Keep Me

by Faith Andrews

  Maybe I was wrong for bringing this up—for ending a great, carefree weekend with all this heaviness. On the car ride home no less, where we couldn’t get into it the way I wanted to. But I wanted to try and make myself clear. Prove to her that I wasn’t just going to give up because of her apprehensions. “It’s you who’s making it complicated when it doesn’t really have to be. Don’t let your past hold you away from me. Don’t let what you’re afraid of hinder you from moving on. I can be here for you as a friend, as more. You just have to let me be… don’t worry about Riley, or Zack, or what anyone else says or does. Worry about me and you and what we can be together. I won’t hurt you, Tessa, but you have to trust me. You have to let me in.” Shit. I was wearing every single emotion on my sleeve, totally putting myself out there for her. What the fuck had come over me?

  “Wow. You really have grown up, Little Marcus Grayson.”

  At least it wasn’t a rejection. I was clearly breaking down those walls of hers. “So, we good?”

  Her eyes bore into me as if she were branding my soul. This was it. This was the Tessa I was waiting to reveal—the one underneath all the rubble of her crumbled past, the one free of hurt, betrayal and mistrust. Did I finally do it?

  “Yup. We’re good.”

  Not the fucking ‘yup’ again. “That’s all you’ve got for me, pretty girl? A fucking ‘yup.’ I lay it all out there like that and I get three measly words?”

  Her smile grew wide, her shoulders shaking with laughter. “You’re too much, you know that? Okay, let me reword that. Yes, Marcus, we’re good. You can continue wowing the shit out of me with your smooth words, your incredible body, and your huge heart. I’m all in… even if I have to pretend I’m not.”

  “Now that’s the answer I was looking for!” I shouted, waking Riley from her coma.

  “What? What’s the answer? God, how long was I sleeping?” she yawned.

  Leave it to her to interrupt at the most inopportune time.

  “Shit, sorry for waking you. He couldn’t remember the title of a song. Go back to sleep if you want, Ry.”

  We stole a quick, knowing glance at each other through the rear view again. This plan could work. It had to. Tessa seemed to be on board; now it was my sister I had to win over. I hated that I needed her approval, but Tessa was right when she said that arguing with Riley was exhausting. It wasn’t very often that someone was able to prove her wrong, but I intended to be one of the first. I winked at Tessa, as if it were a handshake, sealing our deal. Our magical weekend was coming to an end, but there was no doubt in my mind that everything else was just beginning.

  I didn’t see Tessa that whole following week. It was fucking torture. The dirty texts weren’t cutting it and I desperately needed to be with her again. So when I received the text from Beck that Marissa was out of town and he was looking to chill, an idea popped into my head—after I texted him back telling him he was a pussy for only asking me to hang out when his girl wasn’t around.

  Me: Dude, mind if my sister and Tessa come along? We can hit up that new bar on 5th everyone’s talking about.

  Beck: Sounds good. We’ll cab it there. Have the driver get me last.

  Me: C u at 9, pussy

  Beck: Later, asshole. And keep it up and I’ll out you and Tessa to Riley.

  Me: Fuck u.

  Beck: U wish.

  I ignored the last text from Beck to group text Riley and Tessa with the plans.

  Me: New bar on 5th. Us and Beck. All in?

  Riley: Oh, yay! Been wanting to go!

  Tessa: Calling Trish to sit for Luca now… sounds like fun :)

  Within seconds my phone was vibrating with an incoming call. My face lit up when I saw it was Tessa. “Hey, pretty girl. I miss you.”

  “Miss you, too. Is this part of your surefire plan?”

  She was finally getting the picture. I was a persistent motherfucker, if nothing else. “Mmmhhmmm. Watch and learn. I’m the persuasion pro.”

  “Ah, so that’s how you got into my pants then.”

  I loved it when she talked like this, her voice laden with seduction. “Speaking of getting in those pants… I can’t go a week without touching you again.”

  “Finding it hard to keep it in your pants?”

  In all the conversations we shared, we had never discussed exclusivity. It wasn’t that I intended to screw around on her, but it also wasn’t a topic to bring up this early in our… whatever the hell this was. She wanted to take things slow—adamant on not putting labels on things. Was this her way of testing me? It didn’t matter, I had to reassure her. “Not at all. It’s just hard to stay away from you.”

  “Well, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or maybe you’ll realize I’m not really worth the wait after all.”

  Goddamn girls and their mind games centered around their lack of confidence. Though that wasn’t Tessa’s M.O. so I had to think that was a real concern for her. “I’m not going anywhere, Tess, I told you that. I’m following your lead—even if that makes me a total pussy—and I want to do this at your pace. Make you comfortable.” I felt like I was talking in circles, but I’d run around chasing my tail like a dog if it meant I’d catch her in the end. “And now if you’re done fishing for compliments, can we talk about tonight?”

  “Hey!” she shrieked. “I am not fishing for compliments. I’m just…”

  I quickly interrupted, “… letting your brain do all the work again. That’s what you’re doing. Stop freaking thinking for once! You’re in good hands, I promise.”

  She let out a soft moan and I pictured her twirling her hair around her fingers. “Mmmm, ‘good hands’ is right. You think we can discreetly ditch Riley and Beck afterwards? You can spend the night if you want.” Music to my ears—and my dick. She wasn’t completely wound tight, and maybe she missed me as much as I missed her.

  “God, baby, I’m hard just thinking about it. We’ll make it work.”

  “Good. Stay that way—just how I like you.” She giggled, then her voice turned stern. “Listen, I have to go into a meeting. What time should I be ready?”

  “I’ll be there to get you at eight thirty, ‘kay, pretty girl?”

  “Perfect. See you then. And Marcus,” she whispered.

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m really looking forward to the after-party.”

  The phone clicked and I was left with a hard-on and a smile from ear to ear.

  “Oh! I love this song!” Riley shot up from her chair, pulling on Tessa’s arm. “Come on, girl, let’s dance!”

  “No one’s dancing, Ry.” She was staring into her Ketel and Cranberry, trying her best to deflect Riley’s request.

  “So, we’ll start a trend. Come on, pleeeaaase?” With lips curled down into an annoying pout, Riley clasped her hands together, begging.

  “Fine,” Tessa huffed. “But only for this one song. I’m tired.”

  As she lifted herself from the seat, I placed a hand at her shoulder to stop her and whispered, “Not too tired, I hope. We have an after party to attend… in your bed.”

  Riley quickly pulled her out of my reach with a spiteful, “Okay, you two. No secrets. Dance floor. Now!”

  As she was dragged out against her will, she looked back at me and winked. It was all I needed.

  “Shit, man. What’s that all about? She’s really got you under lock and key.” Beck didn’t have to be a genius to be perceptive. He pretty much summed up the impossible situation in a nutshell.

  “It’s ridiculous. I should just tell her to fuck off already and let us be, but I don’t want to upset Tessa, either. She’s not ready to share the news about us just yet.”

  “Hmmm.” His smart-ass wheels were turning. I didn’t like it.

  “Hmmm, what?” I mimicked. “I don’t like the insinuation in that hmmm.”

  “Listen, dude. It’s none of my business and unlike your sister, I could give a shit who you date, or fuck for that matter, but it sounds like Tessa’s reasons for not going pu
blic about you two are a lot deeper than your sister’s approval.”

  “How so, asshole? You’ve been around the two of us for what, all of thirty minutes? How the hell would you know anything about our situation?”

  “Hey, Mr. Touchy, want me to tell you what you want to hear, or want me to be real?”

  I took a long guzzle of beer, staring at Tessa dancing effortlessly to Suit and Tie by Justin Timberlake. God, she made me weak. I was being touchy—when it came to Tessa I was touchy about everything—but maybe a harsh dose of reality from Beck was something I needed at the moment. “Real.” I spit out.

  “You’ve made quite the reputation for yourself and most girls, they’re probably happy just to get a roll in the hay with you because of that reputation. But Tessa’s not most girls. She’s got a kid—and a brain—and maybe she just wants to have a little bit of fun. I know this is gonna sound shitty, but you said real, so I’m laying it out there…”

  “Say it, Beck, enough with this hurting my ego shit. I can take it.”

  He took a long pull of his Rum and Coke before he blurted it out. “Maybe she doesn’t think you’re good enough for her. You’re a twenty-four year old guy who makes a living out of looking good and fucking around. After what she’s been through I doubt she’s looking for another husband and let’s face it, bro, even if she was—you’re not ready for that.”

  Ouch! I let it sting first and then, as if reacting to any other blow to the balls, I became defensive. “How the fuck… Wow! I cannot believe you just said that.”

  I really wanted to punch him, or stop him from continuing, but with a sly grin and a nervous chuckle, he went on. “I mean it in the nicest way possible. I know you have feelings for her, that’s plain to see, but she’s a grown woman—do you really think that if she wanted to be with you—seriously—she would let something like Riley’s disapproval get in her way? Think about it.”

  I had thought about it. It wasn’t the craziest reason to keep us a secret. Plain and simple—my sister didn’t approve and she was important to us both. But when I really thought about it, long and hard—Fuck, he was right! I knew how women worked, and when they wanted something or someone they didn’t care who or what was in the way. At least that’s how I felt. If Tessa gave me the green light to out us, I would deal with the wrath of Riley and go on my merry way. Tessa was the one who wouldn’t let up about being discreet. Tessa was the one fighting against us.

  “Calm down, man. Your veins are popping out!”

  “No, fuck that. I can’t accept that I’m not good enough. I’m a good guy. I mean, I know my past isn’t so… spotless, but I’d do anything for her. I would change it all for her.” I stared down at my napkin, crumpling it into a ball then spreading it out flat only to rip it up into shreds.

  “Yeah, well I wonder if that guy would.” Beck broke me of my silent temper tantrum with a finger in the direction of the dance floor.

  “What guy? What are you—” Oh, hell fucking no. There was no way I was letting Mr. Suit and Tie himself get one step closer to her, even if he was more her type. I mean, what kind of douche wears a suit to a bar? The kind of guy with a normal corporate job, who comes to the bar after a long corporate day, looking to pick up your craving-a-stable-guy girl.

  “Excuse me, Beck.” All of a sudden I was a gentleman, excusing myself from a bar table? Some suit-wearing turd was all over my girl. “Get outta my way.” I growled as I pushed Beck back down in his seat. That was more like the Marcus I knew. Glad you found your balls again, buddy.

  “Don’t do anything stupid, Marcus. Causing a scene isn’t going to change her mind about you.”

  That was the last thing I heard him say before I went and did something really stupid. “Hey,” I tapped the JT wanna-be on his pin-striped shoulder. “Can I help you?”

  He eyed me up and down, staring a little too long at the tattoos on my neck—the flesh bulging from my t-shirt. “Sure, are you taking drink orders? I’ll take a Bud Light for myself and two Ketel and Cranberries for my new friends here.”

  First of all, how did he know what they were drinking? Second of all, “I’m not some bus boy, asshole. I’m her…” What the fuck was I? One look from Tessa—her eyes pleading with me to play it cool, not to be an ass, not to disappoint her. Second-guessing my original statement, I said, “I’m her brother.” I glowered at Riley this time. She wanted to play the protective, meddling sibling… two could play at this game.

  “Can’t your sister speak for herself? And what about her friend, Jess, was it?”

  “Her name’s Tessa and no, they’re both spoken for so… Get. The. Fuck. Away.”

  “Marcus!” Riley scolded, nudging me with her tiny fist. I wasn’t budging.

  “It’s okay, Ry.” Tessa was between me and JT now—one hand on my chest, the other reaching over to touch Riley’s shoulder. “Come on, Marcus. Song’s over, we can go sit back down now.”

  I gave one more evil death-glare to the man who had dirty intentions for my sister and my… Tessa… and gulped down the rage that was starting to simmer. “Good idea. Good night, prick.”

  “What did you just call me? Fuck you, asshole.” The words I saw coming—the punch not so much.

  “Marcus!” Both Tessa and Riley shrieked as I staggered back. But it was only due to the surprise of the impact, not the force, or lack thereof, that came with it. I lifted my arm and wound up for retaliation, but my swing was stopped mid-air by a tight grip on my bicep.

  “Dude, what the fuck? This isn’t you.”

  Wasn’t it though? I was a fly-off the handle, pig-headed, immature, not-worried-about-the-consequences delinquent. This was what Beck was talking about when he said I was no good for Tessa. At least I was proving him right.

  “Marcus,” his hand bit into my chest as he spoke in my ear, “you’re better than this. Come on, bro, before it gets ugly.”

  “Please, Marcus. Let’s just go.” Her eyes magnetized mine. It was just her and me. Everything else was wiped away for one split second. It was as if she was warning me with her eyes to show her that I was good enough for her. The thought relaxed me, brought me back a step.

  Through gritted teeth, I spoke, “Let’s go. Beck, you share a cab with Riley and make sure she gets home okay. Tessa, you’re riding home with me.”

  “But…” my sister tried to put in her two cents.

  “But nothing. Good night, Riley.” I shot the guy one last dirty look and then grabbed Tessa’s hand, leading her from the club.

  “What the hell were you thinking? Are you insane? Why would you—”

  My mouth crashed over hers, silencing her. We were in the cab all of two minutes. She waited until we were alone to try and rip me a new one for my behavior, but I wasn’t having it.

  “Marcus,” she tried to speak past my tongue, but I wouldn’t let her.

  “No talking. Tonight you’re mine.”

  She put up a good fight, pawing at me, pulling back, but I wasn’t letting her go this time. It had nothing and everything to do with possession. I would in no way try to own her the way Zack had staked his claim on her, but I wanted her to be mine—mind, body, and soul—and this was the only way I knew how. I grabbed chunks of her hair, needing her close, wanting our skin to meld together.

  “Marcus, please, it’s too much,” she murmured. There was no sign of fear in her voice, only the slight tang of embarrassment over the peeping Tom of a cab driver.

  I pulled back, panting, my hands still wrapped in her hair, our mouths inches apart. “What? You want me to stop? Tell me you want me to stop, that you don’t want this… that you don’t want me. I’ll stop right now. I’ll go home and leave you alone.”

  She stared into my eyes. And what I saw scared the shit out of me. She was lost. So fucking lost, and all I wanted to do was be able to help her find herself again. “No. Please don’t stop. Don’t give up on me, even if I make it like I want you to. I need you.”

  She needed me? Was I hearing things? Th
at’s definitely not something a girl says to a guy who she doesn’t think is good enough. Tessa made me want to be good enough. There was work to be done, but nothing was impossible. “I need you too, baby. You have no idea how much I fucking need you.”

  We stumbled into the house, the two of us still intertwined and groping. As I kicked the door shut behind me, I remembered that Trish, the babysitter, would be watching TV or asleep on the couch.

  “Marcus, stop a second.” I whispered against his mouth, but he wasn’t stopping. His hands already plunged their way inside my jeans, working their way into my panties. “Baby, go upstairs and wait for me. Let me pay the sitter.”

  The rushed frenzy of wanting to rip each other’s clothes off came to an abrupt halt. Marcus backed away slightly, pulling my lip in his teeth. “Don’t keep me waiting too long. You. Are. Mine. Tonight.”

  My knees almost buckled between the weight of his stare, the heat radiating off his touch, and the possession in his voice. “Go. I’ll be right up.”

  I adjusted my clothing and smoothed down my hair. I found Trish in the living room, asleep, propped up by a pillow. I nudged her on the arm softly and her eyes fluttered open. “Hey, I’m back. How was he?”

  Sitting up and stretching out her legs, she answered, “Perfect, as always. Have a good time?”

  “Yup.” I remembered annoying Marcus with that little word the other day, so I corrected myself. “I mean, yes, I had a good time.” And it’s about to continue so thanks for taking care of my son, but get the hell out.

  “Great. You know, I’m available during the week, too. I can always use the extra cash, so just text or call anytime.” She bent down to put on her Chucks.

  I handed her her pay for the evening—money well spent—and thanked her. “You’re the best, Trish. Thank you. Luca really seems to love you, too.”