Cas: Heroes at Heart

by Maryann Jordan

  Cas wanted to reach out and take her hand. He wanted to give her a hug and tell her that he knew the pain would never go away but that she would learn to live with it. Instead, he clenched his hands together in his lap, fighting the urge to comfort.

  Her voice warm and soft, Miss Ethel said, “I’m so sorry for your loss, my dear. And while you can see that my boys are not dwarfs, you can visit us anytime you want. Although, I’m sure there are some girls in the neighborhood for you to play with.”

  Her nose scrunched again, and she shook her head, her silky, black hair swinging back and forth. “Oh, I don’t mind that you have boys instead of girls! I don’t even mind that they’re giants instead of dwarfs!”

  Suddenly blurting, Cas asked, “If I’m not the prince, then who am I?” As soon as the words left his mouth, he wished he could pull them back in.

  She turned to stare at him and her eyes brightened. Her smile lit her face and she declared, “You’re like the huntsman. To me, he’s the true hero in the story. He was ordered to kill Snow White. The Queen commanded that he carve out her heart! But deep inside, he was a protector. He has a kind heart and couldn’t do it. He saved Snow White’s life and shielded her. If I had someone to fall in love with, it would be the huntsman. Someone who would actually shield me.”

  Seemingly oblivious to the surprised expressions on everyone’s faces, Bianca took the last bite of her lunch, settled back in her chair, and patted her still-flat belly.

  “Well, I declare,” Miss Ethel said. “I never thought about that particular aspect of the story. It just goes to show that you can always learn something new.”

  “That’s weird,” Asher said, shaking his head. When Bianca turned her face toward him, he explained. “Cas’ name means shield.”

  She twisted around and smiled at Cas, reaching out to touch his arm. “I knew your name was cool!”

  With the meal finished, he started to gather the plates since it was his turn to wash dishes. Bianca jumped up to help him. As he left the room, he heard Zander say, “Looks like Cas has a little assistant.”

  Jayden added, “He’s lucky. I never get a helper when it’s my turn to wash.”

  Ignoring his brothers, he led Bianca into the kitchen, and side-by-side they washed the plates from lunch.

  “My, my, you are a little helper,” Miss Ethel declared, her smile warm as she walked over and gave Bianca a hug. “You can certainly come over anytime as long as your father says that it’s okay.”

  Bianca smiled in return. “I’d like that. You have a nice family, Miss Ethel.”

  “Thank you, Bianca.” She looked at the young girl and tilted her head slightly, “You have an interesting name. Not very common.”

  Cas watched as Bianca nodded seriously. “My mom told me that it’s Italian. It means white. I was born in the middle of a snowstorm, and Mom used to tell me that Dad almost didn’t get her to the hospital in time.”

  “Well, we’re certainly glad he did, Miss Bianca Winters.” With a pat on the little girl’s shoulder, Miss Ethel started to turn and walk out of the room, a smile curving her lips. She stopped suddenly and glanced over her shoulder. “And, my dear, you may certainly borrow any books that you would like to read.”

  Bianca’s eyes and smile widened, her face radiating joy. Later, as Cas walked her down the front walk to make sure she crossed the street safely, he noticed the book Echoes was tucked safely under her arm.

  3

  One Year Later

  Cas had been waiting for Bianca to come over, noticing that she had been very quiet on the school bus earlier. He could not imagine that anyone had been teasing her because just as quickly as she had wormed her way into their hearts, he and all his brothers made sure to let everyone know she had their protection.

  On the verge of adolescence, she was even prettier but did not seem to realize it. She wore no makeup and her clothes consisted of jeans and t-shirts. Unlike other girls her age, she spent so much time living in her head, always thinking of stories and characters. Outgoing and friendly, everyone seemed to like Bianca, but he knew how mean teen girls could be. The light which normally beamed bright from her eyes seemed dimmer today. And when they got off the school bus, she tossed a small wave his way before going inside her house.

  Unwilling to wait any longer, he jogged across the street and knocked on her door. She answered, and he noted her smile did not quite reach her eyes. Stepping inside, he had barely cleared the door when she threw herself into his arms. He held her close, then felt her body shake with what he thought was a sob.

  Uncertain what to do, he simply continued to hold her. Finally, after a few minutes, she let go of him, wiped her cheeks, and said, “Thanks, Cas. I needed that.”

  “What’s going on? Did somebody do something to you?” His hands were on her shoulders, and he fought the desire to curl them into fists at the idea that someone had hurt her.

  Shaking her head, the movement caused her sleek hair to swing back and forth, the black tresses catching the light coming from the hallway. “No, no one hurt me. Nothing like that. It’s just I felt very sad today, and there was something that I wanted to do, but my dad is working late and so we can’t do it.”

  “Do what?” he asked, bending slightly to peer into her eyes. Bianca was so easy to get along with, he could not imagine there being something that she had wanted to do that the denial of it would cause such a reaction.

  Unusually reticent, she finally said, “I wanted to go to the cemetery. Today would have been my mom’s birthday. Dad always takes me on the anniversary of the day she died, but I don’t like that. I’d rather go and celebrate her birthday with her.”

  “Do you know where it is?”

  Her face fell as she shook her head. “I know it’s the Richmond Memorial Cemetery, but I don’t know the directions.”

  He sucked in a quick intake of air through his nose, recognition spearing through him as pain shot through Cas’ heart. Seeing her face and hearing her words, he would have given her anything… gladly. Zander was a senior and could drive. Cael and Rafe were juniors and also had their driver’s licenses, but none of them could have a group of underaged passengers. That left Miss Ethel. Knowing what her answer would be, he grabbed Bianca’s hand and said, “I know where it is. Let’s go.”

  He checked to make sure she had her key and the door was locked behind them, and with her hand still in his, they ran across the street.

  Just like he knew she would, Miss Ethel agreed immediately. Letting the other boys know what they were doing, Cas caught their expressions of sympathy, and his heart swelled as each of them gave her a hug.

  Twenty minutes later, Miss Ethel sat in the big, old van that she used for shuttling the boys around while Cas walked with Bianca as she headed straight to a headstone. He was familiar with this cemetery but tried to force his thoughts to stay on Bianca and not his own memories.

  Once in front of the headstone, Bianca pulled off her jacket, laid it on the ground, and sat cross-legged. Uncertain what to do, Cas stood awkwardly nearby until she looked over her shoulder, gave him a little smile, and patted the jacket next to her. Taking her silent invitation, he sat down next to her.

  “I just wanted to come and say Happy Birthday, Mom. I’m getting better at baking, and I could’ve made you a cake today if you were still with us.”

  Cas sat quietly, listening as Bianca continued to chat with her mom as though they were sitting at the table at home instead of in a cemetery where Cas was not sure her mom could hear her. It seemed to give Bianca a great deal of peace, so he remained still so as not to disturb her.

  After a few minutes of chatting, Bianca leaned forward on her knees and placed a kiss on the cold granite headstone. Uncertain if she was going to burst into tears again, he breathed easier when she sat back down, turned her head up to him, and smiled.

  Reaching over, she squeezed his hand and said, “You have no idea how much this means to me. I know I can talk to Mom anytime I want, but
sometimes it’s nice to sit here and do it.”

  He had intended to remain quietly supportive, but words blurted up from deep inside of him. “My parents are buried in this cemetery, too.” As soon as he spoke, he snapped his lips shut and looked away. Besides the first time he had mentioned to Bianca that Miss Ethel was his foster mom, they had never talked about his real parents. It was unusual for a young girl to not be overly curious, but Bianca had simply told him one day that she would listen if he ever wanted to talk.

  He felt tears hit the back of his eyes, and he blinked several times to keep them from falling. Part of him wished he could pull the words back in, and another part of him was glad that Bianca knew.

  Her small hand in his gave another little squeeze, and she asked, “What happened?”

  Sucking in a deep breath, he let it out slowly before he finally spoke. “They were on their way home from work and stopped at a convenience store to get some milk for the next day. They didn’t realize the store was being robbed, and when they walked in, they startled the two men that had guns. They were both shot.”

  Her hand flinched, and he felt the pressure. She slowly eased her grip and gently rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand. “I didn’t have any living relatives, so I was put into foster care. I was in a couple of them, but they weren’t so great. Then I ended up with Miss Ethel, and she became my new mom.”

  “I’m sorry you don’t have your real parents, but… if you have to be without them, I’m glad that you have Miss Ethel.”

  He liked her words, and they moved through him, slowly soothing. He liked that she did not pepper him with questions or make him feel weird. He turned toward her, seeing understanding in her blue eyes. “One of the policemen told me that my dad threw himself in front of my mom, trying to shield her. They both died anyway, but I like to think that the last thing my mom thought was that my dad tried to save her.”

  “Her shield. Oh, Cas, I love that. He was her shield.”

  A breeze began to blow, and he noticed Bianca’s hair flowed back behind her as the sun made her blue eyes sparkle even more. It dawned on him that her father had brown hair, and he asked, “Do you look like your mother?”

  Nodding emphatically, she brightened. “Yes! My father tells me that all the time, and when I look at pictures, I’m stunned because I look just like her.”

  “Then she must’ve been beautiful,” he said, this time being the one to give her hand a little squeeze.

  She bit her lip and smiled, then stood and pulled him up as well. She glanced toward the van where Miss Ethel sat before looking back up at Cas. “Can we go to your parents? Would that be okay?”

  Knowing Miss Ethel would not mind at all, he agreed. They began to walk to a different section of the cemetery, finally stopping at a wide, double, granite headstone. He had never sat at his parents’ resting place and was uncertain what Bianca would do. They stood side-by-side for a moment, then she bent toward the headstone and whispered, “I really like your son. You’d be so proud of Cas. He’s a super nice boy.” Standing, she moved back, linked fingers with him, and lifted her face to the sun.

  Turning back to him, she asked, “Do you think they look down on us? You know… from Heaven? Maybe keep an eye on us or just watch us? Maybe like angels… only not the kind with wings? Or maybe like the stars?”

  Before he had a chance to consider his words, he said, “Silently, one by one, in the infinite meadows of heaven, Blossomed the lovely stars, the forget-me-nots of the angels.”

  She sucked in a gasp, and her eyes brightened with unshed tears. Then she spoke with a barely heard whisper. “That’s beautiful. I know that one. It’s from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. I love his poems.”

  He held her gaze, surprised she had not laughed at him. She was always surprising him. “Sometimes I write poetry as well. It’s not good—”

  “I want to read it.” She spoke quickly, her eyes still blinking back tears. Her gaze remained pinned on him, penetrating deep inside. She squeezed his hand and said, “I think anything you write would be good because it came from you.”

  He slowly reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper, handing it to her with trembling hands. He had never shared any of his poems, and fear snaked through him now, wondering if she would think it was ridiculous.

  She took the paper from him and pressed it to her chest reverently before unfolding it, careful of the well-worn creases. Immediately she read aloud. “Been fishing in the river of sorrow, hunting for today but catching tomorrow, Any disposition makes me vulnerable, looking at my reflection, I feel other than honorable, I only seek to find but I’m left behind, Just as I catch up it’s like I press rewind, So I will keep searching for today as tomorrow is hollow, And release my fear of the unknown so my future can follow.”

  Her voice had quivered as she finished the poem, her hands shaking. She peered deeply into his eyes and said, “Oh, God, Cas… this is the most beautiful thing I have ever read.” He had started to shrug, but she shook her head, sending her hair swinging about her shoulders. “No, really! Your words are so beautiful. They make me feel… really feel.”

  His shoulders relaxed as she handed the paper back to him. Once it was tucked safely away in his pocket, she reached down and grabbed his hand, leaning her head against his shoulder as they stood quietly.

  After several minutes, he glanced over the top of her head toward the van. “We need to head back. Come on.”

  She grinned and did not let go of his hand as they walked to where Miss Ethel was waiting. A warm breeze continued to blow, and he was filled with peace.

  4

  One Year Later

  Bianca jogged across the road toward Miss Ethel’s house under the watchful eye of Cas. He unsuccessfully tried to ignore the way her body had matured. Even though she was still petite, it was impossible to not notice her breasts bouncing slightly as she ran. Her arms were full of more books she was returning. She had once declared that Miss Ethel’s house was as good as any library, and she was determined to read all she could.

  When she arrived at the fence, her eyes met his and she laughed. “I’m thirteen, Cas. I think I can be trusted to cross the street without you watching after me.”

  With his hands on his hips, he shook his head. “Bianca, you daydream so much, I’m afraid you’ll step right in front of a bus while your mind is on the story you’re creating in your head.”

  She rolled her eyes and playfully punched him on the shoulder. They were not standing at the front gate but near the trees. At fifteen, he had grown quite a bit since she first met him, and considering he worked out with his brothers, his body was developing hardened muscles. He reached across the fence, and with one hand on her back and the other hand scooping from behind her knees, he plucked her into the air, easily lifting her over the fence.

  They walked to the blanket he had spread out and sat together. She looked down at her hands and sighed softly. “I’ve got some news.”

  He looked over at her, unable to discern from her tone of voice if the news was good or bad. Her nose was scrunched, but other than that, she gave no outward clues. “What’s up?”

  She plucked a nearby blade of grass and fiddled with it for a moment before finally admitting, “My dad is getting married.”

  Cas blinked, her words surprising him. “Married?”

  She nodded slowly, a crinkle still on her brow. “Yeah. I mean, he’s been dating her for a while, but I didn’t know they were considering marriage. You’ve seen her a couple of times. Her name’s Lucille. She’s pretty… in a fancy sort of way. She always makes sure to tell people that she was Miss Harrison County when she graduated from high school.” A giggle slipped out as she added, “That’s not exactly Miss Universe!”

  Cas smiled and shoulder bumped her. “Wow, a beauty queen for a stepmother.”

  “Well, it beats an evil queen, that’s for sure!”

  They both laughed, and as always, he liked the sound of her laughter. �
�Do you like her?” he asked, expecting a simple yes or no, but she appeared to give great thought to his question.

  Nibbling on her bottom lip, she finally shrugged. “When they first started going out, she made a big deal about me. She’d talk about how nice it would be to have a girl to teach how to fix hair and wear makeup. How nice to have a girl to take shopping. But lately, I get the feeling that she doesn’t like sharing the attention that Dad gives me.”

  “Maybe she’s just more used to having you around, so she doesn’t have to talk about it so much.”

  Shaking her head, she said, “She’s starting to complain.”

  “About what?”

  “For one, I don’t think she likes this neighborhood.”

  Jerking back, he repeated, “Doesn’t like this neighborhood?”

  “Yeah, she says we should live in a bigger house.” She gave her head a little shake as though to clear her thoughts and blew out her breath. “Ugh. I don’t want to think about her anymore.” Looking down at the pieces of wood nearby, she asked, “What are you working on?”

  He picked up the wood and rubbed his thumb over the impressions he had been carving. “I’m trying to carve the Army emblem for Zander. It’s a lot more intricate than what I’ve done before, and this is about my fifth attempt.”

  She took the palm-sized, flat, circular wood and studied the intricate carvings of flags, canons, and cannonballs. Her eyes were wide as she turned her head and looked up at him. “This is amazing. Zander’s going to love it.”

  His stoic oldest brother had graduated from high school last spring and joined the Army. While they were all proud of him, getting used to missing the first of them to leave home was hard. Snorting, he said, “You know Zander. He’ll look at it, thank me, then probably throw it in a drawer.”

  She huffed and retorted, “I do know Zander. He’ll look at it, thank you, and then promptly hang it on his wall!”