The Pledge

by Chandra Sparks Taylor

  “We should do this more often,” Momma said when she was done.

  “No, we shouldn’t,” I said. “There’s no way I want to go back to the old Courtland.” I got a mental picture of me being fat, and shuddered.

  “What was so wrong with the old Courtland?”

  “I was fat,” I said. “No one liked me back then. Everybody thought I was stuck-up because I was too shy to say anything to anyone.”

  “No one like who? Allen?” she said.

  I nodded. “It wasn’t just him. There were a lot of kids who wouldn’t think of talking to me back then. Now we’re friends.”

  “Are you really?” Momma asked.

  “Yeah,” I said, but suddenly I wasn’t so sure. A lot of the kids I thought I was cool with really hadn’t had much to say to me, especially after they found out Allen and I had broken up.

  “What about Bree?” she asked. She saw someone she knew going into Ben and Jerry’s and smiled, then turned back to me.

  “Bree’s always been my friend. She’ll always be my friend,” I said.

  “I think so, too, but what makes you say that?”

  I shrugged. “She just has my back,” I said. “I can talk to her about anything, and I don’t have to worry she’s going to run and tell someone.”

  “Do you think that’s true of me?”

  “Sometimes,” I said, not really wanting to hurt her feelings. “I talk to you about most things, but there are a few things I don’t think you would understand.”

  “Like what?” she said.

  “I did sneak out to see Allen last night,” I said, not believing I had let the words come out.

  I waited for Momma to start yelling and screaming, but she just calmly sat there. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

  I started replaying the night before in my mind, and it just became too much. The tears started gushing out.

  “Oh, Courtland,” Momma said, reaching out to hug me. “What did you do?”

  “What makes you think I did something?” I asked, pulling back to look at her.

  “Why else would you be acting this way if you hadn’t slept with him?” she said.

  I laughed under my breath as I dried my tears with the sleeve of my shirt. “I don’t know, Momma,” I said. I was suddenly glad she hadn’t let me finish the story. Obviously she wasn’t going to believe me anyway. She had already made up her mind that I had done something wrong.

  She stared at me for a few seconds, but I refused to look at her. “Courtland, please talk to me,” she said. “I’m sorry for making assumptions. Tell me what happened. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”

  “Nothing happened, Momma,” I said dryly.

  “Are you sure?” she said.

  “Positive. Can we go?”

  She sighed and started the car. When we pulled into the driveway, I reached for the door handle, and she grabbed my arm. I jerked away from her, her touch reminding me of the time Allen had grabbed me.

  “What’s your problem?” she asked.

  With everything in me I wanted to say “you,” but I knew if I did there was no way I would make it out of the car alive. “I’m just tired,” I said.

  “Courtland, I know you might not think you can talk to me, but you can. If you won’t open up to me, please talk to someone.”

  “Okay, I’ll talk to Aunt Dani,” I said, just to get her to stop talking.

  I saw Momma shaking her head out of the corner of my eye. “I’d prefer you find someone else. How about Andrea?”

  I looked at her. “Why can’t I talk to Aunt Dani?”

  “I just don’t think she has the best judgment,” she said. “She’s pretty immature for her age, and she hangs around too many men—at least she used to. I don’t want her influencing you.”

  “But she’s your sister,” I said.

  “We’re half sisters,” she said. “Our mothers had totally different ways of parenting. You know your grandmother didn’t play.”

  I nodded and laughed. “I remember all those stories she used to tell about you getting into trouble while you were growing up. You spent a lot of time on punishment.”

  Momma laughed and shook her head. “It wasn’t punishment. I was getting my behind beat, and not just by my parents. Back then everybody could beat you—teachers, principals, neighbors, the drunk on the street. Then you’d get beat when you got home. I promised myself I would never do that to my own kids.”

  “But you whipped me when I was younger,” I said.

  “Yeah, that’s true. You’ll learn when you become a mother that you find yourself doing a lot of things you never thought you would do.”

  “Does that include getting married?” I asked.

  “Yeah, including marriage,” Momma said, sounding a little sad. “I always thought I would have this huge wedding. All my friends would be bridesmaids…. That wasn’t meant to be.”

  “Why not?” I asked.

  “To be honest with you, it’s because I didn’t love myself enough. I loved your father, but he didn’t want to get married, and instead of just walking away or demanding that he do right by me, I decided to settle for what he was willing to give.”

  “Why don’t you walk away now?” I asked, really wanting to know.

  “You kids are a big part of it, but honestly, I love your father. For a while things were rough between us, but since the break-in, they’ve gotten much better. We have the relationship I’ve been praying for for years. He’s going to church with us now, and he’s even put in to have his shift changed so he can spend more time with us. He’s attending AA, and I’ve been thinking maybe you, your sister and I should go to Al-Anon.”

  “What’s that?”

  “It’s a support group for the families of alcoholics.”

  “You really think we should go?” I asked.

  “I really do,” she said. “He wants to be involved in our lives now. We just have to let him.”

  “I would like that,” I said, realizing I meant it. Daddy and I didn’t have the relationship we once had, but it was better than it used to be.

  “I would, too,” she said.

  “So do you love yourself now?” I asked.

  “I’m getting there,” she said without hesitation.

  “So why don’t you demand he marry you?”

  She looked surprised at my question. “I guess I really hadn’t thought about it. I’m so used to how things are, but you’re right—you have to teach people how to treat you.”

  “What does that mean?” I asked, wrinkling my nose.

  “It means people will do to you what you allow. If someone curses at you and you don’t say anything about it, they are going to curse at you again. If they hit you and you don’t say anything, they’ll hit you again. By not doing anything, you’ve taught them that what they’re doing is acceptable.”

  I thought about what she said and realized she was right. Although I had said something to Allen the first time he put his hands on me, when I had taken him back, I had taught him that I was willing to accept that type of behavior, which was why he kept getting worse and worse. I made up my mind right then it would never happen again.

  “Do you love yourself?” Momma asked, staring at me.

  “I’m getting there, too,” I said.

  She looked like she wanted to say something, but she hesitated. “If there’s anything I can do to help you get there, let me know.”

  I nodded. “I will.”

  “I love you, Courtland, and I’m really proud of you.”

  “What have I done for you to be proud of?” I asked.

  “You’ve always been a good kid. Now look at you. This time next year you’ll be getting ready to graduate from high school.” Her eyes filled with tears. “It seems like just yesterday you were starting school.”

  “Momma,” I whined. Every now and then she would get sentimental, and it normally didn’t bother me, but with all that had happened over the last day, I couldn’t dea
l with anything else so heavy.

  I didn’t even bother to change into my pajamas before I climbed into bed that night. When I woke up, the sun was shining bright, and I was shocked to see it was almost one o’clock in the afternoon.

  I jumped up, thinking I was late for school, but then I remembered my suspension. I went to the bathroom and was headed downstairs to get something to eat when my cell phone beeped, indicating I had new messages.

  Aunt Dani had surprised me with a new phone just like hers that allowed you to surf the Internet and do video e-mails because she said she couldn’t have her niece walking around with a bootleg prepaid phone. It was nice, but I didn’t think it was worth all the money she had paid. I mainly just used it for texting and checking my e-mail. She had paid the bill on the first couple of months, but then she told me I had to pay it. I was thinking about going back to my prepaid one because I couldn’t afford the monthly bill.

  I had ten voice messages when I checked.

  “Courtland, we won,” Candy yelled into my voice mail. I could barely hear her for all the noise in the background.

  “For real?” I said before I realized she wasn’t really on the phone. I started jumping around, excited for my team, even if I couldn’t be there. They’d flown to Orlando early that morning, and it looked like they weren’t playing about handling their business.

  We would be recognized as state champions for the next year, and as cheerleading co-captain, I couldn’t help but be proud. There was a good chance I would be voted captain next year, since Candy was graduating, and our team would have major bragging rights. But the more I thought about the cheerleading squad, the more I was starting to question the idea of being a member of the squad at all next year. I had come to enjoy it, but I thought about what Momma had said about learning to love yourself. I realized in order to do that, I had to be true to myself, and truthfully, I wanted to play basketball.

  I was only half listening to the next message when it started to play, and after hearing it I frowned and replayed it.

  “Hey, baby, I was just calling to check on you—make sure you were okay after our argument the other day. I was hoping we could get together tonight.”

  “I can’t believe this boy had the nerve to call me,” I muttered, listening to Allen’s message one more time. I tried to ignore the way his voice sent chills down my spine.

  I listened to the other messages as I tried to figure out whether I should call him back. He had left three more messages, and in each one he sounded a little sadder.

  He had also texted me a couple of times. I had just put down the phone when it rang. Before I could stop myself, I answered it, and I was relieved when I realized it wasn’t Allen.

  “Courtland,” a male voice said.

  “Yes?”

  “This is Miles.”

  “Oh, hey,” I said to Aunt Dani’s boyfriend. “How’d you get my number?”

  “I had to sneak and get it out of your aunt’s phone,” he said. “I hope you don’t mind. I really need your help.”

  “Okay,” I said. “What’s up?”

  “I want you to help me pick out an engagement ring for your aunt.”

  “For real?” I squealed.

  “Yeah. My boss and I are in town today. Can you go with me?”

  “Sure,” I said, then I realized since I had been suspended from school, I probably wasn’t supposed to leave the house. “Wait, I have to ask my momma. Can I call you back in a few minutes?”

  “That’s fine,” he said. He gave me his number and I quickly called Momma at work.

  “Hey, Momma,” I said.

  “Hey, baby. You sound like you’re in a good mood.”

  “I am. Miles just called and asked me to go with him to help pick out an engagement ring for Aunt Dani.”

  “Why didn’t he ask me?” she said, sounding hurt.

  “Because you’re old,” I joked.

  “Ha, ha.”

  “Can I go?” When she hesitated, I threw in, “Please, Momma. How often do people get engaged? This is the chance of a lifetime. I know I got suspended, and I promise when Miles and I get back, I’ll stay in the house until you tell me I can come out.” I knew I was pushing it, but I really wanted to go.

  Momma laughed. “You sure are spreading it on thick. I guess it will be okay. What’s Miles’s number?”

  “Momma,” I said, “stop treating me like a baby.”

  “Courtland, we don’t know this man all that well. We’ve only met him a couple of times. I want to be able to get in touch with him.”

  I gave her the number, then quickly called Miles back. He told me he would come get me in half an hour, so I rushed to shower and get dressed. I was just tying the laces on my Air Force Ones when he rang the doorbell.

  “Hey, Miles,” I said, letting him in. “Just let me grab my purse and I’ll be ready.”

  “Wait,” he said, grabbing my arm. “I want to get your opinion on this ring.”

  He reached into his pocket, and I frowned. “I thought we were going to pick one out,” I said.

  He laughed. “We are. I found a picture of one that I really like, and I wanted to see what you thought. If you don’t like it, you can go with me to the mall.”

  Miles pulled a folded page from a magazine out of his pocket and handed it to me.

  The diamond was nice, and most women would have loved it, but Aunt Dani wasn’t most women. Although the ring looked like it was about a carat, I knew Aunt Dani would want at least three times that size. “This is the one you’re thinking about getting?” I asked, pointing to it to make sure.

  “Yeah,” he said defensively, “what’s wrong with it?”

  “Uh, Miles, I’m no expert, but it looks a little small.”

  “You don’t think your aunt will like it?” he asked. “I picked it because it’s what I can afford.”

  “That’s all you can afford?” I asked, trying to hide my surprise. Aunt Dani had been doing all this talk about how he could afford to buy her just about anything, but he was cheap.

  “Yeah,” he said. “I don’t make a lot of money as a coach.”

  “Are you sure Aunt Dani knows that?” I said.

  “Of course I’m sure. We’ve had this conversation a lot. She says she loves me because of the way I make her feel, not because of my bank account.”

  “That’s sweet,” I said, wondering if we were talking about the same person.

  “You really think she’d like something bigger?”

  I nodded. “Well, why don’t you show me some rings you think she’d like, and I’ll see what I can do?”

  “Okay. Let me grab my stuff.”

  I ran upstairs, and when I came back down, Miles was walking around the living room looking at our family pictures. “You and Loretta look so much alike,” he said. “You could almost pass for twins.”

  It took me a minute to realize he meant Aunt Dani, since no one called her Loretta.

  “A couple of other people have said that, too,” I said. “I don’t really see the resemblance.”

  “Really?” he said.

  I shrugged. “You ready?”

  He stared at the picture for a few more minutes. “You both even have the same necklace,” he said, pointing to one of the pictures.

  I tried to recall which necklace we had alike, but I couldn’t, so I walked over to the picture. “Which necklace?” I said.

  He tapped a photo of me taken last Easter Sunday where I was wearing a new dress and my Worth the Wait necklace.

  “Aunt Dani doesn’t have one of those,” I said. “That’s my purity necklace. Only the members of my virgin club have them.”

  “Yes, she does,” he said. “I took a picture of her wearing it a couple of weeks ago.” He pulled out his cell phone and the screensaver was a photo of Aunt Dani wearing a necklace that looked just like mine. I stared at the picture, trying to figure out where she could have gotten the necklace, since we had special ordered them and each one had been pers
onalized with our initials and the date we had received it.

  “Now that I think about it,” Miles said like he was reading my thoughts, “the clasp must have been loose on it or something because it fell off one day when she was at my house. When I picked it up, I asked about the inscription on it, and she said she had borrowed it from you.”

  I frowned. “When was this?” I asked.

  “In January,” he said. “I remember because it was the day after my birthday.”

  I felt like I was going to pass out. “When is your birthday?” I asked.

  “January sixth.”

  My heart sped up. The robbery had happened Christmas Day. I stood there in shock, trying to tell myself that my aunt had not broken in to my house and stolen my necklace along with a bunch of other stuff.

  I shook my head, trying to make sense of everything. That’s when I happened to glance at the picture of Aunt Dani on Miles’s cell phone and noticed her earrings. They looked just like the ones she had accused me of stealing at the mall—the gold hoops she had promised me she was going to return.

  “Miles, I’m not feeling too well,” I said. I felt nauseated, and I struggled to make my way to the couch.

  Miles grabbed my arm and helped me to sit down. I pointed him in the general direction of the kitchen and he rushed off to get me a glass of water.

  “What’s going on?” I muttered. I still had Miles’s cell phone, and I just kept staring at the picture, hoping there was some mistake. I thought back to the night of the burglary. The guy who was killed was someone who knew Daddy. The police had suspected there were two people in the house. Could it have been Aunt Dani?

  Miles handed me the glass of water, and I took a sip, but it hurt to swallow. “Miles,” I said, “what did the inscription on the necklace say?”

  “It was the letters CM and a date. I don’t remember what the date was, though. The only reason I remember the initials is because your aunt mentioned they were yours.”

  I leaned back on the sofa, trying to make sense of everything. When Miles’s phone rang, I passed it to him without even looking at it.

  He talked for a few minutes, then he hung up. “That was my boss. He’s in town and he needs to talk to me, so we’re going to have to postpone going shopping.”