My name was scrawled in Krystina’s pretty writing across the envelope. My hands shook as I pulled the letter free.
My dearest Gentry,
Leaving here, leaving you. This entire decision was not made lightly despite the high emotion of the day. I told myself when I boarded the plan in New York, that this trop wasn’t about you. That I didn’t need to know. But that was a lie. My coming to the ranch was all about you. Finding out the man you had become. Wondering if you were happy. If there was any spark left between us.
So many questions. Did I make the right choice choosing school? Was I still that trailer park princess? We’re we still in love? I have most all those answers now. Whether I like them or not. I loved you with all my heart and soul once. That doesn’t seemed to have changed. But you can’t forgive me for Boston, for James. Even if I got my funds through divorce I earned that. Every red cent. You can’t forgive that and we can’t go forwards.
My hope for both of us is that one day we both find the love as strong and exciting and pure as we had with each other. A love that’s attainable. One day, at the nieces and nephews graduation in Illinois. When they marry and all other rare occasions, I hope we can be in the same place. Share a warm smile and leave with our hearts no more broken than they are today.
Please don’t be angry with Ethan. He didn’t want a stranger in a taxi driving me all the way to the airport. I’m not sure where I’ll end up. Don’t even think about trying to pay me back for the land. Consider it my separation settlement to you. My forgiveness and parting gift.
Tell Doc and Thunder Storm not to forget me. I’ll send for Duke once I’m settled.
I’m sorry. As much as I love you and as much as I believe you love me, we can’t do this if you can’t forgive me. Truly forgive me in the realest sense of the word. But for that I hold no fault or blame to you.
Forever love,
Krystina.
I collapsed to the floor. Duke on my lap whining and crying. He knew his mother was gone. But at least she had plans to send for him.
I leaned back against the kitchen wall and slid the envelope to the floor. There was a small clank of metal hitting tile. I looked down to find the locket on the ground next to me.
For the first time in years, I felt tears burn in my eyes.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Krystina
“You’re sure about this?” Ethan asked as he parked the truck at the airport. It was almost two in the morning and I had a three am flight. Gloria was planning on meeting me at the other end. I was going home for Christmas.
I nodded. I was exhausted and dehydrated from crying quietly for the last twelve hours.
“He saw me when we left. He didn’t come to stop me. He would have if he wanted to, Gentry Hollis always goes for what he wants. I’m just not that it appears.”
“You don’t know that Krys… after you left the first time. He barely made it the last time.”
“He will make it this time too,” I grabbed some of my bags from the truck. “I’m just a memory Ethan. Nothing more, just a dream we attempted to relive. He couldn’t forgive me. I tried but he told me I didn’t belong here.”
Ethan shook his head but carried my bags into the airport anyhow.
“Now don’t forget,” I wiped the tears from my cheeks yet again. “Keep an eye on Duke until I can send for him. And see everyone gets their Christmas gifts. All of them are under the tree. All except Marissa’s. Fi’s should have it day after,” I glanced at the big clock on the airport wall, “well, she should have it tomorrow now.”
“I’ll get it done,” Ethan promised. He hugged me tightly, holding me close. “Gentry’s just stubborn, you know that. Just because he doesn’t have it figured out now doesn’t mean he won’t have it figured out tomorrow. So I’ll ask I guess, as his brother, and as your friend, stay.”
I squeezed Ethan tightly for one last moment before stepping back. “Thanks, for everything.”
I blamed the wobble and shakiness of my steps on the high heeled boots. On the fact that I hadn’t been in heels since the last time I walked through this airport, but that wasn’t true.
***
Gloria had caved and chopped off her hair in a typical mom fashion this last year. She looked good and I knew this was the first time she had been out of sweats all week. She told me so.
Damion could afford a nanny but Gloria would hear of it. Having a one year old daughter and a three-year-old son came with challenges. Her mom helped out a lot enjoying having grandbabies.
“Got enough bags?” she asked as we stood at the baggage claim following our lengthy and excited hello. Exhaustion had met its match in us, for now at least.
“I doubled my wardrobe out there. I brought the ranch the clothes back with me. And there is Christmas presents in there too.”
“Are we going to talk about it?”
“It’s not even six – thirty. Unless you have several gallons of Irish coffee then no, not now.”
“It’s likely to be one of our best kid free moments.”
“I’m aware,” I said dryly.
“You we’re also aware that my brother was, is, one of the most prideful people you have ever met.”
“You’re siding with him!”
“No. I’m trying to talk sensible. He won’t answer his damn phone so it’s your ear I bend.”
“How about you catch me up on Trenton and Mila?”
“That’s cruel using my mommienss against me.”
“Shit happens.”
Chapter Forty
Gentry
Night before last I slept on the hard kitchen floor after I drank/cried myself to sleep. My only comfort in those few hours of rest was fluff ball that was Duke.
Ed and Ethan found me there sometime before ten the next morning, clutching to her locket, repeatedly saying ‘She’s gave it back. She’s really gone.’ Ethan called for Brandon and together they wrestled me to my room.
I hadn’t been sober since. I was running low on whiskey and had zero interest of going into town for more. I lie in bed, Duke curled up next to me. It was afternoon over thirty-seven hours since she left. I had stumbled to the barn last night but Thunder seemed to know his girl had left and that it was all my fault. So I retreated hastily.
“Get your ass up Hollis!” my best friend yelled at the foot of the stairs. I heard the thunder of him coming up. Ethan didn’t know just pushed the door open. “It’s freezing in here!”
“Broken window. Plastic’s not the greatest.”
“You’re acting like a giant baby. So I was curious if you needed a diaper change yet.”
“You’re an ass Ethan.”
“No. When I had to move back here, when I lost the mother of my child. When I lost my ability to see my daughter every day and night, you wouldn’t let me act like this! You want Krystina back, you should of gotten off your ass and stopped her!”
“I don’t even know where she went.”
“She went home for Christmas.”
I winced. “New York?”
“No home. To Illinois. To your sister and parents.”
“She gave me back my locket.”
“God you are an idiot,” he picked up Duke from the foot of my bed. “If you want her back, if you love her go after her. She’s upset, devastated. She thinks you will never forgive her. Your temper tantrum over the land purchase shows she is right. Get your shit in order Gentry.”
Ethan left and I stumbled downstairs, tiny Duke tumbling behind me. I let him outside to potty and went into the bathroom. I pissed and then, looking into the mirror I splashed water on my face. I saw a ghost staring back at me.
Hallowed eyes, pale skin, days past needing a shave. I remember this man. The broken image I used to see near every morning in the weeks after I moved here. Aching for my girl back home and then for nearing two years after she had left for school – only in a much more hung over state then. The whiskey soaked nights were long and tiring. It only took away the
memories for a few hours. They always came back.
I turned the water on and opened the cabinet to pull out my shaving cream and razor. I didn’t want to see this ghost any longer.
By the time Ed came back in the house an hour later my bags were packed and I was on the phone with the airport. “What do you mean no room on any flights to Illinois or Saint Louis? Anything indirect? I realize it’s December 22nd at six o’clock at night but nothing today or tomorrow at all?”
I listened to the very annoyed lady on the other end.
“Fine screw it. I will just drive,” I said disconnecting.
“No flights?” Ed asked me setting the mail on the table casually.
“Not until Christmas Eve. So I’m driving.”
“You wait and take the flight and you will get there about the same time.”
“I can’t wait. I have to do something now,” I rushed around grabbing last minute items Krys had shipped my family’s gifts early last week so I didn’t have that to worry about.
“Call her then.”
“I don’t think that’s going to work Ed. I have to go to her.”
Duke whined at my feed. I conceded and added dog food, leash, bowls and toys to a plastic grocery bag.
“I’m out. Don’t know when I’ll be back.”
“Drawer,” Ed said opening the paper on the kitchen table as he poured himself some coffee.
I knew what he meant. I opened the desk drawer and pulled out the velvet box Grandma gave him when she died. It was meant for his wife but now, hopefully Krys would wear it. I opened the box and stared down at the rose cut solitaire. Perfect. I pocketed it and then shutting the drawer saw the stack of her paycheck envelopes.
“Damn woman,” I pocketed them too.
It was going to be a long two day drive.
Chapter Forty – One
Krystina
“December 23rd, just two more days of this craziness,” Gloria said pouring our morning caffeine fix. Damion was at the office and the kids weren’t up just yet. This morning it was just us.
“Crazy like this is good. Feels homely. New York wasn’t this way,” I added peppermint creamer to my coffee. It used to be my favorite when I was out East. But the last month and a half having only a splash of milk to my strong black coffee appeared to have changed my taste buds.
“You want me to go to Teffy’s with you?”
I shook my head. “As generous as an offer that is, I’ll save you the train wreck.”
“How long has it been since you saw her?”
“How old’s Trenton?”
“And how long has it been since you talked?”
“I was in divorce settlement mode. The only talk since my separation. I cut her monthly allowance down to a third.”
“That still pays her rent and car payment.”
“She has a car worthy of a loan?” I was surprised.
Gloria shrugged. “The Nissan was when she bought it.”
“I better get over there then,” I drained my mug.
My best friend looked to her kitchen clock. “It’s just after eight. She won’t even be up yet.”
I pulled my coat on. “Better to deal with a hung over Teffy than a drunk Teffy.”
Gloria tossed me her car keys. “Call if you need me.”
Despite wanting to catch my mother early it took an hour and a half for me to cross town and make it to the park. But there were only so many side streets I could drive. After that, it took another fifteen minutes of staring at my childhood home before I got out of Gloria’s SUV.
The old trailer park had aged as I expected it to. The old blue tin was four shades lighter and three times the rust on it that had been when I last saw it before I moved to Boston. The small front deck was rickety as hell. If I tried I could rip it apart bare handed, no tools necessary. The patio furniture sitting atop of it was new addition but just as worn.
Despite the physical state, love could have made this place a home. But Teffy was Doris Day hell she didn’t even possess a Mallory Archer warmth. It just wasn’t her and I stopped hating her for it years ago.
I banged on the door. The blue Nissan Gloria said she bought was in the drive but that didn’t mean she was in the trailer. After another knock I heard her yelling from inside.
“Keep your damn pants on! I’m coming. So damned early!”
“It’s ten in the morning Mom, not really early,” I said as I opened the door.
“Krystina, what are you doing here?”
“I’m in town with Gloria for Christmas. Thought I would come for a visit.”
“Where’s that doctor husband of yours? To good to come see his mother-in-law?” she looked around and behind me.
“I divorced him months ago. I told you.”
Teffy stepped aside and let me in. “That’s right. That’s why the moneys stopped coming.”
“Money still comes. Just not so much right now. I still sent three hundred. That’s a lot a month. They’re will be more when I get set up. Going to go into practice soon as I get my license.”
“Thought you had that.” I wanted to scream. There was no talking to the woman. Teffy dumped out her purse, looking for her cigarettes. She found them and lit one up.
The inside of the house hadn’t changed. Bigger TV all covered in dust. Large leather couch that didn’t fit the living room or the mess. Least my money hadn’t all gone to men, booze and drugs. The cabinet in the kitchen was still missing the door. Over ten years and she still couldn’t get it fixed.
***
“It’s your graduation party. You shouldn’t have to drive me home. It should be the other way around,” I laughed. A bunch of the popular kids had a graduation party. Specifically honoring the state champions and senior football boys.
“I needed to be with you. Just for a little bit at least. Not being in school is going to make it harder to see you.”
“Yes, but it means just a few more months.”
“Twelve more months.”
“It’s a lot less than what we started with.”
“A year and a half of sneaking around. It’s exhausting.”
“But it’s all the more fun,” a year and a half I had been selling him on our secrete and he still hated it.
“Let’s go to the river.”
“It’s past my curfew as it is and yours is quickly approaching,” I reminded him gently.
“Teffy won’t notice if you are late – or even if you don’t come home at all tonight. My parents I’ll deal with. Besides, now that I’m out of school we need to re-evaluate the whole curfew thing.”
“I need to get to bed. I have my summer job starting tomorrow. I need to be more mature than my mother,” I nodded to the house.
That’s when the shouts started coming from inside. Mom and Daryl. I felt sick. It had been months since the ‘incident’ but he was still here. Still here and I hadn’t told my mom because I wasn’t sure it mattered.
“You can’t go in there,” Gentry said grabbing my forearm.
“It’s just another day in my life,” I said offereing him a weak smile.
“It doesn’t have to be.”
“Teffy’s still my mom, Gentry.”
That’s when the crashing started and my mom’s cursing turned to blood curling screams.
“Fuck!” I jumped from the car and hurdled myself towards the door.
“Krys!” Gentry yelled after me but I was going inside. Teffy was a lot of things but she was still my mother.
I threw open the rickety screen door, Gentry on my heels. Daryl was atop my mother in the kitchen. Punching, slapping and still trying to choke her.
She was bleeding and crying. They were both drunker than skunks.
I grabbed his shoulders and tried pulling him from my mother. He threw me off easily sending me crashing into the refrigerator door.
“You fuckin’ tease! I’m sure you’re a slut for the likes of Hollis but not me?!”
By the time the words left his
mouth Gentry had yanked him from my mother. Daryl was a big man. A drunken man mainly made of slobby fat and a touch of bruteness. But he was no match for my Gentry. Even at only eighteen he was pure muscle and easily overcame Daryl.
Gentry’s fist flew faster than I could acknowledge in my fear. Tears poured from my eyes although crying was the last thing I wanted to do at this point. Teffy was curled into a ball on the other side of our small kitchen nearer to her room.
Gentry was still beating Daryl. I saw the drunkards head bounce off the floor and somehow hit the cabinet door shattering the cheap wood to splinters. If someone didn’t stop Gentry, Daryl was going to die.
I found my voice and feet at the same time. Screaming Gentry’s name over and over again. Begging him to stop. Not for Daryl’s sake but for his. For mine. For our future’s sake. I pulled Gentry from Daryl as the sirens screamed in. the neighbors had heard enough and died 911.
***
Teffy had spent the night in the emergency room. Gentry had glue and stiches in his fists and hands. Daryl spent four days in the city recovering in a bigger hospital than our band aide station.
Seven hours with the police and district attorney, explaining that night and the night that Daryl tried to attack me, before I managed to convince them not to press charges on Gentry.
Eventually, the scandal and threats by Daryl’s bar buddies would lead to Ed dragging Gentry to the ranch. Blow back for what he had done for a “good family friend.”
“Don’t give me that look,” Teffy said when she caught the scowl on my face. “Ain’t never had the money to fix it.”
Bullshit. I had sent her more than enough over the years. Teffy just had higher priorities and most importantly, she didn’t care. It’s not like Daryl had been the first boyfriend to get violent, or probably the last.
“You know, should make you pay for it. It was all you and that Hollis boys fault. Put Daryl in the hospital. He left me after that.”
Mirror Lake Ranch: Once in a Memory Page 14