Footprints In The Sand

by Michelle Horst

  I stop climbing the stairs, too stunned to move. Why would someone willingly want to go? But, I don’t ask him that. I’m at a loss for words. I’m staring at him again. When I realize my mouth is hanging open, I snap it shut.

  “Move, Jai!” He comes back and takes hold of my arm, pulling at me to follow him. I move, because I’ll fall if I don’t. My eyes jump between the stairs and his hand, wrapped around my arm. “You need to keep calm. You can’t freeze up on me. Your father said you would be able to handle this!”

  Handle what? But again I ask nothing and climb faster to stay next to him.

  “I can.” It’s all I manage to squeeze out. Can I really handle this? Whatever this is?

  “After the Emissaries say their thing and we get our packs just stick with me. Before the boundary marker we’re going to split from the group. My brother will get us on the other side.” He sounds too calm. I don’t feel calm, especially not with all the touching going on. I want to run home and hide in my bed. I’m a coward.

  The realization hits hard and I duck my head so Ethan won’t see it on my face. I’m a coward. I’m not courageous at all. I want to go home. I swallow hard on the lump in my throat, but it bounces back, bigger, pushing up to my eyes. Sixth floor. We have one more flight of stairs to go.

  “Why?” The word bursts from my mouth. Why not do as we’re told. I’m too scared to go against the Virtuous.

  “There is no spreading the word on the other side, only death.” Ethan holds me back, or up. I’m not sure if my legs are tired from the stairs, or numb from the shock. “I can’t explain it now, but if you want to make it out alive, you have to trust me.”

  I think again of what my dad said. “Ethan will find you. Look for Chance. Look for your mom.” Didn’t he perhaps mean I should give Ethan a chance? I try to remember Dad’s exact words but right now everything is a blur.

  A cold fear washes over me and this time I’m grateful when Ethan takes hold of my hand. I need to hold onto something. He’s my only chance at survival and I don’t want to die.

  ~*~

  “…every year seven Courageous Crusaders are chosen to go outside the boundary marker. They offer up peace and freedom to spread the word and ways of the Virtuous. This year we are tripling our blessing to the Dissolute in the hopes that the word might be spread faster. Be Blessed.” Everyone in the room, except for Ethan and me, repeat the words ‘Be Blessed’.

  I don’t feel very blessed right now, as I look at the other nineteen people. Besides the three older men and Mr. Demetrius, there are two other guys from my class standing with Jasper, five of the chosen are younger boys, and then there are the six other men that are easily in their early twenties. Then there is Ruth and me, and Ethan. We are all young, but besides Ruth and me there are no other women.

  Now that Ethan told me, I know why I’m here, but I don’t understand why Ruth has been selected. She’s not strong. She’s very pretty but not strong. Her face is still blotched red from crying. She’s actually one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen, with her black hair and bright blue eyes. She shouldn’t be here, she should be at school.

  The Emissaries are seated at a table, shaped in a semi-circle. Each one has a flag hanging above their heads. We can’t see the virtues in yellow writing on the blue flags. I think that kind of defeats the purpose of having them up there.

  “Blessed be your journey. Blessed be you all.” Emissary John closes with the usual greeting. He is the Emissary of the virtue, Chastity.

  “Blessed be.” The murmur goes through the room and before I can bring myself to open my mouth, it’s quiet again.

  We follow Aaron to another room where there are three tables. One holds silver square packets, another holds the blue first aid kits I recognize from class, and the last table is covered with bags. To my left I see clothes in different sizes. It’s all black and I can’t stop staring at the clothes. It’s the first time ever that I’ve seen black clothes.

  “Get your size, get dressed quickly. Move it,” Ethan whispers. He moves to the larger sizes and I move down the line to the smaller ones.

  “If you haven’t’ figured it out yet, get a set of clothes that will fit you. It will be best if you blend in on the other side,” Aaron gives the instruction as I grab my size and follow Ethan to the dressing rooms. Everyone rushes for the clothes and I’m relieved to be out of the way.

  The clothes are plain; a black t-shirt that has no collar, black jeans and not surprising, a black jacket. The Dissolute must hate color.

  I dress quickly and tuck my mother’s photo in the back pocket of my jeans. There’s a tight pull in my chest as I bundle my clothes together and walk out to the front.

  “Um … what should I do with these?” I look to Aaron, holding my clothes tightly. It’s the last items I have that are my own, and I hope we get to take it with us.

  “Throw it in there.”

  He looks up from a clipboard and points to a bin with a pen. A pile of clothes lies at the bottom of the bin, and I hesitate.

  “Just throw it in. You won’t need it where we’re going. Here’s your bag. I packed your portion of food and a first aid kit,” Ethan says, as if none of this matters to him. How can this be so easy for him?

  I throw in the clothes and watch my shirt land at the bottom. I didn’t even get to wear it a full day. I take the backpack from Ethan and shrug it on. He reaches for my hair, but stops an inch from touching me. I freeze, and stare at him. He looks handsome in the black clothes, it suits him. I flush at the direction my thoughts are heading in and drop my eyes to the floor, scared that he might be able to see what I’m thinking.

  “You’ll have to take those clips out of your hair. They don’t have luxuries like hairclips where we’re going.”

  My eyes dart back up as he mentions my mother’s clips. It’s all I have of my mother now, the clips and the photo. How can Ethan be so calm about all of this? He draws his hand back and starts to adjust the straps on his backpack. I stand, watching him. I’m sad to be leaving the only place that’s ever been my home. Fear knots in my stomach. I wish I could be as calm as Ethan is.

  “Oh.” It’s a lame word, but it’s all I can manage. He must think I’m an idiot!

  I take out the clips and tuck them in the jacket’s pocket, hoping he doesn’t tell me to throw them in the bin. I untie and smooth my hair out, and then retie it again.

  “Listen up,” Aaron calls out. Everyone is dressed in black now. The color doesn’t suit Ruth’s small posture, and it makes Mr. Demetrius look older. “Once you are on the other side of the boundary marker don’t forget why you are there. Be the Courageous Crusaders you have been chosen to be. Spread the word and recruit people to be Virtuous.” Not once does Aaron make eye contact with anyone.

  ~*~

  Chapter Two

  It’s a long way to walk to the boundary marker. I don’t think I’ve ever done so much walking in my entire life! I might die of exhaustion before we even reach the boundary marker. I’d go down in history as the only person who didn’t even make it out the gates, how embarrassing would that be. Then again, I wouldn’t know, I’d be dead. What am I thinking? It’s the fear, it’s driving me insane!

  I shake my head and take a deep breath to try and calm my frail nerves. Ruth hasn’t stopped crying, and it’s not helping. Her sniffling is wreaking havoc with my nerves.

  I look up, trying hard to focus on anything else but the people around me. Their tension is making the air stuffy and hard to breathe in. The dome shines clearly above us at this time of the day, when the sun starts to set on the outside. There are times you can almost pretend the dome isn’t there. Sometimes it sparkles, I don’t know what makes the dome sparkle, but it’s pretty when it does.

  There is one entrance between the two Ecocities. I’ve heard it’s guarded by both the Virtuous and Dissolute. I’m not sure who is keeping whom out. I glance up the road as it stretches out endlessly before me. I can’t see the boundary marker yet
and it’s discouraging.

  Bush overgrown with wild grass spreads out on both sides of the road. I wonder what’s really out there. For most of the year it looks dead, just the dry wild grass. I know it’s invasive and useless, and Dad says it grows faster than his genetically altered crops.

  I drop my eyes back to the road and watch it move slowly with each step I take. My feet don’t ache too much if I do that.

  “Why, if we are going to spread the news of peace, do we have to wear black?” It’s Ruth’s shaky voice that finally breaks the silence, with a good question.

  Why can’t we wear our own clothes? After all, it represents peace. The shirts we’re wearing are form-fitting and not loose like our normal ones. It shows too much of our bodies if you ask me.

  “It’s so we can blend in with them, Ruth.” Mr. Demetrius doesn’t sound very convincing. He sounds sad.

  Oh boy, the answer didn’t help. It makes Ruth cry harder. I feel the anxiety levels spike around me, and it makes me jumpier. I increase my pace so I don’t have to walk too close to the group. I’m a horrible person! Instead of consoling Ruth, I’m only thinking of myself. I’m not Virtuous. I’m a Dissolute, and I don’t think they can convert me. I’m too much of a coward to ever be converted. It has nothing to do with faith. It has everything to do with fear.

  ~*~

  We’ve been walking for what feels like endless miles. I know it will be getting dark within the hour. I normally go and sit in front of my glofish now. I can’t remember where the day went. I haven’t checked my backpack to see how much food I have, but it will be time for supper soon.

  “I’m hungry.” Jasper gives voice to my thoughts.

  “We’ll eat later.” Mr. Demetrius sounds even sadder than before, or maybe he’s just tired. I’m tired, and staring at the road doesn’t help anymore. My feet ache and my legs are tired.

  Ethan takes hold of my hand and as I glance up at him, he nods his head to the right of the road. I don’t understand what he’s trying to say. I’m too tired to try and figure out some type of sign language.

  I frown, confused. I’m about to open my mouth when he yanks real hard at my hand. The jolt vibrates up my arm to my shoulder, and I’m too stunned to even get a shriek out, as we set off at a maddening pace into the bush. I didn’t know my legs could run this fast.

  “Faster, Jai! No one can follow us!” There is a slight tone of panic in Ethan’s voice, and for the first time since he told me to stay close to him I feel my stomach bunch together to a point that it actually aches. The ache spreads down into my legs and I’m afraid I’ll fall, but a miracle happens and I don’t.

  The knee high grass makes it harder for me to run in, and my chest is starting to burn.

  “Faster!” Ethan yells again.

  If I lift my legs any higher they’ll go past my ears! What does he mean faster? I can’t get any faster than this! It’s not as if I come with speed settings! If he yanks at my arm one more time, the only speed he’ll get from me is crawling, after I go head over heels into the wild grass.

  “Faster, Jai!” He shouts, yanking at my arm.

  “My legs won’t go faster!” I wheeze back at him. I don’t think he realizes he’s twice my size. I don’t think he realizes I’m going to drop dead any second.

  But, we keep running. The grass keeps hitting against my paints, making a swooshing noise. My breaths are really loud. Oh my word, I’m panting like Mrs. Noah’s gendog! He gets all excited when she comes home in the afternoons, jumping and panting, his tongue hanging out. I hope I don’t look like a gendog. How embarrassing!

  “Ethan,” I wheeze. “I can’t.” Another wheeze. Gosh, from panting to wheezing! I’m not going to make the boundary line. He doesn’t stop, but instead yanks me forward again. “Ethan!” I shriek, almost nose diving into the wild grass.

  “There’s the boundary marker. Just run, Jai.” His voice is filled with an urgency that makes panic explode inside of me.

  Are we running from something? Are we running into the arms of our impending death? What is waiting for us on the other side of the boundary marker?

  The boundary marker is a brilliant blue line that fades up into dome’s lighter tinge. I’ve always wanted to see it and now I can’t even appreciate it. I’m too tired, too frightened.

  “We can’t go … through it. The dome, it … will kill us,” I puff the words out.

  I really shouldn’t talk, it’s making my saliva thicker and that’s making me feel nauseous.

  “My brother is meeting us here.”

  He starts to slow as we reach the boundary marker. Now that the sun is practically gone, the boundary marker lights everything up alongside of it. I see Aaron as he comes up out of the wild grass. The light makes his skin look even paler than earlier.

  “Tell me no one saw you,” Ethan says.

  “No one saw me. What took you so long?” Aaron sounds different, younger and scared, not as official as he did when he addressed us back at the Haven. I didn’t know Ethan and Aaron were brothers, they look nothing alike.

  “We had to walk with the others. We could only break away now. Where is it?” Panic makes Ethan’s voice dip low. He lets go of my hand and darts forward, searching for something.

  I almost scream, thinking he has lost his mind and he’s going to walk into the force field, when he ducks lower and I see it. It’s a black hole in the dome, big enough for us to climb through.

  “Come on, you first,” Ethan says, turning back to me.

  I stare at him. Now I really think he has lost mind! There is no way I’m going near the boundary marker. It will fry me to a crisp.

  “Where are you going to go, Jai?” he asks. “You can’t go home and the others are long gone. You have three seconds to climb through or we’re leaving you here,” Ethan warns me.

  I don’t want to stay out here alone. I’m scared of the dark. I walk toward the boundary marker, my fear of being alone in the dark by far greater than my fear of being fried.

  I peek through the hole but all I see is darkness on the other side. The light from the dome is blinding me. I hope the hole doesn’t disappear on me. I fear my legs might shake right from under me as I put my first leg over. The bright blue light hurts my eyes. It’s the brightest light I have ever seen.

  When my arm and right half of my body is through the hole a pair of hands comes out of the dark. They grab hold of my waist and as they lift me through the hole, I shriek. Ethan had to have heard me! A hand slaps hard over my mouth, smothering my next shriek. An arm yanks me up against a hard chest. It’s definitely a man, there is no way a woman can be this big!

  I watch Aaron, and then Ethan come through the hole with ease, as if they’ve done this before. I try to shout a warning to them, but it’s stifled by the hand.

  “What’s this?” The voice above me is deep and edgy.

  “Relax, she’s Jasper Matthias, the daughter of the engineer. I told him I’d bring her,” Ethan says. He doesn’t seem to be caught off guard by whoever is holding me.

  But the hand isn’t relaxing. This cannot be good.

  “The daughter? You brought the daughter? You put a bullet in her, right now! She is of no use to us. You said only one, Ethan! Aaron we can use, he has been there before, but her they will break.” I was wrong. The voice isn’t deep and edgy, it’s cold and heartless.

  He lets go of me and I stumble forward, but luckily I don’t fall. I keep my eyes down, too scared to look up. My heart is beating in my throat, making it difficult to swallow.

  “I’m not shooting her. We’re wasting time here.” Ethan snaps.

  There’s a moments silence and then I hear a sizzling sound to my left. Everyone looks in the boundary markers direction and we watch as the hole in the dome shrinks until it’s gone. My chance to go back is gone. I’m in the Ecocity of the Dissolute with two men I hardly know, and another who wants me dead. My heart starts pounding wildly, making me dizzy. I take deep breaths to try and clear my head. I can�
�t afford to panic now.

  “I don’t need another child to worry about! Dammit, Ethan!”

  The man grabs at my shoulder, spinning me around and in the light of the dome I see a scar above his right eyebrow. He hasn’t shaven in a few days and it makes him look older, meaner. But other than that he can’t be older than thirty and if he weren’t that mean he’d look half decent.

  I shake my head to rid myself of the insane thoughts. I’m really losing it! Only I will notice what someone looks like while my life is hanging in the balance!

  He frowns and narrows his eyes at me. “If anyone asks you are Dissolute from here on out. You don’t know anyone Virtuous. You hate the Virtuous. You don’t have a kind word to say about them. You do as I say or I swear I will put a bullet in your head myself.” I swallow at his harsh words. I take back what I said about him looking half decent. He’s just mean. “Do you understand?” he asks.

  I nod, because there is just no way I’ll manage to say something right now without squeaking.

  “Take the food and first aid kits out of the bags and load them into mine.” He throws a ragged looking bag at Ethan. “Take off your jackets and toss them. Your clothes look too new.” His eyes travel over the length of my body and my cheeks flush with heat. “We’ll sort you out back at the ward, but you’ll have to get rid of that jacket too.”

  I just nod and do as he says.

  “They’re going to see right through her. She looks way too innocent.” He snaps at Ethan.

  Ethan looks at me and then at the man. “Jai is worth it, Chance.”

  My eyes widen at his name. I don’t get to react on his name as a fist comes out of nowhere, slamming hard into my face. I stagger back, as pain streaks across my cheek, but before I can fall hands grab hold of my shoulders, pulling me forward. I open my eyes and look right into Chance’s chest. My cheek is on fire. When he reaches for my face I flinch, but he takes hold of my chin and forces me to look up at him.

  “You didn’t have to hit her,” he growls, and his eyes dart over my head to either Ethan or Aaron.