Sweet Contradiction

by Peggy Martinez

  offee. Must have coffee,” I grumbled as I dropped into the chair and plopped my head down on the table in front of me. Jen pulled a mug out of the cabinet and filled it up and then pushed the sugar bowl and almond flavored creamer over to me. I mumbled my thanks before shoveling in an unhealthy amount of both into my cup.

  “I’m sorry, Beth.” I took a sip and groaned in ecstasy. I pulled my knees up to my chest and glanced over at my best friend.

  “What are you sorry about exactly?” I asked once my head wasn’t quite so fuzzy.

  “I should never have pushed you to go see your parents, I just thought after all this time …” She waved a hand helplessly in the air in front of her. I swallowed another mouthful of liquid heaven and shook my head.

  “Don’t. It’s not your fault. You were right. I did need to go back there for a lot of different reasons.” I grimaced when I suddenly remembered that I hadn’t really spoken to Matt since he’d brought me home from my parent’s house the night before. No telling what he was thinking right about then. I wouldn’t have been surprised to find out he left town and washed his hands of the crazy girl with the crazy ass family. “I didn’t think my dad would say such horrible things with Matt there though,” I muttered. I might have even held out a teensy bit of hope that he would have been impressed with Matt since he was a pastor’s son. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

  “I’ve got something I want to give you,” Jen said gently. I raised my head from my depressing thoughts and met her gaze. She had her Jen’s up to something grin in place and I was immediately intrigued. She didn’t have that grin very often. She sat her empty cup in the sink and motioned for me to follow her. “C’mon.” I sat my cup beside hers in the sink and followed her up to her room. I plopped down on the corner of her bed.

  “Is it a puppy?” I guessed. Jen snorted. “A new pair of boots?” I asked with a dreamy sigh. Jen made a sound of loathing. She wasn’t too keen on my love of cowboy boots. She pulled a small box out of her bottom drawer and came over to sit on the bed next to me. She ran her hand over the box gently, her eyes met mine and I could see the happiness shining there behind them. “I kept this for a very long time. I would have given it to you before, but the time wasn’t right.” She smiled a tiny, secretive smile. “The time is right now, though,” she said quietly.

  I gasped and smacked a hand over my mouth when I heard the sound of a dozen or more tiny charms tinkling against each other. It wasn’t the same bracelet as the one Jen had given when we were children, but it was a more expensive, adult version of it. Strung on a beautiful blue silk cord was a dozen tiny sterling silver stars, tiny, iridescent, Swarovski crystal beads, a sterling heart, guitar, shooting star, and even a sterling silver cowboy boot. Another addition was a sterling silver ribbon in remembrance of Jen’s mom. A tear escaped and trickled down my cheek as Jen handed me the bracelet.

  “I told you that one day we’d both be able to reach for our dreams. Sometimes that means we have to let go of the people who would trample our souls so we can soar.” Jen smiled sadly as she ran a finger over the ribbon charm. “And sometimes that means living in the moment and loving without restraint … no matter how much time we may have together.” I grabbed Jen around her neck and pulled her to me for a hug. No matter what I believed, one thing I knew for sure was that Jen had been a gift from God and I would never find another friend like her.

  “Thank you,” I whispered fiercely. Jen hugged me back tighter and for the first time in my life I wasn’t sure if I had been talking to her or if it had been a tiny prayer. Jen cleared her throat and stood up.

  “Now, let’s get dressed. The guys will be here soon. We’re barbequing at the river.” I jumped up from the bed and my mouth hung open in surprise.

  “What?” I asked, unsure if I’d heard her right. Jen grinned and then shrugged.

  “It was Matt’s idea, so don’t give me that look, Elizabeth Michaels.” She walked over to her drawer and pulled out a swimsuit. “Besides, you’ll get a chance to show off that gorgeous tan of yours.” She sighed wistfully. I smiled and picked up her suit and twirled it around.

  “Only if you let me borrow a suit,” I said slyly. Jen groaned and then shrugged.

  “Whatever. They all look better on you than me anyway.” I opened up her bathing suit drawer … no joke, she probably owned a dozen or more of them. I was like a kid in a candy shop picking one out. I ended up choosing a pretty turquoise and black tankini. Jen chose a gorgeous, ruched red polka dot one-piece. We threw on jean shorts and flip flops, grabbed our beach bags and sunglasses and were ready to go in record time. By the time we packed up a cooler of drinks and snacks, the doorbell was ringing.

  I sat on my beach towel at the edge of the river rubbing tanning oil into my skin, ready to soak up the sun and dry off from the swim we’d just had. Jen was making the picnic area we’d set up look “just right”. I rolled my eyes behind my sunglasses, she couldn’t help it, she thrived on her perfectionism and I loved her for it. We were just waiting for the guys to get done with the burgers and hotdogs. The sound of the river flowing at my feet was so relaxing and would have been extremely peaceful, except for a small family who’d also decided to take advantage of the beautiful Saturday outdoors. The dad was sitting and cleaning some fish with a huge cast on his propped up leg. I didn’t mind the little girl’s shrieks as her brother chased her up and down the river bank with a huge lizard, though. I’d always wanted a brother or sister. That is, until it dawned on me one day that I wishing for another child to endure what I had to. I’d been super lucky that Jen had friended me at school. A sister of my own and she would never have to live with my parents. When I was a child and then a teen, I was so thankful for the perfection of our relationship.

  “Time for some grub!” Hunter bellowed, interrupting my trip down memory lane. I dipped my hands in the river and then dried them off on my towel. Our river neighbor’s little boy skipped up to me and held out a grubby hand, offering me a fistful of weeds with one or two squished wild flowers mixed in there. No more than six, with a headful of red hair, and freckles sprinkled across the bridge of his nose. The boy looked like mischief incarnate. I smiled and took the offering.

  “For me?” I asked. He nodded his head and puffed his chest out. I hid a grin and made a show of smelling the “flowers”. “They are just beautiful, you sure do know how to win a girl’s heart.” He grinned hugely, revealing two missing front teeth.

  “You’ll marry me now? Dad says mom married him ‘cause he brought her flowers and candy.” He furrowed his brow in thought. “I don’t have any candy … but I can getcha a frog.”

  “I do like a frog as much as the next girl, but you might want to save it,” I said sadly. I knelt down and mock-whispered. “You see that guy over there?” Matt was watching our interaction with a small smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eye.

  “The one with big muscles and red swim trunks?” He asked. I nodded and sighed.

  “That guy is my boyfriend. I don’t think he’d like it if I married you while I’m his girlfriend.” I said. The little boy narrowed his eyes and then shrugged.

  “I guess not. But I bet I could catch a lot more frogs than him.” I smiled and ruffled his hair.

  “I bet you could too, but let’s not tell him that, ‘kay?” The boy nodded and turned to run off, his proposal all but forgotten in his haste to run back to his camp site where his mom was promising marshmallows. I sat my flowers and weeds on the table and grabbed a paper plate, trying to ignore Matt’s laughing eyes as I put some potato salad on my plate.

  “Pretty flowers,” he chuckled. I raised a brow and tried to keep a straight face.

  “I’ll have you know that was my first ever proposal,” I said haughtily. Matt’s eyes shone as he smiled.

  “Should I be worried?” he asked, his voice as serious as possible. I took a bit out of a carrot stick as I piled some fresh veggie on my plate.

  “Well, he did question your manly, frog catching abi
lities,” I answered. Matt let out a bark of laughter.

  “Did he now? I might have to defend my champion frog catching title, then.” I began laughing as I added a burger to my plate.

  “Don’t let Matt fool you, he was afraid of frogs when he was little,” Hunter muttered around a mouthful of food. I grinned up into Matt’s beet red face.

  “Champion frog catcher, huh?” I asked sweetly. He shrugged and sat down in the folding chair next to me.

  “Well, champion in the sense that I finally got over my fear after my brothers decided to dump a bucketful of them in my bed one night when I was sleeping. I’d say catching over fifty frogs in my bedroom warrants some kind of title,” he grumbled. Matt eyed his brother dangerously as Hunter laughed.

  “What was Hunter afraid of as a child?” Jen piped in.

  “Nothing. Nothing as a child, but as a teen ….” Matt’s mouth clamped shut and he glanced down at his plate.

  “Water,” Hunter whispered. “I was afraid of water for several years.” He said. Jen was staring at Hunter, clearly wanting to know how someone could be afraid of water, not as a child, but as a teen.

  We all finished our food in relative quiet, enjoying each other’s company and the perfection of the day.

  “So, I’m stuffed,” I said as I patted my stomach. “How about we go and find some perfect marshmallow roasting sticks?” I asked Jen. She smiled up at me and nodded her head.

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  “Hunter’s very private,” Jen mentioned a few minutes later when we were well away from the picnic spot.

  “I think so. Pretty intense too.”

  “Yeah, I’ve noticed that.” Jen picked up a stick and pulled off the stray leaves. She held it up for inspection. “He doesn’t open up. I’d love to know whose initials are next to his on his tattoo,” Jen sighed. “But, it’s not like we’re dating or anything really, so I don’t ask.”

  “You’re not?” I asked with a smirk. Jen swatted me with a stick.

  “No, we’re not,” she answered softly. “Not really. What about you and Matt? How are things between you guys?” Jen asked.

  “Things are just perfect,” I muttered. Jen came around and acted like she was trying to find the hidden truth in my face. I laughed and swatted her hand away.

  “But?” Jen prompted.

  “But I wonder when something will happen that will finally be just the right thing to push Matt away,” I said with a shrug. “He’s perfect. He has been amazingly understanding with me, hasn’t even brought up the craziness he witnessed at my parent’s house last night.” I shrugged again.

  “So, what’s the problem exactly?” Jen asked sarcastically.

  “I’m just waiting for him to realize I’m not worth all the trouble, ya know?”

  “You are such an idiot,” Jen snapped. My head swung up and I stared at her with my mouth hanging open in surprise. She had her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face. “That boy is head over heels in love with you. You could eat small kittens for breakfast and he’d still think you walked on water.” She harrumphed. “And if anyone deserves a love like that, it’s you,” she added softly.

  “I love you Jennifer Collins,” I said after a moment. She snorted.

  “I know. It’s hard not to,” she said, loftily. I laughed and held up another stick for Jen’s approval. She took it and stripped away the leaves and nodded, pleased with its supposed roasting abilities. “That’s four. Let’s go roast some marshmallows.”

  We cleared the wooded area several feet from where my towel still sat on the edge of the river bank. I waved over to Matt near the picnic area. He smiled and waved back. I turned around as I caught something red bobbing in my peripheral vision. The little red headed boy was hovering partially out over the river, his foot resting precariously on a rock as he reached for a small frog on another rock a little ways out in the river. Before I could blink, before a sound could escape my lips, or my feet could move, I watched as the boy teetered and then fell with a splash into the river.

  he scream of the little boy’s mom jerked me out of the shock I stood there in like nothing else could. Jen and I both ran to the edge of the river, but Matt was already only a step behind us.

  “Oh, God. Billy!” The boy’s dad bellowed as he hopped on his one good leg to get over to where his son had fallen in. Just then Billy’s head bobbed up several feet away from the riverbank. He gasped in, greedy for breath just before a current caught him and he was drug under, further away from the shore, and down the river. Matt began running down the river and I was on his heels, my breathing coming in harsh pants, and the sound of the rushing river invading my head until all I could hear was water and my own breathing, like I was in a hollow cavern. We came up parallel to where Billy was being pulled down the river and just as I dared to blink I saw Matt launch himself into the river. I stopped at the edge where he had jumped and stood there with my heart pounding so loud it even eclipsed the sound of the river from my ears. I kept feeling like an outside spectator, like it wasn’t really happening, like at any moment I’d blink out of the crazy daydream.

  Hunter grabbed my arm and pulled me further down the river. I saw Matt from the corner of my eye, making sure strides towards a little red bobbing head. He’ll be okay. He’ll be okay and save the little boy. Everything would be okay, I repeated as I ran, heedless of the branches and bushes that slapped at my arms and legs as I ran along the riverbank. I heard a small cry for help from the river and breathed just a little bit easier knowing the boy was still okay just then. When Matt made it to Billy, he grabbed him and hoisted him on his back. The boy clasped himself around Matt’s neck like a little monkey. It was clear really soon, though, that Matt was tiring out from carrying the boy’s weight and fighting the current. He made it to the halfway point of the shore when he could barely keep his own head above the water. Up ahead of Matt and Billy I saw a huge log lodged into the river and sticking up.

  “Matt!” I screamed. Matt’s eyes met mine and I pointed to the branch and screamed for him to get to it. He pulled out all the energy he had left and swam until he was able to snag onto the branch. I breathed out a sigh of relief.

  Hunter threw himself into the river and swam out to the huge log. Billy climbed off of Matt’s back and onto Hunter’s and they were both on their way back to shore after a short swim. Hunter heaved Billy onto the shore and into the arms of his hysterical mother. Hunter was breathing heavily, he wasn’t as good as a swimmer as Matt was, but he was good enough to help Matt back to shore. I glanced out at Matt draped across the log, my heart still racing and my breathing still ragged. Matt raised a hand to let me know he was okay when, just like slow motion, a smaller log that was floating quickly down river hit the log Matt was holding onto and flipped out of the water and struck him on his temple. A scream resounded all around me and it took me a moment to realize it had come from me.

  “No!” Hunter screamed as he dove into the water. Matt’s body was lodged between the two logs, but his body was face down and his head was under water. He wasn’t moving.

  I dove in behind Hunter and swam with every ounce of strength I had in me. Hunter had Matt under one arm and was struggling to drag him to the riverbank when I made it to them. I took his other side and grabbed him under his other arm and pushed my legs like I’d never pushed them before, dragging Matt as we went. When we got to the bank, Billy’s dad, mom, and Jen helped pull Matt’s limp body out of the water. Hunter pulled himself out and then helped me out. I pushed him away as soon as my knees hit earth. I shoved everyone out of the way until I was kneeling next to Matt. I cried out when I saw his ashen face and the bleeding gash on his temple.

  “No, no, no.” He wasn’t breathing and I couldn’t find his pulse. I tilted his head back and started CPR. I pumped his chest, 1-2-3-4, breathed into his mouth, 1-2-3-4, over and over again until my arms were shaking from the force of my thrusts. “No, you’re going to be okay, you hear me, Matthew Wright?” Pump, pump, pump.
“You are going to open your eyes, you hear me, damn you?” I cried out and wiped my tears out of my eyes quickly and then tilted his chin back again and breathed into his mouth. “You. Will. Fight. For. Me.” Pump, pump, pump. How long had it been? Minutes? It felt like an eternity and I knew it had been way too long. I heard Jen crying softly behind me, but I refused to give up. “Come on, baby. Open your eyes.” I breathed air into him again, willing my life force into him, I’d gladly have given him my soul if he’d just breathe again. After several more tries, Hunter’s hand landed on my shoulder but I shrugged it off harshly.

  Pump, pump, pump. “You will breath. You will do this for me!” I screamed. “I will not lose you, Matthew! Not when I didn’t get to tell you how much I love you.” I sobbed as I thrust my palms down onto his chest. “Fight, Dammit!” I thrust once again, with all my might, and water suddenly gushed out of his mouth. Someone nearby gasped as I rolled him onto his side. He expelled more river water from his body and then drew in a loud, rasping breath of air. I pushed the hair from his face and rubbed his back. Thank God, I whispered. Thank God.

  Billy’s mom and dad followed us when we took Matt to the hospital. By the time we left and they had told Matt for the hundredth time how much they appreciated him and could never begin to repay him for what he’d done, little Billy was already doing dare devil stunts in the parking lot. I marveled at how resilient children were, how Billy had already put the entire debacle behind him and moved onto to more important little boy things. I. on the other hand, had had my whole world shook up. I had been within a few seconds of losing Matthew and that made me realize just how much I needed him, how much I wanted him, and how much I’d be willing to give up for him. The entire event had shaken my very being.