Needing Her

by Allie Everhart

I keep hold of him as he finishes, then let him go as he sets me down. He wipes the wet strands of hair from my cheek and kisses me.

  “You’re right,” I say. “This IS a great shower.”

  He chuckles. “Yes. In fact, I like it even more now. Are you done in here, or do you need more time?”

  “I just need to wash my hair quick.” He steps out of the shower as I reach for the shampoo. As I’m washing my hair, I realize we didn’t use a condom. The last couple times we did this, Pearce insisted on wearing a condom, even though I told him I was on the pill. I hope he doesn’t have a disease. He said he didn’t, but maybe he was just saying that.

  When I’m done with my hair, I shut the water off. Pearce opens the shower door and hands me a towel. “It’s all warmed up for you.”

  I take it and wrap myself up in it. “Oh my God, this feels amazing. I love your heated towel rack almost as much as I love your shower.”

  “Another perk of living here,” he says, as he walks out into the bedroom. He’s still naked. After what we just did, he doesn’t need to bother covering up with a towel. And I like him better without it.

  I follow him into the bedroom. “Pearce, can I ask you a question?”

  “Of course.” He’s at his dresser now, pulling out a pair of boxers.

  “I don’t mean to bring the mood down but just to be clear, you’re clean, right? I mean you don’t have any STDs, right?”

  “No. Why do you ask?”

  “It’s just that last time you were pretty insistent on using a condom so I just wanted to make sure that—”

  “I don’t have an STD. I’m just so accustomed to using a condom that it’s become a habit. I’ve actually never done it without one, other than just now.”

  “Really?” I walk over to him. “So I’m your first?”

  He kisses me. “You’re my first.”

  “Another new thing I’ve introduced you to.” I kiss him back. “And this time it was me. I’m honored to be your first.”

  “I would love for you to be my second as well.” He takes my towel and tosses it aside. “And my third. And many more after that.” He backs me up to the bed.

  “Pearce, you have to get to work. You’ll be late.”

  “Work isn’t going anywhere. You, on the other hand, will be leaving shortly. Therefore, my time should be spent with you.”

  And it is. We do it again, this time in the bed. Then he puts on his suit and tie and I put on my jeans and sweater and we say goodbye. I head back to New Haven and he heads to the office.

  When I get to my apartment I practically skip up the stairs. I’m in such a good mood. And so happy. Maybe I am in love.

  I open the door to my apartment, leaving my suitcase by the door. I go in the kitchen to make some coffee. As it’s brewing, the phone rings.

  I pick it up. “Hello?”

  “Hello, beautiful.”

  I smile at his words and his deep, sexy voice. “Hi.”

  “I just wanted to make sure you made it home safe.”

  “I did, but thank you for checking. Are you at work?”

  “I am.”

  “Well, have a good day.”

  “You as well. I’ll see you tonight. I’m not sure what time, but I’ll call you later and let you know.”

  “Okay. See you then.”

  “Goodbye, Rachel.”

  I hang up the phone and realize I’m still smiling.

  There’s a knock on the door and I go over to see who it is. It’s Shelby. I haven’t talked to her since that day we talked on the stairs and she lectured me about Pearce. I was really angry at her that day, but I’m over it now. I’ve stopped by her apartment several times since then, but she hasn’t been around.

  I open the door but she doesn’t come in. She’s just standing there, frowning, her shoulders drooping.

  “Rachel, I’m really sorry. Are you still mad at me?”

  “No.” I hug her. “Not at all. Come inside.”

  She comes in, closing the door behind her.

  “You want some coffee?” I ask as we go to the kitchen.

  “Sure.”

  “So where have you been? I haven’t seen you for a while.”

  “I’ve been staying at my parents’ house. Helping my mom take care of my dad.”

  “How’s he doing?”

  “Same as always. I don’t want to talk about it.” She notices my overnight bag by the door. “Are you going out of town?”

  “No. That’s from last night. I stayed at Pearce’s apartment.”

  “Oh.” She gives me that look again. The same one she gave me on the stairs that day. A look of disappointment and worry.

  I get some mugs from the cupboard. “Shelby, I know you don’t like him, but I do. I really do. So please don’t say any more bad things about him.” She’s quiet as I take the coffee pot from the warmer and fill our mugs. I hand her one.

  “So what did you guys do last night?” she asks, sipping her coffee.

  “We had dinner and then we talked.” I get the milk from the fridge and pour some in my coffee. “I told him.”

  “Told him what?”

  “I told Pearce that I can’t have children.”

  “What? Why would you tell him that? Are you guys that serious? You’re already talking about kids?”

  “No. But I brought it up because I felt like he should know. I didn’t feel right keeping a secret like that from him. And if he wanted to break up with me over it, I’d rather he do it now than later.”

  “So did he?” She almost sounds hopeful, like she wanted him to.

  “No. Just the opposite. Telling him that just made us closer. You should’ve heard him, Shelby. He was so sweet. He said he didn’t care that I couldn’t have children and that the only thing he cares about is me.” I smile. “He’s such a great guy. He’s caring and thoughtful and generous. He even offered to let me stay at his loft. He doesn’t think this area is safe, and truthfully, it’s not.”

  She’s staring at me, looking even more disappointed. “What are you saying? You’re moving in with him? Already?”

  “No. I told me it was too soon. But I am considering it. I mean, I already go over there a lot or he comes over here so we’re practically living together anyway.”

  “Rachel, no.” She reaches over and puts her hand on my arm. “Don’t do it. You need your own place. You don’t need this guy controlling you.”

  I pull my arm away from her. “He’s not controlling me. Why would you say that?”

  “Because it’s what guys like him do. They lure you in, saying all the things you want to hear, paying for things, buying you stuff. And before you know it, they take over your life, telling you what to do, where to live. You’re like a possession to them. And then they get bored with you and toss you aside.”

  “What are you talking about? Pearce is not like that. He’s not controlling me. And he doesn’t treat me like a possession.”

  “He does. You’re just too close to him to see it.”

  I try to stay calm even though I want to scream at her and tell her she’s wrong and mean for saying these things. “I think you should leave.”

  She comes around the kitchen counter, her hands on her hips. “Why won’t you listen to me? Dammit, Rachel, I’m trying to be your friend! I’m trying to look out for you!”

  Why is she yelling at me? I’m the one who should be angry, not her.

  “And why do you think you need to look out for me?”

  She opens her mouth to answer, but then says nothing.

  “What were you going to say, Shelby? That I’m some stupid naive farm girl from Indiana who isn’t capable of making good decisions?”

  “No! That’s not what I said.”

  “You didn’t have to. I know what you think of me. You’re always telling me how innocent and naive I am and that—”

  “I was just kidding around when I said that. It’s a joke between us.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m tired of it and
it’s never been funny to me.” I look at the door. “I think you need to go.”

  “Rachel, I know you don’t want to hear this, but please, just listen to me. Pearce is lying to you. He’s not the man you think he is.”

  “And how do you know that?” I ask, challenging her. If she’s going to keep making these accusations about Pearce, I’m going to make her back them up. And when she can’t, it’ll prove she’s lying and finally end this obsession she has with trying to get me to break up with him.

  “Has he ever taken you out?” she asks.

  “Yes. Of course he has.”

  “And where did you go?”

  “We’ve gone out to eat. Had coffee. Gone to the movies. And we went to the mall.”

  “You did all that stuff here in New Haven. But what about the town where he lives, or works? Or the town where’s he from? Has he ever taken you out in any of those places?”

  “No, but I’m sure he will.”

  “It’s not gonna happen, Rachel. He’ll never take you any place where people he knows might see him with you.”

  “I’m sure he knows people in New Haven and he took me out here.”

  “Yeah, to dive restaurants his friends wouldn’t be caught dead in. And the people in his social circle wouldn’t go to the mall either. I bet he’d never even been there himself until you took him there.”

  I keep quiet because she’s right. And what she’s saying is true. Pearce and I hardly ever go out, and the few times we have, it’s been to places he’d normally never go. Was that intentional? Did he only agree to go to those places because he wouldn’t run into anyone he knew?

  Dammit. Why am I listening to Shelby? Why am I letting her place doubts in my head about Pearce?

  “Shelby, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

  “Because you know I’m right. And if you want to test that theory, ask Pearce to take you out to dinner. Tell him you want to go somewhere nice that’s near where he lives. Or ask him to take you to his favorite restaurant. See what he says. If he agrees to it, then maybe I’m wrong about him.”

  I set my coffee mug in the sink. “I have to get ready for class.”

  She takes off toward the door, but then turns back. “Ask him to introduce you to his friends. Just one. And see what he says.”

  “Goodbye, Shelby.”

  She leaves without saying goodbye, closing the door a little too hard. She’s angry but she has no right to be. It doesn’t make sense. Unless she’s jealous that I have a guy like Pearce and she doesn’t. But she doesn’t seem like the jealous type, so I don’t know what her problem is.

  My phone rings and I smile, assuming it’s Pearce calling to check in. “Hello?”

  “Rachel? It’s Adam.”

  My smile drops. “Adam. Why are you calling me?”

  He laughs a little. “What kind of question is that? We’re friends. And we used to be a lot more than that.”

  “Yes, but we’re not now and I haven’t talked to you in over a year.”

  “I meant to call you. I just didn’t have time. I’ve been really busy. I don’t know if your mom told you, but I opened an accounting firm here in town. It’s not really a firm. It’s just two people. Me and Dean Armison. Remember him? From high school?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Anyway, Mr. Kizner finally retired so Dean and I are getting a lot of his clients. Business is going really well.”

  “That’s good.” I need to end this call. I don’t want to talk to him. “Listen, Adam. I know my mom gave you my number but—”

  “Yeah, I had dinner with your parents a few weeks ago. They were thinking of having me take over their books so your mom wouldn’t have to do it. There are a lot complicated tax rules related to farming and it’s hard to keep up with them.”

  So that’s why he had dinner with my parents? To get their business? And here my mom thought he was just being nice. If anyone’s deceitful, it’s Adam, not Pearce.

  “I need to get to class,” I tell him.

  “Then I’ll call you later. I’ve been thinking about you a lot and I really want to talk to you.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I have a boyfriend.”

  “Your mom said you weren’t seeing anyone.”

  I roll my eyes. Thanks a lot, Mom. “My mom shouldn’t have said that. She knows I’m seeing someone. I’m sorry she misled you.”

  “Is it serious? You and this guy?”

  “Adam, I’m not talking about this with you.”

  “How long have you been seeing him?”

  “I really need to go or I’ll be late to class. Good luck with your business.”

  “Rachel, wait.”

  “What?”

  “I miss you. I’m going to come out there and see you.”

  “No. You’re not coming out here.”

  “We need to talk. In person.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about. We’re not getting back together.”

  “Rachel, we dated for a year. We were engaged. You can’t just throw that away. We need to give this another chance.”

  “I wasn’t the one who threw it away. You did.” I hate the way he always puts the blame on me, as if he’s never the one at fault.

  “That’s not fair, Rachel. You can’t tell me you don’t understand why I reacted that way when you told me what the doctor said. I always assumed I’d have kids. And then you tell me I can’t? I couldn’t just agree to marry you after that. I needed time to think.”

  It’s always about him. He’s so selfish. I can’t believe I ever dated this guy.

  “I don’t want to talk about this. Our relationship is over, Adam. I’ve moved on. I’m with someone else now.”

  “He’ll break up with you when he finds out. You know that, right? No man will ever want you, knowing you can’t have kids. I’m doing you a favor, Rachel. I’m still willing to be with you despite—”

  “Goodbye, Adam. Don’t ever call me again.” I hang up before he can say anything else.

  My eyes are full of tears but I straighten up and take a deep breath. I am not letting Adam’s hateful words get to me. No man will ever want me? He’s wrong. Because I have someone who wants me. Pearce wants me, despite the fact that I can’t have children.

  I check the clock. Class starts in ten minutes. How did it get to be so late? I grab my backpack and head out to my car, replaying that conversation in my head.

  Was Adam really trying to get back together with me? Did my mom tell him I wanted to be with him? God, I hope not. I don’t think she would come out and actually say that, but she must’ve hinted at it. She makes me so mad sometimes. I wish she’d just stay out of my personal life and stop trying to take over.

  I’m so angry from Shelby’s rant and Adam’s call that I almost run a stop sign. I slam on the brakes, but instead of immediately stopping, the car stops when I’m midway through the intersection, the brakes making a loud screeching noise. Luckily, nobody’s around and I make it safely through.

  That’s just great. Now I need new brakes. I knew I needed them. I have for months but I don’t have money for brakes. I don’t drive much and when I do it’s usually only in town so I thought I could get by a few more months without fixing the brakes. But I can’t wait any longer. It’s too dangerous. I’ll have to get another job to pay for it. The help wanted sign at the grocery store is still up. I’ll get an application on my way home tonight.

  This day started out so great. But it’s going downhill fast. At least I’ll see Pearce tonight. That’s something to look forward to.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  22

  PEARCE

  So far, this day has been one of the best days of my life. And that’s not an exaggeration. The day kicked off with me waking up with Rachel in my arms after having the greatest night of sleep I’ve ever had. Then the shower, which I wasn’t at all expecting. I thought I’d go in there and tease her and she’d tell me to leave. And when she didn’t, I couldn’t h
old back long enough to make it to the bed. I didn’t even bother with a condom. And the strange thing is, I didn’t even think about it until she mentioned it, which is odd because I’m always extremely cautious when it comes to that. I don’t want to get a woman pregnant. Then again, Rachel can’t get pregnant so I’ll never have to worry about that. But she said she’s on the pill, so maybe she can get pregnant. When she said she can’t have children, she didn’t really explain why. Maybe she has some other medical issue she didn’t tell me about.

  After the shower we did it again, and by the time I left for work I was on a high. A Rachel high. I’m still feeling it now, at eleven o’clock. I got to work at nine this morning, which is the latest I’ve ever gotten to work. If my father were here, he’d punish me for my lateness. But he’s not here. He’s still in Europe. His office is dark and his door is closed. And the whole office feels lighter and brighter. Even the other employees seem to be smiling more. We’re all happier without my father around.

  At noon, I go to the gym to work out. Originally, my sessions were scheduled for after work, but last week I switched them to noon so I could spend my evenings with Rachel.

  Since being with her, I finally sleep at night. I’ve had so much energy I’ve been upping the intensity of my workouts. I’m determined to get in the best shape I possibly can. I want to be strong. A fighter. I’m no longer going to sit back and let others control my life. Before, I didn’t care. I had nothing motivating me. Nothing keeping me going. But now I do. Now I have Rachel and I will fight like hell to be with her.

  I leave work at five, much earlier than normal. I go home and change clothes and pack an overnight bag. I called Rachel an hour ago to let her know when I’d be there. She was still at work and said she had to give a tour before she left. On my way to her apartment, I stop at my favorite Italian restaurant and pick up some food. I got way too much so she’d have whatever’s left over for meals later in the week. I don’t like that she doesn’t eat well. Hotdogs and macaroni and cheese do not provide adequate nutrition. She doesn’t like taking money from me but she needs to at least let me help her with groceries.

  I arrive at her place with two large sacks of food. I knock on her door several times but she doesn’t answer. But the door next to hers opens and Shelby appears.