeps getting better. This room is so large, it’s amazing. Heck, I could even put a couch in here. That’s how big it is.

  “Great, isn’t it?” The sparkle in his eye says it all.

  “This house is perfect for you two, a lot of room to grow into,” Skylar says while she rubs Micah’s back. Both of his parents are commenting how much they love the house.

  The house has three bedrooms in all, entirely decorated in neutral tones. I love it, not a thing I would change.

  “We only need furniture to fill this house,” I say not to anyone in particular.

  “Oh honey, we will help with that,” Skylar says mentioning all the furniture she is going to donate to us. My head is swimming with how fast this is all going.

  We spend the next hour walking around, talking all about the things Micah would change. I’m beaming with excitement, and nodding with my agreement. Of course I don’t care what he does with it, leave me alone in the kitchen, and I’ll be golden. Still can’t believe we will be living here…as a couple. It’s all so unbelievable, if this is a dream…do not wake me up.

  His parents walk us out to Micah’s car saying our good-byes. I thank them profusely for all they have done, but they keep telling me it’s no big deal. Micah is happy, and that is the only thing they care about. It’s then I find out we are having dinner at their house. Grimacing, I know what I’m in for…questions. Oh boy, time to relive it again as the day has come for the talk of their long-lost grandchild. I’ve avoided seeing them since I got back together with Micah. I know I can’t avoid them any longer so we just need to get it over with. The sooner we do, the sooner we can all learn to cope.

  WE ALL GATHER in the living room after dinner. At least I got to eat before the acquisition begins. Time to take some deep breaths and just answer them as honestly as I can, not sure what else they could want from me. I brought my picture of him to show his grandparents. They have a right to see it.

  All eyes settle on me, and my mind is playing out worst-case scenarios. My irrational mind worries they will end up hating me. It's all I can think about and replaying the events that cause my heart to palpitate. Letting my eyes settle on each of theirs, I’m silently seeking reassurance that they will understand I only did what I was forced to do.

  I start the conversation, fingering my necklace and shifting, unable to get comfortable. “I found out I was pregnant shortly after Micah left…not why or where he went. Not knowing how he felt, it never crossed my mind to come to you all.” I say looking at his parents finally letting my eyes settle on Matt.

  Mostly the question and answer part of the night went off with no yelling or shouting. They listened, cried and put themselves in my shoes. It shocked me, if I’m honest because Micah had a totally different reaction when he found out. Tears were shed, and regrets were shared, but we made it through. The picture of him is what caused his mom and dad to break down, and it tears my heart apart once again. Matt’s face is just as shocked, only this time he is more agitated after seeing his nephew’s picture.

  “I want to find him, I have a right to find him,” Matt exclaims.

  The room goes silent. All eyes shift my way.

  “I don’t know the first thing about trying to find him, Matt. My parents, as you know, set it up, the only thing I know is Catholic Charities was the agency. Beyond that, nothing.” My eyes widen and my shoulders sag.

  Dave then spoke up. “What city did you give birth in, Elsa? You mentioned you gave birth while staying with your aunt, right?”

  Nodding. “Yeah, I was in Waterloo.”

  “Then that is where we start. I know people who can help.” Matt says while pulling out his phone. “I’ll just text him to call me when he can, he does this sort of stuff.”

  “You mean Tyler?” Micah asks.

  “Yep,” Matt says while still texting, Micah just nodded his head.

  “Should we ask my parents for any documents, they have to have something?” I cringe even saying it. My parents are the last people I want anything from.

  Skylar says unashamed, “I don’t want a thing from those people, they have done enough to hurt my family. I’m sorry Elsa, but your parents piss me off. They should have told us…FIRST.”

  Can’t argue with her there. I keep my mouth shut and just nod my head to agree.

  Micah’s rubbing my shoulders. “Ready, baby? Let’s get you home.”

  Hell to the yes, I need to get out of here. Enough reminiscing about my past for one night. Great if Matt’s friend can help, but I’m not fully convinced he can. Micah’s been quiet on the subject of finding Michael, and I’m afraid to ask him what he thinks. I’m not even sure of my feelings. I’ve never even considered trying to find him.

  Lying in bed at Micah’s, neither one of us want to be alone. We need each other. We both work early tomorrow, but tonight is about holding onto one another. Micah cradles me under his chin, nuzzled up against his warm chest, his breathing calms my own. “Pretty girl, get some rest. You are beyond tired, and I know our evening was not easy for you. Hell, it wasn’t easy on any of us. How do you really feel about Matt trying to find him?”

  “I’m not sure, scared I guess.”

  “A part of me is scared shitless. I want to see him, but what scares me the most is that it won’t change a damn thing. I don’t have a right ever to get him back… is it better not to find him?” His voice softens to a whisper.

  With a deep sigh. “Oh Micah, it’s not a bad thing and I’m not sure myself. Are we better to just let it go? If we see him, we’ll want him back, and that’s most likely not possible. My heart breaks either way.”

  He gives me a gentle kiss and hugs me tight. A way to reassure me... or comfort me, either way it’s nice.

  “Will it ever get easier? Micah, sometimes I’m scared our damaged past will always come between us. We’ve both lost so much.”

  He lightly laughs, kissing the top of my head. “Were not damaged baby, we just have history. Some parts will always hurt, but we get to make our future. We will do it right.”

  Falling asleep, I’m praying he’s right.

  MY LAST DAY AT the dental office came and went. It was also my last day of living with Liza, she stayed away from most of the moving. Just when Micah, Matt and I were getting the last of the few boxes, Liza and Nick walk in together. We all pause, looking at one another. It’s obvious no one wants to be the first to speak. So I do.

  “Hey guys, just getting the last of my things and I’ll be out of your hair.” I say in a cheerful tone. Swallowing down how awkward this really is.

  Liza merely nodded. “Um, okay. You do know I’ll miss you, right?” Her voice is so
ft, and she’s avoiding to look me in the eyes.

  I’m a bit surprised, so I smile and give her a hug. “Yeah, I know. I’ll miss you too, and when you’re ready, if ever… we can do lunch.”

  “Do I get to come to lunch, or am I off limits to you, now that you are being back with him?” Nick chimes in, saying it in a not so friendly tone while he points his finger at Micah.

  Standing in between them, I hold up my hand to Nick. “Stop it. I’m always going to be your friend, unless you don’t want to be my friend anymore.” It’s not the time for Nick to go off, I’m sure Micah will no doubt respond.

  Turning my head to Micah, I see he’s fighting all of his urges. A bulging vein is pulsing in his neck. Good Lord, he’s pissed.

  Standing up taller, Micah inches closer. “Nick, do not give her shit. If you can’t support us, stay the hell away. Simple as that.” Micah and Matt share a look, both ready to beat his ass if need be.

  “Do you speak for her now too, Micah? Should I just ask you for permission before I talk to her?”

  “Fuck off, man.” Micah’s close to losing it with the way his fists are balled up. Just to keep the peace, Matt reminds Micah to chill.

  “STOP IT,” I shout, placing my hand against Micah’s chest. Turning back to Nick, I snap. “God, what is wrong with you? Right now, I don’t even want to be around you. You used to want the best for me, I’m sorry it’s not you. But hell, you out of anyone knows how much I have always loved him. This is not new to you.” I’m scrambling trying to reason with a head shaking Nick.

  “Yeah, I know that, unfortunately. Too bad I went and slept with you right before the ass-hat came back into the picture.” He says deadpan.

  Ouch, that one stung. Raising my eyes to meet Micah’s I’m about floored with the murderous glare he’s giving Nick.