The Forgotten Marquess

by Jane Charles

  The only part of this event that was a shame was that she recalled no one. How could that be possible when she’d been born here? All of her childhood memories and life at Wyndhill had returned, so why couldn’t she recall the residents of the town?

  Before she could ponder these concerns much further, the quartet struck up a waltz and Tristan led her to the center of the room.

  “You’ve seen a waltz?”

  Elaina nodded. She remembered watching Rebecca and the colonel learn the new dance and envied the way they could nearly hold one another. She’d plucked out the tune on the pianoforte as they stumbled, tripped and stepped on each other’s toes, all the while laughing until they mastered the steps.

  She dearly hoped she didn’t cause Tristan any discomfort in her stumbling to learn.

  At his bow, she curtseyed and then he took her hand in his and placed his other upon her waist and Elaina rested hers on his shoulder. Then he stepped, she followed and soon, they were dancing the length of the room and back, much as the other couples. It was if she’d been dancing the waltz her entire life.

  It was so easy to follow Tristan, to trust him and to know which direction to move and to flow with his steps, as if they were one. By the end, she was nearly breathless, her body heating, skin tingling with awareness of this man, wishing they were closer and not surrounded by so many people.

  And, all it did was make her curious for more.

  Perhaps it was because of what she’d read yesterday. The journals provided enough information to make her want to know what Tristan had done to ease her fear, and her body ached as if she needed him to bring that ease once again. An ache and desire that only built with each step and twirl and his strong command as he maneuvered her about the dance floor.

  Her younger self had fallen in love with Tristan and Elaina was beginning to fall as well.

  She wasn’t certain what to do with all of these unfamiliar emotions and need, unable to explain it even to herself, so Elaina held her tongue and tried to enjoy the evening. However, as the night continued, her brothers made it difficult to fully do so. Not that they said anything, but Lucian watched with concern, and Xavier hovered in fear that someone might tell her something she must come to on her own. Before the evening was half-way complete, Elaina was ready to return home, which she told Tristan during their second waltz.

  “Are you certain?” Tristan asked as he studied her face. “Are you unwell?”

  At least he didn’t assume it was because she was fragile or that she’d have a fit of hysteria.

  “I just wish to be away from so many people and my brothers’ constant watching. I swear, Prinny’s guards probably aren’t this attentive.”

  At least Tristan chuckled. “I’ll return you to Wyndhill Park.”

  Then he swept her up in a twirl. “But can we at least finish the dance?”

  Elaina stared up into his brown eyes. “There’s nothing I’d rather do than waltz with you,” she answered honestly. Except, perhaps be held by him with his arms about her and her head resting on his chest. A haven she longed to experience, but Tristan had yet to show her such affection.

  He was kind, generous, patient, but in a sense, kept his distance from her.

  She needed him not to do so.

  In fact, the lack of affection, as if they were in the beginning state of a courtship was beginning to weigh on her nerves, which only increased as they traveled back to Wyndhill Park. She needed more, wanted more. He was her husband.

  As the family entered the parlor, Elaina knew that she didn’t have the patience to sit and take tea as they drank brandy but it was much too early to retire.

  She had been rather bold when she was younger and couldn’t help but wonder if she had remained bold until she lost her memory.

  Yes, she had, Elaina decided because she was feeling very bold now. There was one thing she wanted from Tristan and perhaps it was what would finally free her mind.

  She wanted her husband.

  “Would you walk with me, Tristan?”

  He pulled away from his discussion with Asher. “Of course. Where do you wish to go?”

  She gestured to the gardens, though that wasn’t their final destination.

  Tristan offered his arm and led Elaina outside.

  “Let’s go to the folly,” she whispered.”

  “It’s too dark,” he said.

  “The moon will light our way and the servants leave lanterns lit as I’ve visited in the evening, after everyone has retired.” She assumed everyone knew of this habit since Elaina had been watched closely since she arrived at the manor.

  “You’ve come out here alone, at night?” he asked in alarm.

  “It’s quite safe and I don’t do so very often, but I wish to go there tonight.”

  “Very well,” he humored her. “I assume you wish to be away from your brothers.”

  “I wish to be alone with my husband.”

  Chapter 28

  His body immediately reacted to her words, but Elaina couldn’t have meant for them to be alone in the same manner he wished to be alone with her.

  Elaina took his hand and led him along the path that could easily be seen in the moonlight until the trees grew thicker and he began to doubt that they’d be able to see much further and risked getting lost or wandering into the lake. Just as he was about to suggested they return, the first lit torch came into view, lighting their way as several more had been placed at a far enough distance that one could see well enough not to trip, but still be shrouded in the darkness. As Elaina had promised, two lamps were within the folly, basking the space in a warm glow. Outside was the silence of the night and the water lapping along the lake brought a calmness that he’d not experienced in some time. No wonder Elaina visited here in the evening. With all the turmoil that she’d suffered since her return, it was probably the calmest location to soothe her nerves.

  Not that Elaina was a nervous person, or was overcome by an anxious state, but the circumstances of not knowing who one was, and a mind lacking of memories would lead anyone to be unsettled.

  She continued until she reached the settee and then pulled Tristan down next to her.

  “I think you should kiss me,” she announced.

  Tristan drew back. He didn’t know what he was expecting but it wasn’t this. “What?”

  “Kiss me.” She grinned just as her eyes began to sparkle with mischief. “As I have no memory of ever being kissed before, at least you needn’t fear a comparison that might leave you lacking.”

  He laughed at the reminder of their first kiss.

  “Ah, but you do remember a kiss,” he reminded her. “Clive kissed you.”

  Her smile dimmed. “Is that why you haven’t kissed me. Because I nearly married another gentleman?”

  “No, Elaina, that isn’t it at all.” Besides she didn’t even know Tristan existed at the time.

  “I can assure you, that as much as I cared for Clive, my decision was based on our friendship and I no longer wished to be alone. It wasn’t a great love.”

  “So I’ve no fear of his kiss dominating me,” Tristan teased. He didn’t wish for her to become serious.

  She shrugged. “It was pleasant, I suppose, but chaste and sweet, stirring nothing in my soul.”

  “Stirring something in your soul?” Is that how she’d described their kisses?

  “Perhaps your kiss wasn’t any more stirring, but it was simply my fanciful imagination; nothing could have been as delightful as I’d written it.” She started to rise from the settee but Tristan held her there.

  “Or, perhaps it was more, and you couldn’t find the words to express how much you were moved.”

  “Is that so?” Elaina cocked her head and studied him. “Then perhaps you should prove it to me so that I have a better understanding.”

  “If I refuse, will you send me from here until I’ve decided to kiss you,” he teased.

  “I’m surprised you ever came back,” she admitted. “I was
difficult.”

  “You were worth every frustration,” Tristan murmured. Gazing into her emerald eyes. He wanted to kiss her more than anything, but was she ready, and for what could eventually come afterwards? Was this a desire to be kissed by her husband, born of affection, or was it because she was curious as to what she’d read?

  Did it matter or was it wrong to give in to her wishes?

  As his mind argued with a decision. Elaina stared at him, her eyes brows narrowing toward her nose in a frown. “Are you going to kiss me or not?”

  Tristan chuckled. She might have no memory, but Elaina had not changed, much to his delight.

  He could see no harm in giving in to her desire, and his, and placed his lips against hers. He kept it chaste at first and when he pulled back, she frowned further.

  “That is what had me longing for another kiss for so long?”

  “No Elaina. That was only the beginning.”

  “Well, get on with it then. I need to know.”

  Oh, she was demanding, but it was a familiar game they played. Her wanting and him holding back, teasing and building her frustration.

  Tristan tasted her again, but this time he pressed further and as her lips parted, he swept in and soon, she was clinging to him, returning his kiss with as much fervor as he.

  It was no different from the eve of their wedding, when she’d feared the marriage bed and as those memories came to him, Tristan found himself reliving those moments. Passion ruled and Tristan was fed by her moans of pleasure. Her breasts were as perfect as they’d been the last time they’d been as one, and her body readied itself for him, just as it had done the last time he had touched her womanhood. They were married and as he brought her pleasure with his fingers, as he’d done so many times in the past, his manhood pressed against his trousers, needing to be in her, to join as they both succumbed to the passion that spun every time they touched.

  As she lay back panting from her release, her skirts hiked to her waist, Tristan paused. He wanted nothing more than to bury himself in her, but was it time?

  Elaina reached forward. “I need you.”

  “You don’t remember…”

  “No, but my body still aches.”

  It was all he needed to hear. She may not remember, but deep down a part of her did and Tristan freed himself. Elaina gasped as her eyes widened. The once familiar sight was foreign to her. Would she become frightened again and change her mind about what they were about to do?

  “Did we do this often?” she asked.

  He chuckled. “I’ve lost count how often. It was one of our favorite activities.”

  “Then why don’t we have children, as this is how they are made.”

  Tristan stilled and the haze of desire lifted.

  He couldn’t take her now. As much as he wished to be buried so deep and stay there until she remembered him, he’d not join with her now. He couldn’t. Not with so many secrets between them.

  Elaina sat up when Tristan stood and righted his clothing.

  “What’s wrong? Is it something I said? Something I did?”

  “No Elaina. You are prefect as always. The time isn’t right.” He pushed his fingers through his hair as he walked to the edge of the folly and looked out at the lake.

  “Don’t you want me?” She hated the need and fear in her voice, but what if Tristan didn’t really wish to be with her, though a few moments ago, she was quite certain that he wanted their joining as much as she.

  “We should return to the manor. It grows late.”

  “You are rejecting me?” she demanded. She was going to give herself to him. Something she assumed he’d want, and now he’d turned his back on her.

  Well, she wasn’t going to sit and beg. Instead she stood, smoothed her skirts, and blinked back tears of humiliation.

  Tristan didn’t speak a word as they walked back to the manor but as they walked through the gardens and approached the doors to the library, she couldn’t hold her tongue.

  “Why Tristan? Why walk away from me? I am your wife.”

  “I shouldn’t have let matters progress so far,” he answered.

  That was no answer. He’d wanted her and he’d brought her more pleasure than she could imagine and she assumed it was the same as he’d done on the eve of their wedding.

  “What was that? What we experienced in the folly?” she demanded.

  “Desire. It has a way of clouding emotions and it wasn’t fair of me to …”

  “To what?” Elaina cried. “I am your wife.

  He stared at her, pain in his brown eyes. He opened his mouth to speak then closed it and massaged the bridge of his nose as if he was warring within himself what to say. Was it because he didn’t wish to hurt her or tell her something she needed to learn on her own?

  “I should have never let things go so far. For that, you have my apology.” Tristan turned and marched away from her.

  “Is it because of a child?” He stopped in his tracks. “Because I don’t want any? Do you deny me because of that? Has it been so in the past?”

  Tristan took a deep breath and returned to her. “I can assure you that every time we’ve discussed a child or children, it has been a mutual decision and nothing we’ve ever argued about.”

  “Aren’t you concerned, though? You need an heir.”

  “It’s not a concern, nor has it ever been.”

  “Then why are you walking away?”

  “Because it reminded me of what you don’t know. Who you don’t know—me! I have no right to intimacies and shouldn’t take that from you, not yet. Not until you either remember, or you feel in your heart and soul that you want me as well. Not just desire because your body remembers what it was like for us, but a conscious decision, and an emotional need to be with me, not just a physical need.”

  “What if that never happens – the remembering?” Her words were so quiet.

  “Then I hope that I can make you love me again.” He took her hand. “Can you claim to love me now?”

  Tears filled her eyes. “I believe I’m falling in love with you.”

  “Then my decision was correct. Until you love me Elaina, you cannot be mine.”

  She studied him. Heard his words, but her mind wasn’t accepting the rejection. “Many people marry and are intimate without love, Tristan.”

  “Not us, Elaina. Never us and until you can come to me, and love me, we will share nothing further.”

  Love him? What if she never loved him again?

  How could she love someone she didn’t yet really know, but had only read about?

  He’d come back into her life not that long ago, but what did she really know of him other than what she’d written in her journals?

  He wasn’t rejecting her but protecting Elaina from herself. Or maybe from him.

  Or was he protecting them from something not to be spoken of?

  Her gut warned that her entire family was withholding vital information, Tristan included, and until she learned what that was, the hole would remain and as long as it was there, Elaina wasn’t certain she could allow herself to fully love Tristan.

  The revelation was staggering. She needed to know more, and only then could she give her heart, but it was her family keeping the secrets.

  “Goodnight Tristan.” With that, she turned on her heel and marched into the manor, past her brothers and up the stairs to her chamber.

  What were they keeping from her?

  Chapter 29

  Desire still coursed through Tristan’s veins, though cooled somewhat from their discussion as his patience wore thin.

  After she’d departed the library, Tristan marched inside, crossed to the sideboard and poured a drink. After one sip, he threw it across the room, the glass shattering as it struck the door, amber liquid dripping, trailing to the floor. He turned only to find Xavier and Garretson standing by an open window.

  “How much did you hear?”

  “Most if not all,” Garretson answered, sympathy in his ey
es.

  “I’m taking my wife home,” Tristan announced. The decision came quick and swift and nothing was going to change his mind.

  “You cannot,” Xavier argued.

  “Yes! I can. Elaina is not going to remember me here. We’ve been at Wyndhill long enough!”

  “She is still recovering,” Xavier argued.

  “No, she isn’t,” he yelled. “Despite our conversations and her readings, she remembers nothing of me and she’s not going to as long as you keep her locked up here like a princess in a castle.”

  “Readings?” Xavier asked.

  Garretson shot Tristan a look of warning, but he was beyond carrying what anyone thought. He needed Elaina to remember him, for good or bad, and but he was tired of being a stranger to his wife.

  “Journals.”

  “What journals?”

  “Elaina has kept journals since shortly after our parents died,” Garretson explained calmly.

  “And she’s read them?” Xavier’s face grew red as if he were about to suffer an apoplexy.

  “Finished the whole of them yesterday,” Tristan answered. “With my blessing.”

  “Are you mad?” Xavier shouted. “Do you have any idea what kind of damage they could cause?”

  “I hadn’t even known she’d discovered them until she’d read at least one.”

  “Why didn’t you take them away?”

  “I saw no harm,” Tristan answered and poured himself another glass of brandy. This one he would drink. “Besides, she let me see how late the entries were and as they stopped on the eve of our wedding, there was nothing contained within that could be harmful.”

  “You don’t know that,” Xavier insisted.

  “Yes, I do. Elaina and I had few, if any secrets.”

  “You have no right to make such a serious decision. You are not a physician.”

  “I have every right,” Tristan slammed the glass down on the desk. “She is my wife, which you seem to keep forgetting.”

  “You knew of these journals?” he demanded of Garretson.