Lord Harrow's Heart

by Susan M. Baganz

  But could she really regret it completely? She had Dartanian and now her heart yearned for Theo. If they could eliminate this evil she wouldn’t need to leave the country. Maybe she could find a happier future as Lord Harrow’s wife.

  Theo now understood the depravity to which she had been subjected in her marriage. Would he still want her?

  There was nothing left to lose. She prayed for God’s aid and protection.

  The cat meowed, and a tiny paw come up with claws out.

  With everything she had Valeria stomped her heel into Lord Diamonte’s foot.

  The Duke yowled, startling Mittens, who reacted in fear. Claws scratched at The Black Diamond’s face, one hooking into his eye.

  Valeria tried to shake off the arm that held her tight. The gun was not near her head anymore, yet a shot rang out in the room. The arm around her went slack as the Duke fell down behind her.

  The kitten jumped free with a loud meow, tearing across the room to cower in a corner.

  Valeria dodged away, too.

  A circle of blood stained the Duke’s light blue coat and waistcoat. His eyes were closed. The Black Diamond did not move.

  Jared stood in the doorway checking his gun. “I’m surprised he didn’t have more thugs around this property.” He stopped and knelt by Michael. “Come on, wake up sleepy head.” He slapped Michael’s face and grinned. He went over to the sideboard and poured a glass of Irish Whiskey. Raising Michael’s head, he poured the alcohol past Michael’s lips.

  Michael sputtered and gagged, then reached up and punched him.

  Jared reared back, laughing.

  Phillip checked Lord Diamonte. “He is still alive.”

  “Good. Let’s bind his wound and put him on a ship to France. If he survives the trip over the channel he can live out his days there. He will no longer find a welcome in England. The new Duke will be Dartanian.” Jared had taken charge.

  “Dartanian cannot be Duke while Lord Diamonte is alive.” Valeria pointed out the obvious.

  Jared raised eyebrows. “Is he alive?” He glanced to Phillip. “Is he alive? I don’t see a living Duke in this room, do any of you?”

  Phillip grinned and came to Valeria. He lifted her hand and placed a kiss on it. “You were spectacular, my dear.” He bent down to help Michael up with Jared’s help. They left the room, and then returned for Lord Diamonte.

  “The carriage is full, Theo. Do you think you can manage to get Lady St. John back to the Inn with my horse? The animal is tied up outside the door.” Jared scooped up the kitten.

  Theo nodded.

  The door closed behind Jared and they were finally alone.

  Theo placed his hands on her shoulders and gazed into her eyes. “Valeria?” She reached up to touch by his eye that was almost swollen shut and traced a light finger down his nose that must surely be broken. Her heart swelled with gratitude for the faithfulness of this man. “Veuillez me tenir, Theo. Please, just hold me.” She was safe in his arms as she wept.

  10

  Theo was drained and inept after all that happened. Jared saved Lady St. John but he wished it had been him. He held her close in his arms and she shook as she released all her pent-up fear. He treasured holding her close as they rode Jared’s horse back to town. At least Jared allowed him that.

  They entered the inn and Marcus informed them that Phillip and Jared departed with a hired carriage to transport Lord Diamonte to the coast. He was still alive.

  Jared insisted they leave immediately as he needed to report to Whitehall and make sure that Lady St. John and Dartanian were guaranteed full access to the estate and funds. Dartanian would now be the Duke of Diamonte.

  Lord Wolton had escaped. Again.

  Dartanian was not well. The doctor tending him expressed grave doubts about him surviving the night. He had been poisoned. He suffered the side effects of the drugs as well as influenza.

  Theo grieved with Valeria for the safety of her son.

  Michael also rested in a room with broken ribs and a concussion. Theo suspected that Jared fled for the coast to avoid the wrath of Michael which was due to come eventually for the cruel way he awakened him.

  “Whiskey? I hate the stuff. Why couldn’t he have splashed my face with water?” Michael grumbled to Theo before lapsing into unconsciousness once again.

  Theo chuckled even as he put a raw steak over his own eye and tried to rest on a pallet on the floor of Michael’s room. He hoped that it would not be too many more days before he would be allowed to sleep in a real bed. If that bed also contained a certain tall, blonde woman with deep brown eyes, he would be even more content. At the moment, there was nothing more he could do to further his goals in that regard while Dartanian lay so sick. It would be tragic if after all they had gone through they lost the young boy now.

  ~*~

  Valeria was exhausted. She nursed her son through the night and was unable to sleep. Every cough or sniffle jarred her into full wakefulness.

  Marcus came that morning to beg her to at least go eat and he would sit with Dartanian while she broke her fast. “You will do him no good if you get sick as well, Lady St. John.”

  She agreed with his wisdom. Dartanian was delirious and hardly cared who was with him. She trusted Lord Remington and recognized that he would do all he could to keep her son comfortable.

  The private parlor‘s lone occupant was Lord Harrow. His face was a myriad of colors and his hair had not been restored to its normal tidy appearance. His apparent fatigue did not hinder his appetite because his plate was full of of eggs, toast, and fruit.

  She came into the room, shutting the door behind her. “How do you fare, Lord Harrow? I have not seen you to thank you for your care last night.”

  Theo stood as his face turned pink. “I fare well enough, my lady. How is Dartanian?”

  “Not well, but he survived the night.”

  Theo pulled a chair out for her. He poured her a cup of tea, filled a plate of food and set it before her— all before he sat down to resume his own meal.

  “Thank you, Theodore.”

  “My pleasure, my lady.” He focused only on his meal.

  She applied herself to the food in front of her but found she had little appetite. She leaned back in her chair, sighed, and sipped her tea.

  “You need to eat to keep your strength up.”

  “So Lord Remington reminded me. I hoped that I would feel different once we had rescued Dartanian and were safe.”

  “How so?”

  “I thought I would be elated. I anticipated fleeing the country and now I do not need to. I will not need to work. I will be myself again, if I ever figure out who that is. I will have to find a place to live and try to figure out what to do with my life. It is overwhelming.”

  “But none of that will mean anything until Dartanian has recovered.”

  “Dartanian. Mon petit. It is terrible what he suffered due to his grand-pere. How do I explain all that has happened to him when he grows older?”

  “When he is older, tell him the truth.” Theo patted his mouth tenderly with a table linen. With a split lip the motion had to be painful.

  She sighed. “The truth is ugly.”

  Theo sipped his coffee. “The truth is you are now free from the horrors of the past. You do not need to live there anymore or walk in fear. Dartanian does not need to carry that with him either.”

  “When did you get so wise, Lord Harrow?”

  Theo shrugged and grew quiet.

  Did he still desire her after all they’d been through yesterday? Heaviness weighed on her soul. What man would want her after all that had transpired? She was not only a widow, she was damaged goods. She really was not worth more than being a lover to a man like Lord Harrow. Even as the mother of a Duke, she had too shameful of a past to be worthy to step out amongst the beau monde. She did not belong in such exalted circles even though she was the daughter of a French Comte. All that had burned in the revolution. She was not a citizen of Britain and d
id not really belong anywhere. Once Dartanian was old enough to assume control of his vast inheritance she would be without value or purpose. She cleared her throat. “Theo.”

  “Yes?” He looked up at her with a fatigued expression.

  She went over, stood behind him, and placed her hands on his shoulders. “Relax.” She massaged his shoulders under the fine fabric of his coat.

  He leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

  She bent down and kissed the top of his head and her fingers followed, massaging his scalp and loving the feel of his soft sandy-colored hair in her fingers.

  He let out a sigh of contentment and reached up to pull her around. He pushed his chair back from the table and sat her across his lap.

  She gazed into his eyes. For once she was actually taller than him. His large hands, with their bruised and cut knuckles came up to gently touch both sides of her face and pull her head down toward his. He did not encounter much resistance as she wrapped her arms around his neck and met his lips in a soft kiss. When the kiss broke, she pulled her head back and smiled at him.

  “I’m beginning to want to thank God for having your horses run me over and bringing you into my life.”

  Theo groaned and closed his eyes.

  Valeria leaned down and kissed each eyelid. “You have been a hero ever since that day in every way possible.”

  Theo opened his eyes, they were deep mossy pools of green. He pulled her back to him and deepened the kiss.

  Valeria sighed as she leaned in further to taste more of him. Had she ever wanted a man like this before? No. Never. The desire swirling within her fueled by the aftermath of yesterday, her anxiety over Dartanian, and her fatigue all combined to weaken her defenses and make her want everything this man had to offer.

  Before she realized it, she was on her feet and Theo was across the room messing his hair with one hand.

  “I would never so dishonor you, my lady. I apologize for my inappropriate actions.” He pulled a hand down over his face and groaned.

  Valeria grew bereft of his presence. It felt so much like rejection. Anger built inside her at her own stupidity at being so forward and giving into her baser emotions. “You did nothing that I did not allow you to do. I’m sorry you found me so distasteful.” Valeria strode to the door and delivered her parting shot. “I will not so importune you again, my lord.” She slammed the solid oak door and trudged up the stairs realizing she never ate a bite of her breakfast.

  When she came to her room she asked Marcus to have a maid bring her some tea and toast. She crawled into bed to lay next to her son and holding his little body close, she cried herself to sleep.

  ~*~

  Marcus strode into the parlor to find Theo standing by the window. “What did you do to upset Lady St. John?” Marcus filled a plate and began to eat.

  Theo ignored him. What did he have to say for himself? The minute that woman touched him all he wanted to do was bury himself in her golden hair and comfort himself with her touch. Her scent. The way she tasted. Everything within him had longed for this woman from the day he had run her down by accident. He wanted to be honorable in the way he treated her, but when she came near him his brain shut down and he was lost in these new and uncomfortable emotions. There had been nothing honorable in the thoughts that accompanied their kisses. He was sorry if he hurt her by rebuffing her advances, but he did not know what else to do. He shook his head as he glanced over at his friend.

  Marcus raised an eyebrow.

  The uncomfortable truth was he had never been with a woman. His friends thought he had experience, but he was as much a virgin as Marcus had been on his wedding day. He’d never met a woman who tempted him to want to bare his body and soul in such a way as to act on the urges that he now struggled with. Valeria had experience. If he married her would she find him satisfactory?

  Memories from the past rose up to taunt him. Friends early on in school questioning his masculinity. His first time to a brothel, forced there by his father. He was so intimidated by the woman hired to initiate him that he could not perform and ended up leaving in shame. His father taunted him with his failure up until his death. Through all these years he’d wondered if he was even normal. He would dance and flirt with the women, but had no desire for them.

  Never once was he tempted to steal a kiss and never before had any woman tempted him to think about marriage. Classmates shamed him incessantly for his lack of desire to pursue women. He loved women. He adored his mother, but he had also seen her pain at her husband’s infidelities. He never wanted to treat a woman that way. He despaired he would never find one who would make him want to take the risk of humiliation smilar to the past.

  It took three women to show him how wonderful marriage could be. Josie, Elizabeth, and Katrina all doted on their husbands and Marcus, Phillip, and Michael were equally besotted. He felt left out and jealous. It was not until he had met Valeria that his heart found peace. He wanted her at his dinner table. He wanted her holding their children. He wanted her beside him when they went to bed at night and he wanted her to be there when he awoke in the morning.

  His friends never knew about the brothel debacle. They’d never met his father and he preferred it that way. He admired Marcus for his choice to stay pure until marriage. But for Theo it had not seemed like a choice. More like a failure and it had gone on for so long now he wondered if he would ever be physically attracted to a woman. Until Valeria.

  Theo came back to the table and sat across from Marcus. His food was cold, and he pushed the plate away. His coffee was tepid, but he drank it anyway.

  “Care to talk about it?” Marcus asked.

  Theo started to open his mouth but closed it again. Why the hesitancy? Marcus was a good friend. He kept confidences and he led a virtuous life. There was no one he could trust more than the man sitting across from him. Marcus may have been two years his junior but in so many ways he was older in spirit than the rest of them.

  “Let me guess from what I’ve seen. You care for Lady St. John, desire her, and that scares you.” Marcus’s brown eyes held compassion.

  “That would sum it up well.”

  “There is no rush to marry, is there?” Marcus was asking the trick question.

  Theo sighed. “That depends on what it means to compromise a widow.”

  Marcus raised an eyebrow and frowned.

  “I have not bedded her.” Theo’s face grew warm. “But I wanted to.”

  “You are a man. Temptation comes to all of us.”

  “Did it come to you before you met Josie?”

  Marcus shook his head and grinned as if he remembered their rocky courtship. Or perhaps it was their wedding night. “Never did I physically desire a woman before her. I am glad that I did not taint our wedding night with memories of other women.”

  “I would bring that purity to my marriage bed as well and that terrifies me.” Theo sighed.

  Marcus dropped his fork. “Really? Theo. You never indicated that you were not, well, active in that.”

  “I never desired to before now.”

  Marcus nodded. “It will be worth the wait. Trust me.”

  “But she has been married before. I fear I would not measure up to her expectations.”

  “Given the heat I sense between the two of you I do not think that would be a problem. I would suggest a short engagement or a special license.”

  Theo laughed. “Has any one of us had a traditional wedding yet? It seems that getting a special license is a rite of passage for us men.”

  “Michael had not needed a special license. He had the banns called and yet he was the only one whose wedding we were unable to attend.”

  Theo laughed. “Poor Katrina. He put her through a lot when he got his memory back but didn’t remember the wedding.”

  Marcus sobered. “It was heartbreaking for her when she discovered she was with child and lost her husband.”

  “In the end, it worked out though. I can hardly believe they are on
their way to a second child already.”

  Marcus smiled. “We are, too.”

  “Really? Congratulations!”

  “Thank you, Theo.” Marcus sipped his coffee. “There is something wonderful about marriage and children. But I’m glad I waited for the right woman to share my life with.”

  “After Michael and Katrina, I decided I needed to get serious about searching for a wife. I hoped to avoid the drama you all endured.”

  Marcus laughed and couldn’t stop.

  Theo joined in. “I guess I had that one wrong, didn’t I?” Theo chuckled.

  “Women and drama kind of go together, Theo, but in the end they are worth it.”

  “I wish I knew if in the end, I was getting what I want.”

  “Has she seemed unwilling? I thought she had taken a shine to you?”

  “I thought so, but she runs hot and cold. I lose confidence. She was going to leave the country and I lost hope of ever having her for my wife. Now that the Black Diamond is on his way out, she would be free…”

  “But so much has happened that she will need some time to adjust.”

  Theo nodded. “I don’t want to rush her, and I do not want to take advantage of her emotional vulnerability right now.”

  “Plus, her son is unwell. A woman often has no thought for anything else when her child is sick.”

  Theo nodded but grinned. “I’m not so sure about that.”

  “Oh?”

  Theo shook his head.

  Marcus stood. “Shall we go up and spend some time with Michael or do you need a bed to really sleep in for a few hours?”

  Theo yawned. “I’ll borrow your bed if you are willing to babysit the invalid.”

  Marcus smiled. “I’ll be praying for you and Valeria, too.”

  “Thank you.”

  ~*~

  Valeria woke a few hours later, weary.

  Dartanian was awake. “Maman? I am thirsty.”

  She rose to get some water and helped her son drink. His forehead was cool. “Mon enfant, your fever broke. We will get you a bath.”