by Jane Charles
His reasoning made sense. “Then I look forward to showing it to you.” Except, it was more than that. She looked forward to being with him and with luck, none of her brothers would be around to interrupt because they feared Tristan might say something he shouldn’t.
“What are your favorite parts of Wyndhill Park?” he asked.
Elaina sighed. There was so much she loved about her childhood home. “The gardens, of course.’
He smiled with a nod. “I’m not surprised.”
“Do we have gardens at home?”
“Yes. All your creation.”
“I caution you, Tristan,” Xavier warned from the entry.
“I’ve not given her any details,” Tristan snapped. “But Elaina has a right to know that there are gardens at her home, ones that she had a hand in designing. I did not describe them to her.”
“You think I’m being overly cautious?” Xavier questioned.
“No,” Tristan answered. “However, I do wish you’d trust me.”
Elaina tossed her napkin onto the table. “Well, my husband may not think you are being overly cautious, but I do.” With that she stood and looked to Tristan. “Please join me on the terrace when you have finished breaking your fast.”
He smiled with a bit of mischief in his brown eyes and an unexpected anticipation trickled down her spine.
“I look forward to our exploration.”
Chapter 14
Tristan found her just where’d she’d been the day before, standing amongst the blooms, but she was the loveliest of the flowers. They paled in comparison to her beauty.
He stopped and considered his thoughts.
When had he ever thought in such a way? Before, it had been passion, desire, and yes, he’d noted her beauty, but apparently, he was turning into a dandy who’d learned to wax poetically about a lady in order to win her heart.
Bloody hell!
Maybe Elaina hadn’t changed, but Tristan feared he had, and he wasn’t certain how he felt about it.
“What do you wish to show me?” he asked on approach.
“Have you been to the folly?”
“Yes.” One of his best memories of being with Elaina had taken place in the folly. Moments he treasured, not that he could share those details with his wife. In her current state, she’d be quite scandalized.
She smiled brightly and gave a little clap, which was something she’d always done when excited. “It’s quite charming. Is there a folly at Hopkins Manor?”
Tristan was afraid to tell her, and it was because of Xavier’s warning in his head. Telling Elaina that she’d designed the gardens wasn’t so harmful since most estates boasted beautiful gardens and usually the mistress of the manor had a hand in instructing the gardeners. However Elaina’s gardens were special. Grand gardens. Ones that she had designed with mazes of flowers for the children to explore. Elaina loved mazes and grew excited whenever they visited an estate with a maze. When she found that she was going to be a mother, Elaina had set to designing a flower and boxwood maze that would grow with her children. The mounds were high enough that the maze should serve them well until they were nearly old enough to begin their studies. That maze ended with a path into the woods that led directly to a folly she’d designed.
She had such an imaginative and creative mind and he’d always been awed with wonder at what she designed. Their folly was not so large, but big enough for him and her. Except, it wasn’t for them. All children need a castle to defend or a place where they might invite fairies to tea, is what she’d told him.
“Do we?” she asked again, when he didn’t answer.
“That, I’m afraid, I cannot answer.”
“Why not?”
“You might question me further, and those are answers I truly couldn’t give.”
At that she frowned. “Do not let Xavier dictate what you can and cannot tell me,” she argued.
“In this case, Elaina, I’m afraid he’s correct.”
Blast, he hated to see her disappointment, or perhaps it was anger because she was no longer smiling at him. “
“Are we going to visit your folly?” Maybe once they were within, she might start recalling the night they had shared.
“I suppose,” she said with less enthusiasm than when they’d started. “Though I will not forget that you refused to tell me if I have one at your estate.”
“Have you ever considered that sometimes surprises await and by me telling you anything, it might spoil them?”
Elaina narrowed her eyes on him. “Are you saying there is a folly then?”
“I’m not saying that there is or there isn’t.”
She pulled away. “Have you always been so difficult?”
“No, but it has been your opinion on occasion.”
“Only on occasion?” At the teasing of her tone, Tristan realized that she wasn’t so very angry with him for withholding information.
“At least once a week, if I’m to be honest.” It was a recurring argument: his being difficult and her being stubborn.
“If that is the case, why did we ever marry?” It wasn’t asked in disbelief, but in more of a teasing manner.
“Well, dear, that is obvious. We were in love.”
Love! They’d been in love.
As much as she wished she could feel the same now, it was lacking. Though, she was warming to Tristan, and in fact, believed that she liked him very much, it was too soon to tell if she’d continue to feel the same. After all, she still didn’t know why she was on a merchant ship traveling back to England, nor did she know why she’d left in the first place, without her husband, which only made her more cautious in how close she’d allow Tristan to become.
She’d asked of course, but it was Xavier who insisted that she must come to this knowledge on her own. Why couldn’t she just be told and then it wouldn’t plague her so very much? After all, it wasn’t as if she had been traveling in a carriage that overturned taking her memory. She’d been on a merchant ship without her husband. One does not find themselves in such a circumstance without a reasonable explanation.
“Come along, I’ll take you to the folly.” Elaina reached out and grasped her husband’s hand to lead him from the garden. It only took a few moments to realize what she’d done, but it had felt like the most natural thing to do. A moment later she let go. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so familiar.”
Tristan took her hand back. “Don’t be sorry. I am your husband. We’ve been far more familiar with each other.”
Elaina’s face heated. Of course they had. They’d been married and had shared intimacies, though she couldn’t recall if she had enjoyed the experiences or if it had been duty. She had the knowledge of what men and women did in the privacy of their chamber, but no memory of ever having participated in the act. And, the only reason she had that knowledge is because Rebecca hadn’t been shy in telling her what all Elaina could expect being married to Clive.
“It was your impulse to take my hand, like you’ve done so many times before. That, in itself, gives me hope.”
Yes, hope that perhaps he was returning to her mind as her brothers had.
“In time.” She drew it back and led him toward the woods at the back of the garden and then along the path between the trees until they came to the lake. The entire time her hand itched to reach back and take his. Tristan’s touch was familiar and unfamiliar at the same time, yet she did not touch him again.
The folly was there, just as she remembered it and Elaina rushed forward. Skipping up the steps, she entered the three-sided building, only open to the lake. Inside were cushioned seats and a few small tables and lamps. It was just like a magical fairytale and when she was a child, Elaina used to pretend that she was a fairy living in the forest and this was her private home, hidden in the trees, with no pesky brothers to bother her.
It was also as clean as she had left it, which was something she had feared. None of her brothers cared for the folly and rarely visited, though
they enjoyed casting lines from the small porch. Fishing was not why she’d visited. Once she outgrew pretending, Elaina had often brought a book and enjoyed the quietness of her surroundings. Lucian must have made certain the servants maintained the folly, unless her brothers now enjoyed it more than they had.
Tristan stepped in and smiled as he did a slow turn. “I can see why you like it here. It’s a place you’d enjoy reading.”
She blinked at him. He knew her so well, and she knew nothing of him.
“I’m not certain if I escaped here to avoid my brothers or to simply be alone,” she laughed.
“I’d wager both,” Tristan laughed as he walked to the edge where a railing had been built to keep occupants from falling into the lake.
Elaina frowned. That had happened to her. She was a mere child and had fallen. If Lucian and his tutor hadn’t been near, she would have drowned, but it was Mr. Smyth who had jumped in and pulled her out.
“I nearly died here.”
Tristan turned and looked at her. Shock and worry filled his eyes. “How?”
Elaina explained. “I recall that after that day my father insisted that all of his children learn to swim.”
“Perhaps it wasn’t just luck that saved you when you were washed over the side of the ship but knowing how to swim as well.”
Elaina had an image of fighting her skirts as they tried to drag her down, of kicking against their weight until an arm went about her waist and pulled her to the surface. However, she didn’t know if it was a childhood memory or from being washed off the ship.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Certainly.”
“Do you promise to answer and not put me off?” she demanded.
Tristan frowned. “I cannot make that promise.” He came forward and took her hands. “Though I don’t agree with everything Xavier has instructed, I do agree with some of his reasons.”
Elaina blew out a sigh. Even though she wasn’t going to gain his promise, she still needed to ask the questions that had plagued her from the moment she woke in Alderney. “Why was I on a merchant ship?”
Tristan studied her, as if weighing if he should answer or not.
“What harm could there be in me knowing that small detail?”
“I’m not certain there is any,” he finally admitted.
Hope bloomed in that she’d finally have answers.
“Harrison had arranged for your passage. He was employed upon the vessel. Given the war, he felt it was safer that you were under his care instead of on any other ship.”
Elaina frowned. “I had assumed there were no passenger ships traveling between France and England.”
“Very few,” he assured her. “Though the English still wished to visit the continent, there were dangers, of course. Harrison has never forgiven himself either. He was unable to reach you in the storm and watched the sea take you.”
“Why was it that I traveled to and from France, yet you were not with me?”
Chapter 15
It was a question he didn’t want to answer, and it had nothing to do with Xavier’s warning of revealing too much information.
“Why Tristan?” Elaina asked when he didn’t answer.
“Give me a moment,” he finally said. “I need to decide what is safe to tell you and what is not.”
Elaina blew out a frustrated breath. “I am bloody tired of everyone deciding what is best for me!”
Tristan blinked at her. “That is new.”
“What?” she demanded.
“You’ve never cursed, ever.”
“Maybe I learned it on the merchant ship I happened to travel on for no reason whatsoever and without my husband.”
Tristan loved all of Elaina’s personality traits, but her anger is what he liked least, and her current mood was reminiscent of the last they’d seen each other before she sailed to France. He’d tried to tell her what to do then as well.
“You had gone to visit your grandmother,” he blurted out.
Her shoulders dropped and her mouth opened, almost in shock. “Grandmother?”
“Yes. Your mother’s mother lived in Dinan, France. The two of you were particularly close and her health was failing.”
Elaina sank down into a cushioned chair.
“I don’t remember a grandmother and I don’t recall being in France.”
Tristan settled across form her. “It’s not important that you remember now, but that was the reason. You needed to go to her. You wanted to see her before…”
“Did she die?” Elaina asked quietly.
“Yes. You were there by her side.”
Tears spiked her eyes. “Oh, I wish I could remember, especially if she was so important that I’d sail on a merchant ship, during war, to get to her.”
“In time, I’m certain that you will,” he assured her. “Look at how many of your memories have returned in such a short time when they’d been missing for three years.”
“I suppose you are correct,” Elaina sighed. “Why weren’t you with me though? Shouldn’t you have traveled with me during my time of need?”
“It wasn’t possible.” That was all he was going to tell her. Elaina didn’t need to know about their fight or that he’d forbidden her to go, and that she’d left when he was away and without his permission. He didn’t want Elaina to think that their marriage had been an unhappy one, when it had been quite the opposite.
“So you allowed your brother, who you trusted to see to my safety.”
There wasn’t any allowing of anything, but he’d not share that. “I knew Harrison would watch out for you as well as I could,” he explained. There was no reason for her to be told of his feelings of foreboding if she sailed. Tristan had thought it was the French he needed to worry about, not a blasted storm that should have been feared the most.
She frowned. “Why were merchant ships going to France, from England, during war?”
Tristan blew out a sigh. They may have referred to it as a merchant ship, which it had been before the war, but it was a privateer vessel engaged in smuggling. Was it safe to tell Elaina? She’d known before she lost her memories.
“The explanation cannot be that difficult.”
“We called it a merchant ship because that is what it had once been. However, during the war, it was outfitted with canons and guns and was a privateer engaged in smuggling.”
Elaina gasped. “Harrison was involved in illegal activity?”
“He isn’t aware that I know, so don’t tell him,” Tristan warned.
Elaina laughed. “Finally, a secret that I know that nobody else does.”
“I wasn’t happy about it. But he now has his own ship and is engaged in legitimate shipping. Still, I’d prefer that you not mention it to your brothers or anyone else.”
“Of course not,” she assured him. “Why wouldn’t Xavier want me to know this? It changes nothing, except I feel saddened that I cannot recall a woman who obviously meant a lot to me.”
“Perhaps he feared that it would only frustrate you further.”
“It’s the opposite,” she confirmed. “My biggest fear was that I had been running away.”
“From whom?”
“You!” she declared. “There was evidence of a ring on my finger, but no longer a ring. If I were with my husband, he would have taken me on a passenger ship, or at least arranged for passage on one, but as I was on a merchant ship, and the one sailor who survived didn’t know me, I assumed I’d hidden or run away.”
Thank God she’d asked. The last thing Tristan needed was Elaina wondering about their marriage and holding on to a fear that she’d had cause to run away from him.
“There was another option considered,” she offered with a deep seriousness.
It couldn’t be worse that fleeing a cruel husband. “What would that be?”
“That I was a British spy and had been discovered by Napoleon’s secret police and had to flee the country.”
Tristan stared at her.
Had she actually given that potential scenario serious consideration?
Then, as the corners of her mouth quirked, he knew that she hadn’t. It may have been a fanciful thought while trying to figure everything out, but not a serious one.
“I shall confess. You were in fact a spy. A deadly spy, thwarting Napoleon at every turn.”
At that, she threw back her head and laughed. “Have I always had a fanciful imagination?” she finally asked.
“Yes. And it’s one of the things I adored most about you. Outlandish ideas sometimes, but charming as well.”
“Thank you. Thank you for telling me the truth.” She looked up into his eyes, studying him. “I did fear that I was running from you, but now I know, in my heart, that what you say is true and it gives me great comfort.” Tears sprang to her eyes. “You don’t know how much I worried that I feared you until now.”
Tristan pulled her close. “I promise, Elaina, you’ve never had cause to fear me and you never will.”
The relief from the possible reasons of why she’d been on a merchant ship was stronger than she expected. His arms about her brought a comfort that she’d missed, even without realizing how much she needed to be held.
At least she knew the truth, more importantly, her heart knew the truth. Tristan was a good man. Not someone to fear and some of the anxiety about the yet unknown began to melt away.
“Thank you for telling me,” she said again as she pulled away from his arms. He was a comfort, but still very much a stranger. “And for not trying to protect me from the unknown.”
“I’m doing my best to be forthcoming and shielding.”
“It’s more than Xavier has allowed, and I thank you for your honesty.”
Tristan reached over and took her hand. Warmth spread up her arm to her whole being. Her husband cared but furthermore, she knew that she could trust him, which was far more important than love or even friendship because without trust, she’d never be able to feel either of those for him. And even though she didn’t recall their vows, Elaina was coming to realize why she may have fallen in love with him.