“Ma’am, can I help you?” a woman asked.
I threw the medicine on the counter, and just as I was about to give up looking for my money, which I thought was in my purse, I finally remembered I had put the money in my jeans pocket.
“Will that be all?” the woman asked.
“Yes,” I said, looking at the woman for the first time. “Andrea? I didn’t know you worked here,” I said to my Worth the Wait adviser.
“Hey, Courtland. I just started a few weeks ago.
“Will that be all?” she asked, and I wondered if she’d seen me looking at the condoms earlier.
I nodded.
She gave me the price and I handed her the money, waiting on her to say something, but she didn’t. Instead, she gave me my change and said, “Have a nice day.”
“You, too,” I said, praying she didn’t tell my mother.
Two nights later Allen and I agreed he would meet me at the corner down the street from my house after my parents fell asleep. Momma still wasn’t feeling well, and I knew her medicine would knock her out, since she had had to get a prescription from the doctor that morning for the flu. Daddy was at work and wasn’t scheduled to get off until around eight the next morning, so I figured I was good.
I tried to be as casual as possible when I stuck my head in Momma’s room to check on her. “You need anything?” I asked.
She could barely keep her eyes open. “No, baby. I’m fine. I’m just going to bed.”
“Okay. I am, too,” I said, pointing at my robe for emphasis. “I’ll check on Cory, then I’m going to call it a night.”
“I love you, Courtland. Thanks for all your help,” she said, and she was asleep before I could respond.
Cory was playing her video game, but I made her go to bed, and when I was sure she was asleep, I slipped off my robe, smoothed my jeans and straightened my sweater, then I glanced at myself in the mirror, praying Allen would like my outfit. He had criticized the stuff I had worn a few times, and some stuff he had told me I could never wear in public again, like my favorite Apple Bottom jeans, which he said showed my butt too much.
I headed to the window and climbed through like Aunt Dani had shown me, wondering after I made it to the ground why I didn’t just use the front door. I giggled at my silliness, then headed to the corner where I was supposed to meet Allen. It was only January, and the day had been pretty warm, so I didn’t think I needed a jacket, but I was wrong. It had gotten colder and I stood there shivering for ten minutes before I finally texted Allen to see what was taking so long.
It took him five minutes to respond that he was about ten minutes away. I thought about telling him to forget about it, but part of me really wanted to see him.
I had been waiting thirty minutes when Allen finally showed up. He didn’t even bother to get out of his truck to help me in. Instead he reached across the passenger seat and flung open the door.
“Hey,” I said, trying to hide my annoyance at having to wait.
“Hey,” he said, looking me up and down. “Where’s your coat?”
“I didn’t think it was this cold out, and I wasn’t expecting to have to wait out here this long.”
“Yeah, I had to meet with some people,” he said, not bothering to apologize.
“Where are we going?”
“I figured we could just go chill for a while.”
“Can’t we go get something to eat?” I asked.
He sighed. “I guess.” He put the car in Drive, then sat there for a minute before putting the car back in Park. “Look, I’m not going to spend any more money on you if you’re not going to put out.”
“What?” I asked weakly.
He kept going like I hadn’t spoken. “Look, with everything I’ve been through lately, I don’t have time to play games anymore. You’re cool and all, but I didn’t think it would take this long.”
“You didn’t think what would take this long?” I asked.
“Getting you. It’s been almost six months now, and nothing’s changed. I can’t always be spending money on you when I’m not getting anything in return. I knew I shouldn’t have bet Noah—”
“You made a bet about me?” I asked, not believing what I was hearing.
He laughed. “Yeah. I remember when you were a freshman, thinking you were better than folks. That night at the fountain, I told my boy Noah I’d be able to break you. We bet ten dollars that I could do it.”
“Why are you telling me this now?” I asked, feeling sick to my stomach. Noah had tried to run game that night, then had turned around and made a bet on me.
“Because I’m tired of playing games. I know you don’t want to be a virgin anymore. It’s all over you. I thought you wanted a gentleman, but since you still weren’t giving it up, it occurred to me that maybe you’re one of those chicks who’s into guys dogging you. I grabbed you and you kept on coming back, like a dog to his bone.”
I sat there with my mouth wide open, not knowing what to say or feel. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked.
“Courtland, you know you like it.”
Tears filled my eyes. I couldn’t believe I had been so stupid. Allen had never loved me. Our whole relationship had been a lie.
He put the car in Drive and hit the gas, throwing me off the seat, since I hadn’t bothered to put on my seat belt.
“What are you doing?” I screamed, trying desperately to find something to hold on to.
“I’m sick of these games, Courtland.” He grabbed my wrist and pinned me close to his side. “They’re going to end tonight.”
“Allen, you’re hurting me. Let me go,” I cried as he drove faster and faster, driving through yellow traffic lights and barely missing a car before he jumped on the highway. He was going so fast, I couldn’t read the road signs to see where we were going. I had never been so terrified in my life.
I tried reaching for my purse so I could dial 911, but I only had one hand free, and I was using that to hold on to the dashboard.
“Please, just let me go,” I pleaded. “I’ll do whatever you want if you just let me go.”
He slammed on the brakes, then turned and looked at me, and as well as I thought I had gotten to know him, I didn’t recognize this guy sitting next to me. “Why didn’t you just say that to begin with?” he said, placing his hand on my thigh. It made my flesh crawl in revulsion.
He drove to a nearby school, parked, then reached for his belt buckle, and I took a deep breath. I had dreamed about my first time almost as much as I had about dating, and I never thought it would be like this.
Allen reached for me and placed a sloppy kiss on my lips, then he leaned back and reached for the bottom of his shirt and looked up at me with a grin. I used that moment to fire every ounce of pepper spray in the canister on my key ring into his eyes.
As he screamed in agony, louder than any girl I had ever heard, I reached for the door handle, bolted out of the car, then ran with everything I had in me, looking behind me every few seconds to see if Allen was coming after me.
I ran for what felt like miles, ignoring the burning in my chest, determined to put as much distance as possible between Allen and me. When I finally came to a stop, I had no clue where I was. I reached in my purse for my cell phone, only to discover I didn’t have it. I groaned, wondering if the night could get any worse.
I started walking, praying I would come across a pay phone, but after ten minutes I still didn’t see one. Finally I sank to the ground and started crying. I couldn’t believe how stupid I had been. I thought Allen loved me.
I glanced at my watch and realized it was almost four in the morning. I didn’t know where I was, and I didn’t have any way to get home. I didn’t even have my emergency twenty dollars, since I had spent it a few weeks ago when Aunt Dani and I had gone to Chick-fil-A. I thought about going to someone’s house to ask if I could use their phone, but what was I going to say to them and to my mother when I asked
her to come get me?
Instead, I just got up and started walking again, ignoring the cold air and my icy tears, praying God would get me out of this situation.
My prayers were answered when I saw a car headed toward me. Before I could flag it down, the driver spotted me and pulled over.
“What are you doing out here so late by yourself?” a man asked.
Part of me was scared to approach his car. All my life, Momma had drilled into my head to never talk to strangers, and I knew I definitely shouldn’t get in the car with one, but what else was I supposed to do? I just started crying.
He stopped the car and walked over to me. “It’s okay,” he said, placing his warm jacket around me. “Are you hurt?”
I shook my head and he led me back to the car.
“Want to tell me what happened?”
“My boyfriend and I, we…” I swiped at the fresh tears and took a deep breath.
“Take your time,” he said.
“He tried to rape…rape me,” I said softly.
The man sighed. “Did he?”
I shook my head, staring at the floor.
“Let’s get you home.”
“No.” I looked up, my eyes wide with fear. “I can’t let you take me home. I wasn’t supposed to be out tonight, and I can’t tell my parents what happened.”
“You can’t or you won’t?” he said. “What’s your name?”
I opened my mouth to tell him, but realized he might know my parents. “Courtland Dennis,” I said, using Aunt Dani’s last name.
“Courtland, I’m sure your parents are worried sick. It’s a little over four o’clock in the morning. We need to get you home. Where do you live?”
“West End,” I said.
“What are you doing all the way in Hoover?” he asked.
I shook my head. I was at least twenty minutes from home if I was driving. What he said clicked. “We’re in Hoover?”
“Yes.”
“My aunt lives somewhere around here. Can you take me to her house?”
He took off his cap and rubbed his low-cut hair. “I really shouldn’t,” he said.
“Please.”
He started up the car. “Where does she live?” he asked.
“Off Lakeshore Drive, near Ross Bridge.”
We headed in that direction and I realized I had stopped about two blocks from the 1-65 entrance ramp. I gave him directions, and we headed to Aunt Dani’s. I just hoped she was home.
I had been banging on Aunt Dani’s door for ten minutes straight when the man who said his name was Mr. Matthews finally convinced me she wasn’t home. I slunk back to his car, trying to figure out what to do. The sun would be up soon, and I knew my momma would be awake any minute. She always got up while it was still dark out. Even though she was sick, that didn’t stop her from dragging herself out of bed at her usual time for her daily devotion and to make breakfast for Cory and me.
Thinking of breakfast reminded me it was the day before we left for the competition in Orlando, and we really were supposed to meet at school early to have a celebration breakfast, sort of our last chance to bond before we got on the road the next day. Later that afternoon we were having a pep rally, then one final practice before we headed home supposedly to get a good night’s sleep, but I had a Worth the Wait meeting.
The competition was really the last thing on my mind, but I knew I couldn’t let my squad down.
I asked for his cell phone, ignoring Mr. Matthews’s curious look.
The phone rang a couple of times before my mother, still sounding half-asleep, answered.
“Hey, Momma,” I said.
“Courtland?” I heard a rustling sound and figured she was sitting up. “Where are you?”
“At school,” I said, fighting the urge to look at Mr. Matthews and be busted for my lie and praying his name didn’t show up on the caller ID. “Remember we have the team breakfast this morning? I had to help decorate.”
Momma sighed. “I guess I forgot,” she said. “Why didn’t you wake me?”
“I started to, but you looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to disturb you. I called Candy and she picked me up, but I was in such a hurry that I left my uniform. I’m going to see if Bree can stop by and get it,” I said. “I forgot to leave you a note to let you know I had already left, so I was going to leave it on the voice mail.”
“Okay, baby,” she said, fighting a yawn.
“Okay,” I said and hung up before I had to tell any more lies. I dialed Bree.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey. Can you stop by my house and get my uniform and a change of clothes? I’ll meet you at school and explain everything.”
“Okay,” she said before I had even finished asking.
“Cool. See you in a few.”
I hung up the phone, slumped back in my seat and closed my eyes.
“I’m sure you’re exhausted after all those lies,” Mr. Matthews said.
I opened one eye and looked at him. “I am,” I said. “Can you drop me off at school?” I sat up, suddenly realizing it wouldn’t look good if I showed up in a strange man’s car. “Wait. Just drop me off down the street. I don’t want anyone to see me with you. The last thing I need is for folks to start talking.”
eleven
It took a lot of begging on my part, but Mr. Matthews finally agreed to drop me off near the school. I called Bree back to let her know where to meet me, then we rode in silence until we made it to the McDonald’s two blocks away from school. It wasn’t until we were pulling up that I remembered that everyone hung out there, but since it was early in the morning, not too many people were around.
Mr. Matthews cruised to a stop, and I reached for the door handle, but his hand on my arm kept me from getting out.
“I don’t know who did this to you, but you’re not helping him any by not saying anything,” he said.
I opened my mouth to speak, but he stopped me. “I’ve got a daughter about your age, and I would be sick if some creep put his hands on her, but I would be hurt if she didn’t tell me. Don’t you think your parents need to know?”
“I’ll tell them,” I said, not sure if I really would. The more I thought about it, maybe I had overreacted. In all the time I had known Allen, he had never really done anything as crazy as last night. The more I thought about it, the more I tried to tell myself he had been drinking, but that didn’t change the fact that he had wanted to sleep with me to win a bet. Momma said Daddy acted differently when he had been drinking, so maybe that’s why Allen had acted the way he did.
“I hope you will,” he said quietly. “I don’t want to have to go to your father.”
My eyes got huge.
“There aren’t too many kids named Courtland,” he said. “Your father talks about you all the time during our AA meetings.”
“He does?” I asked, genuinely surprised.
He chuckled. “You girls have him wrapped around your finger. He would do anything for you, including kill anyone who messed with you.”
Before I could stop myself, I started laughing. “You must have me mixed up with someone else,” I said. “My dad doesn’t care about me and my sister. He barely talks to us.”
“Maybe he doesn’t know how,” Mr. Matthews said.
I thought about that, and it made me kind of sad. “All he has to do is just talk,” I said, wondering why that would be so hard.
“Maybe he doesn’t know what to say.”
I started to respond, but I saw Nathaniel’s car pulling up and Bree hopped out of the passenger side. She looked around and I stuck my hand out of the window to get her attention. She spotted me and grinned, then frowned when she realized I was in a strange car.
“You adults have too many issues for me. Why wouldn’t he know what to say to his own daughter?”
I flung the door open and got out, then stuck my head back in. “Thanks for the ride, and I appreciate your not saying anything.” I added the last part for good measure, hopin
g he would keep his mouth shut.
“Hey, girl,” I said, running over to Bree. I grabbed her arm and led her toward Nathaniel’s car.
“What’s going on?” Bree asked in confusion, glancing back at Mr. Matthews, who was just pulling off. “Why were you in that man’s car?”
She and Nathaniel looked at me, waiting for an answer, and I opened my mouth to respond, but the words wouldn’t come. I replayed the night before in my mind, and I wondered if anyone would believe me. Allen Benson was my boyfriend. Why would he try and rape me? Everyone knew he could have any girl he wanted, including me.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
I nodded and Bree looked like she was going to say something else, but she glanced at Nathaniel and he shook his head, telling her to chill.
I raised an eyebrow.
Bree sighed. “When you’re ready to talk, let me know.”
On the short drive to school, I watched as Bree and Nathaniel joked around—not that they usually didn’t, but this time was different. A couple of times she leaned toward him as much as the seat belt would allow, and when we got to school, they kissed.
“Woah,” I said, shaking my head in amazement. “When did this happen?”
Bree grinned. “Officially last night, but unofficially we’ve been studying together for a while now.”
“And neither of you told me?” I asked, looking between the two of them.
“I told you I was going to ask her to help me,” Nathaniel said.
“And I’ve tried to call you,” Bree said, “but somebody can’t return a phone call.”
“You know I’ve had things on my mind,” I said. We said goodbye to Nathaniel, then headed toward the locker room so I could shower and change clothes.
“Okay, what’s up?” I said. “I thought you were dating that other guy. What’s his name?”
“Jonathan. Girl, we broke up almost as soon as we got together.”
I nodded. “You remembered to bring a change of clothes, right?” I asked, taking a Wal-Mart bag from her.
“Yeah,” she said. “Your mother seemed kind of suspicious. I tried not to say much.” She walked around the locker room, checking to see if anyone else was in it. When she was done, she turned to me. “Tell me what happened.”
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