Blackberry Days of Summer

by Ruth P. Watson

  “What?” I said, incredulous.

  “And don’t you need to eat, too?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “Why can’t ya do it for yo’self?” she said and threw the dishtowel irritably across her shoulder.

  “I can tell I’m not going to win this argument.”

  I went to the wash pan and washed my cup, hung it on the drain nail and walked out of the kitchen. From behind me, she called, “You a fool, girl. A damn fool.”

  I pinned my hair up in a chignon, threw my shawl over my shoulders, and left through the front door.

  The joint was empty with the exception of Jake, Earl, and another old man who was there every day, nursing a bottle of corn liquor. Jake was sweeping the scuffed wood floor. On the bar made out of two long slabs of wood, were a few jugs of liquor he’d probably gotten from Mr. Lolly, who had a still hidden back in the woods near the creek. He kept the jugs sealed tight in a fishing net right by the creek. During the day, only a few people partook of the spirits of liquor, but at night, it was the medicine needed to drown their troubles away. So Jake used the daylight hours to get things ready for the evening crowd.

  Earl was a handsome man with dark features, thick eyebrows, long black lashes and a mustache that shadowed his perfectly formed dark brown lips. He sat alone at the table, and smiled when he saw me approaching. I sat down across from him.

  “Pearl, the first time I ever saw you, I knew I wanted to meet you,” he said, stumbling over the words, “but I knew Herman had his eyes on you.”

  “Oh, don’t worry about him. We’re just good friends.”

  I lied, even though Earl knew the truth. I had become accustomed to the attention of men, but since I’d been back to the country, the attention had dwindled because most of the men were locked up at home.

  “I sure wish I wasn’t a married man, I’d take you home with me.”

  I reached over and touched his thick fingers, feeling the thickness of his calluses and dry skin from hard work.

  “You better stop flirting with me before Herman comes,” he said.

  Between sips of water, I whispered, “Herman who?”

  We both giggled.

  Earl made me happy. He was never too serious for a little fun. And on the days when Herman didn’t come by, he and I would sit for hours talking and flirting.

  Soon Herman strolled into the joint, wobbly. “Y’all always got y’all heads together,” he said.

  Herman’s eyes were bloodshot. But even drunk he was better dressed than most men. Mae Lou kept him clean. Living with her, however, was taking a toll on him. He was drinking too much.

  “We just having a little fun,” Earl apologized to Herman.

  “Every time I come in here, you up in her face.”

  “Come on, Herman, don’t be jealous. My heart belongs to you,” I said, and patted the seat beside me.

  “Me, Willie, Earl…”

  Earl’s eyes were fixed on me, yet he didn’t open his mouth. I sensed he didn’t like what Herman had said. He rose to his feet. “I’ve got to get out of here.”

  “Yo’ wife probably miss you,” Herman teased.

  Earl smiled at me. “You have a good day, Pearl.”

  When he left, things began to heat up.

  “Why is Earl always here with you?”

  “Come on, Herman. You’ve been drinking and the liquor is talking. Earl is your friend. You introduced him to me.”

  “Yeah, but that nigga want you.”

  “I came to see you.”

  Herman was drinking more and more. By the middle of the day, he was usually staggering. All the finesse he used to possess had dwindled since he’d moved to Jefferson. Being a gambler, he made money off of other people. Now he barely had anything, and it showed.

  “What is bothering you?” I asked.

  “Ain’t nothing bothering me,” he snapped. “I’m tired of him always smiling up in your face.”

  I shook my head, and he finally saw that I was annoyed.

  “What you want to do, girl?” he asked, rubbing my thigh underneath the table.

  “You know,” I answered.

  He walked over to Jake, whispered in his ear and came back.

  The back room contained an iron post bed and a small table, with a door that opened up to the backyard. It was familiar to us in the cold months and we took advantage. More importantly, it was clean. Jake said the sheets were changed daily. Still, we lay on the top of the beautiful patch quilt someone had made.

  Herman peeled off my dress and took the pins out of my hair. He liked it down below my shoulders. Even with the stench of liquor on him, I kissed his neck and ran my tongue across it.

  “Girl, you gonna make me a man up in here.”

  We got butt naked, and he started to run his long tongue over my nipples while his fingers fondled my hot spot. I stroked his manhood and we both started to pant in short breaths. When he rolled over, I straddled him and gyrated up and down and swung my heavy breasts in his face. We both sighed and then grinned when we were done.

  I washed off with the wet towel Jake provided, pinned my hair up, and exited out the back door. Like Momma said, crooks know how to come through the front door.

  As I walked back to the house, I couldn’t get Herman out of my head. Now I needed to refocus on what was in store for me at home.

  Momma was still piddling around in the kitchen when I returned. She was just finishing the meal she’d prepared for her husband and mine.

  She turned around and shook her head. “You need help.”

  “Yeah, I know,” I agreed, to avoid an argument.

  “I want you to talk to the preacher,” she said.

  “For what?”

  “You need the Lord’s forgiveness.”

  “Momma, nobody is perfect,” I said breezily.

  “I never should’ve let you go off to Washington.”

  “Momma, I am who I am.”

  “You a married woman,” she argued.

  Ignoring her, I went into the bedroom Willie and I shared. I threw myself across the bed and peered out the window. Yet what she said did not fade away easily. Carrying on this affair was going to catch up to me. I really did need help.

  CHAPTER 25

  CARRIE

  Several weeks went by before I felt the first symptom. I was getting dressed for work when my stomach started fluttering. It scared me at first, but I’d known what to expect. My classmates Anna, Mabel and Purdie had all had babies by the time they’d turned fourteen. Purdie actually had two. The girls shared their experiences with the rest of us, talking about breastfeeding and diaper changes, although at the time I really didn’t care to know the details. Now, I was glad for the education. I knew that I was carrying Mr. Camm’s baby. What would I tell Simon? The last thing I needed was a baby.

  I pulled my dress above my waist and gazed down at my stomach. It was the same size that it had always been. To be sure, I completely undressed and examined my entire body. I stood in front of the dresser looking in the mirror, and checked my breasts to see if they had changed. My eyes panned up and down my frame, making sure that I inspected every part carefully. Then I turned sideways to make certain my profile was the same. I was pleased that there was no real physical evidence of my condition. Ginny was the only person who managed to recognize I was pregnant by looking at my complexion. But she had that old folk wisdom. I supposed that if I lived to be sixty, I would be able to prophesize to others, too.

  In a few weeks, the summer would almost be over and I would have five more dollars saved up. Then I’d go to the old lady who I had been told got rid of babies. I didn’t know anything about her personally, but people said she was a witch doctor. They said she’d let one girl bleed to death many years ago. “That woman has been playing God. Peoples ought to leave her alone. She should be locked up,” one of the townspeople had said, and then the town gossip, Miss Minerva, added, “You know, Mary Sue’s girl was over there just yestidy.”

&n
bsp; All of the talk frightened me. I didn’t want to die. I had to do something, though. I needed a way out. I couldn’t be a mother. Not only had Mr. Camm stolen my innocence, but he had robbed Simon of his right to father my firstborn. Simon and I had sat under the tree at the schoolhouse and discussed our plans to get married and have a family of our own. I took a deep breath and wiped away the tears streaming down my face.

  That night I tossed and turned in bed. I balled up in a knot and snuggled close to my pillow and held on to it all night. I closed my eyes but could not fall asleep. I thought endlessly about what I could’ve done differently. I could have fought harder against Mr. Camm, and then there would be no baby, and my plans wouldn’t be floating away like the wind carries a leaf. I pulled my bed sheet over my head and finally drifted to sleep as the sky started turning blue again.

  I woke up with a pounding headache. When I stepped on the floor to get up, my stomach started turning. I ran to the pot and threw up the meal I had eaten the night before. I struggled to get myself together before leaving my room. I didn’t dare awake any suspicions in Momma. I wasn’t feeling good at all, but I couldn’t stay home. After I bathed and combed my hair, I checked my body and reassured myself that I hadn’t gained weight overnight. I pulled my journal from under the pillow and glanced through the pages to try and judge how many months along I was. Four months had passed since it happened.

  It took me over an hour to reach Mrs. Gaines. I took my time, since any movement made me nauseous. As usual, Mrs. Gaines was waiting for me. She opened the door even before I knocked.

  “Come on in,” she said.

  “I don’t feel good this morning. I have an upset stomach.”

  “Sit down, I’ll make some tea. You see, good tea can settle the stomach.”

  She soon handed me the cup. “This will settle your stomach,” she assured me.

  Steam escaped from the cup and left a vapor in front of me. I slowly sipped the tea and immediately felt warm as it went down.

  “Now sit for a minute, I guarantee you’ll start to feel better,” she said, gazing at me. “What do you think is wrong?”

  “I’m not sure. Maybe I’m coming down with something.”

  “Well, whenever I am sick, tea is always…”

  She went on and on about her family, and my mind floated back to my own state of affairs. Who would understand? Hester came to mind. She had been my friend for years and had kept most of my secrets, except for telling John about Simon’s interest in me. When I confronted her about that, she vowed that she would never do anything like that again without my permission. I believed her. Anyone could make a mistake, and she was the only person I trusted. We had shared every eventful moment in our lives. It had started with the crushes we had on two brothers in our classroom. We were about nine years old. Both of the boys were dark and handsome, with thick hair and straight teeth. Neither of them gave us a second thought, though. Together we wrote a love letter to each of them, asking them to be our boyfriends. They sent back the same note to us with a big fat “No” written across the page. We laughed and decided to beat them up instead.

  I pondered my dilemma for over two weeks. I had to do something. I was exploding inside with all of this misery. School would be starting soon and I needed to make a fresh start, put away the past and focus on the future. I stopped by Hester’s when I left Mrs. Gaines’ house after work one day. She had just gotten home from work and was in the kitchen helping her momma prepare supper, picking string beans and peeling potatoes.

  “I was just planning to come see you,” she said, hugging me when she opened the door.

  “I dropped by to see if you and my brother are still an item.” I nudged her and smiled.

  Her mother said, “She needs to concentrate on getting out of school instead of John,” which made us all giggle.

  “I guess we are,” Hester said. “Soon he will be heading off again to the big city. I can’t wait to get from around here myself. Washington, here I come.”

  I enjoyed the kind of love that Hester’s parents showed me whenever I visited. They treated me like family. They were not the ordinary colored folk in our community who all seemed to farm. They practiced a trade they’d learned from their parents and grandparents. Hester’s daddy made furniture on the side. On Saturdays when everyone had finished sowing seeds and bringing in wood, cutting and shucking, he would cut timber. Then he shaved it down and sanded the logs and whittled them into chairs and tables. His only equipment was his hands, an axe, a saw, and his carving knife. He didn’t make a lot of money in his business, but to everyone around Jefferson, he was making something of his life. He was a craftsman.

  And on occasions, especially in the spring, he would clear pretty good money. Some people, mainly whites, paid him to build picnic tables or even whittle the detail in the gazebos that those who had money could afford. Mr. Taylor was always expanding, adding chairs, and building shelves. He loved his craft and shared his skills with the community.

  Hester and I went to her room. On the way, she asked, “How are things with you and Simon?”

  “I heard from him a few weeks ago, and he is doing all right, but he won’t be home until Christmas.” I slumped down on her bed as if it was mine.

  “What’s wrong with you? Why do you look so sad?” she asked, puzzled. “You usually blush when you talk about Simon. You’ve been holding back on me, girl. What the heck is wrong? Whatever is bothering you, you need to talk about it.” Immediately my eyes watered, and she closed her bedroom door.

  “Carrie, it’s gonna be all right, I promise,” she said, and put her arms around my shoulders.

  “I’ve got things going on in my life that are too painful to talk about.”

  “Release the pain to the ears of an old friend,” she said softly. “Remember our dreams of leaving Jefferson, going away to school and becoming teachers.”

  “Yep, and I can’t wait any longer,” I said, still miserable. “I think it may never happen for me.”

  Hester put her arm around my shoulders and stroked my back. Then it all spilled out, everything that I’d been holding inside for months.

  “I was raped,” I said. Tears flowed silently down my cheeks.

  “What?” Hester said, startled. “Why haven’t you said anything? Now, you know we’ve got to do something about it, Carrie. When did it happen?”

  “I was raped,” I said. Tears flowed silently down my cheeks. “What?” Hester said, startled. “Why haven’t you said anything? Now, you know we’ve got to do something about it, Carrie. When did it happen?”

  I cleared my throat and wiped the teardrops rolling down my cheeks with the back of my hand. “Remember when I came to visit you a couple of months ago, and you weren’t feeling well because of your cycle…It happened around that time.”

  “I barely remember the stuff we talked about that day. But I thought we could talk about everything. That’s what friends do, right?” Hester was gazing at my face. I still couldn’t explain why I had been such a coward.

  I hung my head low and whispered, as if I still had a secret, “I’m scared. I’m expecting.”

  “Oh, my God, you were holding that back, too?” Hester threw a hand over her mouth. “I don’t know what to do.”

  She tried to think, but had no more idea of what to do than I did. “Look, let’s talk to Momma. She can at least tell us where to start, because I don’t know how to help ya.”

  I grabbed her arm hard. “Oh no, please don’t tell your momma. I’ve got to fix it and get rid of it. I don’t want anyone to know.”

  “Did you tell yo’ momma?”

  A wary look covered my face. “No, she’s not like your momma. I can’t talk to her. She’s got the morals of a saint. And how can I tell her that the son of a bitch who raped me is her husband?”

  “What? Mr. Camm is the one raped you?”

  “Yes,” I managed. “What do I do?”

  Hester shook her head. She didn’t know how to answer m
e.

  “Listen, what is that lady’s name who lives around here that helps young ladies out?” I asked.

  Her eyes grew wide with fear. “I don’t know, but I’ve heard horror stories about her. You know how country folk talk. You might not want to do that.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “I do know where she stays, though. It’s not too far from here, just up past the church. Momma knew someone she took care of. They say she’s a witch, something like a voodoo doctor.”

  “Will you go with me to see her?”

  Hester inhaled deeply. “Yeah, I’ll go, but you should think about it first.”

  “I’ll think about it, but right now I’m running out of time.”

  We both sat in glum silence for a while. Then she asked, “Are you gonna tell Simon what happened?”

  “I can’t put that in a note to him. I’ll tell him everything when he comes home for Christmas.”

  “Okay, but promise me that you’ll take care of yourself.”

  I spent most of my evening at Hester’s house. I ate there before going home. At the dinner table, her daddy told a joke that was so funny, my belly shook. For that one moment, I forgot about my troubles. The sounds of laughter reminded me of my family when Papa was living. Before I left, I made Hester agree to keep my secret and to go with me to see the lady.

  CHAPTER 26

  CARRIE

  I had tried all the things the old folks tell you not to do when expecting. I’d swallowed large doses of castor oil. I’d lifted heavy objects. I’d run until I’d lost my breath. I’d prayed, yet the frequent flutters in my stomach wouldn’t go away.

  Mrs. Gaines had given me permission to leave early to visit a sick friend. She’d warned me, “Now don’t get too close to her; you don’t want to get sick again.”

  When I arrived at Hester’s house, she was waiting for me. She had lied to her mother, saying we were going to visit a friend from school, and she’d even managed to get the buggy to take us there. Her mother’s eyes were filled with suspicion. She didn’t ask any questions, though, but stood with her arms folded, watching me closely. Hester always thought things through. She had been blessed with the ability to remain calm in tight situations. She said that taking the buggy would get us there faster and she wasn’t sure how well I’d feel afterward. I was frightened and peeing every fifteen minutes. My head had been spinning for months as I wondered how to handle everything going on in my life.