Never Give Up

by Heidi Lis

  “Not much,” Matt says with a shoulder shrug. “He will stop by soon if he gets any more information.”

  “Did he find anything?” This time it’s me asking.

  “Yeah, I guess the town you had him in was small enough, so he quickly found the building of public records. Found the day Elsa gave birth, lucky for him, even though the records were sealed, he got the information he needed to start with. Catholic Charities was not much help, but he has resources. We’ll see.” He says with a shoulder shrug.

  Sitting here listening to the possibility of us getting closer to finding out where our little boy may be living upsets my stomach. The sudden retching of it sends me barreling to the bathroom to toss my lunch.

  “Baby.” Micah gently knocks on the door. I can tell by his voice, he’s more than concerned.

  Opening the door, my eyes rest on a worried looking Micah while Matt’s pacing in the other room. Micah kisses my head as I walk out. There are no words to describe how I’m feeling. On one hand, I want to know where my baby is, how he’s doing. On the other hand, I’m scared of what it will do for my already fragile heart.

  “I’m okay.” Whispering to Micah. He sways us back and forth, I try to reassure him.

  Matt tenses and hesitantly approaches us. “Elsa, are you okay with Tyler trying to find him?” He just comes right out and asks. To be honest, it’s rather nice he’s thinking of my feelings when he’s got his own to contend with.

  Micah stops rocking us so we both can face his brother.

  I sigh, not knowing what to say. “I’m not sure, Matt. Don’t get me wrong, I would love nothing more than to find him, but then what? It changes nothing. He’s been adopted into a family. I just don’t see a happy ending here. It’s selfish on my part, I had to give him up once and doing it again might just kill me.” In all honesty, it will.

  Fingers tighten around my shoulders when Micah’s hands freeze. Knowing how badly he wants to see his son, but knowing it won’t change a damn thing hurts me and him beyond belief. I can’t tell them not to try to find our son, this is his right, after all. I can’t deny him what he wants.

  “Oh El, baby, this is killing you. Let’s just see what happens. We can always find out and leave it at that.” Not sure if Micah is trying to convince me or himself, but it does sound like a plan. It also gives us time to figure out what we will do if given the chance to see him.

  “I have no fucking clue what is right or wrong here.” Matt’s frustrated, running his hands through his hair before he storms off. I get it, but I have no words to comfort him. I can’t even console Micah. Feeling useless is not a feeling I enjoy. In this situation, we have three complete different emotions and ways to look at it, when it comes to Michael. I’m the one who gave birth and had to let him go. Micah’s his father, and he never had a chance to see him. But all the same, he can’t change what happened. Being his father and trying to do what is best for him should be his only concern. Matt, on the other hand, is his uncle and he looks at this differently. I’m not the girl he left to have a baby alone. He’s not the father, he’s the uncle who wants to get the chance to see his only nephew.

  With what sounds like a frustrated sigh, Micah said, “Let’s go home.”

  I concur. What a first day!

  THE NEXT FEW days were pretty much the same, although I had the office running like a well-oiled machine. Trevor is off and running, finally able to concentrate only on his job duties. In doing so, it has taken a lot of pressures off Matt and Micah. With me running the front, everyone’s morale seems to be on the upswing. Every day I’ve feel more comfortable in my role at Taylor Securities, finally letting Micah, and I relax for a change. I had no idea all the cool things our company has to offer and what different types of security we provided to our clients. It’s impressive and a big change from dentistry.

  Today, is a day I’m dreading. Micah had to be in the office early for an appointment with a client. I told him I’d rather come in later when the office opened. We’ve been riding together every day, but I just needed some time to myself, because today will be hard enough for me. I have yet to tell him, and I’m not sure if I even should, at this point. Some reminders are just too painful.

  Taking my time walking into the office my cell rings, digging in my purse, I find it and press call without even looking at the caller ID.

  “Hello.”

  “Hey, El.” A voice I flatly did not expect to hear hits me until I realize what this day holds for me. Why am I surprised to hear his voice? Of course, he’d reach out to me.

  “Hey Nick, it’s nice to hear your voice.” I stop walking and slide against the wall, I’m left breathless just hearing the voice that has been my calming force for so long.

  “Just wanted to say I’m sorry for the way I acted, I’ve been going back and forth with myself if I should even call you today. I guess,” his voice trails off but I can hear his deep breathing. “I’m just thinking about you.”

  I have to sniffle, as a big lump forms in my throat.

  “That is so sweet of you, and I appreciate it. I’m lost here.” I hate to admit it, but when my hands start to shake, I’m overcome with the urge to run and find a place to hide for a while.

  “Does he know?”

  “No.” My sigh comes out with a half hazard laugh. “I’ve yet to tell him. Not sure any good would come of it.”

  “Elsa, I have no answer for that. To be honest, when it comes to him I couldn’t give a shit. For you, I’m wrecked. I know how hard this day has been for you. Even after all this time.”

  Wiping away a torturous tear, I head straight for the bathroom. Undoubtedly at the same time, Micah walks out from his office with a very tall, voluptuous, blonde beauty. His smile from ear to ear is the first thing I happen to notice. Secondly, the way her hand is gently resting on his shoulder, in a way that implies she’s familiar with him, does not sit well with me. He’s yet to notice me, so I rush to the bathroom, hopefully going unnoticed.

  “Shit,” I whisper.

  Hiding out in the bathroom won’t help me one bit, but it buys me time to gets my wits about me. I spend a few minutes convincing Nick I’m okay, and I’ll chat with him soon. That satisfies him, so I’m off to start my day.

  Rounding the corner to sit at the desk, I see Micah chatting with the same blonde, still smiling ear to ear only now he’s put distance between them. He’s behind the desk, and she’s enthusiastically leaning over it, exposing her chest. My immediate reaction is to gag, but instead I walk up putting my arms around him, staking my claim. Work or no work, she needs to realize he’s not available.

  That does the trick because her eyes narrow, shooting daggers straight at my smiling, perky face.

  “Hey babe, I was wondering where you were?” Micah sweetly says turning to give me an affectionate hug. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was trying to send a message to his overly eager client, too. Either way, it works for me. I’m the one who he has his arms wrapped around tightly.

  “Micah, you never said you had a lady friend.” With an eyebrow arched, she questions him in a less than warm tone.

  What? Who the hell says lady friend now days?

  “Well.” Micah shifts his weight a few times looking extremely out of his comfort zone. “It never came up because Elsa is my personal life, and is none of your business. We only discuss business Carla.”

  He says matter of fact, and I have to say, he handled her perfectly.

  “Oh, don’t play cool because she’s standing here.” She says way to condescending for my liking.

  I’m not sure if she’s trying to get a rise out of me more or him, but I swear I can see her daggers coming out.

  Her grin mischievous. “We both know differently.”

  Her first attempt did not draw a reaction, so she just had to try again. Only this time she’s tapping her red nails on her lower lip.

  Coughing or choking, I’m not sure which, but Micah had to take a minute to respond.


  “Excuse me?” He’s face reddens when I pat his back trying calm him before he goes off on his client. It would seem she views her working relationship quite differently than Micah does.

  “Micah, seriously forget it. Let’s talk installation dates?” She’s dismissing her inappropriate comments, with a subtle shrug of her shoulder and an eye roll to boot. My mouth is hanging open. I stare at her wondering what the hell? I slowly slip around Micah, distracting myself by filing the latest papers on my desk.

  “Okay, let’s keep our conversations strictly business and we’ll get along just fine.” Micah says matter of fact.

  Not sure if she can notice, but she just dodged a bullet, if not from me, definitely from Micah. He shrugs off his anger looking for dates to install her new security system.

  “Whatever.” She says with an annoyed sigh.

  AN HOUR LATER, I get a phone call from my mother wanting to see me. Odd, since I’ve not spoken to either of my parents since that dreadful day. I realize why she’s calling, and I decide it’s a battle I don’t want to have with her today, so I agreed to meet her over lunch.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Micah asks me again for the tenth time.

  “I’m sure, let me find out what she wants. I’ll call you later.”

  He knows my mood is off today and that something is bothering me. He’s annoyed because I won’t talk about it with him. To be honest, I just want to forget it. Unfortunately, Nick’s phone call does nothing to help me forget, even though his heart was in the right place. Can’t fault the guy, he has a big heart.

  “Mom, where are you?” I call out entering the house. It’s so quiet, it’s downright eerie.

  Walking to the kitchen the first thing I see is their mail spread out on the table. But, no mom! No noise. It’s as if she’s not even here. Getting myself a glass of sweet tea, I’m sitting at the table looking at a magazine, wondering if I can find ideas for my new home. I could surprise Micah with a few great decorating ideas.

  An envelope slips from the magazine, falling to the floor, I almost missed it, but what catches my attention is the odd shaped envelope. It appears to have some photo’s inside. Picking it up, I notice the name scripted on the front. “That’s just plain odd,” I mutter with a sigh. The name on the return address is from a Carla Mitchell.

  Wait a minute, that’s the name of the dragon lady drooling all over Micah, earlier today. The same woman who was rude as hell to me on the phone the other day? It’s too much of a coincidence not to be the same person, is the only thing I can think. Totally intrigued, I tear it open, without another thought. not even thinking anything of it. My mom’s not here to ask, so why not?

  Upon opening the envelope, I see a letter and a few pictures. How bizarre would it be if this is the same Carla Mitchell? Wanting to see if she is in the photos I inspect them carefully. Okay, I see a black lab puppy sitting with a little boy. Cute. Looking at the next few it’s more of the little boy but not one of Carla Mitchell. Huh! Not thinking anything I read the letter.

  Dearest Cindy,

  Just wanted to send you a few pictures so you can see how he’s growing. It’s amazing how fast time goes. Just got settled into our new home, I’m a bit of a nervous nelly, so I called a security company to install the security alarms for us. Dan is gone all the time for work, and I get lonely and a bit scared at night. Will send more pictures when I can.

  Love,

  Carla

  Well, that answers that question, this is the same Carla. I now know she’s a lonely housewife looking to get my boyfriend to give her some wanted attention. Too bad for her, I will rain on her parade…soon if need be. What is weird is the fact she knows my mom. Were they old friends, or what?

  Just then, my mom comes down the stairs looking a bit worse for wear. Wow, I can’t help thinking I’ve never seen her look so distraught before.

  “Mom, are you okay?” I damn near jump out of my chair to give her a hug when she motions with her hands to stay seated.

  “Hey sweetie, I’m not feeling the best. Better now that you’re here, though.”

  Her eyes trail to the mail on the table. Her face freezes as she eyes the letter and picture in my hands.

  “Wh…what are you doing with my mail?”

  Looking at my hands, and slightly embarrassed she caught me with her mail, I let out a slight laugh.

  “This is so weird, but your friend here is a client of Micah’s. I met her today and let’s just say she’s taken with my boyfriend.”

  “What?” Her shaking hand lingers over her mouth as every bit of color drains from her face.

  “How do you know her?” I had to ask, this was just weird not to know.

  “Um…I’ve known her for a few years. I didn’t know she contacted Micah, guess I had no idea he ran a security company.”

  Yeah, I spend the next half hour filling her in on all the new things happening with me. Starting with the fact I’m now living with Micah. She spent the half hour looking like a deer caught in a headlight. I’m not sure she even heard half of it, but it was one of the most uncomfortable talks ever. We’ve not had a close relationship over the years and right now she seems very interested. Whatever!

  “Mom, what did you want when you called?”

  “I wanted to apologize and wanted to…tell you something, but now I’m not sure.” The way her words trail off I continue to look at her, wondering what the hell I missed. She’s just not acting right. I hope she's not sick and afraid to tell me.

  “Okay, well if that’s it, I need to get back to work.”

  “Elsa, I know what today is… how are you?” Okay, now I realize she’s not sick this visit was more of a fishing expedition.

  Oh God, I just knew this was coming.

  “Mom, I’m fine. It’s over, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.”

  “Three years ago today you weren’t. This happens to be the day I thought we lost you…for good.”

  Not the time or the place and I’m not in the mood for a stroll down memory lane. I’ve had one reminder with Nick’s phone call, and now my mom. She takes Carla’s letter and photos from me and stuffs them in her purse. I make a mental note to talk to Micah about this lady.

  Wasted lunch trip, I head back to the office without even bothering to call Micah. I’ll see him soon enough, this just gives me a few more minutes to listen to music while driving back to the office. Upon getting out of my car, I don’t even get my door closed, and Micah comes storming towards me.

  Holding his hands up, he’s visibly upset. “Elsa, no more messing around. Tell me what’s bothering you and what the hell lunch was about?”

  Well, no time like the present.

  “Okay.” Biting my lip, I’m frantically searching for next words carefully. “Three years ago today, my parents found me unresponsive. I ended up in the ER and was watched over for a few days.”

  “What the hell?” He definitely was not expecting that I’m sure. To lighten the moment I let out a hint of a laugh.

  “Listen, it’s not what you think. Everyone thinks I tried to end my life, but that is not true. I took some pills to get rid of a migraine, only I took my dad’s pills from his cabinet. I took the wrong ones and nearly overdosed.”

  “Baby, please tell me you didn’t…” I can see it in his eyes, and I hate it. This is the one reason I never wanted to tell him.

  “No, Micah, and don’t look at me like that. My migraine was so bad I accidentally picked the wrong bottle. I knew my dad had some powerful pain medications for his back. Honestly, I picked up the wrong bottle. I read the dosage wrong and took more than I should have.”

  It happened so fast, he grabbed me, instantly crushing me in his arms, asking me if I’m telling him the truth. I tell him the whole story of how my parents and even Nick did not believe me. They seriously thought things got too hard, and I wanted to end my suffering. Not true, but how many times can you continue to say the same things only to have n
o one believe you.

  What started out as a quick discussion ended up being a four hour long ordeal in Micah’s office while Matt and Trevor covered the phones and clients. Most of the time, I spent crying, trying to convince Micah how much of a mistake it was. A costly mistake but a mistake nonetheless. Pity was the last thing I wanted, especially from him. I got that from Nick and my parents for a long time afterward and if he dares to pity me, I might lose it all together.

  Sitting on the small couch in his office, I decide to change the subject.

  “Hey, did you know Carla Mitchell is a friend of my mother’s?”

  Micah does a double take. “What? Um, hell no.”

  “Yeah, I saw a letter and pictures she sent my mom. What a coincidence.”

  “Weird, I was thinking of turning her back over to Matt to handle for the installation.” What a relief.

  “Good idea.”

  It sounded good until Matt laughed and explained it was a big enough job it would take Micah and Trevor’s help to get the job done. I swear Matt loved to see his brother squirm, he made sure to point out once she laid her eyes on Micah, it was lights out for Matt. He held her attention up until that point. Trevor, the poor soul, made it known how sad it was that none of the ladies were ever hot after him.

  I gladly told him he could have Carla if he wanted. They all laughed, thought it was funny. I, on the other hand, was serious.

  CARLA MITCHELL’S INSTALLATION day was today, and it was an all-day install at that. All three of the guys were busy getting it finished making sure it met her time schedule. Poor Trevor spent his day going back and forth from the office to her house troubleshooting with replacement parts. It took him several trips back and forth throughout the day. Now, it was after hours, so I agreed to take the last few items they needed to her address.

  I did not want to see this lady, but the job needed to get done. I wanted to get home with Micah. It’s a Friday night, and we had a quiet evening planned for the two of us. Driving up to her address I could see our company truck out front. Matt happened to be outside the front door, messing with a camera he was installing. Having no idea where Micah could be, I startled Matt when I walked up with the two boxes of wires they needed to finish up the job. Instead of being happy to see me his face shows the exact opposite. Not at all comforting.