Take My Hand

by P Nelson

  “I always had to make a double batch; otherwise, Quenton wouldn’t get a single one after the way you two gobbled them up.” Ruth looked down at the cookies. “What I wouldn’t give to go back in time and make a triple batch for all you kids.”

  “We’d have been even bigger nuisances than we were already with all the extra sugar,” Lilith joked and snagged another cookie. Taking a bite, Lilith listened to Ruth tell Calla a story about a particularly poor lapse in judgement during her childhood. She was happy to listen to Ruth reminisce. It was as if there was an unspoken agreement between the three of them not to mention Kevin’s mistress and child. Lilith knew she wasn’t ready to face that yet, but she had made progress. More than anything she wanted to call Gaige and tell him of her triumph, that he had helped her get to a place where she could at least acknowledge her complicated feelings for her deceased husband.

  Refocusing on Ruth, Lilith followed the story and decided that she’d tell Gaige. Right after she won him back. Lilith had a plan, but first, she needed to make one more thing right.

  “Ruth, why don’t you tell me about Quenton?” she asked once Ruth had finished her story.

  More than an hour later, Lilith stood on the doorstep of the Graham household after making her goodbyes with Ruth. Calla held onto the box of Kevin’s belongings.

  “What next?” she asked as she looked over at Lilith.

  “We’re going to campus.” Lilith went down the stairs and headed for Calla’s sleek car.

  “You don’t have to do everything in one day,” Calla admonished as she followed behind Lilith.

  “I won’t be able to do everything in one day.” Lilith sighed as she watched Calla struggle to put the box in the trunk of her car. She really had no idea what to do with all the stuff in there. A part of her wanted to throw it into the nearest trash bin she could find. While a growing, more reasonable part of her brain acknowledged that one day she might want this connection with the man she lost.

  “To campus it is.” Calla’s voice was dry as she opened the driver’s side door to her car. “Do you even know where to look for him?”

  “Of course.” Lilith looked over at her friend. “We aren’t that much older. All we need to do is find the place that serves the cheapest beer.”

  “I think they still sell cheap beer everywhere on campus,” Calla remarked as she pulled he car away from the curb.

  “I know where he’ll be,” Lilith murmured as she looked out the window of the car. While Kevin had studied back east, she and Quenton had become good friends. They bonded over the fact that Kevin was gone, and neither of them had ever really lived without him. The drive out to the University of British Columbia felt as if it took forever, but Lilith reasoned that the trip would be well worth the visit.

  “Everyone looks so damn young,” Calla remarked as she and Lilith walked across campus.

  “You’re lucky I don’t tell an eager Dom you just swore,” Lilith warned with a smile.

  “We subs have to stick together,” Calla murmured and Lilith noticed that there was a new smile to her lips that hadn’t been there before.

  “Everything going well with Master Mason?” Lilith asked her friend quietly not wanting anyone to hear. She didn’t want to be blamed for perverting the students.

  “Yes, it’s going really well,” Calla’s voice was positive, but Lilith heard a catch in her voice.

  “But you’re still into Master Flynn?” Lilith guessed.

  “Yes. No.” Calla took a moment to think. “I’m getting over Master Flynn, and Master Mason is great, but I can’t help but think that he’s not my forever Master. Right now, I’m just trying to have fun. The Museum of Anthropology?” Calla questioned as Lilith headed towards the buildings entrance.

  “Yup.” Lilith put extra emphasis on the p. “Quenton once told me he likes to come here and sit near the clamshell to think. He wonders about the people inside, about to escape into the world.”

  “That’s pretty deep for Quenton,” Calla said in a surprised voice. Lilith didn’t comment as she walked through the entrance and paid for two tickets to see the exhibits. It had been years since she was in the museum, and she looked around in interest at the installations.

  Lilith found the clamshell by artist Bill Reid and saw Quenton sitting near the back of the exhibition’s seating. He was staring hard at the clamshell with a backpack next to him. Sidling up to him, she sat down. He blinked a few times before looking over at her.

  “What are you doing here?” Quenton asked in surprise.

  “Doing something I should have been doing over the last year.” Lilith took a chance and put her arm around Quenton’s shoulders. “You want to tell me about it?”

  “I missed you.” Quenton turned and put his arms around Lilith and began to cry. “I miss him, too.”

  “We both do.” As Lilith said the words she knew they were true. She had been so angry during the past year that she hadn’t let herself miss Kevin. They sat like that for a few minutes until Quenton finally pulled away.

  “There were so many times I wanted to tell you about Merritt and Brody. It was on the tip of my tongue, but I knew Kevin wasn’t ready yet.” Quenton wiped his face on the sleeve of his hoodie.

  “It was Kevin’s job to tell me he had a mistress and child, Quenton,” Lilith wanted to absolve the guilt she saw in Quenton’s face.

  “Merritt wasn’t Kevin’s mistress.” Quenton’s face looked shocked. “I hope you don’t believe that. He made a mistake. Once. It just happens that his mistake with a stripper ended up in a kid.”

  “The fact that Kevin was sleeping with strippers leads me to believe this was an everyday thing for him.” The old hurt Lilith had carried around over Kevin’s betrayal swelled.

  “No, it wasn’t” Quenton’s face was earnest, and a part of Lilith wanted to believe him. “He was out with friends, one thing led to another.” Quenton’s voice trailed away at the look on Lilith’s face. “He said that he wanted to have sex with someone else just once. Kevin told me he felt guilty as hell afterwards and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life making up for it.”

  “I want to tell you that it doesn’t matter to me anymore, but I’m not there yet.” Lilith said, feeling strength pump into her system. She could talk about this without breaking down. “Sometimes I wonder if the pedestal I set him up on made him cheat. It was too much pressure.” Her voice cracked, and she had to look away. The smooth lines of the clamshell and the people prying open the two sides was soothing. In a way, that was how she felt, like the person Lilith wanted to become was trying to force her way out into the world.

  “Kevin loved you.” Quenton fisted his hands in his lap. “He loved you every single day of his life. I know because there were a lot of times I was jealous of that love.” His face crumpled into one of shame. “I would give anything to have him back.”

  Lilith didn’t know how to respond to Quenton’s declaration. Did she want Kevin not to be dead? Of course. Would their marriage have survived his infidelity? She really didn’t know. Now that she had experienced The Cage and Gaige, Lilith knew she had grown as a person, and she wasn’t sure whether Kevin would have signed up for that ride.

  “You’re the closest thing to a brother I have.” Lilith finally said. “It’s going to take me a while to sort out all my issues with Kevin. I’m so angry with him and I need to be OK with that. He hurt me, and now he’s not around to answer for his actions. But you and I are here. Let’s not be strangers anymore.”

  Quenton nodded slowly and some of the tension went out of his shoulders. He looked away as he asked, “Who was that guy you were with last night? Is he your boyfriend?” There was a slight hint of accusation in his voice.

  “I don’t know; it’s complicated,” Lilith said thinking about their fight last night and today. She was going to have to come up with a grand gesture to get him back and even that might not work.

  “Is he your Dom?” Quenton asked and Lilith gasped. She could fe
el her face turning bright red. “How do you know about BDSM?”

  “Calla and I have been hanging out a bit over the last year; she has been helping me work through some of my shit.” Quenton glanced at Lilith. “I’ve been playing a bit here and there.” Lilith studied him and was sure he wasn’t a Dom like Gaige, more of a sub, but she wasn’t sure how to ask.

  “I know you’re dying to ask.” Quenton smiled for the first time since Lilith and Calla had arrived. “I’m a sub. Calla has introduced me to a couple of nice Doms who are willing to work with me. I can’t get into her super fancy club, though.”

  Lilith looked over at Calla who was trying to look everywhere but at Lilith. “I couldn’t afford The Cage either, she must have pulled a few strings for me to get in there.”

  “All for a good cause.” Calla smiled back at Lilith before looking at Quenton. “And I could get you a part-time job at the club to get you in, but I think you need to focus on your studies instead of spending your days getting your ass spanked.”

  “I like getting my ass spanked, among other things.” Quenton’s face turned an interesting shade of pink.

  “We all have that in common,” Lilith said licking her lips. “I wonder what Kevin would have thought about all this?” She wasn’t really looking for an answer.

  “He would have gone crazy.” Quenton let out a long sigh. “In the very back of my brain sometimes I think it’s better that he’s gone. Kevin would never understand that I liked to get my ass spanked by big, hairy Doms.”

  “Maybe not at first, but he would have come around, Quenton.” Lilith put her arm around his shoulders and squeezed tight. “You told me that Kevin loved me, but he loved you, too. I wish I had been here over the last year to help you. I can’t get any of that time back, but I can be here for you from now on.”

  “Thanks,” he said before pulling away again. The three of them were silent for a few minutes studying the clamshell and enjoying the peace.

  “So how come it’s complicated with the big guy?” Quenton needled.

  “He’s my training Dom, and we had a fight last night.” Lilith wasn’t comfortable going into details with Quenton about her relationship. It felt like cheating on Kevin.

  “Were you trying to top from the bottom?” Quenton asked seriously. “I get in trouble a lot for that. Sometimes I find it hard to ask for what I want rather than try to manipulate for it. Doms hate that.” His eyes went wide as he said the last words.

  “Lilith has a jealous Dom on her hands,” Calla inserted, and Lilith gave her a cease and desist look.

  “Master Gaige quite rightly took me to task last night for some of the things I said,” Lilith’s voice was hard. “But here I am working through my shit, as you put it, Quenton. So, I’m hoping for a second chance.”

  “You’re going to have to think of a way to make it up to him,” Calla confirmed. “I don’t think a red ass is going to bring him around.”

  “Maybe you could team up with another sub and let him spank both your asses?” Quenton frowned in concentration. “Show him you’re willing to explore your boundaries.”

  “I don’t think a subs-gone-wild scene would impress Master Gaige,” Calla said dryly. “Lilith needs to do something to confirm she’s committed to their Dom/sub relationship, but let him know his behaviour today had no place in their dynamic.”

  “That’s really deep, Calla,” Quenton commented. “I guess you’re not a shrink for nothing.”

  “You know I hate being called a shrink, Quenton. If I were a Domme, I would spank your butt every time you said it,” Calla threatened.

  Lilith was only half listening to her two friends banter about punishment spankings. She had an idea to get Gaige back, but she couldn’t do it alone. The big problem was that if she failed, Lilith would be really exposed. In her heart, she knew Gaige was worth it.

  “Calla, can you help me set up a scene tonight?” Lilith asked.

  “Of course, what do you need?” She looked at Lilith curiously.

  “I need to set up an anal claiming ceremony,” Lilith almost choked on the words as she said them.

  “Ooooo.” Quenton breathed. “Nothing says I’m sorry like offering your ass to be claimed in public.”

  “I hope you’re right,” Lilith said as Calla pulled her phone out and started to make a call.

  Chapter 17

  “What are you two doing here?” Gaige asked gruffly as he answered the door. He didn’t bother waiting for a reply; instead, he stalked back into his living room and flopped down on a couch. After witnessing the scene between Lilith and Eric, Gaige had gone back to work and pretended everything was fine. He was pretty sure his secretary thought he was going crazy, but he didn’t care. Now, he was watching hockey on TV and was about to drown his sorrows in a few beers.

  “We came to pick you up,” Flynn said as he came into the living room and looked around.

  “You’re not going to need this tonight.” Dillon plucked the beer bottle out of Gaige’s hand and took a long drink of the microbrewery beer. “This isn’t half bad,” he commented as he looked at the label.

  “I know it’s not half bad.” Gaige didn’t bother hiding his irritation with his two uninvited guests. Getting up, he went over to the fridge to get another beer. “I’m not going anywhere. The game is on tonight.”

  “We heard about what happened today.” Flynn followed him into the kitchen.

  “Good, then you know why I’m staying in.” Gaige took out another beer and popped the lid off. “I need a fucking break. I told Calla I wasn’t taking any more training subs, and now, this happens?” Gaige rubbed a hand over his eyes, feeling drained. “Now, if you don’t mind, you can either watch the game with me or fuck off. I don’t want to hear anything about the club.”

  “Stop being so anal.” Dillon walked into the kitchen.

  “Gaige,” Flynn warned the other man, “you know there’s nothing going on between Lilith and Eric Danvers. He’s a good Dom, and you lost it with him today. Come tonight if for nothing but to make amends for being a dick.”

  “Yeah, I heard through the sub-line that you were a total asshole,” Dillon grinned as he put extra emphasis on the word ass.

  “Tell me, honestly, is there ever a time you don’t act like a ten-year-old kid?” Flynn demanded.

  “When I’m claiming a chick’s hot, tight asshole,” Dillon smirked. “I’m definitely not acting like a ten-year-old when I fuck girls up the ass.”

  “If you can’t act like an adult, go wait in the fucking car.” Flynn pointed in the direction of the front door.

  “You two want to take your man drama to the club?” Gaige asked as he watched his two friends argue. It wouldn’t be a normal day unless Dillon was getting under Flynn’s skin, but he was acting particularly obnoxious at the moment.

  “Yeah, we do. Set your beer down and put your big Dom pants on and come to the club.” Dillon’s voice had grown serious. “You owe Eric an apology.”

  Flynn stepped forward and leaned his hands on the kitchen island. “You also owe your sub an explanation of why you treated her like shit today.”

  “She broke our contract; I don’t owe her anything.” Gaige heard the stubbornness in his voice.

  “Who’s got man drama now?” Dillon asked as he finished off the rest of the beer in the bottle he was holding.

  “You were a dick because Jasmine cheated all over you, and now you believe everyone thinks you’re a pussy Dom.” Flynn was never one to beat around the bush if he could just burn the bush down. “Nobody thinks you’re a pussy Dom, Gaige. Every Dom at the club knows Jasmine’s score. You ‘re not a fool because you wanted something more than a thirty-day contract.”

  “Are you finished?” Gaige set down the beer bottle on the kitchen counter. Even though what Flynn said was partially true, he wasn’t ready to forgive Lilith for what happened today.

  “Not by a long shot.” Flynn’s face lost some of its hardness. “I want my friend back. The guy you
were before all that shit went down with Jasmine. I’d hate to think some pain slut is going to drive you away from a sub who obviously has feelings for you.”

  “How do you know anything about her feelings?” Gaige shot the question out. He didn’t even know what her feelings were at this point.

  “I’ve watched you scene together.” Flynn shrugged his shoulders as if it were no big deal to watch the video feed from his room. “You never fucked Jasmine like that, you and Lilith have a connection. Don’t be like me and ruin it because you’re a pussy,” referring to his inability to move on with his life with Calla.

  “Those videos are pretty hot for civilians.” Dillon grinned at Gaige, and he wanted to punch the other man in the face for seeing him work Lilith over. It was irrational. At some point, everyone had seen everyone else fuck at The Cage. “You can salvage this mess and save your ass. Come to The Cage tonight.”

  Flynn growled at Dillon, and Gaige wondered what his problem was. He was pushing Gaige just as hard. Rubbing a hand over his face, Gaige thought about what he had seen in Eric Danvers’ office. At the time, his brain had focused solely on the fact that Lilith was leaning over her boss’s desk with her ass reddened from his discipline. The anger and humiliation at believing she had gone to another Dom had been overwhelming.

  He even knew that Eric’s words at the time had been correct. Gaige had delivered hundreds of disciplinary spankings to other Doms’ subs and been strictly nonsexual. Hell, if he had walked in on the same scene with Jasmine, Gaige would have likely pulled the front of his pants down and commanded her to take his cock. Gaige looked at his two friends. Flynn had been his best friend for most of his life and Dillon had been an irritating but loyal companion throughout most of his BDSM journey.

  “Guess I’m going to have to do a little grovelling where Eric is concerned.” Gaige pursed his lips. “Do you think Lilith will be at the club?”

  “I think you’ll find that Eric is more sympathetic than you think,” Flynn reassured Gaige, but he wasn’t really buying it.