All the Fun of the Fair

by Lynda Paige

  She sniffed. ‘Yes, I realise that now. I am so sorry, Solly, really I am.’

  He squeezed her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. ‘I know you are. There’s nothing else you’ve kept from me, is there?’

  ‘No, absolutely not,’ she cried vehemently. ‘Just this and only this.’

  ‘Then let’s keep it that way. I never want any more surprises like the one I’ve had today.’ He looked at her quizzically as she wiped her face with a sodden handkerchief and stood up. ‘You’re not thinking of going back to work right now? You’ve just had one hell of a shock, Gem, and need time to take it all in. We need to decide how we’re going to tell the boys they have a sister. How they are going to take this, God only knows.’

  ‘I have someone I need to see.’

  ‘Who?’ Then his face screwed up thunderously. ‘No, Gem, you’re not going to see her. What’s the point?’

  ‘Like our daughter, I need to look her in the eye and have her tell me why she did what she did. It wasn’t just that she had our child adopted behind our backs, but to tell me she was dead. I want to hear how she justifies that.’

  ‘I’m going with you then.’

  She shook her head. ‘No, Solly. I remember the one and only time you met my mother and I will not allow you to go through that again. I need to do this on my own.’

  At the time, Gem had cursed Solly for making her learn to to drive. She had often been tasked with driving a heavy old bone-shaking Leyland lorry loaded with fair rides and paraphernalia down winding pot-holed country lanes, worried that she’d end up in a ditch. But, at this moment, she was grateful for Solly’s patience in teaching her as it meant she didn’t have to catch trains and buses to reach her destination.

  As soon as she pulled the ageing lorry to a stop in the driveway of her destination, only a foot or so away from the steps leading up to the front door, a middle-aged woman immaculately dressed in a tweed skirt and blue twinset, grey hair expertly coiled high on her head, appeared out of the door. Her face was wreathed in fury and she was waving an angry hand at her. ‘Get that ramshackle contraption off my driveway!’

  Gem’s anger and hurt over her mother’s betrayal of her had built to fever pitch and she flung open the door, clambered out of the cabin onto the gravel driveway and, feet planted firmly apart, fixed icy eyes on the woman. ‘No welcome home then for the prodigal daughter, eh, Mother? Well there isn’t because you don’t recognise me, do you? But then why would you, as you haven’t seen me for over twenty years.’

  If she was shocked at her eldest daughter’s unexpected appearance then she didn’t show it. Only her eyes moved when she looked Gem over before she spoke. ‘Look at you, dressed like a common street labourer and driving a lorry, for God’s sake. I take it then that you’re still living with those tinkers. If not, you certainly look like you are.’

  Gem knew that she wasn’t exactly dressed in the best of clothes, but she was clean and tidy. But she could have kicked herself for the fact that, in her haste to leave the fairground, she had grabbed what she thought was her own jacket from one of the hooks by the van door and put it on without realising that it was Solly’s old work coat which was covered in oil and several sizes too big for her. Her mother was being her usual arrogant self. ‘Yes, I am still living with those… what you insist on calling gypsies even though you know they’re not but show people. I am very happy, couldn’t be more so. Solly has been a wonderful husband to me and we have two strapping, well-mannered, intelligent sons.’

  Her face still a blank mask, her mother said dismissively, ‘That’s of no interest to me. I told you when you left this house, never to return unless you came to your senses. You obviously haven’t so, as far as I am concerned, we have nothing to say to each other.’

  ‘Oh, we have plenty to talk about, Mother,’ she shot furiously at her. ‘I came to tell you I had a visitor today. I expect that you won’t be shocked who it was because she came to see you, looking for me, and you slammed the door in her face. How could you treat your own granddaughter so disgustingly, Mother? But I got the shock of my life when she knocked on my door because, you see, I was told by you she was dead.’

  Mrs Garvey eyed Gem with complete disdain. ‘By rights she shouldn’t have been conceived in the first place, had you not been such a harlot.’

  Gem was clenching and unclenching her fists in an effort to control her boiling anger. She took a deep breath before she responded, ‘I was no harlot. I was in love and Solly loved me. What we did… yes, it was wrong, we were too young, but my baby was conceived through love. I wanted to keep it and all through my pregnancy you made me believe that you were going to allow me to, never a hint at what you really intended for it once it was born. You wanting nothing to do with me and my baby was your choice, Mother. I know for a fact that Solly’s mother and father would have been angry with us, but they wouldn’t have had the baby adopted behind our backs. They would have helped us take care of it. Been doting grandparents. But you never gave them the chance to be. You never gave me the chance to be a mother to that child. You even did worse than that, Mother, didn’t you? You told me my baby was dead and you did that so I’d never go looking for her. You didn’t want to risk me finding her and bringing her home and the fact that your daughter had a baby at such a young age coming out that way; all your friends, neighbours and cronies getting to hear. That was all you cared about, wasn’t it? What other people would think of you. You deprived me and Solly of being parents to our baby just so your reputations as upright citizens wouldn’t be damaged.’ She glared at her thunderously. ‘Do you feel any guilt, remorse for all the pain you have caused? Not just to me and Solly, but to our daughter who believes we didn’t want her? Who believes we threw her away like she was a bit of rubbish.’

  There was no hesitation when she bluntly answered, ‘No, why should I? Your father and I had worked hard to build our good name in the town and I wasn’t about to let a daughter of mine ruin it. Did you give your father and I any thought at all when you opened your legs and let that scum have his way with you?’

  Gem’s lips tightened as she shook her head at her. ‘I should hate you, hope you rot in hell for what you did, but I feel nothing for you at all. When I came here, I think deep down I was hoping that you’d be sorry for what you had done and we could somehow make amends. How stupid was I to hope for that? I feel no connection with you at all. I’m just glad I got away from you when I did so you couldn’t rule my life and steer it the way you wanted it to go, instead of what I wanted for myself. I have no doubt my sisters didn’t have much choice who they married as you would have seen to it that the men they chose were the type you approved of. I dread to think what kind of man you’d have made me marry and what kind of life I would be living now had I not stood up to you and married the man I loved. Don’t worry, I’ll never bother you again. There is nothing here for me. I miss my sisters, I wish they’d come to see me, but I doubt they will dare for fear of crossing you.’

  Without even a farewell in any guise, she then spun on her heel, kicking up gravel in her wake, and climbed back inside the lorry. She backed it out of the drive and drove off, not even looking back to see whether her mother was watching her go or not. She didn’t care. She just wanted to put distance between her and that selfish woman. She was having difficulty believing the fact that they were closely related; in her, Gem could see nothing of herself.

  Back at the fairground, Solly was desperately waiting for her to return and he pounced on her before she even managed to get out of the cab, demanding of her, ‘Are you alright? I’ve been worried sick about you since you went. I hope your mother treated you better than the last time you saw her.’

  She gave a wan smile. ‘She hasn’t changed, Solly. I’m glad I didn’t let you come with me. Let’s just say I won’t be going to visit her again. Now I want to just forget about it.’ She eyed him then, searchingly. ‘I don’t suppose…’

  Knowing what she was going to ask, he cut he
r short. ‘No, love, she’s not. You’ll just have to be patient. I’m sure she’ll come back when she’s good and ready.’

  She wanly smiled. ‘I do so hope so.’

  He put his arms around her and pulled her close. ‘I’ve asked the boys to come straight home after the fair closes tonight as we’d like to talk to them. We can’t keep this from them, Gem, they need to know they have a sister. And when Jenny does come back we’ll all welcome her into the family with open arms. Shall I ask my father to be there too?’

  It gave her hope that Jenny would come back. She nodded. ‘Jenny is his granddaughter, so of course. Right, well, I have two sons to feed and their father and grandfather as well, so I’d best get on with it.’ Hopefully soon that will be three children, she thought.

  * * *

  Intrigued as to why their father had said he and their mother had something to tell them, both Jimmy and Robbie were trying to deduce just what it was about. After several lame guesses they both decided that their mother was pregnant again. They weren’t sure about a baby keeping them awake at night and all those smelly, dirty nappies but, regardless, both were quite excited about the prospect of welcoming a new member into the family. Both being male, they hoped it was a boy.

  Sam, Jimmy and Robbie all sat in stunned silence whilst Gem and Solly told them what had been going on. Once the shock wore off a little, they all three decided they couldn’t wait to meet their older sister and granddaughter, respectively.

  They were all equally furious to learn of the part Gem’s mother had played in their sister being adopted against her mother’s wishes and it took much warning from Solly and Gem for them not to visit her to vent their fury for denying them the joy of having her in their lives. As Gem instilled in them, the past was gone and couldn’t be changed, it was the future they needed to focus on.

  * * *

  Sam’s birthday party was usually a raucous affair. Since Nell’s death, Gem had taken over the arrangements, holding the event in and outside of their living van. Most of the community would attend. Even if not able to stay the course, they would at least pop by for a drink and bite to eat, have a dance to whoever had been commandeered to play their fiddle or accordion. Most would suffer from their overindulgence the next day. This year’s birthday party was the same riotous affair as all the rest had been; the attending community certainly enjoying themselves. For the Grundy family themselves there was a cloud hanging over it. Two clouds, in fact.

  They all might have appeared to be enjoying the proceedings as much as the rest were, but the fact was they weren’t. The first reason was that, as usual, Sonny didn’t make an appearance, not even to show his face. It was much to the family’s disappointment, but especially for Sam himself who had been hoping, as he did every year, that this year Sonny would deign to come.

  The other reason was that, although they didn’t know her, hadn’t known of her existence a matter of days before, the family all felt that, regardless, Jenny should be here with them and it wasn’t right that she wasn’t.

  Unbeknown to his family, who believed he was secreted inside his own van whilst the party was going on, Sonny was in fact several miles away. He was entertaining a woman he had met a couple of nights before at the bar in a classy hotel. Her wealthy husband was away on business as they had hours of strenuous sex in his bed in their four-bedroomed house in an affluent area of town. As she slept afterwards, Sonny helped himself to any jewellery he could sell on and the cash lying around before making his escape before she woke.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Velda wasn’t easily shocked, but Gem’s story had shocked her – to her core. They were both sitting outside her van, sharing a pot of tea. Usually at this time of night it would be Sam she would be entertaining but tonight he had gone to bed early, given his advancing years, the amount of drink and lack of sleep he’d had the night before at his birthday party. Aware of this, Gem had taken it upon herself to talk to her friend in private to fill her in on recent happenings.

  After she had finished, Velda sighed and reached out a meaty hand to give Gem’s an affectionate pat. ‘I thought I was past being shocked by what some people will do to make sure things go the way they want them to, but what your mother did to keep her and your father’s standing in the community untarnished was pure wickedness. At least all is not lost though. You might have missed out on the first twenty-odd years of your daughter’s life but you have the rest of her future to spend with her.’

  ‘So you think she will come back?’

  Velda smiled warmly and gave Gem’s hand another pat. ‘I don’t need my powers to tell you that. Of course she will. Her life has just been turned upside down and, like she said, she needs time to get used to it all. Once she has, she’ll want to get to know her real family and hopefully be part of it. I can imagine the wait is agony for you, having already missed out on so much of her life already, but you’ll have to find the patience. I have to say that I am worried I’m losing my touch. I never got any vibes from you that you were harbouring such a secret. I usually sense something even though I don’t know quite what it is.’

  Gem heaved a huge sigh. ‘I had to bury it deep. I was frightened of Solly sensing something was wrong with me and demanding to know what it was, then he’d suffer the loss as much as I was. Especially on her birthday. That day was always particularly difficult for me.’

  ‘I can appreciate it was. Well, instead of that day being a sad one for you, in the future you’ll be throwing a party for her and it will be a happy one.’ She lapsed into silence for a moment before she said, ‘I don’t think your mother’s going to be very happy soon.’

  Gem frowned at her. ‘Why?’

  ‘Well it’s my guess that, very shortly, the whole town is going to know that she’s not the charitable woman she makes out she is. And your father isn’t going to look very good either. She might think that no one knows what she did except for you, but there is someone else, isn’t there? Her gardener. He possibly felt sorry for his employer when her young daughter ran away from home to marry a fairground worker, as he must have thought that’s what you had done when he saw you those times the fair came to town. But after overhearing the conversation between your mother and Jenny, he obviously realised that you must have had a baby before you ran away that your mother forced you to give up and there was no compassion in her for that daughter when she turned up wanting to find her mother. She didn’t need to have anything to do with her herself, but the least she could have done was tell Jenny where to find you. To witness his employer, one who portrays herself to be above reproach, acting so appallingly… Well, he might not be able to keep that to himself, might unburden himself to his wife and if the wife is the gossipy sort…’

  Gem gawped. ‘Oh! Oh dear. I wouldn’t like to be her when what she did gets around. She’ll never be able to hold her head up in public again.’

  ‘Life has a funny way of repaying those for selfish, cruel acts. I have a feeling your mother is about to get payback for hers.’ Just then she noticed a shadowy figure come out of a van, close by, and head off towards the main fairground. It was Ren. Velda wondered where she was going at this time of night and, if she wasn’t mistaken, she was carrying something. She hoped it wasn’t a bottle of spirits to drown her sorrows with. She did notice that, last night at Sam’s party, she was the worse for it by the time she left. She heaved a sigh. ‘It’s about time life gave Ren the happiness she deserves. She’s demented with worry for Donny. I just so wish he’d come back; at least if only to put her mind at rest he’s alright. And his poor mother. All of us, in fact, we’re all worried about him.’

  Gem said, ‘He’s been gone nearly a fortnight now and no word from him at all. I hope he hasn’t done anything stupid. He was besotted with Suzie. Are you sensing anything?’

  ‘I can’t trust my feelings over this, Gem. I think a lot of Donny and see Ren like a daughter, so I can’t tell whether my powers are telling me that he’s alright where he is and he’
ll be back safe when he’s ready or if it’s just wishful thinking. Like all of us, all I can do is pray for his safe return.’

  * * *

  Over in the fairground, in the near pitch darkness, a thoroughly miserable Ren groped her way through the rides looming dark and sinister above her, like huge dormant beasts waiting to pounce on their prey. She wasn’t quite sure where she was heading, but the inside of her small van was stifling and claustrophobic on this warm night and she needed air. She was on the search for somewhere isolated where she risked no one disturbing her. She wanted to have a good few gulps out of the bottle of wine she had brought with her, then maybe once it had worked its magic, she would get some sleep.

  As the days had gone by and her worries for Donny’s safety had increased, she wouldn’t have slept at all if she hadn’t used drink by way of helping her. At least when she was working, her mind was occupied. But once she was on her own, her thoughts were free to run riot. And roam freely they did; she imagined him in all sorts of worrying situations… living rough on the streets, in hospital after suffering a critical accident… She knew other members of the community were just as worried about him as she was but they didn’t love him, couldn’t possibly, as much as she did herself.

  The big wheel suddenly appeared before her and she thought this as good a place as any in which to sit and consume her medicinal beverage. Ducking under the chain barricade, she made her way to the bottom seat and eased herself onto it backwards until her bottom hit the back. Being so small, her legs didn’t dangle over the front but stuck out in front of her. Once settled, she pulled the cork out and took a large gulp. As she swallowed, she looked skywards. It was cloudless tonight, no moon at all and out of a jet black background millions of stars twinkled. She remembered herself as a child believing in fairies, dragons and wizards who cast magic spells and stars that granted wishes. She would pick the one she felt was the brightest and make her wish. Those wishes had always been granted, but then they were childhood ones. Ones she always spoke out loud to make sure the stars could hear, and only for a new teddy or dress, so it was more than likely that her mother had heard. Could she wish on a star? She took another long swig from the bottle, letting the comforting liquid trickle slowly down her throat. What the hell; nothing ventured, nothing gained. Stupid of her or not, she would make that wish. Anything to bring Donny back home safe and sound was worth a try to her.