Sweet Contradiction

by Peggy Martinez

  “Okay,” I answered softly. Matt leaned over, his face only an inch away from mine and whispered against my lips.

  “You won’t frighten me away, Baby. I’m not looking for someone who looks a certain way, lives a certain way, or even believes a certain way. I’m looking for the person who completes me, the person I can’t live without, and the person who drives me so completely insane that I feel like a hole has been ripped out of my chest when we’re apart.” My eyes widened and I melted into him as his lips caressed mine gently, teasing, asking for permission. I made a small sound in the back of my throat and opened to him. He seared me with the promise his kiss held.

  “Now get inside and get some rest before I take advantage of you right here and now,” he mumbled against my lips.

  “That doesn’t sound so bad,” I answered. Matt chuckled and gave me another peck on the lips before coming around to open the door for me. Always the perfect gentleman.

  After Matt left, I sat on the front porch for a few minutes, thinking over everything that had happened in the past two weeks. It had been one hell of a roller coaster ride, with the night at the fair, what happened with Beau in town, my freak out after making love to Matt, and now actually daring to hope we might have some small chance to make our relationship work. A whirlwind of emotions, indeed. I headed inside, I needed to talk to my best friend and see what she thought.

  Jen wasn’t downstairs reading or in the kitchen, so I trudged up the stairs and knocked once on her bedroom door before barging in. She was sitting on the edge of her bed with a piece of paper in her hand crying. When she saw me come in she wiped at her face and quickly stuffed the paper in her night stand drawer.

  “Oh no, Jen. Are you okay?” I came over to her and sat down to take her hand in mine.

  “I’m fine. Really. Just being silly.” I pulled her into a hug. Here I was all wrapped up in my own drama and it had only been a little more than three weeks since Mrs. Collin’s funeral. I was such a crappy friend. She sniffled and pulled back with a small smile on her face.

  “So, how was your date?” she asked as she waggled her brows.

  “It was interesting … but, we don’t need to talk about that right now. It isn’t important.”

  “This is exactly what I need right now,” Jen complained. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I need to talk about normal things, best friend things. It will help me keep my mind of everything.” She smiled sadly and my heart broke just a little bit more for her.

  “Well, if that’s the case, then go get the wine coolers and ho-hos, I’ll get the Buffy DVDs, this is going to be a long night.” Jen squealed and bounced off the bed to grab the goodies. I learned a lot that night—like how incredibly mind blowing ho-hos and wine coolers were together, how that you could discover the answers to life’s most difficult questions by watching Buffy, but most of all, that no matter what was going on in life—a best friend could make it all seem bearable.

  hen I drug my sorry behind out of bed the next morning, still wearing my cookie monster pajama bottoms and tank top, Jen was already up with a cup of coffee in hand. She stood at the sink staring out the window into the backyard with a faraway look on her face. She didn’t even notice when I came in the kitchen.

  “Is there some of that for me?” I yawned. Jen jumped at the sound of my voice and then smiled over at me.

  “Sure is. Help yourself.” She nodded to the coffee pot. I poured myself a cup and took a sip, grateful for the rush of delicious caffeine into my system. Jen looked as put together as usual, though there seemed to be more bags under her eyes than I’d noticed before. I frowned and wondered how she was really. Maybe it was time for us to have a serious heart to heart. I opened my mouth to tell her that, when she turned quickly and began rinsing her cup out.

  “I have a few errands to run this morning. I won’t be long,” she said with her back still to me. I furrowed my brow in thought. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I knew something was up, something even more than her mom’s death. I sighed and sat down at the kitchen table and flipped open the local newspaper.

  “Okay, but I think we need to talk.” Jen took a breath and her mouth opened to deny it, but I cut her off to spare her from having to lie. “I’m your best friend, Jen. You can’t lie to me, so … don’t.” Jen’s mouth snapped shut and her cheeks pinkened lightly when her eyes met mine. Here jaw clenched tightly and she nodded. “We don’t have to talk about it now. But we will talk about it soon. You know I can make your life a living hell if you don’t, right?” I raised a brow in mock severity and she let out a bark of laughter. She raised both hands in the air and rolled her eyes.

  “We will talk soon, then. Just not today,” she rasped out. I held her gaze a moment longer before turning back to the paper.

  “Looks like the local boy scouts are having a car wash and bake sale today. You should stop by while you’re out and pick up some brownies,” I mentioned offhandedly. Jen laughed lightly as she picked her purse and keys up off of the table.

  “I might just do that,” she answered. “I love you like a sister, Beth. I thank God every day for bringing you into my life.” She smiled at me, her face a mix of love and sadness.

  “And I love you too. I hate to think where I’d be right now if it weren’t for you and your mom.” I choked up slightly and had to blink rapidly to keep my tears in check. “We’ll be the crazy, old ladies in town one day. Well, you’ll have all the kids and grandkids and I’ll be the eccentric and sinfully rich Auntie to your brood.” I laughed and Jen smiled sadly at me from the doorway. I waved at her and blew a kiss. “Whatever it is, we’ll talk when you’re ready,” I said softly. Jen nodded and blew a kiss back at me as she left the room.

  “Don’t forget those brownies!” I yelled to her as the front door closed.

  I eyed the overflowing dirty laundry basket with disgust. I needed clean clothes, though, so they had to be done. I doubt going out with Matt that night sans panties would be a good idea. I smiled wickedly to myself before grabbing the basket with a huff and heading out to the washer. Washing laundry wasn’t all that bad, but Jen’s mom didn’t own a dryer. She liked to hang clothes out on the line. She once told me she loved hanging laundry out to dry, that she enjoyed the fresh air, sunlight, and the time she had alone to think and pray. I shook my head and wondered for the hundredth time how she had kept her spirits so high with all the treatments and stuff she had been through.

  When my laundry was ready to go on the line, I dropped the heavy basket on the back porch and ran up to my room to grab my ipod. Music could make any situation a little more fun. My ipod wasn’t anywhere to be found though and I was just about to give up the search when I remembered that Jen had borrowed it a few days before.

  Jen’s room was the same as it had always been for the last ten years. Sure, it had some minor changes. Fewer teddy bears and a ton of high school memories, but it was still Jen. I caressed a photo taped to her mirror. It was a pic of Jen and me with our arms around each other, wearing our matching outfits. It seemed like yesterday. I sighed and searched the top of her desk and dresser for my ipod without any luck. I went over to her night stand and pulled out a several pieces of paper and sat them on her bed to rifle through the drawer for the missing ipod. I found the ipod and earphones in the drawer tucked in a stuffed kangaroo’s pouch. I grinned and picked up the papers to shove them back into her drawer.

  My eyes snagged on a single word on one of the papers as I was shutting the drawer. I froze where I was standing and pulled the drawer back out slowly with my heart pumping so hard I could hear its pounding in my ears. The rapid thumping in my head caused me to feel off centered and dizzy as I lifted the paper out of the drawer and sat down on the edge of Jen’s bed. The top left hand corner had the name and address of the cancer clinic Jen’s mom had gone to for her regular checkups. The letter, however, was addressed to Jen.

  My hand tightened around the letter as I sat there with a sick feeling settling
into my stomach. The letter was dated a few days after Mrs. Collins had passed away. It said that Jen had missed her appointment for a biopsy and that they had tried to contact her several times by phone and would urge her not to put off the test, but instead either call the office or come in to reschedule her appointment. I read the letter several times, my eyes blurring from the tears. I sat there in disbelief, shock and horror. Jen needed a biopsy? Had she found a lump?

  A fuzziness started in the back of my throat, a tingling in my jaw, and my body shook tiny tremors from the cold sweat I’d broken out in, pushing me to run for the bathroom to release the entire contents of my stomach. I sat on the cool tile, hanging from the toilet bowl with the letter still clutched in my hand, and tears running down my face for I don’t know how long. All I knew was that my world had been rocked to its very foundations. If anything ever happened to Jen … I shook my head viciously. It was nothing. It had to be a false alarm.

  I got off the floor on shaky legs and splashed my face with cool water. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and saw the desperation there. I bowed my head and closed my eyes, my hands tightening painfully on the porcelain sink in front of me. I clenched my jaw and made up my mind that very second that I’d help Jen get through this, that I’d take her to get the biopsy, I’d hold her hand and I’d make sure no matter what … she would be alright, that she’d have a long, happy life. No one deserved it more. When I glanced up once again, I saw pain in the back of my eyes, but I also saw a hell of a lot of determination. I stuck the letter back in Jen’s nightstand drawer before heading back downstairs with my ipod forgotten in my pocket to hang my laundry to dry.

  It turns out Mrs. Collins was right. With the sun shining down on my face, the cool breeze blowing the fresh scent of my laundry all around me, and the many little sounds of nature you can only hear if you live out in the country, I felt a little more calm by the time I was finished and heading inside to wait for Jen to return from town. I contemplated whether or not I should confront her or wait until she was ready to bring it up herself. I decided to wait a day or two, but I knew the quicker she got the test done the better, so I wasn’t going to wait longer than that.

  en and I shared a very quiet lunch together before I excused myself to take a nap before I had to get ready for my evening with Matt. I couldn’t sit there and make small talk with her knowing that she could have the same thing that killed her mom and yet she was pretending nothing was going on. I rolled over on my bed with my earplugs in and let the soothing sounds of Louis Armstrong calm my frantic thoughts just enough not to run back downstairs and shake some sense into my best friend. She was scared. Simple as that. And I had to make her see that no matter what, I would be there for her. I lay in my bed so long, thinking over everything that had happened in the past week that I almost ran late getting dressed.

  Matt didn’t tell me where he was taking me, but he did say we would have dinner somewhere relaxed. I opted for a teal and cream striped maxi dress with a little black shrug and a pair of black wedges. I left my hair down and kept my makeup to a bare minimum. He, of course, was right on time and I was glad I wouldn’t have to stand around and chat with him and Jen before we left since she was taking a shower.

  “You seem awfully quiet tonight,” Matt said gently as we rode out of town once again. I shrugged a shoulder and sighed.

  “Just a lot on my mind,” I muttered.

  “Anything you need to talk to someone about?” he asked.

  “No, but thank you.” I smiled and made an effort to push all my worry about Jen out of the forefront of my mind for the night. His eyes searched my face. I knew he could tell I was a little off, but I was grateful he didn’t push or prod. We turned down a road and I saw a small church sitting up on a pretty hill up ahead and gasped.

  “You said it wasn’t a church!” I snapped, my eyes wide with the pain of betrayal. Matt’s head snapped to the side and his eyes met mine. I could see the anger building behind his eyes.

  “I did say that, and I’m not the kind of man who would lie about something like that,” he growled at me. I realized a little too late that we weren’t slowing down to turn up the church’s driveway, instead we were bypassing it. I glanced over at Matt, who had a tick in his jaw from the force with which he had been grinding his teeth.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered lightly. “I’ve had a long day, I’m just a little on edge.” Matt nodded in my direction with his eyes never leaving the road. A few miles later we pulled off the road in front of a large wrought iron gate, where Matt got out to open for us to pass through. When he got back in the truck, I raised my brow, wondering where the heck we were.

  When we pulled up to a large, red brick country home with a beautiful wrap-around porch and several trucks parked in the front yard, I was still clueless. It wasn’t until Matt opened the door for me to hop out of his truck and a slightly older, female version of Matt with his warm brown eyes and easy smile came out on the front porch, did I realize Matt had brought me to his family’s house for dinner. He didn’t take me church, no, he took me straight to his preacher daddy for a one-on-one intervention.

  Matt’s hand on my back, gently pressing me forward, was probably the only thing that kept me from launching myself back into his truck and demanding that he take me home. When I reached the front door, four men had joined Matt’s mom there. Hunter was leaning against the wall, a huge grin splitting his face like he knew exactly the terror I was feeling from being surrounded by Matt’s entire family.

  “Thank goodness you’ve finally arrived.” Mrs. Wright came over and put an arm around me, shooing Matt away gently. “There are only so many hours a woman can put up with this much testosterone in one room.” She winked and I relaxed just a fraction. “I’m sure Matt neglected to tell you he was bringing you here by the shell-shocked look on your face.” My mouth flew open to deny it, but she waved it off with a snort. “Men have no idea what terrors women face when meeting their boyfriend’s family for the first time.” I smiled. She wasn’t so terrifying. When we all shuffled inside and I turned around, I was faced by a wall of Wright men and a male guest whom I didn’t know.

  “Beth … nice to see you again. Looking forward to the evening. I hope you’re not planning on any wagers tonight.” Hunter smirked and I crossed my arms over my chest.

  “Depends on if I will have an honest chance. Unlike the other night at the fair,” I snapped.

  “Oh dear, don’t tell me. The ring toss?” A larger, blue eyed version of Matt, who had a tattoo of thorns across his knuckles, chuckled and shook his head. I blushed and a small smile spread across my face.

  “Won a date with that wager,” Hunter guffawed. I narrowed my eyes at him and he laughed even louder.

  “I’m Daniel, by the way.” He stuck his hand out and I grasped it in mine. “The older, more handsome brother.” He winked and I laughed as Matt and Hunter protested with groans and barbs about his supposed handsomeness.

  “Alright boys. Keep it down, you’re all equally handsome. Got it from your old man, after all.” Matt’s dad stepped forward, his blue eyes twinkling, taking me by surprise with their gentleness. “I’m so happy to meet you, Beth. Hope we don’t scare you away before the night is over.” He smiled broadly and I smiled in return as Mrs. Wright called out that we should all eat before dinner got cold.

  We all sat down to a large wooden table weighted down with a veritable southern feast. My eyes rounded when I took in the enormous amount of food. Matt chuckled deeply from beside me, which sent shivers coursing down my spine.

  “Don’t worry. This isn’t near as much as it looks, especially when you have five grown men who have been working outside all day bringing their bear-sized appetites with them.” I sat down next to Matt and his hand immediately found mine. He brought our clasped hands up and placed a gentle kiss on the back of mine. “I am so glad you’re here tonight,” he whispered into my ear, stirring wisps of hair around my face. I shivered and smiled over at him.r />
  “I’m glad I’m here too,” I said, honestly. I only twitched once when Matt’s dad began a prayer over the meal.

  “Dear Lord, thank you so much for my family, for the food we’re about to eat, for a good day’s work, and for the beautiful woman who’s always been by my side through thick and thin. Thank you for old friends and new. Amen.” I sat there for a second in mild shock as everyone started passing bowls and platters around the table. That was it? No hidden barbs, no hidden messages? Matt was grinning like he’d heard my thoughts when my gaze landed on him. He handed me a bowl of green bean casserole and shrugged as if to say “what did you expect?” I shook my head and scooped out the casserole onto my plate. What exactly did I expect?

  “Beth, did you get to meet Keith?” Mrs. Wright touched the man sitting next to Daniel on the arm.

  “I don’t think I did,” I answered. Mrs. Wright huffed and shot a rebuking glance over at her eldest son. He blushed under her momma-stare and wiped his mouth off with his napkin.

  “Sorry. I’m not usually that inconsiderate.” Daniel grinned and placed a hand gently on the man’s shoulder. “Beth, this is Keith … my partner.” Keith smiled and squeezed Daniel’s hand, giving me a needed extra second to snap my mouth shut and pop my eyes back in their sockets.

  It wasn’t the fact that Daniel was gay, not even close. I’d had several gay friends over the years—some of the best people I ever met were gay, but the fact that they were open about it right at Pastor Wright’s table had nearly knocked me off my chair. Not only that, but it was plain as day that both Pastor and Mrs. Wright adored Keith. Matt’s hand squeezed my leg under the table. One of Matt’s surprises, I thought. If he’d been trying to shock me and open my eyes a little … he’d succeeded.