Losing Virginity

by Ava Michaels

  Big Stick.

  That was not the person I should have been thinking about right now. Not only because I was trying to enjoy this half-drunk alone time with Carlos, but also because it made me feel a little guilty. I know, there was no ring on my finger or even the slightest indication from him that we were exclusive. But, I was hoping. I really was. And if he somehow found out that I had gone a little too far with an old boyfriend this easily, well, it could ruin everything.

  However, it could also be an indicator that I am much more desirable than I think I am. Maybe he should know that I have an ex-lover. Yes, I said ex-lover! Not an old boyfriend. Not just someone I used to know. But, and this has to be said with a breathy, low voice… An ex-lover.

  “So, first of all,” he said, almost bashfully as he produced the cans of soda from his jacket, “You look amazing, really amazing, Ol.”

  His compliment snapped me back into the room with him. In my mind, I had left for a short time. Couldn’t even tell you where I went. But I replied to him as if I were completely absorbed in our intimate moment together.

  “Thanks,” I said, playing with my hair like a fifteen year old.

  “I was hoping you’d show up,” he said in what was almost a whisper.

  I was about to become indignant, to ask him why the hell he’d expect me to show up at a place like this, but I was soon silenced by him drawing me into his arms and pressing his lips against mine.

  Shit.

  Carlos’s warmth, his boldness, the oddity of this situation all added up to me still being stuck in the snow bank of my past. I wanted to get out. The wheels were spinning and I was rocking it between drive and reverse but I hadn’t broken free just yet. I responded helplessly, Carlos’s warm tongue entering into my mouth, pushing my lips harder into his and digging his fingers into my back. He started pushing my hands so they ran up under the fabric of his jacket to knead his lean body through the sweaty T-shirt my bassist ex-lover wore. Yes, I said it again…Ex-lover. Definitely not in a sexual way though. It was beginning to head that direction though.

  His hands were around my waist and pulling me closer, pulling me into a make-out session I was all too familiar with. Did I want to do this? I felt no real emotion for Carlos. There wasn’t any love or terror or anything that could make me think that when this was over I couldn’t easily just leave and go about my life. He kissed well. If it stopped, I wouldn’t feel heartbroken or let down, I would have been happy. However, I was in bad situation that a lot of girls got themselves into, how to just say no without worrying about what the guy was going to think of you.

  Carlos suddenly pulled back. I was startled and embarrassed. Had he read my thoughts? And as if that weren’t embarrassing enough an obnoxious strand of saliva was hanging grossly connecting our lips. He didn’t even seem to notice. That’s what I told myself, anyway.

  “We don’t have to do this, sorry.”

  He wiped his mouth and smiled at me.

  “It’s okay.”

  He must have thought that I meant it was okay to kiss me and such because the next thing I knew he was pulling his pants and boxers down springing loose his boner. It pointed directly at me and I tried to say no but the word wouldn’t come out. I was stunned.

  He was only a foot away from me and when he tried to walk towards me he tripped on his pants that were around his ankles. He fell forward and I was at just the right height that his dick jabbed me in the face barely missing my eye. This was the true meaning of a dick to the face.

  “Shit, Ol, I’m sorry,” he exclaimed, quickly standing up and pulling his pants and boxers up.

  “”Uh…” I sighed, covering my face.

  “I’ve gotta get on stage in a few! He zipped his pants. Will you come down and watch the rest of the show?”

  I nodded breathlessly.

  “Yeah, yeah… Of course…”

  “Great!”

  “Um… Whatever that was, um… Well, I don’t know what that was…”

  He shh’d me and he gently kissed me on top of the head.

  “Don’t worry about it. It’s been a long time, Ol.”

  He said it as if he didn’t just dick poke me in the face. How? I don’t know. He planted one more kiss, this one on the side of my cheek, and then he raced downstairs. I got up and tried to pull myself together. He had left the bottle of bourbon on the couch. I gave an unnecessary glance around to make sure no one was watching, and took a long slug from the bottle.

  Damn…

  I was going to become an alcoholic after that.

  As I tried to exit the bedroom, I was jostled aside by a giggling drunk couple who also splashed cheap beer onto my skirt. At this point, I just didn’t care anymore. I rolled my eyes as they apologized, and then shut the door behind them.

  ………

  Downstairs, the crowd seemed to be even thicker, and I was in even more of a daze. I scanned the room for Jess, and although I didn’t see her, I quickly heard her drunken squealing. Following her voice, I elbowed my way towards a darker corner of the room. There she was, arms around two of the Alpha Delta brothers who were feeding her sips from both of their jungle juices.

  “Jess,” I yelled, “Carlos is about to start. Come on, we gotta go.”

  Seemed like a good way to get her away from two sex craved boys. I yanked her away from the two bro-dudes with what I thought was impressive strength as they protested and begged for her to stay. I didn’t see anything good coming from that so I pushed her ahead of me as I staggered behind her, guiding her to the front of the stage.

  My heart skipped a few beats as I watched Carlos and the rest of his band climb to the stage and start tuning their instruments. It wasn’t that I liked him, it was the music that I heard so many times in high school that made me feel this way. However, Carlos seemed to notice me immediately, and he gave me a wink and a smile.

  “What shit band are we even watching anyway?” Jess mumbled, her head lolling left to right.

  God, I hoped she wasn’t going to be sick.

  When Carlos and the Bulge started to play, Carlos took the microphone for a brief moment and addressed the crowd.

  “This song is for a very special girl, who I hadn’t seen in a long time…” he lowered his voice as he looked in my direction. “Until tonight, that is.”

  I knew what song he was going to play and suddenly it was just like high school again.

  All thoughts of Big Stick came to my mind now, as I realized I was this girl holding up this other girl, in a frat house basement, watching her hot ex-lover lay out a scuzzy, loud, dance-rock jam.

  It was funny. Most girls would think that being upstairs making out with a member of the band was the best part of the night. But for me, it wasn’t anything great especially when you get slammed in the face with his penis.

  Jess held my hand as she danced, laughed out loud, and shouted in my ear. At least she was enjoying herself.

  -----------Chapter 14-----------

  Jess and I stumbled back into our apartment bedroom not totally smashed but we were definitely drunk. We fell right into our beds and were soon overcome with sleep. But, I had a restless sleep. Not because of Carlos only but because of a lot of things going on right now.

  First, there was Betty at work. Then, this weirdness with Carlos and somewhere throughout it all was Big Stick. It was times like these when I wondered if these happened all at once to test you, to test your decision-making and to show who you really are.

  I knew how I wanted to act to Bartok, but I still loved that job no matter what. I loved the work itself. Yes, even if it was mostly filing. It was important. I was part of something bigger. I loved the people I worked with and I loved that it helped me pay for college tuition.

  It was strange meeting up with Carlos last night at his band's show. The old feelings that came up right then made me feel comfortable, they made me feel like I would always be with someone who could give me a look and really understand me. But Carlos was a time in the
past for me. He was what I clung to when I was a weaker person, when I was really knobby-kneed and unsure of myself. It wasn't Carlos who made me that way, it was just the way I acted around him. It was just too easy to use Carlos as a crutch and become the silly little girl I was when I was younger. Did I really want to take two steps forward only to go three steps back?

  When I was with Big Stick, I felt like more of an adult. I made the choice to meet Big Stick. Even though I had already met him before in elevator but I didn’t know that’s who I was going to meet at the Snake Pit. I did take some chances on something new, with Jess’ coaxing, and met him on my own. He wasn’t a guy who happened to sit next to me in algebra class. He was a man out in the world who was brave enough to take a chance on me, too. I think that is very important. In a world with so many cookie-cutter options, Big Stick, me, this whole situation was very original.

  He was not only mature, but he could awaken the bit of child inside me too. He could make me laugh with him with his silly stories and he could make me laugh at him with his corny tastes in culture and movies.

  I decided right then and there that if I ever needed to pick between the two, Big Stick was a much better choice. I wouldn't ever go back to Carlos. He had treated me like a trophy to hang on his wall, another notch in his belt, another bird in the bush and all those other metaphors for someone who didn't treat you right. I could tell, only from the short amount of time that I've known him that Big Stick was the one I wanted.

  I lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. It was 10:00 am on Saturday, and I didn't have anything I needed to do today. I needed to get my head straight, or else it was liable to fall straight off. Then my phone rang.

  Jess grumbled and threw a pillow in a random direction from her bed. It didn't even get near my phone, but instead knocked over a cup of pencils on her desk. I was tempted to shuffle a few more pillows her way and see where her next shot would go, but instead I picked up the phone.

  "Better be a good reason to be calling a gal at ten in the morning on a Saturday," I mumbled into the phone.

  "Good morning," a voice cheered through the receiver loudly into my ear.

  Big Stick.

  "I see you are making good use of your Saturday."

  "Good Morning…," I said, bolting upright and trying to put on enough of a lady-like tone. "It’s wonderful to be hearing your voice. Why on earth are you awake this early?"

  My head had eased into a slow, steady pounding from whatever was in that jungle juice but I quickly pushed it aside with all my might and started looking around the room for the aspirin.

  "I'm glad you asked." he said.

  "How much coffee have you had already?" I said, interrupting him.

  "Too much," he continued and I could hear the grin in his voice. "So I thought that you would like to take a shower, throw something on, blindfold yourself and follow me on a date I set up. You won't regret it!"

  Wow, he was chipper this morning. I wonder what he’s got set up.

  "Well, for one, I am not doing the blindfold thing," I said acting a little stern, but not being able to contain the joy I felt at having his voice wake me up and make me forget all of my internal conflicts.

  I needed this. I needed a fun day somewhere bright and shiny. I wasn't going to get conflicted over these little things in life. I had plenty of time to decide what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be. Besides sex though. I wanted that now.

  "Where should I meet you?" I said, acting casual.

  He smiled on the other side of the phone. I could tell. Sometimes you can tell when someone is smiling from their voice.

  "Perfect. Meet me down at the school docks at noon," he said.

  "What? Why?" I was confused. Why the docks? He didn't have a boat that I knew about and as far as I knew, no one but the sailing team could take out those boats.

  "Just meet me there,” he said. "I'll see you soon."

  I smiled. This was exciting, fun and absolutely an adventure. Hangover or not, I was going to meet Big Stick and have an epic day.

  "I'll see you soon," I said as I hung up the phone.

  I looked over at the lump in the bed across the room that was Jess.

  "Hey, guess what?" I asked.

  Jess didn't respond but just gave a lazy thumbs up. I jumped out of my bed and over to hers, bouncing all over her as she usually did to me.

  "I have a surprise date with Biiiig Stick today, isn't that amazing?" I said to her.

  I couldn't help but beam. Jess rolled over and smiled.

  "Well, you should get ready,” she said. "You stink and forgot to wash your make-up off. You look like the Whore of Babylon…Without the… Whore part.”

  I squealed and got up, grabbing a towel and headed towards the shower.

  In the shower I thought about where we were going. Did he have a boat? I used almost a quarter of a bottle of the most heavily lavender scented soap I had to make sure the smell of alcohol went down the drain.

  I ran back to our room in the apartment after the shower. I wasn't late at all, but I thought maybe I should take a little time not rushing around to gather my thoughts. When I opened the door Jess was awake now, propping her head up on her hand.

  "Hey," she said. "Wear my yellow sundress. You look perfect in it. And no panties."

  I laughed a little louder than I should have.

  "Thanks for the sundress and the compliment but I think that I will skip the second piece of advice. The panties stay on," I said firmly, pulling up light yellow thong to match the dress.

  Jess snorted again. “Okay. Well, if you are going to wear a thong then the one you have on matches nicely.”

  “Sometimes, when my underwear matches my outfit, it makes me feel like I really have my life together.”

  “It’s about time.”

  “But let me tell you that a beautiful woman in a sundress with nothing on underneath will basically turn any man, no matter how cultured, married or ball-less, into a savage beast," Jess said with the air of someone who knows what it’s like to walk around with no panties on. She twisted her finger for me to twirl and gave thumbs up at my attire.

  “Oh, is that so? And how would you know?” I looked down my nose at her.

  “Duh. That’s how my mom met my dad, you spaz.”

  My eyes popped out of my head as my jaw hit the floor. “Really? Did they actually tell you that?”

  “No, they met in a grocery store.” She laughed at the shock on my face. “I was just trying to get you to go out without any drawers on.”

  “Okay.” I rolled my eyes at her. “Everyone’s got to have a goal. Is that really yours?”

  She laughed some more.

  I thanked Jess for her help and the use of her dress, picked up my purse and ran out the door. I was going to get an iced-coffee before the date. I didn't want to seem all frantic and needy, so I thought adding some sugar and caffeine to my already excited self would be a great idea.

  ………

  I reached the docks a little early and was really surprised to see Big Stick sitting on the back of a little competitive sailing boat. He was chatting easily with Mr. Johansen, the sailing instructor, as if they were old friends.

  "Wow," Mr. Johansen said as I walked up. "Is this the lucky lady you were talking about, Ryder?"

  Big Stick smiled. “This is her.” He jumped onto the dock and gave me a hug. “You look great,” he whispered in my ear.

  I beamed.

  Big Stick was wearing a simple Lacoste button down shirt that had three buttons undone, showing off that toned chest that I had felt the other night. He wore khaki shorts and boat shoes which both looked like they had been in the water already.

  "So I take it that you apparently either know how to sail or know some real dirt on Mr. Johansen to get him to sail us somewhere?" I asked.

  Mr. Johansen laughed. ”Oh, no. You’ve got yourself a regular Captain Ahab, here. Ryder was on the team several years ago and was one of the brightest sailors I've co
me across," Johansen clapped him on the back. "We tried to get him to go pro, but he apparently wants a desk job as opposed to the risk of that watery bitch out there."

  Mr. Johansen sometimes talked like he was a turn of the century sailor or pirate or something saying shiver-me-timbers, and the like.

  "Hmm, strange that I've never heard about that before," I said, giving Big Stick a sly side glance. "There seems to be a lot of pleasant mysteries about this guy."

  He smiled and offered me his hand to help me onto the boat. He gave Mr. Johansen a handshake and Mr. J clapped his arm, told him that he could come back any time and to enjoy his date with a wink.

  As I stepped into the boat, I stepped over a picnic basket, bottle of white wine, and some flowers.

  “Who is this stuff for?” I acted like I really didn’t know it was all for me, me, me. “You got a hot date?”

  “The hottest…”

  He put his shoes in the boat, got behind it and pushed us down the rocky shore, hopping into the boat as it started taking off. “I sure do.” He peeked up at me smiling.

  Wow, this guy was certainly no amateur. It seemed like he had experience in… Everything. He gripped the rudder and steered us out of the docking area, letting his push bring us out into the water. Then he raised the sail and it caught the breeze out on the water, and we were off.

  The wind passed over the top of the trees along the shores of Crystal Lake and rippled the water, lapping waves against the side of our little boat. Sun shined down through the spray that the waves made, creating little rainbows that I watched while also watching Big Stick. I inhaled the clean air deeply, letting it fill my lungs and relax my whole body. The sun was hot on my skin and I had totally forgotten about my hangover, Betty, and everything in between. It was a beautiful day.

  I lay back in the boat, my head towards the front legs artfully crossed, playing a bit of footsie with him as he grinned and looked ahead at our direction. I thought it would be cute… I hated feet though.