Sweet Contradiction

by Peggy Martinez

  “Anne, you’re monopolizing your son’s beautiful date.” My mouth fell open to deny it, but he cut me off with a wink. “Besides, I want to take my beautiful date out on the floor for a dance. Ladies, please excuse us.” The women all tittered and sighed as he led his starry eyed wife onto the dance floor just as one of the most beautiful songs ever written began to play.

  “Will you dance with me, sweetheart?” Matt’s whisper stirred the hairs around my ear, his breath tickling the fine hairs at the nape of my neck. I nodded as Matt took my hand to lead me onto the dance floor. The words of the song swept over me, the words finally meaning so much more to me than just being nice lyrics sung by a pretty voice.

  It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart

  Without saying a word, you can light up the dark

  Try as I may, I could never explain

  What I hear when you don't say a thing

  The smile on your face lets me know that you need me

  There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me

  The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall

  You say it best when you say nothing at all

  Both of Matt’s hands rested on my lower back and mine were wound around his neck. I put my head on his shoulder and just enjoyed the song and the warmth of his body. When the song ended, he kissed me sweetly on the lips and a flame ignited in the depths of my stomach. I threaded my hand through his hair and tugged gently.

  “I could dance like this all night,” I whispered huskily. The song changed abruptly and a crowd of people rushed the floor to get ready for a line dance. Matt turned as if to leave, but I pulled him back to me. His eyes widened and then he chuckled.

  “Good lord, woman. You’re gonna make me line dance, aren’t you?” He rubbed the back of his neck and glanced around for an escape.

  “You bet your hot little behind I am.” I swatted his backside for extra encouragement and everyone around us chuckled at his affronted look.

  “Looks like you got your hands full with that one, Matt!” Someone shouted from the crowd. I grinned in their general direction.

  “As long as it’s my hands that are around her, I ain’t got a problem with that!” Matt shouted back. Everyone guffawed just as the music began. I had to hand it to Matt, he was good at doing the boot scootin’ boogie. We heel, toed, and dosey doed with the best of ‘em. Our boots were stomping, our hearts pumping, and we laughed the entire time. I pointedly ignored all the women oogling my man. He was mine after all. By the time we’d finished the dance, I was hot, sweaty, and ready for some food.

  Once we piled our plates with barbeque, corn on the cob, potato salad and homemade macaroni and cheese, we made our way outside in the cool night air to see if we could find a picnic table to sit at to eat. I started searching for Jen and Hunter as soon as we made it through the crowded barn. I spotted Jen waving from a picnic table under a large tree. When we got to the table, I immediately noticed the tension crackling between Jen and Hunter. Hunter was hunched over his plate, shoveling food into his mouth, his body rigid and angled away from Jen. Jen was picking at her food, her jaw clenched and her eyes frosted with enough ice to freeze a man in his steps. We sat in awkward silence for the majority of our dinner. I cleared my throat and widened my eyes as I nodded my head in Hunter’s direction, hoping Matt could draw them into conversation.

  “This barbeque is fantastic.” Matt glanced around nervously and then took another bite of his food. I groaned inwardly. Hunter grunted and Jen just kept staring at her plate.

  “The ice tea is pretty refreshing too,” I added, sarcastically as I wiggled uncomfortably in my chair. Jen sighed and then stood, gathering her plate as she got up. I jumped up to go with her to throw away our trash. I put a hand on Matt’s shoulder. “I’ll meet up with you a bit later.” He nodded.

  “Jen?” I caught up with her just as she threw her trash forcibly into a can. “Hey, you okay?” I asked.

  “I’m fine,” she snapped. I blinked and then threw my garbage in the can. Jen didn’t usually get this angry over anything. Must be bad.

  “Awe, I’m sorry, Beth,” Jen groaned. “It’s just … Hunter makes me crazy sometimes.” She threw her arms up in the air and I just stood there for several seconds trying to absorb the fact that Jen was ranting and raving over … a guy. “He’s an overbearing, egotistical, jackass. Half the time I want to strangle him with my bare hands and the other half I want to ….” Her mouth formed a thin line and heat rushed to her cheeks.

  “The other half you want to what?” I asked, my grin breaking through and messing up my concerned look. Jen poked my arm.

  “You know what I mean. Ugh.” I smiled as I hooked my arm through hers.

  “I do know what you mean.” I pulled her along through the front doors. “Should we go out there and show Hunter what he’s missing?” She glanced over at the hopping dance floor and an evil little grin appeared on her face. My own smile slipped just a little.

  “You just read my mind,” she said softly. Jen didn’t hold back, she pulled out all her dance tricks and there wasn’t a guy who was single in the whole building who hadn’t either danced with her or had asked her to dance in the next hour. She let the music carry away all her fears and worries just for an entire sixty minutes. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair a little wild about her shoulders by the time a slow song came on and a shadow fell over us both. Jens stiffened without even looking behind us. I turned to see who it was and was a little surprised to see Hunter hovering close to us like a large, demon thundercloud. He looked ready to explode and I immediately put myself between him and Jen. His eyes narrowed dangerously as he spoke.

  “I think it’s my turn now,” he snarled. My hackles rose and I stood up to my full height, which was an inch taller than Jen, but still a few inches shorter than Hunter.

  “It’s okay, Beth. I’ll dance with him.” Jen moved around me and her eyes flashed as she spoke. Hunter extended his hand and she hesitantly placed hers in his. I heard a tiny gasp as her pulled her gently into his arms. I only waited another second before leaving the dance floor, Hunter wasn’t dangerous … he was just intense. I wasn’t sure if intense was what Jen needed right then though. I headed over to the refreshment table to grab an ice tea.

  With my tea in hand, I began searching the crowd for Matt. When I didn’t see him, I decided to go to the restroom real quick before Jen and Hunter were done dancing. The judges were about to announce the winners of the baking contest, so I needed to hurry it up. Amazingly enough, the bathrooms were relatively empty, so I was in and out fairly quickly. I was walking back to the main room in the barn when I heard someone say my name. I stopped in my tracks and leaned my head to the side, thinking maybe I’d just heard incorrectly.

  “She graduated the year Beau Montgomery did. He said she was a liar who’d slept with almost anyone she could when she was in high school. Said she left town so her parents couldn’t keep her from whoring around as much as she wanted.” I stepped back until my back was against the wall. My heart was pounding and I think I was more in shock over the fact that people still gossiped about me like I was in high school than what they were actually saying. Must have boring lives, I thought.

  “I don’t really care who Beth Michaels is. All I know is she isn’t good enough for Matthew. He deserves someone so much better than her.” People began muttering their agreement and a knot formed in my stomach. “I mean, what will people think if he goes and marries her? How will it look when he eventually takes over his daddy’s ministry?” A cold sweat popped out on my brow. Matt planned to take over for his dad one day? Why hadn’t he told me? I bit my lip. I knew the answer, I just wished I didn’t. He didn’t tell me, because he knew I’d have freaked out, maybe even not seen him anymore. I wasn’t the right kind of person to be a minister’s wife. I wasn’t even sure I believed in a god at all. My ears were ringing when the truth of my situation hit me. I was going to drag Matt down. He was so stro
ng, so sure of everything he believed, and he deserved someone who was his equal in all things, including faith. I clasped a hand over my chest, trying to shield it from the shooting pain.

  “You guys were perfect together. I couldn’t believe it when you guys broke your engagement off.” I slapped a hand over my mouth before my gasp could escape. I knew without seeing the people around the corner that the girl who had been engaged to Matt was the pretty blonde who looked daggers at me when I first got to the dance, and Matt had been engaged to her. I took a deep breath and willed away the stupid tears that threatened. I wonder when he would have told me that he had been engaged. Definitely not last night when he’d told me I was only woman he’d ever wanted to sleep under a starry night sky with.

  I turned and slowly made my way around to the front of the barn from a different direction. When I made it back inside, they were announcing the winners of the baking contest, but I could barely hear what was being said through all the thoughts rushing like an angry river through my mind. I ended up winning a second place ribbon and had to be called four times before I snapped out of my daze by someone tapping me on the shoulder. I smiled and accepted the ribbon graciously. Jen clapped entirely too loudly and Hunter and Matt whistled loudly with their fingers. First place went to a lady I knew from when I was younger. She was ancient back then, but there was no doubt that her better-than-sex cake was the moistest cake I’d ever eaten in my entire life. And if an eighty year old lady didn’t blink at the name of her cake, well, I had to respect that.

  “Congrats, Beth!” Jen hugged me around my neck. Her mood seemed to have improved a bunch. “I’m so glad you didn’t decide to thrown down with Widow Carson over that first place ribbon,” Jen joked. I smiled and handed her my ribbon.

  “I have a headache. Can you take me home?” I asked Matt. I could barely look him in the eye. Jen and Hunter exchanged a look.

  “Sure, if that’s what you want,” Matt said carefully.

  “It is.” I glanced over at Jen and hoped I hadn’t ruined any of her plans. “Are you ready? I don’t want to ruin the night for anyone.” Jen shook her head quickly. “No, it’s alright. I’m ready to go, especially if you’re not feeling well.” I nodded my head lightly. I wasn’t lying, my head had begun to pound as soon as I’d left the group I’d heard talking after I went to the bathroom. The pain just hadn’t caught up with me until that moment.

  Matt put a hand on my arm as we walked out of the barn. “You okay?” he asked. I shrugged his hand off gently and nodded again. I couldn’t let him touch me, not as raw as my wounds were, as confused as I felt. I needed him too much already--wanted him too much. Matt stuffed his hand into his pocket and looked at the road in front of us with a frown between his brows as we walked to the truck in the darkness and silence.

  When we pulled up to the house, Matt leaned over to me, I turned my face slightly and let his kiss fall softly on my cheek. I pushed the door open and waited for Jen to get out before making my way up the sidewalk to the house. Jen unlocked the door and flipped on the inside and porch light. I took a step just as Matt called out to me.

  “Beth?” I stiffened and shut the door in front of me before I turned around to face him. He stood a foot in front of me and it took an insane amount of control to raise my head and meet his gaze. His eyes said everything I thought they would. He looked confused, hurt, angry, but above all, worried about me. I sighed and leaned back against the door.

  “We can talk later about everything. I do have a horrible headache and Jen and I have somewhere really important to be tomorrow. But, after that, we will talk, I promise,” I said wearily. Matt’s jaw clenched and his eyes flashed.

  “Don’t run. Don’t give up on us. Not before we talk whatever this is through.” I turned my head away. His fingers grasped my chin firmly in his hand and tiled my head back until my eyes met his once again. “Promise me,” he breathed. I tried to move my head, but he had my chin prisoner and wouldn’t relent. “Promise me, Beth.” His eyes flashed again. I swallowed and nervously licked my lips. His mouth met mine long enough to press a tender kiss against them. It was almost my undoing. It was only by a thread that I held myself immobile and didn’t launch myself into his arms.

  “I promise.”

  I whispered the lie easily enough against his lips before turning and walking into the house, leaving my heart on the other side of the door with him.

  ou think of all these wonderful things to say, rehearse them even, when you or someone you know is about to go through something difficult. You want to say all the right things, be the person who has some tidbit of inspirational wisdom, but instead the words lodge in your throat and your fears threaten to choke you. As I sat in the waiting room with Jen, I felt all this and so much more. I needed to be strong for her, to be the one who wouldn’t crack under the pressure and shatter beneath the pain and panic. I didn’t feel strong though, I felt dread down to my very existence and the only thing that kept me together was knowing I was the only one there for her, the only one she had to lean on, and by god, I wouldn’t let her down.

  I remembered going to these visits once or twice with Jen and her mom when she would go in to see if her cancer was still in check, to make sure it hadn’t gotten any worse. She got good news almost every time she went, but the one time she didn’t, it was devastating. With Jen it was different. She was the one person in the world who had loved me unconditionally since I was a child, the one person I cared about more than anything. She was going to go in, get the biopsy, and in a few days we’d get the good news. That was the only way this would turn out. The only way god could allow it to turn out.

  “Jennifer Collins?” A lady in light pink scrubs came out with a clip board in her hand. Jen stood and wiped her hand on her jeans. I stood as well, my heart tripling its already frantic rhythm. Jen’s hand slipped into mine as we stepped forward. “Only family can come back,” the nurse said. Jen’s hand tightened in mine and she straightened her shoulders.

  “She’s my sister.”

  I waited for the nurse to call us on our little fib, but she just smiled softly, her eyes alight with understanding and pity. She bobbed her head.

  “Alright then, follow me.” Jen and I followed her back, both of us wishing we could run back out the front doors instead.

  “Everything’s going to be okay,” I whispered over and over again to myself.

  Jen was up stairs resting when I heard a soft knock on the front door. I turned the water off, put the glass I was watching in the dish drainer, and dried my hands off on the hand towel hanging from the loop on my jeans before going to answer it. When I pulled the white lace curtains back from the glass door, I found Matt standing at the door with his hands in his pockets, staring at his feet. I let the curtains fall shut and rested my forehead on the wooden door frame before my nerves were settled enough to open it.

  “Hey,” I murmured as I stepped out onto the porch. Matt’s eyes met mine.

  “Hey yourself,” he replied.

  “Want to sit out here and talk?” I asked. Matt nodded. I walked over to the old fashioned porch swing and sat down, tucking my leg underneath me. Matt sat down next to me.

  “How’s Jen?” Matt asked gently. My brows shot up and my eyes widened.

  “How did you find out?”

  “My dad had some business in Jasper and happened to see you guys leaving Jen’s car in front of the clinic.” He shrugged apologetically. Figures. There’s never such a thing as privacy when you live in a backwater town like Salem. I should have never forgotten that.

  “She’s sleeping right now. More emotionally drained than anything else,” I answered. “She doesn’t want anyone knowing.” I said quickly. Matt placed a hand on my knee.

  “I wouldn’t tell anyone, I just wanted to check on her … and on you,” he said gently. I stiffened under his touch and his nostrils flared slightly. He took his hand off my leg and rubbed it roughly over his face. Matt sighed wearily and leaned back in the swing.


  “What’s this?” he asked, his hand waving between the two of us. “What’s going on with you? What happened last night to make you freak out?”

  “I’m not freaking out … I just realized a few things,” I answered without meeting his eyes.

  “Like what?” His eyes pierced me to my seat and I resisted the urge to wiggle uncomfortably under the scrutiny.

  “How much we really don’t know about each other for one. How different our upbringings were and what that could mean for our future for another.” I twisted the edge of the towel in my lap as I spoke.

  “What would you like to know, Beth?” His voice gritted out the words. “Whatever you want to know, just ask. I don’t have any secrets. Just don’t shut me out.” His eyes captured mine and they begged me not to act rashly, to give our relationship a true chance. But the truth was simple … I was scared.

  “Were you engaged before?” I asked. Matt’s eyes never wavered from mine, but his mouth tightened into a straight line and his jaw clenched.

  “Who told you about LeighAnn?” he asked. LeighAnn. So, the ex-fiancé had a name and didn’t it just suit her perky little demeanor perfectly.

  “Who told me really isn’t the point, is it?” I asked with a huff. Matt ran his hand through his hair, causing it to stand up even more wildly than had been before. I almost smiled at the sight.

  “No, I guess it isn’t,” Matt replied. “I was engaged to LeighAnn for almost a year before I called the engagement off.” His voice was low and steady, but I knew I’d hit a sore spot. He didn’t like to talk about her. “We got engaged right out of high school. I was young and stupid and it took me a year to figure out how wrong we were together.”