Merciless Ride

by Chelsea Camaron

  “Baby, you okay?” Shooter answers immediately.

  “Ummm…” I start to say as the panic builds. What if Rex wants to take Axel from me? Yes, he was unexpected. No, I didn’t have a clue what I was doing in the beginning. Hell, I still don’t. But that little boy is my whole world. He can’t take him from me.

  “Breathe, baby. Talk to me, please,” Shooter pleads into the phone, automatically soothing me.

  “Rex is on his way over.”

  “You want me to come home?”

  “Yes… No… I don’t know. I just needed to hear your voice more than anything.”

  “Do I have anything to be worried about?” With my history with Rex and what we have being so new, I can’t blame him for asking.

  “Andy—” I start but am interrupted by his laugh.

  “Nope, I got nothin’ to worry about. But you can say my name again.” Shooter chuckles into the phone.

  “I’ll say your name again tonight when you make me scream it.”

  “You’re killin’ me, baby.”

  His relaxed tone makes me feel centered, and I finally realize Rex has had time to sort stuff out in his mind. He won’t come here to hurt me or yell at me.

  “I’ll be all right. Go back to work, just needed to hear your voice.”

  “You need me, never hesitate to call, baby. Don’t talk with Rex too much, you need to rest your voice for tonight.” He laughs again. I never tire of hearing him laugh.

  Flirting with Shooter has me smiling until I hear the rumble of Rex’s bike.

  “Gotta go, he’s here. I’ll call if I need you. Thank you for always being my rock, Andy.”

  “You’re killin’ me,” he whispers.

  “Makin’ sure you remember you’re alive, baby,” I toss back at him before ending the call.

  For years, he has merely gone through the motions of his life. Tracie took a piece of him with her when she committed suicide. Slowly, I am going to get every piece of him back. Slowly, I am going to fill his days and nights with life and laughter. He has brought me back from the brink one breath at a time, and I am determined to give this back to him.

  Walking to the front porch, I decide to meet Rex outside. Shooter’s home—our home—is for us or I hope that maybe one day it will be. I won’t taint it with negatives from either of our pasts.

  Sitting on one of the rockers he has, I motion for Rex to follow suit.

  “Tessie,” he greets, looking nervous.

  “Rex,” I reply, unsure what I should say.

  “About the fight. I never woulda hit you. Things may be different between us, but I wouldn’t hurt you like that.”

  “Rex, I get it. Stepping into a man beating another man wasn’t my smartest moment. Let’s just get to it. We never have been one to talk much, so don’t drag it out now. You look tired and like you got shit to say, so say it,” I say, not toning down my bitchiness. I want to get this over with before Axel is out of school. I need to know what I am facing so I can start preparing for it.

  “What’s his name? His full name. I’ve been riding around all night and morning just wondering what his actual name is. I was at Tripp’s last night, and I couldn’t tell them my son’s name,” he asks while staring out into the driveway.

  “Axel Devon Crews.”

  “You gave him my name?”

  “When I found out fathers don’t have to sign the birth certificates here in North Carolina, I decided to give him your last name. From the moment they told me I was having a boy, I knew he would have your middle name, but when given the opportunity to give him your last name, I took it. Rex, I know it’s hard to believe, but I didn’t mean to keep it from you for so long.”

  “Does he know about me?” Rex questions hunching his shoulders almost as if he’s defeated.

  “He knows his dad is a truck driver that does long distance transports. He knows you travel all the time. At his birthday and Christmas, I always give him a present or two from you, depending on my money. He always gets at least one thing signed ‘Love, Dad’. I didn’t mean to exclude you, but I didn’t think you would want to be tied down. And I didn’t want him to be left with disappointments if you weren’t a constant in his life.”

  “Honestly, I don’t know if you did the right or wrong thing because I don’t know what I would’ve done if you would’ve told me. But I hate knowing you’ve struggled and given up so much. I want you to know I would’ve helped you financially, if nothing else.” Rex still won’t look at me.

  “I don’t need your money, Rex. I make due and always will. Axel doesn’t go without the things he needs.”

  “I know. That’s not what I mean. This isn’t coming out right. Look, we gotta let go of the past. I did you wrong, and you have made the sacrifices for my mistakes. So, where do we go from here? Maybe I wasn’t ready before or maybe I would’ve been. Either way, it’s irrelevant. In the here and now, I wanna know my son. I wanna take care of him.” He finally looks at me with sincerity in his eyes that hits me in my gut. He really does want to be a part of Axel’s life.

  “Okay. I need to tell him that you are in town. We can go to dinner together or something next week. How does that sound?”

  “Sounds like a date,” Rex replies with excitement in his voice.

  “Rex, this doesn’t change anything between us. We were over a long time ago. I don’t want to go back to that or a twisted version of it.”

  He stands up and laughs. “I keep messing this up. I know it’s over, Tessie. I’m still a work in progress, and you never looked at me the way you do Shooter. You are one strong-ass broad. He needs strong and you need a good man. He’s a good man. ”

  Coming over to me, he reaches down, taking me by the hands and pulling me out of my chair. Rex then cups my face, putting his lips to my forehead for what I know will be the last time. I close my eyes and breathe him in. When he pulls away, there is a sadness in his eyes I have never seen before.

  “Thank you for my son. Thank you for standing by me and now, for changing my life.” With those words, he turns and walks away, leaving me with tears pooling in my eyes.

  Visiting

  “Do you think it’s too much for Axel to meet Rex tonight with a friend? I know they aren’t together, but will it confuse Axel more?” I ask Shooter, as my anxiety climbs.

  “Breathe, baby. It’s gonna be fine.”

  “I need an opinion, Annndddyyy,” I drag out his name in sarcasm.

  “Keep sayin’ my name, baby, and we won’t make it to dinner on time,” he retorts with a wink.

  Putting my hands on my hips, I give him my best I’m being serious look. Yeah, that lasts two point five seconds before I am smiling at him. What can I say? The man makes me happy even when I am stressed to the max.

  He walks over to me, puts his hands on my hips over my hands, and pulls me to him. I have to tip my head back to look up at him.

  “It will be fine. Caroline has some stuff going on that Rex is helping her with. More friends for Axel; look at it that way.”

  “Guess it’s time to face this,” I whisper before Shooter kisses me breathless.

  Ending our kiss, Shooter says, “Come on, Momma, it’s gonna be okay. We don’t want to be late. Axel is excited.”

  I am not a fan of those kid’s pizza places with all the tokens, games, and prizes. The germs all over the machines make me want to give Axel gloves. Normally, I don’t have enough spare cash to take him to a place like this, but Shooter and Rex both agreed this would be the easiest way to transition Rex from stranger to friend, and eventually, the goal of being a father.

  Deep breaths, Tessie, I coach myself as we walk into the establishment.

  Axel is bouncing on his feet with excitement to be here and meet his dad. I, on the other hand, want to puke.

  Rex will be good with him when he is around, that I don’t doubt. Will he be around consistently, though? Axel deserves better than someone being in and out of his life.

  “Inhale, baby. Exha
le and let it go. I see the wheels turning in your head, but it’s gonna be okay. I’ll kick his ass before I let him bail on Axel after starting this. Trust me to take care of you both,” Shooter whispers to me, giving me the security I need.

  We make our way to the table where Rex and Caroline sit with a crappy pizza, drinks, and more tokens than one kid could possibly spend in a day sitting in front of them. Doing my best to push through, I smile in greeting at both of them.

  Rex stands and hugs me. Having two patched Hellions in a place like this isn’t common. I have to push back my insecurities because I feel people staring at us.

  “Hey, Tessie, thank you for this.”

  “I didn’t do it just for you, Rex. Axel needs his father,” I state, as he backs up to greet Shooter in one of those handshake, man hug, back slap things they do.

  Tears pool in my eyes as I watch Rex then squat down to Axel’s eye level. Matching eyes stare at each other in amazement.

  “Hey, Axel, I’m Rex. You ever been here before? It’s my first time.”

  “I came once for Jeffrey’s birthday party.”

  “My friend Lux over here, she says kids like this kinda shit. I’m a big kid at times, so we should have some fun. You good with that?”

  “Momma says shit is a bad word. You shouldn’t say it,” Axel interrupts, causing Shooter to laugh behind me.

  “Tame that right now, Rex. He will get you every damn time,” Shooter adds, winking at me.

  After all of us laugh together, easing the tension, we spend the next two hours playing games, laughing, and earning tickets to turn in for silly prizes. Early on, Axel would only go play games with Shooter, but in time, he warmed up to Rex, and the two of them really seemed to connect.

  Getting back to Shooter’s house, I can’t stop smiling as my son seems to be transitioning through all of this okay.

  Axel is in the garage with Shooter, ‘tinkering’ as Shooter calls it. Axel calls it ‘guy stuff that you wouldn’t understand, Mom’. This has become another part of their routine. In the evenings, while Mom or I cook dinner, these two go hide out there, turning wrenches and whatnot.

  Making my way out to check on them, I smile as I hear them talking.

  “Hand me the tire gage, buddy. We gotta check the tire pressure on Gigi’s car.”

  I hear the shuffling of my son moving around to get the proper tool.

  “Shooter, who taught you about cars? Was it your dad?” my boy asks curiously.

  “My dad wasn’t the most mechanically-inclined. Great man, but he didn’t care about what made something work, just that it worked. When I was a teen, my parents said I had to buy my first car, but I didn’t have a lot of money. I had a girlfriend whose dad was a mechanic. I bought a piece of sh—crap truck, and it kept breaking down. Fred didn’t like his daughter bein’ out with me and stuck, so he took me under his wing and helped me rebuild the engine and then eventually, paint it. I ended up quitting my fast food job and working for him after school and weekends.”

  “Will you be around to rebuild a truck with me? You know, when I’m old enough.”

  My heart breaks at my son’s innocent question. Will Shooter be around? I can’t imagine not waking up with him. The reality is, we have been here far too long. Even Mom said it was time for us to go back home.

  Before Shooter can answer, I make my presence known. “Hey guys, time to get cleaned up. Axel, you’ve had a busy day and need a bath and to go to bed.”

  My mind is still going over how to talk to Shooter about us moving home while we go through our nighttime routines. Getting Axel tucked into bed, I am surprised at his question.

  “Shooter, can I meet Fred one day? Do you think we could go to his shop sometime?”

  “You would want that?” Shooter wonders, a mirror to my own thoughts.

  “Well, I know Rex is my dad and all, but you kinda are, too. I think it would be cool to see the shop where you learned all that stuff. If we can’t, it’s no big deal.”

  My heart shatters. Shooter and I need to have a serious conversation about what we are doing here. What does the future bring? It is not just about me and never has been. This time, it won’t be me alone feeling the loss. What have I done?

  Talking with Axel and thinking back on Fred has me unable to sleep. Getting up, I make my way out to the garage where I run my hand over the old, blue toolbox in the corner, my mind going back.

  “Boy, that’s my baby girl you’re takin’ out. You keep breakin’ down, and it’s not to be missin’ curfew, it’s cuz you really break down. We can’t be havin’ that, son,” Fred told me the first week I had my truck.

  My dad was a factory worker, my mom a stay-at-home mom. We didn’t have much, but we were comfortable. My parents taught me that, with hard work, you will persevere. Fred taught me patience. Fred taught me you don’t give up when at first you don’t succeed. When I decided to join the Army, my parents and Fred were encouraging me every step of the way.

  I haven’t seen Fred since the memorial service for Tracie. I refused to speak to him that day. What could I say? His wife had passed on years before, then his only daughter took her own life because of me. He lost what he had left of his wife because of my decisions.

  “You okay?” Tessie asks me from the garage doorway.

  “Couldn’t sleep. Sorry I woke you.”

  “Talk to me,” Tessie says, walking over to me. “Is this about us?”

  Trying to avoid the subject, I reach out and pull her to me. I allow myself the freedom to kiss her, letting us both be lost in each other. When I pull back, she runs her thumb across my lips.

  “I’ve been the one to be lost in before. I’ve been the one that was there for him to forget his troubles, too. I’ll be that for you, but I want more. Talk to me. Let me listen. Let me be your shoulder. Don’t let my body be your escape alone. Don’t let that be all we share. Let me walk through fire with you until we come out on the other side. Don’t shut me out.”

  Her reminder of the way things were with Rex cuts me deep. I don’t want her to feel that is what I am doing here. Deciding to open up I share with her more of my past.

  “Fred is Tracie’s dad. I don’t know how he would feel about meeting Axel. Hell, I don’t know that he ever wants to see me again.”

  “Won’t know if you don’t try, right?”

  “You make it sound so simple.” She smiles at me in reply.

  I have never been as open with anyone as I am with her. “There are some things I’ve learned in the last year. If we don’t take a chance, we will never know what the end result will be. If we let the mistakes and traumas of our past define us, we will never move forward into our future. I want my son to know that, when the hits keep on coming, you don’t give up. You push through and come out stronger on the other side.

  “Yes, Fred may not want to see you. Or he may need to see you. I would like to think you care about my son. I would like to think Axel means something more to you than just being my son. I would like to think that, if something were to happen to me, you would still be a part of his life. Fred lost his wife and his daughter all too soon. Why did he have to lose you, too?”

  Rubbing circles on her pajama covered hips with my thumbs, I find comfort in touching her. I find hope in her words.

  “Baby, don’t doubt for one second what I feel for you or for Axel. He may not be mine, but he is mine. I’m not goin’ anywhere. I promise you on everything I have, I will be the one to teach him to ride his bike without training wheels next summer. I promise to be there to teach him to drive a car and a motorcycle. I will teach him how to treat a woman like she should be treated, by the way I treat you for as long as you’ll have me.”

  Her hands wrap around my neck. When she pulls my head down, I see her tears falling as she begins to kiss me. We become a tangle of limbs as she consumes me.

  Picking her up, I carry her to the hood of my car before setting her down. She pulls her cami off as I slide her bottoms down. With everyt
hing she has been through, I have made sure to be gentle with her. But, right now, I need this too much to slow down.

  Her hands come around the waist band of my sweat pants, easily pushing them down. Taking my cock, I run the head over her pussy before I thrust deeply in her.

  “Yeeeessss,” she cries out as her inner muscles grip my dick like a vice. If I move right this minute, it will be over. She feels so good, too good.

  “It shouldn’t feel this good, but it does,” she pants out, taking the words from my mouth.

  “Baby…” I start to say, only to stop myself. Are we ready to go there yet? I don’t know.

  Sliding in and out of her wet pussy, I get lost in the sensations. With her laid out on the hood of my car, my shins and knees bump into the grill and bumper painfully, but I can’t stop. Gripping her hips, I wrap her legs high around my waist, pushing her back more into my hood, allowing me to go deeper. She reaches up and tweaks her nipples. Her body shudders and trembles as her pussy milks me, her orgasm shooting through her, sending me over the edge with her.

  Afterwards, we clean up and head to bed. My mind goes back to whether Fred needs to see me for closure. Making a decision, I fall asleep and rest with more peace about my past than I have ever had.

  Waiting

  There’s no way this is my life. Shooter and I have fallen into an easy routine, a little too easy. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. We haven’t discussed Shep other than for Shooter to tell me I have nothing to worry about in him ever showing up somewhere I am. Secretly, I hope he is dead. I don’t want him to get anyone else or come after me.

  “Tessie, it’s time to go home,” Mom interrupts my thoughts. “I’m ready to be back in my space, not living out of a few dresser drawers at Shooter’s. I know he’s good for you and Axel, but I want to have my own things again.”

  Sighing, I face what I already know. “You’re right, Mom.”

  I am not happy about it, but it’s not fair to ask her to continue on just for the sake of my time with Shooter. She is used to her space, her things. Routine is better for her disease. Plus, only having a few things with us, Axel is missing his toys as well. I spend the day packing all our things that have found their own homes here.