Forget Me Not

by Goodmore, Jade

  They have been busy.

  I take in the sights before turning to see Jesse and Benjamin remove their jackets, revealing smart shirts and trousers. After expressing my immense appreciation I excuse myself to swap my jeans and t-shirt for a blouse and black skater skirt, purposely choosing something with short sleeves and a low neck so as to show off Jesse’s watch and ring at my neck.

  On my return Jesse and Benjamin stand from their chairs at the beautifully decorated table. Witnessing such chivalry from my littlest angel causes another damn lump to form in my throat and I have to fight the urge to cry. I mean, it got me in so much trouble the last time.

  Although confused as to the occasion of such a special dinner, I’m not completely surprised. I have been showered with gifts and affection since my return from hospital so I assume that this is just a continuation. Either that or it’s to help me take my mind off my meeting tomorrow. Either way I’m extremely grateful.

  Jesse pulls the chair out for me and tucks it in once I’m seated. We devour the first course with ease, then, as we finish the last of the pasta, Benjamin excuses himself from the table and rushes to his room.

  “What’s he doing?”

  “He has a surprise for you. We have a surprise for you.” Jesse says through a shy smile.

  “You have both done more than enough already.” I complain, shaking my head, feeling embarrassed by all of the attention.

  Jesse leans in a little closer to me and lowers his head as if about to whisper me a secret. “I think we should tell him about us, about being engaged.”

  My mind flashes with worry, but it is beaten back quickly by an overriding happiness. I have nothing to be worried about when it comes to Benjamin’s reaction. He loves Jesse like he has known him years. I nod my head enthusiastically, unable to vocalize my thoughts as Benjamin skips down the stairs.

  In his hands is a gift box almost as big as himself. He shuffles towards us before Jesse takes pity and relieves his little arms. He places it on my lap and I’m surprised to find that it’s deceivably light.

  “It’s not my birthday, guys,” I report as I roll my eyes with exaggeration.

  “It’s not a birthday present. It’s actually a present for us all,” Jesse responds before nervously biting his lips into a tight line.

  Both sets of eyes encourage me to tear the paper and open the box. Inside I find layers and layers of tissue paper. I remove them individually and place them on the table, not wanting to miss anything.

  “Just empty the box, Mom!” Benji squeals.

  In response I start emptying the tissue paper with added enthusiasm until I come to the bottom of the box. All of that fuss for a small envelope that sits at the base. They chuckle at my faint annoyance.

  The envelope has already been opened and is addressed to Lee Jenner. I pick it up and hold it in front of Jesse.

  “I don’t get it. It’s addressed to you.”

  “Just open it, sweets.”

  His excitement has almost completely dissipated. All I see now are his deep blue’s full with concern. Why would he be so anxious over a gift?

  Benjamin is practically bouncing at my side as I remove the contents of the envelope. I unfold a wad of paper that is stapled together at the corner and I scan the page. I’m washed over with confusion as I realize I’m reading an advertisement for a property. The image on the front cover is that of an enormous house. One that once upon a time would have oozed grandeur but now seems a little run down. I flick through the pages unable to concentrate long enough to read anything other than the address.

  It’s not in Starling.

  Holding it up once more I stare down Jesse, willing him with my eyes to clarify my confusion. “It’s our new house!” Benji shouts and jumps into Jesse’s lap, unknowingly shielding him from my brewing wrath.

  “You bought us a house?” I ask, incredulously.

  He nods cautiously and holds Benjamin a little tighter. I put the papers down and stand up so that I can walk to the fridge. I pour myself a glass of wine, needing to gather both my thoughts and my patience in front of my son.

  “I’ve bought us a house.” Jesse eyes the wine in my hand and bites his lip nervously. “Are you sure you should be drinking.”

  “Yes. Very sure.”

  “But…”

  “But nothing. I’m not on any pain meds and I am not in any pain,” I grumble.

  “Okay,” he replies, holding his hands up to gesture his surrender. “Hey, Benji, how about you go and watch some cartoons while your mom and I clear the plates and get us something for dessert.”

  Benji nods and hops over to the couch so that we can commence a very heated but very hushed discussion.

  With the sound of cartoons echoing from the living room the starting pistol fires in my head. “Jesse, I can’t believe you’ve done this,” I chide as I start clearing the plates.

  “Why not? I don’t see the problem. You were happy for me to live with you before tonight so why the sudden change of heart?”

  “Of course I want you to live with us, Jesse, but going behind my back? And besides, I wanted us to live in Starling.”

  “Really?” he retorts, sarcastically. “That’s not the impression I’ve gotten lately. We’ve talked about this. You know that it makes more sense for you to be in New York. Your career needs it, my career needs it. Yes, I could spend half my time here and half my time there, but that would mean spending half of my time away from you and Benji. I can’t do that. Not anymore.”

  We’re clearing the table and washing the plates with unnecessary intensity. As if the plates have wronged us in some way.

  “But I’ve already told you. It’s too far, Jesse. I can’t move to New York.”

  “It’s not in New York.”

  I’m confused. I know that I didn’t catch the full address, but seeing that it wasn’t here was enough for me to assume. “It’s not Starling,” I say.

  “No, it’s exactly half way between the two.”

  “What?”

  “If you could drop a pin on a map exactly half way between the two you would find our new house. Well, what I want to be our new house.”

  I’m momentarily stunned. I’m trying to establish why I think this is a bad idea but I’m stumped. Exactly half way?

  “So it’s…”

  “About an hour and a half from here. We can come back whenever you want, every Sunday still, that wouldn’t have to change. We can even build a guest house for everyone to stay over.” He steps a little closer, still too cautious to be within touching distance though. “Don’t you see how perfect it is?”

  “You’d travel that far to work every day?”

  “I don’t need to be there every day, Mickey. I’m the boss. The big boss,” he insists, smiling faintly. “And besides, I need to keep an eye on my latest venture in Starling.”

  I sigh, unable to determine my own emotions. “I guess, I just wish that you’d ran it by me first. It should have been something that we discussed together, not something that you decided to do as a surprise.”

  “Nothing is confirmed until you’ve seen the house. I took Benji today and he loved it, but we won’t touch it unless you do too.”

  “He loved it?”

  “It has enough outside space for a soccer pitch, apparently.” He smiles but hides it quickly when he sees that his joy is not mirrored in my own expression.

  I turn back to washing the plates as I try to make sense of my things. He’s put so much thought into this and I can’t fault his logic. I just hate the decision being taken away from me. It doesn’t sound like anything has been finalized yet though, so maybe I can take a look and have the decisive say.

  Oh God, what will my parents think of this? I can only imagine the conversation where we tell them that not only are we engaged but we are also moving away.

  As I fight with the idea over and over again in my head, Jesse sits watching me intently. All the plates have been cleared and I’ve been standing here
for much longer than necessary. Even with everything in my body telling me that it is too much too soon, I can’t help but feel like it is a completely natural development. I want nothing more than to live with Jesse, and Benjamin certainly seems to feel the same way. The house itself is something that I would have been drawn to if I’d have had the money, particularly the idea of a project, and the location does help with a lot of issues. I have so many questions, but inevitably they all lead to the same answer.

  “Okay,” I sigh.

  “Sorry?” He stands and steps closer towards my back. I refuse to turn around as I repeat myself.

  “Okay, I’ll go see it. But I’m just looking, nothing is decided yet. Yes?”

  “Thank you. I promise, it’s your call. I’ll arrange a viewing for next week.”

  Stepping closer still, his hands wrap around my waist and his mouth presses against my hair. I turn around and move my soapy wet hands to his cheeks and tap them lightly.

  “You do like to keep me on my toes,” I growl.

  Lifting me gently so that I am now, in fact, on my tip toes, he leans in and just when I think that he is going to kiss me, he turns and rubs his wet cheek against mine. I cry out and laugh before grabbing his face and forcing a kiss onto his ready mouth. He pulls apart and his expression adopts a slightly sterner look.

  “Nobody has ever made me feel as nervous as you do.”

  “I make you nervous?” I ask, shocked.

  “On a daily basis. I’m not used to it. I constantly worry about how I make you feel.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to feel like that.”

  “Don’t be sorry, sweets. It only strengthens you’re importance to me. Nobody has ever owned me so completely. My body has been owned before but never my mind.”

  I wince at the understanding. “I love you and your mind, even your stupid ideas,” I joke.

  “My stupid ideas are my best ideas.” He kisses the tip of my nose. “Now, shall we stop wasting any more time and speak to Benjamin?”

  I inhale and exhale, wanting to calm my energy but failing. I nod my head hurriedly and push Jesse gently towards where Benji sits.

  “Oh, there’s some ice cream in the freezer,” he calls back as he makes his way to the couch and falls next to Benji.

  I grab the tub of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, smiling in the knowledge that Benji would have chose it because it reminds him of his name. Taking three spoons from the drawer I march purposely to join my little family in the living room.

  Finding my seat next to Benjamin so that he is squashed between Jesse and me, I dish out the spoons and hold the carton between us all. As we tuck in, Jesse gives me an encouraging wink. I haven’t had time to think about how to approach the subject. I decide on keeping it casual and downplaying the importance of what we’re about to discuss.

  “So, Benji, if we’re all going to be living together like a family, what do you think about making it official?”

  “By getting a dog?” he enthuses.

  “No honey, that’s not what I meant…”

  “But, Emma and Tom and Lily have a dog,” he huffs.

  “Yes, but Emma and Tom got married before they got a dog,” I hint, but his six year old brain doesn’t catch on.

  “Why don’t you get married so that we can get a dog then?” he remarks flippantly. There is no strength behind his words. He must think that it’s a long shot.

  “Okay.” I shrug. Jesse is watching us both with amusement as he continues to lick his spoon.

  “Okay?” Benji is staring at me now and I can see a flicker of understanding dancing behind his deep browns.

  “Okay, we’ll get married.” My attempt at appearing indifferent is failing and so I take another spoonful of ice cream into my mouth.

  “But, Jesse hasn’t asked you,” Benji quips.

  I look to Jesse expectantly, but he’s already moving from the couch onto his knee. Even though I know this repeat performance is purely for Benji’s benefit, I can’t help the goose bumps that erupt across my body and the butterflies that dance in my stomach.

  Benjamin has stiffened beside me, but through anticipation rather than unease as Jesse clears his throat and takes my hand. He discards the ice cream tub and spoon onto the coffee table and pulls me towards the edge of the couch. His river-blue eyes are overflowing with tranquility and I find myself spellbound by the ripples. They stare so intently into my eyes that it would be easy to assume this is the first time he has bent down so promisingly before me.

  “Michaela Cole, I love you with everything I have. Be my wife. Marry me and make me the happiest man alive…then we can get a dog.” He winks.

  My eyes are veiled unashamedly with a film of tears, happy tears and tears from fighting the laughter that threaten to ruin the whole illusion. I jump onto Jesse’s knee and swing my arms around his neck.

  “I love you, too. Yes, I will marry you.”

  I force my lips onto his before the laughter makes its escape. Jesse’s kiss is the perfect antidote for the giggles. Nothing is funny anymore. I am lost in the seriousness of his mouth.

  It’s not until Benjamin wraps his arms around us both that we pull apart. His face is alive with youthful glee and I sense a million questions waiting to spin from his tongue. We both wrap our arms around him and rejoice in one of my all time favorite moments.

  “You’re getting married?” Benji squeals down my ear. We nod and reply in unison with a joyful ‘yes’.

  “And then we can get a dog!” With that Benji is bouncing up and down on the sofa, leaving Jesse to take me in his arms once more.

  Leaning into my ear, his voice is low and serious, he says, “Not many people are lucky enough to hear the love of their life agree to marry them twice.”

  I melt under the sweetness of his words. “Ask me every day. I will always say yes.”

  Chapter 25

  “It was unbelievable! He loved my ideas.”

  “That’s not unbelievable, sweets. He would be rubbish at his job if he thought anything different.”

  I’m stood outside La Trattoria waiting for a taxi after the most nerve-wracking and important meeting of my career, of my life. Aware that people are watching my animated telephone conversation with Jesse but uncaring, I continue to energize my excitement.

  “You’re biased. He’s a professional though, so I can believe him when he says how amazing I am,” I brag playfully, but I can feel the rumblings of belief stirring in my gut.

  “I hope he wasn’t flirting with you.”

  “I hope you’re not insinuating that that’s the only reason he would like my work,” I scold, still playful.

  “Of course not. I’m so proud of you.”

  “Thank you.” When my exhilaration relaxes briefly, I’m able to recognize the slight echoing of Jesse’s voice. “Are you in the car?”

  “Yeah, I was just going to check on the bar. The wiring and plumbing have been done and they’ve laid the flooring. You want to come and see?”

  “I’m waiting for my taxi. I can meet you there?”

  “Great.”

  Unable to subdue my high spirits which are currently soaring alongside Boeing 747’s I continue my ramblings. “You want to know the best thing?” I ask, smugness seeping down the line. “He’s already lining me up to work with more artists. He has some ideas about a new soul singer and he thinks I’d be perfect for the artwork.”

  “That’s great. This is the start, baby. You’ve made it.”

  I sigh, my breath heated with pure contentment. Jesse was the first person I wanted to share the news from my meeting with. He will always be the person I go to first. I’m suddenly overwhelmed with how far we’ve come. This week seems to have welded the final pieces of our bond together.

  “I’m so happy, Jesse. Everything in my life is finally coming together. It’s you. You are everything I have needed.”

  “Nu-uh. Don’t you dare take this away from you. You did this out of hard work.” His voice is h
arsh down the line, but I know it comes from goodness.

  “I’m not just talking about the meeting. My love life, my family life. They are the best that they have ever been, and that is you’re doing. So don’t take that away from you.”

  I know that he’s rolling his eyes in frustration at my compliment, but he does his best to not argue back. “Let me take you out tonight. We have to celebrate this,” he suggests.

  “I’m kinda beat. Tomorrow?” I offer, rolling my neck with the stubborn stiffness.

  His disappointment crackles down the line. “Mickey, I have to go to New York tomorrow. I have a couple of meetings and I need to drop by one of the restaurants. A new senior manager started this week and I’ve yet to meet them, ya’ know, with everything that’s been going on,” he explains, regret clear in his tone.

  “Oh, okay.” I can’t help the concern that reverberates in my voice. “How long will you be gone for?”

  “Just tomorrow, I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  “Don’t feel like you have to come back just for me. If you have business to attend to then attend to it. It’s fine, Jesse,” I offer. Troubled by the knowledge that he has changed so much for me, I can’t help but feel guilty about taking so much of his life from him.

  “No, I want to sleep in your bed, with you. I can’t bear the thought of sleeping away from you again. That’s why I’m trying to get everything done during the same day.”

  “Look, I’m working a wedding tomorrow anyway, I’ll probably be there until late so there’s no need for you to rush back.”

  “I want to rush back.”

  I sigh, thankfully. “Then, I won’t stop you.”

  “I’ll cook for us tonight and then we can celebrate big time when you’re feeling more up to it, yes?”

  “Deal.”

  Just as I’m about to say goodbye my eyes are drawn to a black Mustang pulling into the parking lot. I momentarily consider the notion that there is two Batmobile’s cruising around Starling, but when I glimpse Jesse’s beautiful silhouette through the window I hang up the phone and raise my hands in a gesture of ‘what the hell?’