Inevitable: Carter Kids #5

by Chloe Walsh

  When the twins were out of the room, I closed the kitchen door and walked over to the table, taking a seat beside my brother. Logan nudged me with his shoulder, an act of comfort, and I breathed a little easier. I loved him. If nobody else in the family understood or supported me, I knew Logan would. He was just that kind of guy.

  "What's wrong?" Dad asked again. I looked across the table at him. He was bristling with tension and I was fairly certain the only reason he was still sitting down and not pacing the floor like he normally did when he was stressed was my mother's hand covering his.

  "I'm…well, it's just that…I've decided…" Oh god, how was I supposed to word this? Did I ease them into this or just come right out with it?

  "You're making it worse, Angel," Dad informed me, blue eyes locked on mine. "My imagination is going into overload here," he added. "And throwing around the worst possible scenarios. Are you sick?" he demanded then. "Are you pregnant? What's wrong, Hope?"

  "I'm getting back together with Jordan," I blurted out, then held my breath, waiting for the words to sink in around me.

  When they did, Mom's face lit up in sheer euphoria. "Oh, Hope. I'm so happy for you both."

  Logan leaned back in his chair and exhaled heavily. "Well shit…"

  And Dad? My father threw his head back and laughed, "No, you're not." He laughed almost hysterically. "But good one, sweetheart."

  "I'm not joking," I shot back angrily, glaring across the table at my father.

  "You better be," Dad retorted, still laughing. "Because if you're not, I'm going to kill him and have you committed for mental evaluation."

  "Kyle!" Mom growled, tone outraged. "That's enough. If Hope and Jordan want to give their relationship another chance, then we are going to support them."

  "Support them?" My father turned and gaped at my mother. "Are you fucking crazy, Princess?" he demanded. "Over my dead body will I ever support my only daughter getting back in the ring with that asshole." Turning to look at me, Dad snapped, "What the hell are you thinking?" he hissed. "Getting back with a guy like him?"

  "Don’t judge me," I warned as anger roared to life inside me. I loved my dad but he could be such a judgmental asshole.

  "Judge you?" Dad asked in a tone of pure outrage. "I'm seriously considering booking you in for a lobotomy because you've obviously lost your goddamn mind!"

  "Kyle…" my mother began to protest, but dad wasn’t listening. He was on a roll now.

  "This is fucking ludicrous," he growled as he shoved his chair back and began to pace the kitchen floor. I wasn’t surprised by his actions. I had been expecting the pacing. To be fair, my revelation deemed pacing entirely appropriate. "This is not good," Dad continued to mutter as he walked circles around us, pulling at his tie and raking his hand through his dark hair. "Fuck."

  "Kyle, please calm down," Mom said, but it was more of an optimistic suggestion than an order. There was no calming dad down right now. He needed to work this out of his system. I had expected Dad to be annoyed, but the vein bulging in his forehead assured me that he had passed annoyed about forty fucks ago and was chugging full steam ahead into batshit crazy territory.

  Logan, who had remained silent until now, looked at me and asked, "Are you sure about this?" My racing heart seemed to level out at his question and I smiled at my brother. He was so logical. So freaking calm and composed. I had no idea how this man had managed to share the same egg as Colton and Cameron at one point.

  I nodded to Logan before turning my attention back to my parents, specifically my father.

  "I'm not here for your permission or blessing," I told them. "I'm here because you're my parents and I love and respect you enough to tell you firsthand what's happening in my life."

  Wow. You know, sometimes I really surprised myself with how mature I could be. Of course, I also surprised myself with how quickly I could revert back to a bratty teenager and that's exactly what I did when my father said, "Good, because my blessing is something you and he will never get."

  "Oh my god!" I threw my hands up in pure frustration. "You are such an asshole, Dad."

  "I sure am, dear daughter," he shot back sarcastically, not batting an eyelid. "But I'd rather be the asshole that tries to protect you from getting your heart crushed again than the one that sits back and says nothing while he traipses all over your goddamn happiness again."

  Mom shook her head in obvious dismay. "Kyle," she said in a weary tone and I had no doubt my mother was weary. Weary of putting up with his stupid ass for the last twenty-eight years. "You are handling this all wrong."

  "Eight years, Lee," Dad snapped, turning his attention to my mother. "Eight long years was the price she paid last time. What's it going to be this time? A life-sentence?"

  "Everyone deserves a second chance, Kyle," Mom snapped.

  "Not him." Dad ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "He doesn’t deserve shit from her, Lee."

  "The same could have been said about you, Kyle Carter," Mom countered, leveling my father with stern look. "I can't count on one hand the number of people who told me to walk away from you when we were young."

  Dad flinched like my mother's words had physically wounded him.

  Meanwhile, I folded my arms across my chest and smirked smugly.

  Go Mom.

  "You're right," Dad said after a long moment of silence. "And I deserved their disapproval back then. I was an asshole and I made a lot of mistakes with you." With his eyes locked on my mother, he added, "Difference is, I broke my goddamn back to make it right. I stayed, Lee, and I fought for you. I fucking tried. I didn’t run. I didn’t leave you when shit got tough. I stayed because you were worth it. Because I love you and you don’t walk away from the person you love. You can't! Because when it's real? When it's honest to god, slit your wrists if you can't be with that person, true love, it's physically impossible to walk away."

  "Kyle," Mom began to say, her voice much softer now.

  "No. Just hear me out, Lee," Dad interrupted, holding out his hand. "I need her to hear this." He turned to me then and exhaled a heavy sigh. "Hope." He sounded almost defeated. "I know you think you love him, sweetheart."

  "I do love him," I snarled, unwilling to remain quiet while my father belittled my feelings and spoke down to me like I was a child. "I love Jordan, Dad."

  "Because you don’t know any different!" Dad shot back, tone exasperated. "And neither does he."

  "He does love me!"

  "Then, where is he?" Dad demanded, waving a hand around in a form of gesturing. "Why isn’t he sitting beside you right now?"

  "Stop," I snapped, unwilling to listen to this. It was too hard. Too painful.

  "Come on, Hope, and think about this for a minute," Dad urged. "He was your childhood best friend. I get that. Hell, even I'm capable of understanding that the bond between you two runs deep. But love? Honest to god love between a man and a woman?" Dad shook his head and threw his hands up helplessly. "I don’t see it between you and him. I have never seen that between you and Jordan."

  "You're just saying this because you can't let go," I argued defensively. "You can't stand seeing me grow up, Dad. That's what your problem is."

  "No," Dad countered in a heated tone. "My problem with you and Jordan Porter – what my problem has always been with you two– is that you have always confused friendship with love."

  "He has a point," Logan interjected and I gaped at him like he had slapped me.

  "Not you, too," I whispered, horrified.

  "Finally," Dad shrieked in relief. "I have one sensible child."

  "Why can't you just be happy for me?" I choked out, battling back the tears that were threatening to spill. I didn’t want to cry. I fucking hated crying. It wasn’t something I did without good reason. But right now, listening to all of this hurt, I felt like bursting into tears. "I do love him, Dad. I do." My voice cracked and a traitorous tear slid down my cheek. "Why can't you see that this is what I want and just accept it? Accept Jordan?"
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  "You are asking me to accept a man who went behind my back and married my child when she was still in high school." Dad spat the words like it pained him to say it aloud – a horrible reminder of my secrecy and lies. "And maybe I could have," he added. "If he hadn't made a mockery of those vows."

  "Dad…"

  "You ran away from home when you were eighteen years old," Dad said in a pained voice. "Because of him. You lived with your pain and your secrets for almost a decade. Because of him. And you were alone. Because of him." Dad crunched his nose up, like the words he was speaking were causing him physical pain. "How can I accept that?" he asked then. "If you know how I can get past all that, then you better tell me now, sweetheart, because I have no fucking clue."

  "If you knew his reasons for leaving me, you'd understand, Dad," I whispered, clenching my eyes shut. This wasn’t easy for me. Being reminded of the pain and betrayal made my chest constrict so tightly I found it hard to breathe. "All of you would."

  "Then tell me," Dad replied, taking a seat beside my mother once more.

  "I can't," I squeezed out, dropping my gaze to my hands. "It's not my secret to tell."

  "If there's something we should know, then you need to tell us, Hope," Mom added in a worried tone. "You can tell us anything, honey. You know that."

  I did know that.

  But this wasn’t mine to tell.

  It was Jordan's.

  I already felt bad enough for blurting it out to Hunter earlier.

  "He'll never forgive me if I do," I whispered, forcing myself to look at my parents. Two pairs of worried eyes gazed back at me. One set a piercing blue color, the other a shade of stormy gray.

  "Whatever is said at this table, stays at this table," my father announced in a tone that sounded like a command.

  "Agreed," said Logan.

  Reaching across the table, Dad caught ahold of my hand and squeezed reassuringly. "I promise," he whispered, looking straight at me. "I've got you, sweetheart."

  I had a feeling I was going to regret this, but I couldn’t hold it in. I needed my parents. I wasn’t strong like Jordan. I couldn’t block the world out and be happy alone. I needed their support and their acceptance.

  Inhaling a deep, steadying breath, I tightened my grip on my father's hand and for the second time today, I blurted out the words I had promised I would never tell a soul, "He was raped, Daddy. Paul Smith raped him!"

  Chapter Nine

  HOPE

  I felt like the worst piece of shit on the planet when I returned to Jordan's house later that day. I had broken my promise to him. I had told the secret he had spent years trying to protect. And worse, I wasn’t brave enough to admit it. I knew I would never tell him what I had done. I couldn’t. I had just gotten him back. Revealing that I'd told my parents all about the horrific abuse he had suffered could make him run again. I couldn’t bear that.

  So, when I walked into the kitchen later that afternoon with two suitcases full of my possessions, and Jordan asked me about my day, I lied to his face.

  I invented an elaborate tale about why Teagan had needed me last night, and then I rambled on and on about the book I should have been working on, but wasn’t.

  Jordan believed me. Every single word. And why wouldn’t he? I had never lied to him before. Disgust filled every pore in my body, laced with the knowledge of what I had helped Hunter do this morning, until I was oozing with self-loathing.

  "So, how is this going to work?" I heard myself ask later that night as I stood in front of Jordan's already over-flowing closet with my suitcases on the floor by my feet and a look of despair on my face. None of my stuff was going to fit in this house. It was too small. "I'm never going to fit in here."

  "We can toss out most of what's in there," Jordan offered as he continued to empty the drawers of his dresser. "I don’t wear any of it."

  "No." I shook my head and closed the closet door. "We're not dumping your belongings, Jordan. I'll manage with the chest of drawers."

  Jordan must have heard the uncertainty in my tone because he stopped what he was doing and gave me his full attention. "We'll make this work, Keychain." Tossing an armful of shirts on the bed, he walked over to where I was standing and opened the closet door. "You'll always fit in here." He then proceeded to wedge both of my cases into the bottom of the closet before shoving the protesting doors shut. "With me."

  I wanted to ask him if Annabelle and her baby belonged here with him, too, but I held my tongue. She had been here when I got back, and hell if I wasn’t feeling put out with her presence. I could hear her and the baby right now. They were in their bedroom next to ours. The walls were paper thin and I could hear her playing and cooing with Ryder. I didn’t like acknowledging jealousy. It wasn’t an emotion I was used to feeling, and one I liked even less, but right now I was bursting to the seams with the green-eyed monster.

  "What's on your mind?" Jordan ask, breaking through my thoughts.

  "I'm just trying to register everything," I admitted honestly. Walking over to the foot of his bed, I sank down and released a heavy sigh. "It's been a crazy twenty-four hours."

  "Yeah," Jordan agreed. Sitting down beside me, he leaned forwards and rested his elbows on his thighs. "For me too."

  "Are you having regrets?" I dared to ask, not looking at his face when I added, "About me?"

  "Not about you," he finally replied after the longest damn pause known to mankind. "But maybe about the speed everything seems to be moving at."

  Now I did look at him. "The speed?"

  "This is fast, Hope," he explained. "Really fast."

  My heart sank clean into my butt. "Do you want me to leave?" I asked, unable to mask how appalled I felt in this moment. When he didn’t answer immediately, I sprang to my feet in pure horror. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be fucking happening! "Oh my god," I shook my head and laughed humorlessly. "You do!" I was such an idiot. "You want me to leave."

  "No. Of course, I don’t – Hope, sit down."

  I couldn’t sit down, not when he sounded so uncertain. "Tell me what you want," I demanded then, unable to pretend I hadn't just heard that tone in his voice. The tone that told me he was still very confused. "I can't read your mind. If you're having doubts, then I deserve to know now."

  "I'm not having doubts," he was quick to say – too quick. "This is what I want, Hope. To be a family with you. I just don’t want to do anything to mess it up. I don’t want us to rush into anything. The way I see it is we have our whole lives to rebuild this relationship." He shrugged helplessly, then patted the mattress. "Come here."

  Helplessly, I returned to where I had been sitting, but this time I tucked my feet up on the bed and sat cross-legged. Call it crazy, but I needed to be comfortable for this conversation.

  "I love you," he told me. "That has not and will not change."

  "I love you, too," I replied, and that was the complete truth. I did love him. My love for him was the reason I was here, throwing myself into a foreign environment and ignoring the gut instincts that had protected me my whole life. "So, what happens now?"

  "Now?" Jordan turned and smiled at me, his green eyes piercing and full of love. "I guess we adjust to being in each other's lives again and live."

  "It's not going to be easy, is it?" I asked with a rueful smile.

  "No," he mused, playfully nudging my shoulder with his. "But nothing worth having comes easily."

  "We can do this, right?"

  Jordan took a moment to think about what I had said before nodding firmly. "We'll take our time. One day at a time. Step by step." He reached for my hand and squeezed reassuringly. "But yeah, Keychain. We will do this."

  Chapter Ten

  JORDAN

  "I love you. That hasn’t changed. I still do. Just as much as always," I whispered as I sat side by side with my wife. Her slender hand was in mine. "I’m giving you everything I can."

  My life with her meant everything to me. I didn’t think she had a clue of just
how important she was to me. I knew she was feeling unsure. She was frightened of our situation and uncertain of me. I could see it in her eyes. In the way she moved. In this moment, I thought she was the bravest person I'd ever met. She was putting her blind faith in me even though I was unable to give her guarantees for the future. If I was a normal man, I could comfort her in the ways she obviously needed me to, but I couldn’t. I didn’t seem to work right anymore. Everything inside of me was all fucked up and clouded.

  "Right back atcha," she chuckled, squeezing my hand with hers. "Always."

  I didn’t say anything to that – there wasn’t anything else to say in this moment. I had laid it all out there for her, and she had, too.

  It was enough for now.

  "Do you have a Wi-Fi password?" Hope asked after several minutes of unspoken silence. And just like that, the moment was gone.

  Turning to look at me, she pulled out her phone and shook it gently. "I need to check some work emails. Smiling indulgently, I reeled off our internet password and watched as she keyed it into her iPhone. "Thanks."

  "No problem." I stood up and stretched my arms above my head. "Are you hungry?"

  "Starving," she muttered, attention glued to her phone. "I could eat a horse," she added, tapping furiously on the screen with a deep frown set on her beautiful face.

  "I'll go downstairs and get dinner going," I told her, heading towards the door. "Come on down when you're ready."

  "Sure, sure," Hope muttered, though I wasn’t sure she had even heard me.

  I smiled to myself as I slipped out of the room. She'd always had the attention span of a goldfish.

  "Jordan?" she called out.

  I halted mid step and swung around to face her. "Hmm?"

  "Don’t let me down," she whispered, blue eyes laced with uncertainty as she looked at me. "Okay?"

  I forced myself to nod.

  I was going to.

  It was inevitable.