Needing Her

by Allie Everhart

  11

  PEARCE

  Rachel’s neighbor and new best friend is one of our associates. I slept with her a couple weeks ago. She’s the girl who spent the night at my place when she wasn’t supposed to.

  When Rachel introduced me to her, I didn’t know what to say. I was too shocked. What the hell is she doing living in this run-down building? She makes more than enough money to live in a decent apartment. Most of our associates live in luxury condos. Some have their own house. I know this girl is new, but still. She would’ve received money up front when she signed the contract.

  I wonder if Shelby is her real name or another fake name like the one she gave me before she left that morning. Sophia. That’s what she said her name was. All the girls use fake names but sometimes they do so in their real lives as well, trying to escape whatever dark past led them to the point where they would succumb to working for people like us.

  “Let’s go inside,” Rachel says as she leads me into Shelby’s apartment. It looks the same as Rachel’s. It even has the same furniture. The apartments must come furnished. Rachel’s apartment was neat and clean but Shelby’s place has clothes strewn everywhere and dirty dishes sitting out.

  “Sorry about the mess,” Shelby says when she sees me looking around. “I didn’t have time to clean before I left the other day.”

  “Where have you been?” Rachel asks her. “At your mom’s house?

  “Um, yeah.”

  It’s a lie. I can tell by the way she hesitated before answering and the way she’s staring down at the floor.

  We hear a phone ring and Rachel says, “That’s my phone. I’ll be right back.”

  She leaves and I wait until I hear her apartment door close, then say to Shelby, “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “ME?” Shelby talks just above a whisper. “What are YOU doing here? And what are you doing with Rachel?”

  “We’re seeing each other. We were on a date tonight.”

  “No!” She shoves me back. “Stay away from her! She’s not one of your whores. She’s a nice girl. A really nice girl. And she deserves better than you.”

  Her words hit me hard because it’s true. Rachel does deserve better than me. But I can strive to be better. And I will.

  “You said I wasn’t like the rest of them.”

  Shelby huffs. “Obviously I was wrong. Now that I know you use people like Rachel, I realize you’re just like the rest of them.”

  “I’m not using her. We’re dating. Getting to know each other.”

  “Yeah, so you can have sex with her, if you haven’t already. Why are you doing this? You can pick from any of the associates. They’re all beautiful and they’ll do whatever you ask.”

  “This isn’t about sex. I like Rachel. I like her a lot. I care about her.”

  Shelby glares at me. “If you care about her, then leave her the fuck alone!”

  Now I’m getting angry. “I will do as I please and you will keep your mouth shut.”

  “Rachel’s my friend. And I’m not letting her get involved with someone like you.”

  “She’s a grown woman. She can make her own choices.”

  “Not when she doesn’t have all the facts. I’ll tell her who you are and then we’ll see if she wants to be with you.”

  I step closer to her and lower my voice. “If you do that, you know what will happen.”

  “Are you threatening me?”

  “It’s not a threat. It’s a fact. When you accepted the deal, you made a contract with the devil. You were in danger from that point forward. One slip-up and it’s over. And telling Rachel about me, or about any of us, is more than a slip-up. It would be the end for you. If you do that, I can’t protect you. I won’t be able to control what they do to you.”

  “Yeah, I get it. I won’t tell.” Shelby’s voice is shaky. I scared her. But she needs to know the reality of her situation. I don’t know why she doesn’t already know. Are they not telling the girls this?

  “I’m sorry to have frightened you. I’m just trying to protect you.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, right. Like you give a damn about me. Or about any of the girls.”

  “Of course I do, but I can’t do anything about the rules. And if you didn’t want to be part of this, you shouldn’t have signed up.”

  “I needed the money,” she mutters.

  I shake my head. “That’s what they all say. I don’t understand it. Is having designer shoes and handbags really worth giving up your freedom?”

  “I’m not doing it so I can afford expensive things.” She says it too loud, then lowers her voice. “Obviously if I was using the money on myself, I wouldn’t live in this shithole.”

  I want to know why she needs the money but I don’t ask. The less I know about her the better.

  “Rachel said you’ve been gone a lot. Is it because of a job?”

  “Yes, but I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “That doesn’t make sense. It shouldn’t take that long.”

  “Well, it did, okay?” She rubs her arm.

  “How long were you there?”

  She sighs. “I said I don’t want to talk about it.”

  I lower my voice. “Just tell me. How long were you there?”

  “All day,” she says quietly. “I missed work yesterday and now my boss is mad at me for not coming in.”

  “What boss? You have another job?”

  “I work at a law firm a few days a week. I’m a secretary. When I was hired by the organization, I was told I’d only have to work in the evenings. But this last job went longer than planned.”

  “Why? Was it an out of town job?”

  I shouldn’t be asking these questions. It’s none of my business and I get the feeling I won’t like the answers.

  “It wasn’t out of town. It’s just…he wouldn’t let me leave. I went to his place the other night and when I went to leave, he—he insisted I stay.”

  “All night?”

  “Yes.” She pauses. “And the next day.”

  “That’s against the rules. You’re supposed to leave when you’re done. You’re not supposed to be seen in public with us.”

  “We didn’t go out. We stayed in all day and—you know.”

  “Still, the rule says you do what you’re there to do and leave. It’s a very strict rule, which is why I didn’t tell them you spent the night. We could’ve both been punished.”

  “You’re not listening to me. I tried to leave but—” She keeps her eyes on me as she rolls her sleeves up. “He wouldn’t let me.”

  I glance down at her arms. There are red marks around both her wrists. He tied her up and kept her there against her will. Shit.

  “Who did this?” I’m furious. The members are not supposed to harm these girls. And they are most definitely not to hold them against their will, tied up like an animal.

  “I can’t tell you,” she whispers. “I’d get in trouble. You know that.”

  “Did he hurt you?”

  She lowers her sleeves, covering her wrists. “Only when he tightened the restraints. Other than that, not really.”

  “He should never have done that. If you tell me who it was, I promise you, I will make sure he’s punished.”

  She thinks about it, then says, “No. But thank you for offering.”

  We stand there in silence. The walls are thin and I can hear Rachel talking on the phone in the other apartment.

  “Pearce, I know there’s a part of you that’s not like the rest of them and doesn’t want to be. But the fact is you are one of them and you always will be. So please, I’m begging you, leave Rachel alone. She’s sweet and generous and has the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever known. She still thinks the world is a good place and she believes people are good. Don’t take that away from her. Let her have a normal life. Let her be with someone who isn’t part of this. She wants a family and a house with a white picket fence. And she deserves that. She doesn’t belong in your world and i
f you put her there, she won’t be happy.” Shelby holds my forearm with both her hands, her eyes pleading. “Please. Just let her be happy.”

  “Sorry I took so long.” Rachel walks in and Shelby quickly takes her hands off my arm and pretends to adjust her ponytail. “Did you guys get to know each other?”

  “Yes,” I say, keeping my eyes on Shelby. “Shelby was telling me about her family.”

  “How’s your dad?” Rachel sounds sad as she addresses Shelby. “Is he getting worse?”

  Shelby glances at me, then back at Rachel. “He’s the same. No change.”

  “Is your father ill?” I ask her.

  She nods, avoiding my gaze. She obviously didn’t want me to know this.

  “He has cancer,” Rachel says. “Shelby goes home a lot to help her mom take care of him.” She notices Shelby’s face. “I’m sorry. Was I not supposed to tell him?”

  “No, it’s fine,” she says.

  So that’s why Shelby needs the money? To help take care of her father? Help pay his medical bills?

  Guilt fills me as I remember what I said to her. I accused her of wanting money to buy clothes and purses when she really needed it for her family. She shouldn’t have to do this. She shouldn’t have to sell her body to take care of her father.

  “I’m really tired,” she says. “I need to get to sleep. It was nice meeting you, Pearce.”

  “Yes. And you as well.”

  Rachel gives her a quick hug. “Bye, Shelby.”

  When we get back to Rachel’s apartment, I pick up my tie from the floor. “I should go.”

  “But it’s only ten. And it’s Friday. You sure you don’t want to stay?”

  I lean down to kiss her. “If I stay, chances are I’ll never leave. And I think we both know where that would lead.”

  She smiles. “Then I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I give her one last kiss, “Goodnight, Rachel.”

  When I get to my car I take some deep breaths, trying to clear my head of what I just heard, but it’s no use. Shelby’s words are haunting me, reminding me that what I’m doing is wrong.

  She doesn’t belong in your world and if you put her there, she won’t be happy.

  Shelby’s right. Rachel doesn’t belong in my world. But it’s not the world I want to live in. I want out. And maybe I could find a way out. Maybe Jack could help.

  I know that’s wishful thinking but I let my mind go there because I don’t want to stop seeing her. I don’t want to lose her. She makes me feel something. Something good. I’m used to feeling nothing but pain and anger and when I can’t take it anymore, I use alcohol or sex to numb it.

  This is the first time I’ve felt something good and I want to feel it again. Rachel makes me forget about the pain and anger. She lightens my mood. She makes me happy. Since meeting her, I’ve laughed more than I have in years. And I can’t seem to wipe that idiotic smile off my face whenever I’m with her, or even just thinking about her.

  So what do I do? Is it selfish of me to keep seeing her? Am I just leading her on, knowing it won’t last?

  Maybe so, but I’m not ready to end things between us. Which means I’m either a selfish bastard or Rachel’s optimistic attitude is rubbing off on me because a part of me believes we could make this work. I don’t know how, but I want to believe it could happen.

  I’m back at my apartment building now and I almost missed the turn again but I slammed on the brakes just in time. As I pull up to the gate, I wait for George to push the button.

  “Welcome back, Mr. Kensington,” he says. “You’ve got that smile again. You must’ve been out with that special lady.”

  I wave, but don’t answer him as I drive forward through the gate. I can’t be so obvious. If George notices something’s up with me, others will too. I have a Dunamis meeting tomorrow and I can’t have people suspecting something’s going on with me.

  Saturday morning I drive to Greenwich, which is where the meeting is today. We rotate meeting locations, and this time it’s at the Bianchi estate, which belongs to one of our members. Inside the estate is a hidden door that leads to an underground tunnel and the room we use for our meetings. Many of our members build these underground rooms beneath their estates. They’re as luxurious as the rooms in the main part of the house, with ornate rugs lining the floor and priceless artwork hung on the walls.

  “Kensington.” Royce Sinclair greets me as I enter the room. It’s 10:40 in the morning and he already has a drink in his hand. Several other members are there and they also have drinks. Most of us drink too much. We joke that it’s just men being men, drinking to excess. But it’s really a coping mechanism we use so we can live with ourselves.

  “Hello, Royce.” I shake his hand.

  I went to college with Royce Sinclair. Freshman year, we lived in the same dorm at Yale, on the same floor. I’ve never really liked Royce but I had to be friends with him because our fathers are friends and the Sinclair family is very rich and very powerful, even more so than my family. In my world, you’re taught to befriend those who can help boost the status of your family’s name, and being friends with a Sinclair will do that.

  Royce’s family owns Sinclair Pharmaceuticals, an international corporation that holds the patents to some of the world’s most popular drugs. They’re also a leader in the research and development of new drugs. Dunamis uses Sinclair Pharmaceuticals to create drugs for various purposes. Some are used by the Clinic. Most of those drugs will never be shared with the general public because our members like exclusivity and this allows them to have that. Other drugs are created to harm. To kill our enemies but make it look like an accident. We have drugs that induce heart attacks, strokes, aneurisms. These drugs are especially useful for killing leaders of foreign nations who don’t cooperate with our demands.

  Although the Sinclair family is forced to create these drugs, the fact that they do so makes me leery of them. I shouldn’t judge them that way because they’re no different than anyone else here. We’re all forced to do bad things, but I know Royce and I know what he’s done and because of that, I judge the rest of his family the same way.

  Like me, Royce doesn’t like following the rules, but he’s far riskier than I am. I only break the rules now and then. Royce does it all the time. He basically does whatever he wants but tries to keep it hidden from his family and the other members. But he’s openly breaking the rule that says he has to take over his family’s company. He’s made it clear he wants nothing to do with Sinclair Pharmaceuticals. Royce aspires to be a politician and so his brother, William, is going to take over the company once his father retires. Typically, both sons would be expected to work for the company but Arlin, Royce’s father, allowed his son to take a different path, probably because he wasn’t given a choice.

  Dunamis is always trying to recruit politicians from among the ranks of our members, but most of us aren’t suited for the job. Being a politician takes certain skills, like being an excellent liar during interviews and in debates. Lies must be spoken with utmost confidence; your face, tone, and mannerisms must never give you away. Royce is very good at that, so he’s currently being primed to be a senator. In the next election, he’ll be working alongside a current senator so that he becomes known in the political world.

  “It’s been far too long since we’ve gotten together.” Royce motions me to the bar. “Come have a drink.”

  I agree to it because I need a drink to help me relax. These meetings always make me uptight. I never know what’s going to happen.

  “So how’s business?” he asks as I pour myself some bourbon.

  “Good. We’ll soon be acquiring some new clients in the Southwest.”

  “Have you been doing anything besides work?”

  “Not really.”

  “I don’t know how you do it, Pearce. Working all those hours. I can’t even get my ass out of bed in the morning. And I definitely couldn’t sit at a desk all day and night like you do. What are you working now, like ten
hours a day?”

  “Sixteen.”

  He shakes his head. “That’s absurd. Again, I don’t know how you do it.”

  “You’ll be working just as much when you start campaigning.”

  “That’s years from now. And I’ll let my campaign staff do all the work. I just need to smile for the cameras. Put on a show.” He steps closer and nudges my side. “Just imagine all the women I’ll get once I’m on TV all the time. I already get my fair share, but the celebrity angle will have them flocking to me.” He smiles. “I’m looking forward to being on the road.”

  “You better not get caught. People will be watching your every move. You’ll have reporters following you. You need to be careful, Royce. The last thing we need is a scandal.”

  He refills his drink. “Pearce, your father has had far too much influence on you. You need to stop being so obedient and live a little.”

  “There are consequences to that.”

  He smirks. “That’s what makes it fun. Knowing you could get caught. It’s an adrenaline rush. It gives you a high you crave to feel again and again.”

  As he talks, I wonder if he was the one who was with Shelby. I wouldn’t put it past him to tie up a woman like that. Royce takes what he wants and he doesn’t take no for an answer.

  “Where were you on Thursday?”

  He stares at me. “Thursday? What are you talking about? What was Thursday? Did I miss a meeting or something?”

  “No. Just tell me where you were.”

  “I don’t know. I can’t remember. I was probably at home coming down off something.”

  Royce does drugs sometimes, but he doesn’t get in trouble for it because a lot of our members do drugs. It’s another coping mechanism. But they’ve told Royce he needs to stop the drug use when he starts campaigning. I’m sure he won’t.

  “Pearce.” Jack comes over, smiling at me. “How are you this morning?”

  “I’m fine. Could I talk to you for a minute?”

  “Certainly. Just let me get a drink.”

  After he does, we excuse ourselves from Royce and go into an empty room to talk.

  “What is it?” Jack takes a drink of his bourbon.