The Pledge

by Chandra Sparks Taylor

  “Baby, I am so sorry about the way I treated you last night,” he said.

  Seeing him cry made me cry, too. “It’s okay,” I said. “I know you didn’t mean it.”

  “Courtland, I would never hurt you,” he said. “Please forgive me. I promise you it won’t ever happen again.”

  I listened as he was talking, and I remembered my aunt Dani telling me men always did crazy things because they loved you. She said since Allen was famous, he was under a lot of pressure, and I had to be extra understanding, especially if he put his hands on me or called me out of my name. She said as long as he apologized and bought me a nice gift, I should be cool with whatever he did. Part of me didn’t believe her, but then another part of me thought she might be right, since she had dated a lot of men.

  Once Allen was finished, I shook my head. “I know you’re sorry, but I think we should take a break from each other,” I said.

  He broke down and cried so hard tears were dripping off his chin. “Please don’t do this,” he said. “I love you, Courtland. Let me make this right.”

  His words really were touching me. I wanted to believe him, I really did, but I was scared to. He lifted my wrist again and started kissing it. “I will never hurt you again, Courtland. I know I shouldn’t have gotten so mad last night, but when you accused me of seeing someone else, I was just so hurt….” He took a deep breath. “Please let me show you I can be the man you need.”

  I realized what he said was true. If I hadn’t brought up that whole hickey incident, none of this would have happened. I was as much to blame as he was. He kissed me on the lips, and I crumbled.

  “You have to promise you’ll never put your hands on me again,” I said.

  He quickly nodded. “I promise. If I do, you can leave,” he said.

  “Okay,” I agreed, and just like that, we were back together.

  I was really looking forward to the Worth the Wait meeting after school that week. I had a lot of questions running through my mind, and I needed some advice from people who I didn’t think would judge me.

  I had convinced Bree to come to a couple of meetings with me, and she liked them so much that she had joined, too. We were just getting settled when I looked toward the door and frowned.

  “What’s she doing here?” I whispered to Bree, who glanced at the door without being obvious.

  “Andrea said she wanted us to invite people of different races,” she reminded me.

  “I thought she meant Hispanics and stuff,” I said. A girl named Jennifer Perez had recently joined, and she was cool, but I didn’t know how I felt about a white girl joining, especially this white girl.

  Emily Arrington was on our rival cheerleading team. Although we obviously had a few things in common, I didn’t like the fact that I would now have to share Worth the Wait with her.

  “What are you doing here?” she came up to me and asked.

  “I need to be asking you that,” I said, rolling my eyes at her.

  She tossed her hair and took a seat in the chair right next to me. “I heard about this club, and I thought I would come check it out. Do you have a problem with that?”

  I didn’t bother to answer.

  “Well, I see we have someone new today,” our adviser, Andrea, said. She walked over and gave Emily a hug. “Welcome.”

  “Thanks,” Emily said, giving her biggest cheerleader smile.

  I gave her a half smile and rolled my eyes again, knowing she was being fake.

  “You guys ready to get started?” Andrea asked.

  We all got settled, then after prayer and Bible study, we got right into our discussion. I thought about not bringing up my question because Emily was there, but I really wanted to know.

  “If you really love someone and plan to marry them anyway, do you have to wait until you get married to sleep with them?” I asked.

  “Of course you do. You made a pledge, girl,” someone said.

  “If you’re in love with each other and plan to get married anyway, then I say do it,” Bree said, and I looked at her in surprise.

  “What about the vow we took?” I asked.

  “I say you need to keep your vow,” Jennifer said. “You’re breaking a promise to yourself. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

  “Of course it does,” I said. “Let me ask you—do you have a boyfriend?”

  “No,” Jennifer said defensively. “Why?”

  “Because it’s easy to say what you won’t do when you don’t have that temptation staring you in the face,” Emily said, and as much as I didn’t want to, I found myself agreeing with her.

  “So what are some ways you can avoid temptation?” Andrea asked.

  We all grew quiet as we sat deep in thought.

  “You can avoid being alone with guys,” someone said.

  “Is that realistic?” someone else asked.

  “For me it is,” Jennifer said. She turned to me. “I had a boyfriend, but we broke up because I wouldn’t have sex with him. He came with that old tired line, ‘If you really loved me…’ I was like, ‘Boy, please, if you love me, you’ll wait.’ He broke up with me the next week, and I’m not going to lie and say it didn’t hurt, but then I thought about how I would have been feeling if I had slept with him and then he would have broken up with me.”

  I hadn’t thought about it like that, but what Jennifer said made sense. Until Allen put a ring on my finger and actually became my husband, there was no guarantee he would marry me, so what was to stop him from walking away if I gave in? Still, that didn’t change the fact that I was feeling some serious things that I had never had to deal with before.

  I had tried talking with Aunt Dani about my feelings, and she had encouraged me to act on them, but deep down, I didn’t feel like that was the right thing to do.

  “I say there’s nothing wrong with sleeping with someone if the two of you really love each other,” Emily said.

  A few of us looked at her like she was crazy.

  “If you feel that way, why are you here?” Jennifer asked.

  “Because guys find virgins sexy,” Emily said. “They all want to think they’ll be the ones to make you change your mind. If the right guy comes along, I’m down. If I really loved him, I wouldn’t mind having his baby before we got married, too. That way, I would have a part of him with me forever.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I sat waiting for Andrea to tell Emily she had to leave, since she seemed to have joined the group for all the wrong reasons, but she didn’t. Instead she said, “I’m sorry you feel that way, Emily. I really hope you’ll change your mind after you’ve been with us for a while.”

  Emily just shrugged and pulled out her phone to send a text message to someone.

  We continued our discussion for the next hour, but by the time we were done, I still didn’t have any clear answers about whether I should move my relationship with Allen to the next level. He said he loved me, and I loved him, but was that enough to make me break my pledge?

  six

  Allen was true to his word. He went out of his way to be a great boyfriend. When we competed during regionals, he was sitting right there with Momma, Cory, Aunt Dani and the members of Worth the Wait, cheering me on. He even ran out onto the mat when we took first place and swung me around.

  Daddy muttered something about public displays of affection when he saw that little scene played out on the news, but that was his problem.

  Basketball season was in full swing, so Allen and I really only saw each other during school and sometimes Saturday nights or Sunday afternoons if he didn’t have to play. He came to my church a couple of times, and the members started to joke that he should join.

  He even let me meet his father, after I asked, then afterward we stopped by his mom and stepdad’s house. They were actually very cool. They spoiled Allen rotten since he was the only child. I thought his mother might try and act funny with me since I had heard that women can be protective of their only sons, but she ac
ted like she really liked me.

  Allen’s mom and stepdad seemed to really enjoy being together. All through dinner they held hands and joked with each other. I had never seen anything like it in my life. My parents couldn’t spend ten minutes in the same room without tension.

  On the drive home, I was kind of quiet. Allen finally glanced at me and said, “Are you okay?”

  I smiled at him. “Yeah, I’m cool,” I said. “I was just thinking about your mom and stepdad. Are they always that affectionate?”

  Allen shrugged. “I guess. If you ask me, they’re too old for that.”

  I laughed. “I think it’s sweet. How long have they been married?”

  “About twelve years. They were high school sweethearts, but they broke up for a couple of years during college and my mom married my dad. After my parents divorced, she ran into my stepdad and they realized they couldn’t live without each other, so they got married,” he said. “What about your parents? How long have they been married?”

  “Actually they never did get married,” I admitted. I rarely told anyone that since most people just assumed they were.

  “Why not?” Allen asked, looking at me in surprise.

  “Momma said Daddy doesn’t believe in marriage. They’ve been living together since before I was born, so Momma said in the eyes of the law they are married.”

  “But she wears a wedding band,” Allen said.

  “Because she’s really committed to my dad,” I said, shrugging. It occurred to me for the first time that my dad didn’t wear a ring, so did that mean he wasn’t committed to Momma?

  “How do you feel about them not being married?” he asked.

  I thought about his question. “Most of the time it doesn’t bother me. I feel bad for Momma though. When we talk about when I get married one day, there’s this look in her eyes, like she really wishes she could experience that.”

  “Well, when we get married, we’ll make sure to include her in the planning,” he said, taking his hand off the steering wheel to hold mine.

  I tried not to grin, but I couldn’t help it. “You want to marry me?” I asked.

  Allen didn’t speak until we came to a traffic light, then he turned to look at me. “Of course I do,” he said. He stared deep into my eyes. “Courtland, do you know how much I love you? I still can’t believe that you love me, too,” he said in wonder. “I want to spend my life with you.”

  The light changed, and Allen continued driving. When he pulled up at my house, he shut off the engine and looked at me.

  “I want to spend my life with you, too,” I admitted, then hesitated.

  “What?” he asked, grabbing my hand.

  “It’s just that this time next year you’ll be playing for the NBA, and who knows where you’ll be. I still have another year of high school—”

  “Girl, don’t worry. By then, I’ll be making so much money I’ll be able to fly you to come see me every weekend.”

  “You’d do that?”

  “No doubt,” he said, nodding. “I want you wherever I am. You haven’t realized that yet?” He leaned over to kiss me, and everything else seemed to disappear. “I love you, Courtland,” he whispered when we broke apart.

  “I love you, Allen,” I said.

  seven

  My focus was totally off at cheerleading practice a few days later, and as I was doing a backflip, I landed awkwardly and ended up spraining my ankle. The doctor made me use crutches and miss practice for a couple of weeks, which was not cool at all because we were training for the national competition in Orlando in January.

  After a few days, my ankle started feeling better, so I went back to practice. Although my coach refused to let me do any stunts, I did work on my hand movements and making sure our routine was on point.

  Candy had offered to drop me off after practice, but I had told her no. Every since she told me that stuff about Allen and his ex, I had become kind of distant. How could I really be cool with a girl who was hating on my man?

  I had just changed for practice one afternoon and was trying to decide if I had time to toss a few baskets when a voice stopped me.

  “Dang, girl, you looking good these days,” he said. “What happened to that fat little girl I went to elementary school with?”

  I turned around, already knowing it was Nathaniel Dixon. We had known each other since kindergarten.

  “What’s going on?” I said, going to give him a hug.

  “Apparently you,” he said. He looked me up and down, taking in my sports bra and biking shorts, which showed off my shape and my six-pack.

  “You are so silly,” I said, shoving him and laughing. Nathaniel really was a cutie. When we were in elementary school, I had a serious crush on him, but he never seemed to be interested. “So what have you been up to? I hardly ever see you.” I smiled and nodded at a couple of Allen’s teammates who were walking past before I refocused on Nathaniel.

  “Yeah, I got a job after school, so that’s been keeping me busy.”

  I nodded and glanced up at the clock on the wall. Practice wasn’t scheduled to begin for about ten minutes. “Where are you working?”

  “At the Publix in Homewood,” he said. “They have me bagging groceries, but the money is good, so that’s cool.”

  We stood in silence for a few seconds before he looked at me. “I have a favor to ask,” he said.

  “What’s up?” I asked.

  “I’m not doing too well in math this semester, and I need your help. Can we get together during study hall?”

  “I can’t,” I said. “I tutor my boyfriend then.”

  Nathaniel nodded. “So what’s up with you and Mr. NBA? I hear things are pretty heavy between you.”

  “We’re good,” I said, smiling.

  “He’s treating you right?”

  I looked at him and laughed. “Do you have to ask?” I said as the image of Allen grabbing me entered my mind. As always when it did, I pushed it away.

  “Cool,” Nathaniel said. “I just wanted to make sure. Do you think we can get together on Sunday afternoons, then? I would say after school, but like I said, I got this job, and I don’t have the time.”

  I thought about all I had going on. Between school, cheerleading, helping Bree with dance class, Allen and Worth the Wait, I didn’t have a lot of free time, but I really wanted to help my friend. “Okay,” I said.

  Nathaniel nodded. “That’s cool. My parents won’t let me work on Sundays, anyway. Is your home number still the same?”

  “Yeah, but let me give you my cell number.” I realized I didn’t have anything to write it on, but Nathaniel had his phone, so he stored it in there.

  “If I don’t see you at school on Friday, I’ll give you a call Saturday to confirm,” he said.

  “All right.”

  He gave me a hug, and I went to practice. Nationals was about six weeks away, so we had our routine together. We just had to make sure we were in sync.

  By the time practice ended two hours later, I was tired and sweaty. I rushed to take a shower so that I could meet Allen, who had started taking me home after practice.

  Allen was standing by his car talking to his teammates I’d seen earlier. He looked mad about something, but I ignored it.

  “Hey, baby,” I said, kissing him on the lips.

  He nodded to his boys. “I’ll get up with y’all later. Thanks for the info,” he said before climbing into the driver’s seat.

  I smiled at his friends, then quickly looked at the ground. Allen hated when I talked to them, but I didn’t want to be rude, so I compromised by at least acknowledging them.

  “You hungry?” I asked as we were pulling out of the parking lot.

  He didn’t bother to respond, but I knew he heard me because a few minutes later he drove to Milo’s, a local hamburger place that has these really good hamburgers and seasoned fries. Come to think of it, they have good ice, too. It’s kind of a mix between crushed and shaved. I can just eat a cup of it by itsel
f.

  Allen parked and we walked in to place our orders. Once we had our food and were seated, I dug in, but Allen was just sitting staring into space, clenching his jaw.

  “What’s wrong with you?” I asked, adding ketchup and mustard to my burger.

  He finally looked at me, and he was so angry that I stopped what I was doing to focus on him. I touched his hand. “Baby, what’s wrong?” I asked.

  He snatched his hand away from me, and I frowned.

  “You want to tell me what’s going on?” I asked.

  Allen flexed his jaw, took a deep breath like he was trying to calm down, then said, “Why am I hearing from my boys that my girl was outside the locker room half-naked and all hugged up with some dude?”

  I looked at Allen and laughed. “Boy, what are you talking about?” I said.

  “Did I say something funny?” he asked.

  I picked up my burger and took a bite. “You’re serious?” I said. “Why would I be hugged up with some dude in a place where I know your friends can see me?”

  Allen got even madder. “So does that mean you’re with someone in places where you can’t be seen?”

  I put down my burger, trying not to get mad. “What are you saying, Allen?”

  “Don’t try and flip this, Courtland. Were you or were you not hugged up with some dude outside the locker room?”

  It really did take me a second to figure out what he was talking about. “Do you mean Nathaniel?” I asked, chewing thoughtfully on a fry.

  “Don’t play dumb with me, Courtland. Have you been with so many men that you can’t remember them all?”

  I snorted under my breath. “Allen,” I said as quietly as I could, “you got one more time to come out your face accusing me of something. Nathaniel and I have known each other since kindergarten, and if your idiot friends had stuck around long enough, they would have realized that there was nothing going on between us.”

  “So why did you give him your number?” Allen asked.

  I really thought seriously about whether I was going to answer him. I couldn’t believe he was tripping over something so innocent. “Because,” I said slowly, like I was talking to a four-year-old, “he wants me to tutor him in math. We’re going to get together on Sunday afternoons, not that it’s any of your business.”