Blackberry Days of Summer

by Ruth P. Watson

  Simon followed Carl out the door. I peeked out the window at them huddled around the woodpile, Carl using his hands as usual to make his point as they talked, Simon calm and poised. Simon and I had made an agreement to never spend time in the same room together, not until we told Momma about us. He had felt if she caught on to us before we told her, she’d lose respect for the both of us.

  “Why didn’t you say something to him? Seems like anybody you want to marry, you should be able to talk to,” Momma commented.

  “I don’t know.”

  “It’s okay to talk to Simon ’round me,” she said dryly. “I don’t like you sneaking behind my back. It’s not ladylike.”

  I started putting on my coat and scarf. Everything she said was right.

  “Ask him to come in. It is too cold for you to stand outside.”

  I smiled. “Yes, ma’am.”

  I couldn’t believe how nervous I was. I looked up and saw Mr. Camm standing by the kitchen door with a menacing frown on his face. He made me more tense.

  When I opened the door, I poked my head outside and motioned for Simon to come inside. Carl and Simon walked back inside, rubbing their hands from the cold. As Simon came near, I whispered to him, “Momma said we can talk, spend a little time together.”

  He saw Momma was watching my every move and said, “Thank you for allowing me to visit with Carrie.” Momma nodded in his direction, but she didn’t smile. Mr. Camm’s eyes were dark, mean and evil. The way he watched us made my skin crawl.

  “Y’all go on in the front room and talk.”

  As I was walking toward the front room, I heard her direct Carl, “You need to go in there, too, and sit for a spell.”

  Carl came in and sat in the chair across from us. At first he gazed at us from across the room and smiled. Then he said, “Man, can you believe that at eighteen, we still get treated like little boys.”

  “Hey, it’s the same way my pops do to you.”

  “It is crazy.”

  “I know.”

  Both of them grinned.

  Simon sat beside me on the Davenport, and we slid apart to make sure at least a foot was between us.

  “That’s good,” Carl said, chuckling.

  Minutes later, though, Carl’s eyes were drooping. He began adjusting himself in the chair, trying to keep his eyes open. The fireplace was popping and sizzling from the wet wood drying. I was glad to see him resting because all he’d been doing in the last year was working.

  Seizing the opportunity, Simon reached over and grabbed my hand. “I missed you,” he said.

  “Me, too,” I replied, scared to show too much emotion in front of my brother.

  “I was so happy when the snow melted.” He shifted his body toward mine, placing one leg on the Davenport.

  “I talked to Momma about us,” I whispered.

  “I can tell. You surprised me when you asked me in. I bet it wasn’t easy.”

  “I was afraid at first, thought she was going to kill me. But I was tired of the lying, too.”

  “Did you tell her that we wanted to get married?”

  “Yes. But like I expected, she didn’t give me her blessing to leave.”

  Carl had fallen asleep by now. He had leaned his head to the left and was snoring soundly.

  “Do I need to talk to her?”

  “I think so. But I really don’t think it will help.”

  I moved closer and puckered up so that Simon could kiss me. He grabbed me hard and dotted kisses all over my face. When he kissed me on the neck, a shudder went through my entire body. I wanted to cuddle in his arms and lie down. We moved back into our places, though, still holding hands, fearful that Momma would walk in or Carl would wake up.

  “I’ve got to talk to her,” he said. “I love you. The two weeks apart was hard for me.”

  “Me, too… I kept hoping the snow would melt.”

  “My sister and I were miserable. She missed Carl as much as I missed you. So when the sun started melting the snow, neither one of us could wait to get out of the house.”

  His grip on my hand tightened. “You know I’ll be leaving in three weeks, and I want to take you with me.”

  I felt a stab of pain in my heart. I knew how hard and stubborn Momma could be. My chance of going with Simon was as dim as the rest of my dreams of leaving Jefferson County.

  Carl didn’t sleep long, fifteen minutes at the most.

  After he woke up, I went into my room and finished changing the sheets and sweeping the floor.

  Simon waited until I’d finished my morning chores. “I need to talk to you,” he said solemnly.

  I looked at him and waited.

  “Your momma said no.”

  “Momma doesn’t want me to be happy. She never understands anything.” Tears welled in my eyes, but didn’t fall. I already knew what her answer would be.

  He pulled me close to him. “No, she wants you to have an education. But I’m gonna come back for you as soon as you finish school.” He paused before adding, “If you still want to be with me, that is.”

  “I want to be with you, but what if you find someone else?” I pleaded out of desperation.

  He shook his head. “At night I lie awake thinking of how it would be if we were married. How I would take care of you and what kind of life we could make. So you see, you’re the only person I care about.”

  He took me in his arms. “I can’t tell you how hurt I am, but I have to respect your momma. She’s looking out for your best interests.”

  “But I want to go.”

  Feeling someone watching us, I looked up. Mr. Camm was staring at us with a big smile on his face.

  CHAPTER 15

  PEARL

  Momma begged me to go to church, sing with the choir, get involved. But instead, I went to the joint. Folks called it a “hole in the wall,” a shack hidden deep behind the maples, tall oaks, and pines, and it had a scandalous reputation. It was a place to shed stress, or cry out and shout without judgment. And in the same spirit of fellowship, it was also a place to be entertained. Singing in clubs was where I naturally found contentment. Only there could I unravel and let loose.

  “A decent woman ain’t got no business in a place like that. It’s a hellhole, I tell you,” my daddy said as I painted bright red lipstick on my lips. He was a stickler for rules, though he narrowly followed them himself.

  “Leave her alone. She needs to get out amongst people. She’s been in the city all these years,” Momma reasoned.

  “What’s wrong with church? There’s plenty of decent women in the church, plenty of peoples to be around,” he bellowed back at her.

  “Daddy, I’m a grown woman now. I’m not your little girl anymore.”

  He couldn’t understand, “Why can’t you sing for the Lord? All my family sing for the Lord.”

  “I can sing anywhere, Daddy.”

  He hissed and walked out the room.

  “Oh, he’ll be all right,” Momma said, shooing Daddy away with her hand. “He wants the best for you.”

  “I’m thirty years old plus. I’m not his young girl going off to the big city for the first time.”

  Momma giggled. “I remember that. He had a fit when you left for Washington. Didn’t speak to me for over a month or so, accused me of persuading you to leave. When he gets something in his head, he never changes.”

  “Daddy is always worried about what people think. Momma, I am a nightclub singer. I’ve been doing it since I was sixteen years old. This is who I am.”

  “Hey, we will always be your parents, no matter how old you get,” she said, then frowned. “But when it comes to men, you need help.”

  I never felt I needed their help. But this time Willie hadn’t given me a choice.

  “It is getting dark outside. No woman needs to be out there without light walking down the road. That’s how peoples get taken and even lynched.”

  “The joint is closer than the church. I’ve been there before.”

  �
�Take the buggy; it’ll be dark soon.”

  “You know how Daddy is about the horses at night.”

  He had two horses, and they served two purposes only. One was for traveling and the other was for tilling the land. Neither was in the best condition. Daddy had been given one of the horses and a buggy when the white family he worked for upgraded to a Model T Ford. It was greatly appreciated, since I could remember the days during the war when money was so scarce, he eventually had to sell the buggy he built with his own hands to a family down the road. His earnings had been just enough to purchase flour and sugar from the seed and feed store in town where he bought things on time.

  “Do it, and take a torch with you so you can see,” Momma said.

  The joint was different from the nightclubs in Washington, D.C. Inside was an open space lit by kerosene lamps with rough wood tables and chairs. The walls were plain, no pictures or color added for personality. It was a place to congregate. The bartender sold jugs of homemade wine and corn liquor to its patrons. The food they sold was prepared by some of the women in the area. Nothing fancy was required for a place where sinners could associate with one another. And then on the fourth Sunday, everyone would go to church, and kneel down and ask God for forgiveness.

  Smiles greeted me as I entered the place. Some of the faces were familiar, but most I no longer recognized. I sat down at an empty table. Even though I was a stranger to Jefferson now, I felt at home in the joint. The old crank record player was spinning. People danced cheek to cheek, and I started to unwind and feel a sense of lightness. I had only seen Herman twice since his wedding. His explanation for getting married, it never really made much sense.

  He’d come calling at my momma’s house the next Sunday after I returned home. He was still dressed in his Sunday suit and a wide-brimmed hat. He had said it was a friendly visit. After a few words of small talk with Momma, and tolerating my daddy’s cold stare, we took a walk together down the road.

  “I know a place we can go,” he said and grabbed my hand.

  I shrank away. “You are a married man now.”

  Squeezing my hand, he said, “You know I can’t get you off my mind. Besides, you’re married, too.”

  “I’m not going back to Willie.”

  “Oh, he’s a good man. He can’t please you like I can.”

  We went down the path toward the creek and found a place that had been cleared. Herman removed his suit jacket and spread it on the ground so I could sit.

  He pulled me close to him. “We will always be together.”

  He leaned into me and the warmth from his breath sent waves of desire through my body. I inhaled. As my temperature started to rise, he slowly slipped my dress off my shoulders, exposing my large breasts to the sun. I waited as his full lips gently kissed my shoulder, neck, and cheeks. It was paradise. He moved over me and pushed his tongue deep inside my mouth. I was light-headed, high on passion. I was in touch with nature, felt purpose and fruitfulness. He massaged my naked body from top to bottom. He gently bent me over and I braced myself on a tree stump. He cupped a breast and rolled his tongue up and down my back. He gently pulled my bare behind into him and thrust his manhood into me. After a while he turned me around and guided me to the ground. The leaves swirled around my body as every muscle began to contract. With each movement I lost control. My body quivered as he exploded inside me. At that moment, I wanted to spend the night with him, stay with him always.

  “You all right, baby?” Herman had said, casting a shadow over me.

  I glanced around. Three couples were seated nearby, staring into each other’s eyes. Two of the men I recognized, and knew were married to a woman different than the one they were with. One of the men smiled at me and winked. It was a makeshift rendezvous spot that served to bring illicit folks together.

  Herman sat down, his eyes blood red. The stench of liquor was still on his breath. In his hand were the remnants of a pint of corn liquor. Nonetheless, I was elated to see him, spend time with him, even more now since Willie was not around.

  “I told the dude that runs this place about you. I told him you might want to help him out.”

  “Help with what?”

  “Singing. He needs somebody.”

  “I don’t know if I’m going to stay around here,” I told him. “Everything’s so slow and living with my parents is not working.”

  “We can always be together here. If you go back up the road, that nigger is going to cause us some problems.”

  I wasn’t as worried about that now. “Who knows if we will ever be together again? I’ve been here for almost a month, and he hasn’t shown up yet.”

  “He ain’t going to give you up. He love you, girl, like I do,” he said, and kissed me on the forehead.

  “I don’t want to talk about him. I want to have a good time.” I poured myself a drink of corn liquor and diluted it with water. It was a different taste from the smooth taste of the gin I loved to drink. I had seen Bessie Smith drink one and from that point on I did, too.

  That was the beginning of my singing at the juke joint. Every time the blues started to play, Herman and I went to the dance floor. We swayed to the music. The men and women stared. I was accustomed to the attention, yet occasionally throughout the evening, I would catch Herman eyeing other women, most of them young and innocent. It had bothered me. In Washington, he had done the same thing, and one night a woman said to him, “She’s not even old enough to be your damn daughter.” He pushed her off.

  “Your wife is going to catch on to us one day.”

  “She is a church-going woman. She wouldn’t step foot in a place like this.”

  “Do you think she’s better than me?”

  “No, she’s the kind of woman that will take care of a man, feed you and all that.”

  I batted my eyes. “So what am I?”

  “You take care of a man in the most important way.” I could tell the liquor was talking. “You make a man holler for more.” He reached down and squeezed my thigh.

  I moved my leg.

  “What’s wrong with you, girl?”

  “Not a thing.”

  His rattling on was making me uneasy. Liquor had that effect on Herman. There was no way a plain country girl could please him the way I had. Cooking and cleaning were for a domestic. I was a city girl, glamorous and gifted.

  Folks danced everywhere in the joint. Some stayed near their tables and others provocatively in the back. I put my head on Herman’s shoulder, closed my eyes and swayed with the rhythm of the music. I could feel the beat vibrating through the hardwood floor. I was in my groove. When I opened my eyes, I twitched. My heart started racing.

  “What’s wrong, Pearl?” Herman slurred, still holding me.

  “I think I just saw Willie.”

  The man disappeared in the crowd. I kept staring, waiting to catch sight of him again.

  “He ain’t up in here. That nigger knows his limitations.”

  I had a strange feeling that somebody was watching me. But I didn’t see Willie or anybody else I really knew. After a few minutes, my anxiety dissolved and I laid my cheek back on Herman’s shoulder and closed my eyes.

  CHAPTER 16

  CARRIE

  Simon pushed me up against the tree and wrapped his entire body around me. My breaths shortened. My heart raced, and my whole body steamed with the fire he ignited in me. I gripped his back with both arms, and held him tight. It was two days before my sixteenth birthday.

  “Things are happening faster than I thought they would,” he said. “I have to go to Richmond. I’ve got to find a place to live.”

  It was the first time Simon had ever come close to touching my private parts. He rubbed my thighs through my stockings and dress. He ran his tongue over my lips and down my neck, and my knees buckled.

  “I don’t want you to let anyone touch you while I’m gone. No fooling around behind my back.” He kneaded my buttocks and pulled me closer.

  “I want you,” I said a
s my body melted inch by inch with his touch. Even though I was nervous, I was willing.

  He lowered his head and started to put his lips on my breast. Then he stopped.

  “I can’t do this,” he said. “I want our wedding night to be special.”

  My cheeks flushed pink as Simon awakened feelings in me I’d never experienced. I smiled and knew that everything was worth waiting for.

  “Don’t forget me, Carrie.”

  “I can’t,” I said. “I’ll look for a school in Richmond.”

  We took our time walking home, stopping every so often to embrace and kiss. More than once I considered giving up my virginity right where we were standing.

  I knew that it would be a while before I would see Simon again. The realization saddened me. After promising we would keep in touch through letters, he walked me all the way home so he could say good-bye to Carl and the family.

  When he threw me a kiss from beyond the fence, I hugged the porch rail tightly. Teardrops gushed out of my eyes like a spring rain. He turned and I could see a lonely teardrop sliding down his cheek. I threw him a kiss and went into my room and cried myself to sleep.

  After a month, I received my first letter. It was short, not much more than a paragraph.

  I’m almost settled in now. I miss you. I love you and I hope that you will be here with me next year. Love, Simon

  I pulled out my pen and paper and immediately wrote back to him, letting him know that I wanted to know the details of life in Richmond. I wanted to know about the tall buildings, the streetcars, and the lights. I told him that I loved him, and that I hoped he could come home for Carl’s wedding.

  At dinner that night, Carl said, “As soon as the weather breaks, I’m going to go ahead and move in the house. I want to iron out all of the kinks before Mary comes.”

  A selfish part of me wanted to keep him home for my protection.

  Carl and Mary set their wedding date for spring. Carl had spent most of the winter building a nice place for them.