A Christmas Homecoming

by MaryAnn Diorio

  He gave her a smirk. “What I did last night, that’s living.”

  Lord, give me the right words to say. “So, you think getting drunk is living?”

  “That and—”

  “And what, Ben?”

  His face turned red. “And a few other things I did.”

  Sonia’s heart wrenched as the meaning of his words sank deep into her soul. “Your actions may have felt like living at the moment, but in retrospect, do you consider them living?”

  His face contorted. “You know nothing about living. What do you have to show for your so-called living, huh? A daughter who turned her back on you, a dead husband, and a drunk of a son. Is that living? If it is, you can have it.” He rose and stormed out of the room.

  Sonia leaned her head on the back of the chair and sighed.

  So much for confrontation.

  And so much for a merry Christmas Eve.

  ****

  The engine of the Washington Flyer bus purred as Jody approached its entrance. Putting the twins in front of her, she guided them up the short flight of steps and down the aisle to an empty seat. This was the last leg of their journey. She was finally going home.

  Or was she?

  Her heart raced and her muscles tensed as the bus pulled out of the station. She looked out the window. Snow was falling thickly now, completely covering the ground in a blanket of white. She glanced at her wristwatch. Two twelve. In a half hour, they’d be in Falls Church. Then the trip from the bus station to her parents’ home would take another twenty minutes by cab.

  While Micah and Greta entertained themselves reciting nursery rhymes and playing finger games, Jody rehearsed her first words to her family. Depending on who answered the door, she’d prepared something to say to her mother or her father. Ben never answered the door unless he was home alone. Even then, he didn’t always answer it, so she hadn’t prepared anything to say to him. She’d just have to trust her instincts on that one. Knowing herself, she’d probably forget everything she’d rehearsed for her mom and dad, too.

  The bus clipped along the highway at a steady pace, keeping up with traffic. The mid-afternoon run was quicker. Once four o’clock rolled around, the road would jam as workers started their daily trek home. Good thing they’d missed rush-hour traffic.

  As the bus entered Falls Church proper, familiar sights came into view. Although the town had changed since she’d left, Jody still recognized her old high school, home of the Falls Church Jaguars, with its large symbol of a jaguar’s head over the main entrance. A little farther ahead was a new pizzeria that hadn’t been there prior to her departure. A new strip mall had been built on the site of a former open field.

  The bus pulled into the West Falls Church Metro Station right on schedule at precisely 2:40 PM. “Time to exit.” Jody grabbed her backpack and tote bag and ushered the twins off the bus. She descended first then helped each of them navigate the steps. Once the twins had descended, she took their hands and looked for a taxi cab.

  A row of yellow vehicles lined the curb. She stopped at the first one and leaned over at the open passenger-side window. “We need to go to 708 West Oak Street. Are you available?”

  An Asian driver nodded with a smile. “Jump in. I’ll get you there in no time.”

  Jody held her breath. “I’m in no hurry. I have two small children, so please drive safely.”

  “No problem. I got three kids myself. Not to worry.”

  She opened the back door and gently nudged Micah and Greta into the back seat. Then she climbed in next to them.

  In a few moments they reached West Oak Street. Jody’s hands grew clammy, her breath short. The point of no return had arrived.

  Or had it?

  She could still turn back. Still avoid rejection.

  Still live a life of what ifs.

  “Here we are, ma’am. That will be eighteen dollars.”

  “Eighteen dollars!” The words escaped her lips without warning.

  The cab driver smiled. “Sorry, but the cost of living, it go up. Have five mouths to feed. Three kids, my wife, and me.” He poked himself hard in the chest and chuckled.

  “I guess you’re right. The cost of living has gone up. It’s just that—well, I’ve been out of the country for a while, so the price came as a bit of a surprise.” She handed him a twenty-dollar bill “Thank you. Keep the change.”

  “Thank you, ma’am.” He nodded toward the children. “You got two beautiful kids.”

  His warm demeanor softened the eighteen-dollar blow. “Thank you.”

  She opened the back door, removed her knapsack and tote bag from the floor, and took first Greta, then Micah, by the hand. Then she closed the door and watched the cab take off.

  Slowly she turned. In front of her, atop a slight slope of snow-covered lawn, stood the old white Victorian house in which she’d grown up. Her heart warmed at the sight of the wide front porch where she’d spent many summer nights in deep conversations with her family and friends. The rocking chairs were missing, probably in storage for the winter. And the shutters needed a fresh coat of paint. But the Christmas wreath was hanging on the door. She smiled. A good sign.

  Conflicting emotions flooded her soul. Joy. Fear. Guilt. All contended for the upper hand.

  “Mommy, it’s snowing. Can we build a snowman?”

  Jody smiled. “Maybe tomorrow, darling. Today, we have something very important to do.”

  Micah shot back. “What’s more important than building a snowman?”

  “Meeting your grandma and your grandpa.”

  Jody took a twin in each hand. With trembling heart, she led them up the sidewalk and climbed the five concrete steps leading to the front porch of her childhood home. She drew in a long, deep breath.

  The time had come to face her destiny.

  ****

  Sonia put the finishing touches on the German chocolate cake she’d baked for Christmas Eve dinner. If Ben didn’t want to join her, she’d take the cake to old Miss Hattie, a shut-in who lived next door, and share it with her.

  As Christmas carols played softly in the background, Sonia sang along with Silver Bells, hoping to put herself in the Christmas spirit. A ring of what sounded like the doorbell interrupted her. No. It must be the sound of bells on the CD. It sounded again, but she ignored it a second time. But when the ring sounded a third time, she turned off the CD to listen. Yes, it was the doorbell.

  She carefully put down the frosting-laden spatula and wiped her hands on a kitchen towel. Then she hurried to answer the front door. Probably the mail carrier or the FedEx man. Who else could it be? She wasn’t expecting anyone, especially not on Christmas Eve.

  She reached for the door knob and opened the door. Her heart froze at the sight before her.

  ****

  At the sight of her mother, Jody burst into tears. “Mom, I’m home.”

  Time stopped as Jody searched her mother’s face. Obviously stunned, Mom seemed to be trying to make sense of it all.

  Her mother stared at her. “Dear God! Can it be? Can it truly be?”

  In that split second between stimulus and response, Jody lived a terrifying eternity. Was her mother angry or elated? Would she accept her or reject her? What would she do next?

  The answers came swiftly as Sonia reached out and threw her arms around her daughter, nearly crushing her with torrents of love too long unexpressed. “Jody. My precious Jody. I can’t believe you’re really here.”

  Tears streamed down her mother’s face and mingled with her own. Jody’s heart burst into fireworks of unbounded joy. “Oh, Mom. I was so afraid you would turn me away.”

  “Turn you away. Never. I’ve been praying for you and waiting for you all of these years.”

  Basking in her mother’s welcoming embrace, Jody almost forgot the twins. She turned toward them. “Mom, I want you to meet your grandchildren.”

  Sonia stooped down. “How beautiful! Oh, my. They’re twins, aren’t they?” She drew Micah and Greta int
o a warm embrace. “I’m your grandma. I’m so happy to meet you.”

  The twins allowed their grandmother to cuddle them.

  Jody rested a hand on her mother’s shoulder. “I’ve told them all about you.”

  Ben’s voice boomed at the doorway. “What’s going on? What’s all the commotion?”

  Sonia rose to her feet. “Ben, Jody’s home. It’s a Christmas miracle.”

  Jody winced under Ben’s icy stare. A sense of grave foreboding overshadowed her.

  He scowled. “How dare you come back?” He spat the words. “Who do you think you are intruding into our lives? Haven’t you done enough damage?”

  Jody swallowed a sob. “Mom, I think we’d better go.”

  “You’ll do no such thing.” Sonia urged them to come inside, but Ben blocked the doorway. “Ben, please. Let your sister and her children come inside.”

  Jody shuddered. Was this her doing? Had her selfish disappearance driven kindhearted Ben to cruelty? How could she ask for acceptance when she herself had rejected Ben and her entire family?

  Ben refused to move. “This isn’t her house. She can go find another place to live.”

  Sonia took her son’s arm. “Ben, this is no way to treat your sister. You don’t know what you’re doing.”

  He snarled. “I know exactly what I’m doing.”

  Greta began to cry. “Mommy, I want to go home. I don’t like it here.”

  If Ben wouldn’t have her, Jody would take her children and leave. But first she had to see her father. “Where’s Dad?”

  “Where’s Dad?” Ben exploded. “He’s dead, that’s where. You killed Dad, Jody. Are you happy now?”

  A nuclear missile struck Jody’s heart, annihilating it. A wrenching sob erupted in her soul, skyrocketed to her throat, and lodged there. She gasped for air, leaned against the doorjamb, then slid to the floor as her world evaporated into nothingness.

  ****

  Sonia reached for Jody just as her daughter’s limp body slid to the floor. “Ben, quick. Help me get Jody and the children inside. Then go get me a damp cloth from the kitchen.”

  To her surprise, Ben obeyed her request. He took the twins by the hand and, after closing the front door, led them into the nearby living room. Then he helped Sonia lift Jody from the floor and place her on the couch. He headed to the kitchen and returned with a moistened paper towel that he handed to his mother.

  “Thanks, Ben.” Sonia’s heart warmed. Maybe there was still hope for her son after all.

  “Thanks, nothing. I’m outa here.” He stormed past her.

  “Ben! Please don’t go. It’s Christmas Eve.”

  But his only reply was the slam of the front door.

  ****

  The twins cried and tugged on Jody until she came to. Her mother’s worried face blurred before her. Ben was not there.

  “Mom.” Jody raised her head slightly then fell backward again onto the sofa.

  Ben’s words thundered in her soul. You killed Dad! You killed Dad! You killed Dad!

  The haunting accusation sliced into her, siphoning her very breath. She buried her face in her hands. The wrenching sobs came rushing from a place of raw pain where guilt, shame, and remorse had built their strongholds.

  “Mom, I’m so sorry.” A sob caught in Jody’s throat.

  Greta buried her head in Jody’s chest. “Don’t cry, Mommy.”

  If only she’d come home sooner. If only she’d called her dad to tell him where she was.

  To ask his forgiveness.

  If only she’d never left.

  Memories of her father flooded her mind. The father she’d never again get to talk to, to laugh with, to hug.

  Her mother brushed loose strands of hair from Jody’s face. “It’s all right, honey. Everything is going to be all right.”

  “But Dad?” The sob lodged in her throat now broke loose in a wail of anguish. “Dad. Dad. Dad. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to kill you.”

  “Jody, stop.” Her mother’s voice was firm. “You did not kill your father. That’s a lie.”

  “But Ben said—”

  “Your brother is a bitter young man who will have to deal with his anger. Your job is to raise these precious children.” She patted Greta’s and Micah’s blond heads. “My grandchildren.”

  The children. Yes, she had to get a hold of herself for the children. “More than anything, I want Micah and Greta to know you.”

  Her mother smiled. “Well, now that you’re home, we’ll work on that, won’t we?”

  “But I can’t stay here. Ben won’t have us.”

  Her mother raised an eyebrow. “Last I heard this house belongs to me, not Ben. So I’m the one who gives the orders around here.”

  But after her brother’s tirade, Jody worried that Ben would never see it that way.

  ****

  Sonia served the chocolate cake she’d baked for Christmas Eve dinner. She’d had no idea earlier that day she’d been baking the cake for Jody and her grandchildren. Life was certainly filled with surprises.

  And heartache, too. Ben had not returned.

  Would her life always be bittersweet? Would she always have one child home and the other AWOL? She resolved to be thankful for what she had and to pray for Ben.

  While Jody bathed the children, Sonia sought the refuge of her fellowship chair. The shocking return of her daughter, and with two grandchildren in tow, had left her shaken, conflicted, yet rejoicing. She could not have received a better Christmas gift. The long years of interceding, of crying out to God for Jody’s safety, of believing God for Jody’s return had finally ended. Now her daughter was safe under her roof, and life could go on as before.

  Or could it?

  Sonia had reconciled with one child but was still at odds with the other. Ben’s cruel accusation against his sister and then his angry departure despite Sonia’s pleas for him to remain had left Sonia weary and heavy-hearted. His bitterness was driving him to destruction, and she was humanly powerless to stop him.

  But personal suffering had taught her that human weakness made the perfect venue for God’s strength. Lord, thank You for bringing Jody home. I am overwhelmed by Your faithfulness. Thank You for my two grandchildren, two precious gifts who have made my Christmas. Thanks most of all for You, Lord. No matter what happens, I will always lean on You.

  The sound of little feet on the staircase interrupted Sonia’s thoughts.

  Greta ran into the room. “Grandma, do you like my new pajamas?” Greta sported a pair of flannel pajamas with little pink elephants printed all over them.

  “Look at mine, too, Grandma.” Micah ran in and stood tall in front of Sonia. His pajamas were like Greta’s except they had blue elephants printed all over them.

  “My, my. Don’t you two look like the Bobbsey Twins.”

  “Who are the Bobbsey twins, Grandma?”

  Sonia laughed. “I should have known better. You’re both too young to remember.” She glanced at Jody who had followed the twins into the room. “I think your mother is too young to remember them, too.”

  Greta clasped her hands in front of her and bent over giggling. “Mommy’s old, Grandma.”

  Sonia burst out laughing. “Well, if your mommy is old, then I’m ancient.”

  Jody gathered her little brood by the shoulders. “It’s time for you two to go to bed. Give Grandma a kiss goodnight.”

  The two dutifully kissed Sonia then followed Jody back up the stairs. Sonia’s heart followed close behind. They would sleep in Jody’s room tonight, the room Sonia had never touched, except for cleaning it, since Jody disappeared.

  ****

  Once the children were tucked in and sound asleep, Jody went downstairs to join her mother.

  Sonia was in the kitchen, loading the dishwasher. “Would you like a cup of peppermint tea?”

  “That sounds really good.” Jody pulled out a chair at the kitchen table and watched her mother prepare the tea. She hadn’t changed much, except for the gray h
air that now framed her temples and the few crow’s feet around her eyes. But there was something about her—an inner something—that was different. Jody couldn’t put her finger on it. The best way to describe it was that her mother now possessed a depth she didn’t have before. A depth forged by suffering. A strength acquired by deep pain.

  She smiled as Mom placed the cup of tea in front of her.

  “Be careful. It’s very hot.”

  “Thanks.” Jody reached for the sugar bowl, removed two lumps of sugar, and dropped them into her tea. She watched the sugar dissolve in the hot liquid. Then she added a few drops of cream from the small white pitcher and stirred it with a teaspoon. There was so much she wanted to say, so much she wanted to talk about. But where to begin? She’d take her cue from her mother whose eyes were fixed on hers.

  “I can’t believe you’re sitting there enjoying a cup of tea with me. This is all so surreal. I feel as though I have to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming.”

  Tears sprang to Jody’s eyes as she reached over to squeeze her mother’s hand. “You’re not dreaming, Mom. I’m really here. It seems like a dream to me, too.”

  “It’s an answer to prayer if I ever saw one.”

  Jody felt the squaring of her mother’s gaze upon her.

  “What made you leave?”

  Jody’s muscles tensed. She knew the question would come sooner or later, but she wasn’t prepared for sooner. She stared down into her tea. The knot in her stomach tightened. The ache of remorse cut deeper into her soul. “I guess I just needed to get away from the pressure. The hopelessness. The feelings of failure.” She shook her head then looked straight at her mother. “I don’t really know why I left, Mom.” She swallowed hard, blinking back hot tears. “All I know is that I’m so, so sorry I did.”

  ****

  Sonia studied Jody’s face, sensing her daughter’s genuine remorse. Yet, despite Jody’s repentance, and despite her own decision to forgive, Sonia still wrestled with deep-seated pockets of anger—those dark, hidden places of her soul that didn’t want to forgive but that wanted instead to punish Jody for hurting them so badly and for causing them so much suffering. How could one forgive that so easily? Yes, Jody was sorry, but that didn’t change the tragic consequences of her selfish actions. Some things just couldn’t be changed no matter how sorry a person was. Sometimes there was no going back to normal.