Needing Her

by Allie Everhart

  While he’s gone, I pull the covers over me. He has the most comfortable bed and the softest sheets I’ve ever felt. I always sleep well when I stay over here. I reach over to the nightstand and turn on the light. I look down and notice my bracelet on the floor. I took it off during the sex because I didn’t want it rattling around on my wrist. I get out of bed, and as I’m picking up my bracelet, I spot something glimmering on the floor under the headboard. It’s tiny and I can’t tell what it is. I scoot under the bed and grab it and pull it out. I hold it up to the light.

  My breath catches in my throat as a chill runs through me. It’s an earring. A silver angel wing earring with a tiny fake diamond in the center. It’s Shelby’s earring. The one she lost.

  Shelby was here.

  In this bed.

  With Pearce.

  I drop the earring, my hands shaking. What does this mean? They obviously slept together, but when? How long ago? Is he still seeing her? Is he cheating on me with Shelby? Is that why they always act so strange around each other? Is that why he’s helping her dad? Is that why she keeps trying to get me to break up with him?

  The sting of betrayal shocks my system, making me feel like I can’t breathe. Pearce has been lying this whole time. Lying. Cheating. Telling me he loves me when he really doesn’t. Why would he do that to me?

  “Rachel?” Pearce walks around the bed, holding the glass of water. He stands over me. “Rachel, why are you on the floor?”

  I quickly stand up. “I have to go.” I grab my clothes and run in the bathroom. I get dressed as fast as I can, tears rolling down my cheeks.

  Pearce is talking on the other side of the door. “Rachel, what’s wrong? Why are you leaving?”

  Once I’m dressed, I swing open the bathroom door and race past him but he catches my arm. “Rachel, stop. What’s going on?”

  I rip my arm back. “Don’t touch me!”

  He steps in front me. “Why? What’s going on? I don’t understand. Why are you crying?”

  I go around him and pick the earring off the floor. “Because of this!” I shove it in his hand.

  He holds it up, confused. “What is it?”

  “An earring! I found it under your bed. It’s Shelby’s earring!”

  He looks at me and his expression says it all. I’ve seen that look before. My first boyfriend in college cheated on me, and when I found out and confronted him about it, he had that same look that Pearce has right now. That look of guilt, of being caught.

  “You had sex with Shelby?” I ask just to see if he’ll admit to it.

  “Rachel, it’s not what you’re thinking.”

  “So you didn’t have sex with her? Is that what you’re saying? Then how did her earring get under your bed?”

  He doesn’t answer.

  “Pearce, just tell me. Did you have sex with Shelby?”

  He sighs. “Yes. But it was a long time ago.”

  My chest is aching as I try to breathe. I grab the earring from him. “Shelby lost this back in September. She noticed it was missing the day I met her. Right before I met you. Which means you had sex with her right before you met me. That wasn’t a long time ago, Pearce!”

  “Rachel, I’m sorry, but—”

  “Is this still going on? Are you still seeing her?”

  “No! Of course not!”

  “Why should I believe you? You lied to me! You acted like you didn’t know her. Like you’d never met her.”

  “I didn’t know her. I promise you. It was a one-time thing. We’d both had too much to drink. It was a mistake.”

  “I don’t believe you. And even if that were true, you should’ve told me.” I storm out of the room with him right behind me. “I’m leaving. And don’t bother calling me. This is over.” I grab my purse off the counter next to the tulips and the champagne. There’s also a box of chocolates there that I hadn’t noticed earlier. He had this whole romantic weekend planned and now it’s ruined.

  I hurry over to the door, a sniffling, sobbing mess.

  “Rachel, please. Don’t go. Let’s talk about this.”

  “There’s nothing to say. Just leave me alone.” I get on the elevator, pushing the button over and over.

  He joins me just as the doors are closing. “Don’t do this, Rachel. Don’t end this.”

  “It’s already ended. It ended the moment I found that earring.”

  “That happened before I even knew you! And nothing has happened since. Ask Shelby if you don’t believe me.”

  The elevator door opens and I race out to the parking garage. Pearce doesn’t follow me. I get in the car and drive off. I’m crying so much I can barely see the road. How could he do this to me? And how could Shelby do this to me? I thought we were friends.

  When I get back to my apartment, I stop at Shelby’s place and bang on her door until she answers. I storm inside her apartment and take the earring from my pocket.

  “Rachel, what’s wrong? You seem mad.”

  “THIS is what’s wrong!” I hold up the earring. “I found your missing earring. And guess where it was?”

  She takes it. “I don’t know. Where?”

  “Under Pearce’s bed!”

  She stares down at the earring. “Oh.”

  “You slept with Pearce and you’ve been lying to me this whole time!”

  “I didn’t lie to you. I just didn’t tell you. There was no reason to. It was one time and it happened before he even met you.” She walks into the kitchen and sets the earring on the counter.

  “That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”

  “What do you want me to say? That I’m sorry? Because I didn’t tell you? Why would I tell you that? I knew it would hurt you if I did. You love Pearce, and it hurts to think about the guy you love being with someone else. I was trying to protect you, Rachel.”

  “I don’t need your protection! I need the truth!” I’m crying again. Completely sobbing. “Just tell me the truth.”

  Shelby comes over to me and hands me a wad of tissues. “Come sit down.”

  I follow her to the couch, wiping my tears as I sit.

  “This is the honest truth,” she says. “Pearce and I met the night before I met you. We both had too much to drink and we ended up going back to his place. When I woke up the next morning, I left and never saw him again until you introduced me to him.”

  It’s the same story Pearce told me, so maybe he wasn’t lying. Maybe it really was just one drunken night. A mistake.

  “And you haven’t been with him since?” I ask, sniffling.

  She shakes her head. “No. I promise you I haven’t.”

  “What else do you know about him? What are you not telling me?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You keep telling me to stay away from him, like you know something about him you’re not telling me.”

  “I only said those things because I’ve dated rich guys in the past and they didn’t treat me well. They were assholes who thought they could do whatever they wanted just because they had money. I assumed Pearce was the same way, but I know now that he’s not. I see how happy he makes you and how well he treats you and—”

  “I broke up with him,” I say, my voice shaky, tears falling again. “I told him it was over.”

  “Because of me?”

  “Because he didn’t tell me about you. He lied to me.”

  “But when you confronted him, did he tell you the truth? Or did he deny it?”

  “He didn’t deny it. He said the same thing you did. That you were both drunk and that it was just one night. Before he met me.”

  “Then he told you the truth. He could’ve lied, Rachel, but he didn’t.”

  “He never would’ve told me the truth if I hadn’t found your earring. I can’t believe all this time he knew you and he never told me.”

  “If he told you, he’d have to explain how we met. And he didn’t want to do that. Because it doesn’t matter. We never went out. Never dated. It was one nigh
t. And it was before he even knew you existed.” She sighs. “Rachel, you can’t break up with him over this. You love him. I know you do.”

  “Yes, but he can’t hide stuff from me.”

  “Was this really something you wanted to know? Look how upset you are right now.”

  “This was something he should’ve told me.” I glare at her. “And something YOU should’ve told me.”

  “If I’d had a relationship with him, then yes, I should’ve told you. But that’s not what it was. It was a drunken one-night stand. It was a mistake, and when I saw him again, I didn’t see any reason to tell you.” She pauses. “Rachel, I know you don’t want to hear this, but a guy like Pearce has been with a lot of women, so chances are, he’ll at some point run into one of them. And if you’re with him when he does, do you really expect him to tell you he slept that woman?”

  “No. But if I don’t know her, it’s different. I know you. You’re my neighbor and my friend, so he should’ve told me.”

  “Would you do the same if it were the other way around? If you slept with one of his guy friends but didn’t know it was his friend until Pearce introduced you, would you admit to him that you’d slept with his friend?”

  I sigh. “Probably not.”

  She’s right. If it’d just been a one time thing, I probably wouldn’t tell Pearce.

  Just minutes ago I was fuming mad, but now I’m not sure how I feel. Maybe I’m making more out of this than I should. It was one night. Before he met me. So should he have told me? Or was it better that he didn’t? We’re both adults. We both have pasts, and I knew his past included a lot of women. I just didn’t know Shelby was one of them.

  “So what are you going to do?” she asks.

  “I don’t know. I don’t want to break up with him, but I also need to be able to trust him and I’m not sure that I do. Sometimes I feel like he’s hiding stuff from me. He still won’t take me out anywhere. It’s like he doesn’t want people seeing us together. It’s starting to really bother me. And then when I found that earring, I felt like it was a sign telling me not to trust him. If he didn’t tell me about you, what else isn’t he telling me?”

  “You guys need to talk and work this out. He loves you, Rachel. And I don’t mean just a little. I mean like deep-in-his-soul loves you. Like he would literally fall apart if he lost you.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Because I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you. My dad looks at my mom the same way and she’s the love of his life. Not many people have that kind of love and when it comes along you can’t just throw it away. You have to fight for it.”

  “I love him too. The same way.” I dab my eyes with the tissue. “I love him with everything I am. And I don’t want to lose him.”

  “Then don’t. Talk this out so you can get past it.” She nudges my arm. “And then have really awesome makeup sex.”

  “I should go call him.”

  “No. Never call a guy during a fight, especially when he’s in the wrong. Make him come to you. He needs to grovel and beg for your forgiveness. Bring you flowers.”

  “He’s not going to do that. Not after I told him it’s over.”

  “A man like Pearce doesn’t give up that easily, especially given how much me loves you. When guys are in love, they’re totally pathetic. They’ll do anything to get you back. Just wait. I bet he’s here within the hour, knocking on your door with a bouquet of roses in his hand.”

  “Then I better get over there.” She walks me to the door. “I am still mad at you.”

  “I know. And you have every right to be. I’d feel the same way, except if I were you, I probably would’ve punched me. You want to punch me?” She sticks her face out. “Go ahead. I can take it.”

  I half smile. “No. I’m not going to punch you.”

  “I hope knowing this doesn’t make things weird between us.”

  “It’s weird, but I’m going to try not to think about it.”

  She hugs me. “Good luck with Pearce.”

  I step into the hall. “You just hugged me. You never hug me.”

  “You needed one. I only give them when necessary, unlike you, who hugs everyone she meets.” She pushes me toward my door. “Now get over there. And clean up your face. You’re a mess.”

  She shuts her door and I go in my apartment and check my answering machine. It’s blinking red and says it has ten messages. I’m sure they’re all from Pearce. As I’m about to listen to them, someone knocks on the door. He’s here already? That was fast.

  I wipe the remaining tears off my face as I walk to the door. I open it, but instead of Pearce being there, it’s Adam.

  “Adam. What are you doing here?”

  “I came here to surprise you.” He hugs me and I notice a suitcase sitting next to his feet.

  I push away from him. “No. Adam, you can’t stay here. You need to leave.”

  He takes his suitcase and walks past me into my apartment. “I’m not leaving. I just got here.” He sets his suitcase down and looks me up and down. “You look great. Even better than the last time I saw you, which was what? Like six months ago? I saw you at church last Easter, but you left before I could talk to you.”

  “Adam, I mean it. You need to leave.”

  “Rachel, why are you acting this way?” He comes up to me, standing too close. “I thought you’d be happy to see me.” He leans in toward my face.

  I shove him back. “What are you doing?”

  “Giving you a kiss. I missed you.”

  “Listen, Adam, I don’t know what my mom told you, but I’m not interested in getting back together with you. I have a boyfriend now, and even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t want us getting back together.”

  “Rachel, I know you don’t mean that. You and I have a history. We love each other. We belong together.”

  “I didn’t love you. I only thought I did because I was pregnant and I thought that meant that I should love you. But I didn’t.” I take a breath. “Why would you even want me back? You broke up with me.”

  “I’ve done some thinking and realized there are other ways we can have children. I’d rather have my own, but since that’s not possible, I’m willing to adopt. I’ve already looked into it and—”

  “Adam, you’re not listening to me. I don’t want to be with you.”

  “We just need time to reconnect. I’ll be here all weekend. We can do whatever you want.” He places his hand on the side of my face, but instead of comforting me like it does when Pearce does it, it makes me tense up. “Come on, Rachel. I’m giving up a lot to be with you. The least you could do is act grateful.”

  I push his hand off me. “Stop touching me. I don’t want this. You. Us. I’m sorry you came all the way out here, but you need to leave.” I walk to the door and open it and see Pearce standing there with his hand up, like he was getting ready to knock.

  “Rachel, I—”

  “Is that him?” Adam meets me at the door.

  “Who’s this?” Pearce asks me, his eyes on Adam.

  Adam steps in front of me. “I’m her fiancé. And we’re trying to have a discussion here so you need to go.”

  “You’re not my fiancé,” I tell him, nudging him aside so I can see Pearce. “This is Adam,” I tell him. “My EX-fiancé. He was just leaving.”

  Adam turns me toward him, his hands gripping my shoulders. “Rachel, you barely know this guy. You’ve dated him for what? A couple months? I’ve known you since kindergarten. I know your family, your friends. I know everything about you.”

  “You don’t know anything about me.”

  “Of course I do. How could you say that?”

  “If you knew me, you’d know how much I hurt when we lost the baby.” I’m tearing up as I say it because it still hurts. “And you’d know how devastated I was when I was told I could never have a child.” I sniffle and wipe my tears. “And you’d know how much I needed you after it happened. Yet you went and took a job in Indianapolis. Y
ou left me, Adam, when I needed you the most. You never even called or came back to see me.”

  “I thought you needed some time alone.”

  “Which just proves we were never even friends.”

  “Take your hands off her,” Pearce says to Adam.

  He glances up at Pearce, noticing his large stature and big muscles. Adam slowly lowers his arms to his side.

  “Just leave,” I tell Adam. “And don’t come back.”

  He just stands there.

  Pearce steps closer to Adam. “She asked you to leave.”

  Adam looks at me like he expects me to change my mind. When I don’t, he storms into the apartment and grabs his suitcase. On his way out, he stops at the door and says to me, “You and him will never last. And when you don’t, I won’t be waiting for you.”

  He takes off down the stairs.

  I stand there, completely stunned that he showed up here like that. He really thought I wanted him back? He didn’t even apologize after I told him how much he hurt me. How could he not even say he was sorry?

  “Rachel.” Pearce is still in the hallway. “May I come in?”

  I nod. “Yes.”

  Maybe I shouldn’t let him in. I’m supposed to be mad at him and not want to see him. But right now, he’s the only person I want to see. The only person who can make me feel better.

  We go inside and I stand there, still sniffling. Pearce is across from me, lacking his usual confidence and seeming hesitant.

  “I know you’re angry with me and probably don’t want me touching you, but I would really like to put my arms around you right now. I think you need that, and since there’s no one else here, maybe—”

  “Yes.”

  That one word is all it takes for him to wrap me in his arms. I can hear his heart beating really fast. He’s nervous. Scared I’m going to reject him. Afraid I’m going to tell him to go away and never come back, like I did to Adam just now. But I wouldn’t do that to Pearce, because I love him way too much. And because he cares about me more than Adam ever did. And loves me more than Adam ever could.

  Pearce loves me so much that I can feel it whenever we’re together. I can hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes. Even Shelby can see it.