Beautiful Dreamer

by Lacey Thorn

He glanced down, and she knew. Her breath caught in her throat, and she shook her head in frantic denial. He couldn’t look her in the eye, and that told her more than if he’d answered. She couldn’t hold back the sobs choking her.

  “She’s gone?” she asked but didn’t wait for his reply, confirming her own question. “She’s gone.”

  Phillip pulled her up against his chest and held her close. “I’m so sorry, honey. So sorry.”

  Hearing the words fueled a grief as crippling as the coma she’d been in. Her mind, so recently awakened, wanted to shut down again. She pictured her best friend laughing, auburn curls bouncing around her face while her brown eyes twinkled with mischief. For a second, another image flashed through her mind. This one was of glazed eyes, wide open, but sightless. And blood. So much blood.

  Chase cried out and lifted one hand to cradle her head. A throbbing headache had formed behind her eyes.

  “Chase?” Phillip asked, easing her down until she lay back on the bed again.

  “My head,” she moaned.

  “I’ll call the nurse,” he assured her, hitting the call button and holding her hand tightly while they waited.

  She closed her eyes and more tears trickled free. Jocelyn. Gone. It made no sense. Was the brief image of Jocelyn covered in blood real? Was that how Jocelyn had looked the last time Chase had seen her?

  She blinked open her eyes, determined to find out the exact details of what had happened, but before she could demand answers, the intercom clicked on and a female voice filled the room.

  Phillip focused on it immediately, telling the nurse that Chase had a headache and asking if they would bring her something. It was exactly what she expected of him. Phillip was always willing to charge in and play her hero. It was how they’d met. She’d locked her keys in her car, and he’d been the one to open her door and get them. She’d joked about him being a thief and teased him about breaking the law. He’d grinned and said he’d only break the law for her. She hadn’t learned he was a cop until later, over dinner.

  Why did that memory make her heart ache? It was a happy memory. One they laughed over often. Nothing was happy right now, though. Discovering Jocelyn was gone left her feeling numb. When it wore off, the pain would be immeasurable.

  “I hear you have a headache,” the nurse said as she entered.

  Chase nodded. The RN went over a checklist of questions about the pain and asked if Chase was experiencing any other problems. Chase had a feeling if she hadn’t just gone through a battery of tests, she’d be on her way for more. Finally, after Chase had been poked and prodded and the nurse was satisfied, medicine was offered.

  “Dr. Andrews left a note saying you could have ibuprofen if needed. I’ve got some here for the pain.”

  She handed Chase the tablets then poured a glass of water and held it so Chase could sip from the straw. Her throat was still sore, and it took more effort than it should have to swallow.

  “Need anything else while I’m here?”

  Chase shook her head. “No. Thank you.”

  “Of course,” the woman assured her. “Just press the call light if you need anything else. Try to get some rest now,” she added then left them alone again.

  Chase waited a few minutes before turning to Phillip. She needed the extra time to collect her thoughts. Not having a memory sucked. She didn’t know what to ask, because she had no idea what had occurred. “I need to know what happened.”

  “Why don’t you rest for a bit first? Let the medicine help with the headache?”

  “No. I think I’ve been patient as long as I can. I can tell you’re not thrilled about having this conversation, but I need to know what happened to Jocelyn…and to me. What kind of accident were we in?”

  Phillip shook his head and swallowed, his fingers flexing at his sides. She knew he was worried about what she could handle and what he should say. He didn’t want to upset her more. None of that mattered. She had to handle it. Nothing could upset her further than not knowing.

  “Please,” she whispered. “What happened to us?”

  “No one’s a hundred percent certain,” he admitted. “You were in really bad shape when you were found.” He swallowed as if it were hard for him to remember.

  “Where were we?”

  “Jocelyn’s car was sitting on the side of the road. Doors were open, but no one was in it.”

  “Where was I?”

  “You were over in the ditch. The person who called for help didn’t even know you were there. It wasn’t until the first set of officers arrived and searched the area that you were discovered.”

  “Jocelyn?”

  He shook his head. “It was too late. She was gone before help arrived.”

  “How?”

  “Are you sure you want to hear this? The doctor said not to force the memories. Fuck, honey, I haven’t avoided talking to you because I don’t want to. I don’t have a clue what to tell you or how much detail to give.”

  “Why would telling me matter?”

  “I don’t want anything I say to taint your memory.”

  “We don’t know that it will,” she countered. “Besides, maybe the more you tell me, the more I’ll start to remember.”

  “I’m not sure I want you to remember this,” he hissed, looking frustrated. “Yeah, I know, that makes me a selfish prick. As a cop, I should know better. With you though, procedure goes out the window. I’m not immune to this, and I want to protect you from the memory of what you went through.”

  “You can’t protect me from something that’s already happened,” she whispered.

  His head lifted, and their gazes locked. She just stared at him until he gritted his teeth and spoke again.

  “Someone beat you, both of you. Jocelyn was…” He ran a hand roughly through his midnight locks. “God, Ace. I don’t even want to remember how she looked. It was bad, real bad. Someone did a number on both of you, but Jocelyn… She took the brunt of it.”

  “She was beaten to death?” Jesus! Chase closed her eyes and breathed through her nose in an attempt to hold back the nausea. Why would anyone do that to Jocelyn? She was one of the nicest people Chase knew. She swallowed again. Had been. Jocelyn had been one of the nicest. Past tense.

  “No,” Phillip said, and Chase flicked her eyes open to glance at him once more.

  “What?”

  “She was beaten, but that wasn’t what caused her death. She was strangled,” he said.

  Chase swallowed, blinking away the visions trying to fill her head.

  “I don’t understand,” Chase murmured. “Why would anyone want to hurt Jocelyn?”

  “Or you?” Phillip added, coming back over and sitting on the bed beside her. “They hurt you, too, honey.”

  Hurt wasn’t the same as killed. She’d been hurt, meaning, eventually, she’d recover. Jocelyn hadn’t been so lucky.

  “Why? This makes no sense.”

  “We’re hoping you’ll be able to tell us,” Phillip admitted. “Jocelyn’s car was fine. No flats, plenty of fuel, started perfectly. Both your cell phones were on and working. We have no idea why you stopped or what happened when you did.”

  “Oh, God,” Chase cried, feeling panic set in again as his words sent a flash of fear racing through her. “You don’t know. The person who did this… They’re still out there?”

  Phillip nodded. He took her hand with his and cupped her face with his other palm. “I know it’s hard, but try not to worry. I swear I won’t let anything else happen to you.”

  She clung to him. “What if I never remember? What if I can’t?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” Phillip tried to assure her.

  “He’ll come after me. Once he knows I’m awake, he’ll come after me. I’ll never be safe.”

  “He’ll?” Phillip asked. “Are you remembering something?”

  “I…I just assumed. Would another woman really beat us? I’m no easy target, and neither was Jocelyn. We’re not fighters, but I’d like to think we�
��d be harder to take down.”

  “It appeared both of you were taken by surprise. Hit over the head. It would have left you stunned or possibly even knocked you out, depending on what was used,” Phillip said.

  “Both of us?” Chase asked, and he nodded. “Then there had to be two attackers. There’s no way one of us wouldn’t have fought back, if it was a single person.”

  “Unless you weren’t together when it happened,” Phillip countered.

  “Jocelyn and I wouldn’t have split up,” Chase argued. “Why would you even think that?”

  “Because of where you were found,” he stated. “Jocelyn was behind the car.”

  “I was in the ditch?”

  “In front, on the passenger’s side of the car,” Phillip said. “Jocelyn was behind the car on the driver’s side.”

  “So, two people, then. They took her in one direction and me in the other.” She grunted in frustration as he shook his head.

  “Evidence and crime scene analysis support only one assailant,” he said.

  “This is all making my head spin. It doesn’t make sense. None of this makes sense.” She closed her eyes and pictured Jocelyn again, laughing and happy. “What about Seth? Lauren? Jocelyn’s parents? How are they taking all this?”

  “I saw Seth. He was devastated when he found out about Jocelyn. He went berserk on the cops who showed up to talk to him. We locked him up overnight,” Phillip said.

  “He wouldn’t have done this,” Chase told him, reading the expression on his face. “No matter what you think, he wouldn’t have done this.”

  “He’s a fighter,” Phillip challenged. “He attacked two police officers when they went to question him.”

  “He would never lay a hand on a woman,” Chase swore. “Least of all Jocelyn. He worshipped the ground she walked on. He’s been known to get into a bar fight or two, but it doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. What did the cops do? Tell him what happened to her then try to keep him from leaving to see for himself?”

  Phillip huffed a sigh. “I’ll admit they didn’t handle it well. I’d probably have done the same thing in Seth’s place.”

  “He wouldn’t do this,” Chase stated adamantly. “Not Seth.”

  Phillip squeezed her hand. “Let’s not argue about him. How’s your head feeling? Medicine helping?”

  “I just took it,” she said with a forced smile. “I’m sure I’ll be fine.” She bit her bottom lip to keep the tears at bay. Tears made her feel weak. The last thing she wanted was to cry all the time. Not when there were other things to concentrate on—like her memory. She was alive, so it didn’t feel right to complain. Not when Jocelyn was gone.

  “I missed her funeral,” she said quietly. Not a question but she glanced at Phillip for confirmation.

  He nodded. “It was a beautiful service. Her parents put Lauren in charge. She did a great job.”

  “Not an open casket?” Chase asked, knowing Jocelyn had been dead set against it. Jocelyn’s sister, Lauren, knew that, as well.

  “No,” he assured her. “The service was short and sweet. Lauren caused quite a stir at the graveside, though.”

  Chase smiled sadly. “Lauren followed through with what Jocelyn wanted, didn’t she?”

  Jocelyn and Chase had always said they wanted a certain song played at their gravesides, and whoever went last would see to it for the first. They’d play their song then place a shot for the road.

  “Let’s just say her parents didn’t find a song with lyrics telling people to go fuck themselves appropriate,” Phillip said with a ghost of a smile. “Or the shot of tequila Lauren sat on the casket instead of a rose.”

  A lone tear slipped down Chase’s cheek. “Jocelyn would have loved that. It’s exactly what she wanted. I’m so glad Lauren took care of it.”

  “She came by to check on you,” Phillip told her. “I should give her a call, let her know you’re awake. Seth also checked in. Nicole called a few times. We didn’t let anyone in or give out any information. You should know, everyone’s been worried about you.”

  “This is so surreal,” Chase admitted.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I always thought I’d be the one watching you in a hospital bed. It’s been my greatest fear since we started dating. That you’d get shot or hurt in some way on the job. I’ve had nightmares about it,” Chase confessed.

  “I know, honey.” There was a look in his eyes, a hint of emotion she couldn’t read.

  Something tickled at the back of her mind, but she couldn’t bring it into focus. “I tell myself it comes with the package of dating a cop. I never expected you to be the one visiting me like this.”

  “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you,” he vowed. “You know that, don’t you?”

  She nodded. “I love you, Phillip. It’s the only thing I’m certain of at this moment.”

  “I love you,” he whispered and leaned in to brush his lips softly across hers.

  She waited for him to deepen the kiss, to feel the spark of passion that ignited whenever they kissed. Instead, he pulled back and moved away.

  “Is there something else you’re not telling me?” she asked. Was she injured worse than she thought? She knew she still looked a little rough, but the nurse had assured her everything would heal. The doctor didn’t believe she’d suffer any permanent damage that would alter her appearance or ability to live her life. She’d need time to heal, but she’d be fine.

  He didn’t meet her eyes this time when he shook his head. She opened her mouth to ask him another question when they both heard his phone go off. He glanced down at the screen as he pulled it out of his pocket.

  “Voicemail,” he said and held his phone to his ear. “That was Grant. He’s the one in charge of your case.”

  “I always liked him.”

  She’d met the older man a few times at barbeques and other get-togethers she and Phillip had gone to since they’d begun dating. Cops tended to stick with other cops. They were a tight-knit group. For the most part, they were all really great guys with most of the detectives married with children.

  He stood and bent to kiss her on the brow. “Why don’t you get some sleep? Might help your head. Plus, I’ve got some calls I should make.”

  “Was I raped?” she blurted before she lost her nerve. She was a little afraid of the answer.

  “No, honey,” Phillip swore. “Absolutely not. The doctor would have told you that. Before you ask, Jocelyn wasn’t either. Whatever happened to the two of you, it wasn’t sexual in nature.”

  She nodded, finding some relief in knowing that much. She released her breath and felt incredibly tired. It was confusing how much sleep she seemed to require when she’d just woken up from a two-week slumber.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I should have considered you might wonder that.”

  “It’s okay,” she told him. “Are you going in today?”

  He studied her eyes for a long moment, and she did her best to remain impassive. She didn’t want to guilt him into staying if he needed to go to work. A lot more people depended on him than just her.

  He shook his head. “I’ll step out for a minute to make some calls and check in with the office then I’ll be back. ” He gave her another intense look. “Unless you want to be alone for a bit.”

  Her eyes widened. “No. I’d like you to be here. I…” She didn’t want to admit how afraid she was, even though she knew he’d understand. God, she’d never been so afraid.

  “I’ll be here when you wake up,” he promised. “Now rest. The sooner you get some strength back, the sooner we can get you home.”

  “I like the sound of that,” she agreed.

  She swore he looked relieved, and it niggled at the back of her mind, even after he dropped another chaste kiss on her lips and left. She couldn’t shake the feeling Phillip wasn’t telling her something else.

  * * * * *

  Phillip walked out the door and breathed in the cool February air. Any other
time, he’d bitch about it, but right now, he needed it. He hadn’t lied. Not really. At least, that was what he told himself. It couldn’t be in her best interest to bombard her with a bunch of information all at once. Besides, she hadn’t asked if something had happened between the two of them. He shouldn’t feel guilty for not telling her.

  She needed him now more than ever. She was right. Once whomever had done this realized she was awake, it wouldn’t matter that Chase didn’t remember. The possibility would always exist she might. The only way to make sure she didn’t would be to finish what he’d started. That meant as soon as Chase left the hospital, she’d become vulnerable to another attack. There was no way he’d let her go anywhere but home with him.

  He sat on one of the benches and barely felt the cold as it seeped through his jeans. She’d brought up her fear of being with him. He’d held his breath for a moment, waiting to see if she’d remember the proposal and walking away from him. He still believed it had only been temporary. He’d planned to talk to her again, to try to work through her fears with her and talk about what had happened with the officers who’d been killed in the line of duty. Instead, he’d received the call she was being rushed to the hospital, and they weren’t sure if she’d make it. He’d understood how she felt in that moment.

  Yeah, he should feel guilty for not telling her the real reason she and Jocelyn had been heading out of town. He told himself it didn’t matter. He loved her. She loved him. She’d looked him in the eye and admitted their love was the only thing she was sure of. He wouldn’t take that certainty away from her or himself.

  There would come a time when he’d need to tell her the truth, if she didn’t remember it on her own. He prayed it wasn’t until after they found the person responsible and he could assure Chase she was safe. Because, God help him, he didn’t think he was capable of letting her walk away while someone might still want her dead. Hell, he wasn’t sure he could let her walk away again at all.

  Chapter Three

  The rest of the week went by in a painful blur and headed into the next. It took all Chase’s energy to get up and moving again. It helped that her body hadn’t been dependent on machinery while she’d slept. Dr. Andrews had explained her coma as her mind taking a break to allow her body time to heal. He’d told her retrograde amnesia was often the byproduct of the mind being unable to process the trauma a person had been through. Then he’d encouraged her to take it easy and let things come back when she was ready. He’d explained that the more she tried to force them, the more elusive they might become.