Teaching Tenderness

by Brittany Cournoyer

  It wasn’t the first time we said those words to each other since our declaration. In fact, that night during our makeup session, we’d said it quite a bit. But it was different saying it while we were just lounging on my couch and weren’t caught up in the heat of the moment. It felt more real.

  “So any big plans tomorrow after Jackson gets home? It’s the last day of school for break.”

  “Not really. I couldn’t get much time off, so he’s going to be with Kathy a lot.” I sighed and suddenly felt weary. I hated that I couldn’t take some extended time off to spend the break with Jackson, and I hated even more that he was going to be with Kathy.

  “Does she still have a thing for you?” Anthony asked and his legs tensed up.

  I shrugged and continued to rub his foot. “I don’t know. She hasn’t had to watch him as much since I’ve put in more of an effort to leave work earlier. And I might have been hoping that Jackson would tell her I’ve been seeing you so I don’t have to. I don’t like uncomfortable conversations,” I admitted with a rueful laugh.

  “Chicken,” Anthony snickered. “Why don’t you let me watch him?”

  My fingers stilled as I stared at my boyfriend. “I can’t let you do that. You probably have your own things to do.”

  He shrugged. “No, not really. Just papers to grade, which I can easily do here. And I have to go up to the office sometime and renew the lease on my house. But other than that, I’m free.”

  “Are you sure you want to watch him?” I asked. I didn’t want Anthony to feel obligated to keep an eye on my kid just because we were dating. I wanted to try and give him an out in case he only offered to be nice.

  “Yes I’m sure. He’s an awesome kid and I’m sure we could find loads of things to do to keep us occupied.”

  “Like sign up for an art class!” Jackson called from down the hall.

  I laughed and shook my head. Of course the little shit was listening in on our conversation.

  “Jackson Connor Anderson, come in here this instant,” I yelled at him even though I had a smile on my face.

  Jackson ambled into the room and stopped directly in front of the couch where Anthony and I were seated. “I promise I wasn’t listening in. I just heard the last part. Honest!”

  “What’s this art class you’re talking about?” I asked him instead.

  “It was a flyer I saw in the hallway at school. There’s an art class starting next week for my age group. Can I please sign up, Dad? Please? It’s only for an hour on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

  It was the first time I’d seen Jackson get excited about something in a really long time. I didn’t even know he had an interest in art until I caught him doodling on random pieces of paper. How could I tell my son, no? Especially when it caused such a fire to light in his eyes.

  “Bring me the flyer so I can check it out tomorrow while I’m at work. And go to bed.”

  Jackson let out a whoop before he raced down the hall to his bedroom. A few seconds later he returned with a rumpled piece of paper in his hand. And with a promise that I’d call tomorrow to look into the class, he first hugged me and then Anthony before he went back to his room.

  “So, your lease is almost up on your house?” I asked after we sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

  Anthony nodded and closed his eyes as my hands drifted back up under his pants leg to his calf. “Yeah. I’m going to renew it for another year. I’m trying to save up to buy my own house, but you know how teacher salaries are.”

  I chuckled at his comment as my fingers started to knead into his leg. “Your house is nice. Ever look into buying it?”

  Anthony shrugged. “Yeah, but I don’t think it’s worth the asking price. It’s pretty old and needs a lot of repairs. Most of them are cosmetic, but they still bring down the value of the house. And I know it’ll need a new roof in a few years. So unless he brings down the asking price, I’m going to look elsewhere.”

  “That’s understandable. If you’re going to put the money in for repairs and a new roof, might as well use it for a more updated house.”

  “Exactly,” Anthony said and poked my thigh with his toe. “You’re pretty smart.”

  “I have my moments.”

  Suddenly, an idea occurred to me. It was seriously one of those moments like in a cartoon, when a lightbulb appeared over the character’s head. I half expected there to be a lightbulb floating over my own as the idea popped into my brain. And the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. But would he go for it?

  “What are you thinking about so hard over there?” Anthony asked and poked my thigh again.

  “Umm, nothing,” I hedged and stared down at his legs. It was a stupid idea, and he would never agree to it. I never should’ve had that thought in the first place.

  “Clearly it’s something, if it has you frowning like that,” Anthony said. “Tell me, babe.”

  “It’s stupid,” I finally admitted.

  “I sincerely doubt that.” Anthony moved his feet off my legs and sat up so he was directly beside me. “Out with it.”

  I sat quietly for a minute as I muddled over the thoughts in my brain. I kept trying to find an excuse to not tell him. I kept thinking of reasons it really was a stupid idea. It was too soon. It’d scare him away. Stupid shit like that to plague on my insecurities. But when he sat there, looking at me with patient eyes as I gathered my thoughts, those stupid doubts didn’t matter.

  “What if you didn’t renew your lease?” I asked.

  “I need to renew my lease, baby. I kind of need a place to sleep at night.”

  I nodded and stared down at my hands. Then I took a deep breath and looked up at him. “What if you slept here every night?”

  Anthony’s eyes widened as what I suggested sunk in. “Marcus, are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”

  “Yes. I want you to move in with me. Me and Jackson,” I hurriedly amended.

  Anthony sucked in a deep breath. “Don’t you think it’s too soon?”

  I hung my head at his words. He was right. It was too soon. But, “maybe it is, to some people. But I don’t think so. We spend a lot of time together already. We’re here more than we are at your house. You’re going to be spending nearly every day with Jackson over the holiday break. And honestly, I want you by my side every night. I hate when you go home. And obviously, so does Jackson.”

  Anthony sighed and shook his head with a smile. “Low blow adding that last part in, dude.”

  I shrugged and smiled sheepishly. “I fight dirty when I know what I want.”

  “Can I think about it?” Anthony asked after a few moments.

  I nodded. “Take all the time you need.”

  Anthony didn’t say anything more about it and changed the subject to more neutral topics, such as Jackson’s progress with his tutoring. He stayed for about another hour until he needed to go home and get some things ready for work in the morning. He told me he decided tomorrow would be a movie day, since the kids would be too excited about the upcoming break to be able to concentrate, on any kind of work.

  “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I gave him a quick kiss goodbye, and I felt a slight sting in my chest that always settled there whenever he left me.

  “Of course, you will,” Anthony said as he pulled away. “Especially, since I’m going to be living here.”

  I froze right where I stood. Surely he didn’t just say that? “Wh-what did you just say?”

  Anthony grinned at me. “I thought about it and knew my answer after, like, two seconds. I just felt like making you wait a little. But this is me saying yes.” And with another quick kiss he walked away. “See you tomorrow.”

  I smiled as I shut the door behind me. Anthony was such a pain in the ass sometimes, but damn if I didn’t love him more after he agreed to move in with me. I couldn’t wait until he was sharing his life with me every single day. Just the thought had me positively giddy and that was an emotion I hadn’t felt in a very lon
g time.

  Chapter 30

  Anthony

  “Jackson, can you grab that small box from the back seat?” I called out as I unlocked the door to Marcus’s house. Well, I guess it was now my house, as well. But referring to it as my new home was going to take a lot of getting used to.

  After telling Marcus that I would move in with him, he texted me the next day to remind me about going to the leasing office and canceling my lease. I, of course, had to play with his impatient ass for a bit and feigned ignorance in what he was referring to. Needless to say, that didn’t work out in my favor at all.

  Marcus: Did you remember that you’re supposed to go cancel your lease today?

  Anthony: I am? Why would I do that?

  Marcus: Because you’re going to be moving in with me and Jackson…

  Anthony: Oh, that’s right. I do recall having a conversation about that.

  Marcus: Seriously?

  Marcus: You better not be fucking around with me, Anthony.

  Anthony: Me? I’d never dream of doing something like that. But I do have some bogus appointment on my calendar. I wonder if I should ignore it…

  Marcus: Anthony, don’t forget. I’ve gone three years without sex. It wouldn’t bother me to go another week.

  Well shit. That was a low blow. Even though I had been hesitant to have sex with Marcus when Jackson was asleep just down the hall, my libido was pretty high. And Marcus knew it and knew how much I enjoyed bottoming for him. Asshole.

  Anthony: Not fair, at all. I’ll talk to you later tonight… after I cancel my lease. Asshole.

  Marcus: You love me though.

  Anthony: Yes I do.

  Marcus: Ditto babe.

  And that was how I found myself with a canceled lease and a spare key to Marcus’s house. A few days later I had packed up the majority of my belongings and, with the help of Jackson, had begun to move my stuff in. Thank goodness it wasn’t a lot. Marcus and I had a discussion about which furniture to merge and what needed to be stored. Since his furniture was much nicer than mine, I easily agreed to put everything I had in storage. And then he promptly went into his bedroom to clean out space for me in the closet.

  I had talked one of my coworkers into helping me move my heavy furnishings into the storage unit, and promised him a steak dinner and gas money for compensation. He declined both and helped me move everything, with the help of Jackson. Marcus would have assisted as well, but his work had a huge campaign that needed his attention. I assured him he could make it up to me later.

  I walked down the hall to Marcus’s—our—room and started to hang up my slacks in the closet. It was weird to see, but somehow felt… right. I didn’t have any second thoughts or anxiety about moving in. In fact, the moment I decided that yes, moving in with Marcus was what I wanted, I felt whole again. But then Jackson walked into the room to set a box on the floor and a question plagued my mind. A question that had been eating at me since I’d had a discussion with my boss after school, just a few days prior.

  “Mr. Whiteman, may I speak to you for a moment?” I asked him, as I stood in his doorway.

  “Sure, how can I help you, Mr. Capriotti?” The principal, Mr. Whiteman, asked as he looked at me from behind his desk.

  I walked inside and shut the door behind me, before I sat down in the empty chair in front of his desk. “So I wanted to make you aware of something,” I said and wiped my sweaty palms on my pants.

  “You’re not leaving us, are you?” He sounded upset at the prospect and I smiled despite my nerves.

  “No, nothing like that. It’s about my personal life.” I explained. “I’m seeing someone.”

  “Congratulations?” He made it sound like a question, obviously confused about why I was telling him about it.

  “He, um, is the parent of one of my students,” I explained in a rush.

  Mr. Whiteman already knew I was gay. Hell, the entire staff knew it. But I also knew that he’d frown upon me dating a parent.

  “I see. Which student is it?” he asked, and leaned back in his chair to rest his hands on his abdomen.

  “Jackson Anderson.”

  Mr. Whiteman brought a finger up to stroke his chin as he tried to recall who Jackson was. I watched his eyes light up with recognition when it finally dawned on him.

  “I appreciate you coming to me with this information, Anthony. Even though it’s not a rule that parents and teachers aren’t allowed to date, it certainly can cause… problems. So here’s what I’m going to do.”

  I braced myself as I waited for Mr. Whiteman to tell me what his plan was.

  “I’m going to keep my eye on you. Pop in periodically and make sure you are treating Jackson fairly. If I notice anything, and I do mean anything out of the ordinary, I’ll pull him from your class. Does that seem fair to you?”

  I nodded. “Absolutely. I assure you that I won’t treat Jackson any differently than I would my other students.”

  “That’s good to know, but that’ll be up to me to decide. I’m also going to speak to Jackson myself, when school is back in session. Get his take on things and see how he feels about it.”

  “I understand. Thank you, sir, and have a nice break.”

  “Hey, CJ, can I ask you something?” I questioned him as I continued to hang up my clothes.

  “Sure, what’s up?” Jackson asked and I watched him, from the corner of my eye, sit on the bed.

  “Are you okay with this?” I gestured toward the clothes I was hanging up.

  “Why wouldn’t I be?” he asked in confusion.

  “Well, I’m your teacher. And it’s one thing for me to come around a lot since I’m with your dad, but now I’ll be living here.”

  “So? You’re only going to be my teacher for a few more months. And like I told Dad last night, I like having you around.”

  I smiled at that comment until I realized what he said. “You talked to your dad about it?”

  “Sure. He asked me the same question, actually,” he said with an eye roll.

  That was news to me. Marcus hadn’t said anything to me about it. “So you’re cool with it?”

  “Dude, I just said that. As long as you don’t embarrass me at school or anything like that, it’ll be fine.”

  I laughed and turned around to face him full on. “I promise you, that’ll never happen. I didn’t like for my parents to embarrass me, so why would I do that to you?”

  Jackson shrugged. “I don’t know. Parents are weird like that.”

  “Luckily for you I’m not a parent. I’m your friend and friends don’t embarrass each other.”

  Jackson sat there thoughtfully before he needed. “Cool. I’m starving. See you later.” And with that, he was off the bed and back down the hallway.

  I chuckled at what he said and resumed filling up our closet with my clothes. Then I opened one of the boxes and began to pull out my socks, underwear, and pajama pants. I pulled open a drawer to the spare dresser Marcus had cleaned out for me and started to fill the drawers. Then I grabbed the box that Jackson had brought in and carried it to the attached bathroom. I opened the cabinet above the sink and began to place my toiletries in it. I put my favorite cologne right next to Marcus’s. My deodorant beside his. Our toothbrushes in the same holder. It seemed so domestic and absolutely perfect.

  When the boxes were empty, I broke them down and carried them to the recycling bin by the garage. Afterwards, I found Jackson in the kitchen eating a sandwich and washing it down with a large glass of milk. Thank god, he was old enough to make his own lunch, or I would’ve been fired as his dad’s boyfriend.

  “That looks good,” I said as I washed my hands.

  Jackson took a drink of his milk and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, completely missing the milk mustache. “Want one?” he offered.

  “Thanks, but I’m going to finish off that spaghetti from last night. Then I figured when we we’re done, we could go check out that art class.”

  Jackson’s eyes lit
up. “Really?”

  “Absolutely. I talked it over with your dad, and he gave me the okay. He also gave me his credit card to sign you up if you’re really interested in taking it.”

  Jackson jumped up from the table, his chair making a loud screech on the floor, and ran over to me. Thankfully, I had time to set the bowl of food down before he threw his arms around my waist.

  “Thank you!” he gushed out and squeezed me hard.

  “You’re welcome. Just make sure to thank your dad, as well,” I reminded him. “Go finish your lunch so we can go.”

  Jackson let me go and hurried back over to the table. I noticed the slight blush that stained his cheeks, but I didn’t dare point it out to him. Considering I just promised not to embarrass him, that’d be a dick move to make. So instead I focused on heating up my leftover spaghetti, and then joined him at the table.

  “So what got you interested in art?” I asked after I ate a few delicious bites. My man sure knew how to cook.

  Jackson shrugged and looked down at his plate. “I’ve always liked to draw. I’m just not very good at it.”

  I sat my fork down and propped my elbows on the table, lacing my fingers together. “That’s bullshit.”

  Jackson’s eyes grew wide with my bluntness. I knew Marcus didn’t like to curse around Jackson, but there were just some times that filters weren’t needed—this was one of those times. And Jackson was a tough kid, he could handle it.

  “Jackson, I’ve seen your doodles and drawings on your notebooks at school. You’re a damned good artist. Yeah, they are a little rough around the edges, but with the right teacher, they’ll be amazing.”

  Jackson nodded and stared down at his half eaten sandwich. “It’s just,” he said before he reached up and nervously scratched his cheek. “It’s stupid.”

  I slowly got up from the table and walked over to crouch down in front of him. “Jackson, I am going to say something to you, but I want you to know it’s coming from me as a friend and not because I’m your teacher, okay?”

  He nodded and looked down at me. I saw his teeth were clenched together and his breathing had hitched. “Okay.”