Blush

by Nicola Marsh

  “I have and to be honest, the only way this would work is for us to keep it quiet.” A weary acceptance crept into his eyes. “Not ideal, but if it’s the only way we get to be together, I’m willing to do whatever it takes.”

  He glared at her, daring her to disagree. To his credit, he didn’t sugarcoat the truth but acknowledged it with a defiance that almost made her believe they could do this. If not for one salient fact: she was carrying his baby.

  He rubbed the back of his neck. “I know it sounds like a shitty deal, and I sure as hell don’t want you to feel like a mistress, but ’til we know where this is going, it makes sense for us to take things slow.”

  Her hand unconsciously drifted to her belly. Slow? Way too late for that.

  “You seriously think you can keep us under wraps?” She shook her head. “You’re a smart guy. You know the muckrakers will come after you with everything they’ve got the closer you get to election. And they won’t stop ’til they know every last nitty gritty detail of your relationships.”

  He ran a hand over his face. It did little to ease the tension lining his mouth, his eyes. “Don’t think I haven’t thought about that, but…”

  “What?”

  His gaze locked on hers, desperate and compelling. “I want you in my life.”

  Five simplistic words layered with complexity.

  Adele closed her eyes and for one insanely fanciful moment imagined what it would be like to be cherished by this guy, to be a part of his life in every way that mattered and to bring their baby into a secure relationship.

  “Adele, we can make this work.” He dragged in a deep breath and huffed it out. “And if it doesn’t, we walk away.”

  She opened her eyes, the expression on his face more of a reality check than his matter-of-fact words.

  Reid wore the look of a guy used to getting what he wanted but who was pragmatic enough to walk away if he didn’t.

  And that dose of logic was all the impetus she needed to do what she should’ve done when she first opened the door to find him standing there.

  End it.

  “Honestly? That isn’t enough for me.”

  He gawped at her.

  “We’re great together.” She waved a hand between them, doing her best to ignore the pain cleaving her heart. “But I’m not the type of woman to sit around waiting for when you can make time for me. Or to be hidden away like something you’re ashamed of.”

  She stood and squared her shoulders. “I deserve better than that.”

  He nodded. “You do, but I was hoping we could make this work regardless. Just to give us long enough to see if we’re in this for the long haul.”

  Sadness spread through her chest, constricting her lungs until she could barely breathe.

  “We can’t.” She almost said, ‘I’m sorry,’ but stopped at the last moment.

  She had nothing to apologize for. And she’d heard enough trite apologies from her drunken mom to know they meant little unless they came from the heart.

  She may be miserable at refusing a relationship on Reid’s terms now, but ultimately she wouldn’t be sorry.

  She’d have a precious miracle to raise, a tangible memory of a guy she could’ve loved given half a chance.

  He stood, stepped around the coffee table and reached for her. “I can’t change your mind?”

  “No.” She held up a hand to ward him off, knowing there was only so much realism she could take. Verbally refusing him was tough enough. Having him touch her had the potential to unravel her carefully honed ‘I’m totally okay with this’ mask. “Let me walk you out.”

  She saw the exact moment hope faded and died in his eyes, and with a terse nod he followed her to the door.

  Adele breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth, deep settling breaths to ease the tightness in her chest.

  She could do this.

  Say goodbye to the only guy to ever rock her world.

  “If you ever need me, I’m just a phone call away,” he said, his hand resting lightly on her shoulder.

  “Thanks,” she said, allowing herself a few indulgent seconds to savor his touch before opening the door.

  However, he didn’t release her. Instead, he spun her around so fast she felt light-headed, before slamming his mouth against hers and backing her up against the wall.

  Reminiscent of the first time he’d knocked on her door, it only seemed fitting they end their burgeoning relationship in the same way it had begun.

  With heat and fire and passion.

  A wistful moan escaped her parted lips and he took advantage, thrusting his tongue into her mouth to challenge and command and titillate.

  Her leg hooked around his waist of its own volition as she angled her head, allowing the kiss to deepen to the point where there was nothing but raging need and desperate craving.

  Blinded to everything but the taste and feel of Reid, Adele’s head swam when they eventually came up for air.

  “God, how am I going to walk away from you?” he said, resting his forehead on hers, the audible pain and confusion in his voice mirroring hers.

  “We have no choice,” she said, sliding her leg back down to the ground and placing her palms on his chest to gently push him away.

  “You’re wrong,” he said, staring at her mouth like he wanted to devour her again before dragging his gaze up to meet her eyes. “We always have a choice and you’ve made yours.”

  He lingered for another few moments, his stare unwavering, until she gave a tiny shake of her head.

  Reid muttered, “Fuck,” under his breath, turned and walked away without looking back.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Later that afternoon, after Adele had spent hours alternating between crying, comfort gorging on chocolate, and searching online baby sites while trying to be stoic, a loud pounding on her door jolted her out of a semi-doze.

  Her heart leapt until reality slapped it back down again a second later. Reid wouldn’t come back. Not after the way she’d ended it.

  Wishing she’d had the foresight to install a peephole when she’d first moved in, she slowly opened the door to find Chantal with a bottle of champers in one hand and an apple cider in the other.

  Annoyed that her disappointment it wasn’t Reid overshadowed her relief, Adele pointed at the cider. “Since when do you drink that?”

  “I don’t, but I assumed you wouldn’t want to touch alcohol now.” Chantal breezed past her as Adele took a moment to absorb the shock before closing the door and following her boss and BFF into the kitchen.

  Stunned that Chantal had guessed the truth, Adele propped against the island bench. “How did you know?”

  Chantal arched a perfectly plucked brow. “Seriously?” She popped the cork on the champagne and unscrewed the cider top. “Coffee aroma made you barf? In the morning? Hello?” She tapped her temple. “Give me some credit.”

  Adele plopped onto the nearest chair and accepted a champagne flute filled with cider. “So you’re here to toast the good news?”

  “Is it good?” Chantal clinked glasses with her before downing her champagne in a few smooth gulps. “There, that’s better, prepares me for whatever you’re going to say.”

  “’Course it’s good,” Adele said, sipping the cider. “I’m having a baby.”

  “A baby you want apparently.” Chantal eyeballed her with a healthy dose of speculation. “Which is interesting, considering the father and the implications.”

  “Reid will never know.” Adele placed her glass on the table, hating how her hands shook by just saying his name.

  “What the f—?” Chantal reached for the champagne bottle and topped up her glass pronto. “I could’ve just sworn you said you’re not going to tell him.”

  Adele shrugged. “Why would I? We had a fling. I’m pregnant. I’ve always wanted a baby. Why complicate his life?”

  “What about complicating yours?” Chantal glared like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Have you serious
ly thought this through? Being a single mom isn’t easy. And a baby…” Chantal shook her head. “Goddammit, I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.”

  “Me either,” Adele admitted, glad her friend had guessed. Her life was filled with secrets. Nice to have one out of the bag. “Having a baby was one of those dreams I never thought would come true.”

  Chantal tilted her head to one side, studying her. “Why? You’re mid thirties, plenty of time to meet someone and have a brat or two.”

  What could Adele say? That the fabled someone would’ve had to be pretty damn special to accept her, past and all, and want her enough to father a child with her.

  “Guess I haven’t been actively looking for a guy so thought it was getting more distant,” Adele said, slugging back her cider to prevent from saying any more.

  “I think you should tell him.” Chantal’s eyes had a hard glint Adele had never seen. “My dad never knew I existed. It sucked when I found out, knowing he may have been a part of my life if Mom hadn’t been such a selfish bitch.”

  “Ouch.” Adele winced. “Tell me what you really think.”

  “It’s true.” Chantal crossed her arms, her expression mutinous. “He’s this really cool guy and we catch up whenever I fly to New York, but who knows what kind of relationship we could’ve had if he’d known about me.”

  Adele felt sorry for Chantal. Seeing her strong, independent friend showing any hint of vulnerability was as shocking as her rare confession. Chantal kept her private life private, one of the reasons they got on so well. Adele valued her privacy above all else. She had to. So having Chantal divulge the truth about her parents was more disconcerting than discovering she actually agreed with her friend.

  “I’m sorry for what you went through, sweetie. I agree telling the father is the right thing to do in most cases, but with Reid?” Adele shook her head and absentmindedly traced the rim of her glass. “It’s different.”

  “You think it’ll ruin his career?”

  “Of course it will. An illegitimate baby with an ex burlesque dancer?” Adele picked up the newspaper off the table and rattled it. “Front page news on every media outlet in the country. Not good.”

  “It’d be tough.” Chantal’s unwavering stare made Adele uncomfortable. “And you’re right, it’d probably screw up his career. But shouldn’t it be his choice to make—”

  “No.” Adele shook her head so hard it ached. “Reid’s a stand-up guy. He’ll want to do the right thing and if that means he loses everything he’s worked so hard to achieve…I can’t be a part of that.”

  Chantal grimaced before downing her champagne. “I hear where you’re coming from. I wouldn’t want to wreck a guy’s life either. But a baby…”

  Chantal glanced at Adele’s perfectly flat belly. “Fuck, Del. This is huge.”

  Adele patted her stomach. “Not yet, but I will be in about seven and a half months.”

  Chantal tilted her head to one side, studying her. “You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you?”

  Adele smiled and hugged her middle tighter. “I’m happy, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  Though that wasn’t entirely true. Adele knew she’d be a lot happier if she had Reid in her life, to be a part of her baby’s life, but no way would she make him choose between his career and a baby.

  And if she completely lost her mind and told him, where would that leave her? Forever knowing the guy she’d fallen for was only sticking around because of their kid?

  She couldn’t stand it.

  No, it was better this way. She had ended things with Reid and if they ever crossed paths in the future, he didn’t have to know about his child. She’d be parent enough for the both of them.

  “Promise me you won’t say anything to anyone,” Adele said, pinning Chantal with a no-nonsense glare.

  Chantal hesitated, and Adele said, “I mean it. There are too many lives at stake here so you have to zip it.”

  “What about your life, huh?” Chantal gestured around the room. “Sure, you’ve got a comfortable place here and a steady income, but a baby’s going to change everything.”

  “Really? Because the way I see it, my life’s pretty damn sedate and having a baby isn’t going to shake things up all that much.” Adele glanced around her lounge room, the first room she’d tackled when she’d moved in.

  It had taken her a year to save a deposit after she’d arrived in Vegas to afford her modest house. She’d donned a lot of sequins and eyelash extensions to strive for her dream: a sanctuary, a place to call home, something she hadn’t had growing up.

  What this place lacked in size it made up for in charm and Adele had added loving touches: the harvest-colored throw rugs, the vanilla scented candles, the topaz glass bottles filled with beads and flowers. And books of every genre stacking the built-in oak shelves.

  She loved her cozy home, spent a lot of time here when she wasn’t working. For despite her age and the constant buzz of living in the City of Lights, Adele favored staying in over going out.

  Wasn’t like having a baby would put a dent in her non-existent social life.

  “You’re really going to do this?”

  Adele nodded. “Yeah, I’m going to be a mom and I can’t wait.”

  The tension lines around Chantal’s mouth finally relaxed. “Fine. Then count me in. Support person. Babysitter. Whatever you need.”

  “Thanks, sweetie.” Adele blew her a kiss and Chantal held up a finger.

  “Though just for the record? I draw the line at changing shitty diapers.”

  Adele laughed, feeling better now she had an ally and confidante.

  She had a feeling she’d need all the help she could get as she traversed this pregnancy.

  Reid hit the campaign trail hard.

  Four weeks of backslapping and schmoozing and BS.

  In fact, the whole lot of it was bullshit and his tolerance was at an all-time low.

  Not a good sign, considering the bulk of his job was pretending to listen and absorb and rehash whatever people wanted to hear.

  Shit, even his thoughts had turned cynical.

  He wasn’t in a good place right now.

  His jaw ached from gritting his teeth against the urge to pick up the phone and speak to Adele, his head ached from constantly trying to forget her, and his back ached from the countless miles he’d jogged to work off his frustration.

  Since when did he lose sight of his end goal because of a woman?

  Never.

  And the fact he was this screwed up now didn’t bode well for the rest of the campaign. A campaign that was fast losing its appeal.

  He didn’t get it. Politics had been his dream for so long, he’d never lost sight of the ultimate prize: becoming a senator and being empowered to make a real difference.

  He’d been doing the right thing since he was young, when his dad took off and he became the man of the family at age seven.

  He’d done everything he could to make his mom smile: top grades, first pick for sports, looking after Jess. It made him feel damn special to do good and when the town held a parade for California’s new governor in his teens, and he’d seen that guy up on the podium espousing amazing promises for their state, Reid had known what he wanted to do.

  He’d followed his dream.

  And he still felt good when he listened to what the voters wanted and implemented changes. Changes that made a real difference in people’s lives.

  Though the gloss had worn off lately. He was tired. Soul-destroying, bone-deep weary. But there was no way out. He’d chosen this life, he needed to make it work. Work better than this.

  He kicked the trashcan under his desk as a knock sounded at his door.

  “Go away,” he yelled, not in the mood for company. Not in the mood for anything unless it involved a few hours in Adele’s arms.

  Yeah, like that was going to happen again this century.

  The door opened and Jess stuck her head around it. “No can do, bro.
”

  Reid pinched the bridge of his nose. Last thing he needed while he was in a foul mood was his exuberant sister bouncing in here.

  “This isn’t a good time for me—”

  “Too bad.” She slipped into his office and closed the door. “I don’t have long in the States before I head out to Sydney and I wanted to see you.”

  Immediately guilty, he stood and opened his arms to her. “Fine. Give your grumpy old brother a hug.”

  “What’s bitten your ass?” she said, squeezing him tight before releasing him. “You’re usually sunshine and roses. Today you’re thunder and weeds.”

  “It’s been a long campaign,” he said, heading for the mini-bar on the sideboard and sloshing a double scotch into a glass. “Drink?”

  Jess glanced at her watch and frowned. “At two?”

  “Lunch aperitif.” He raised the glass in her direction. “Been a bloody long campaign, Sis. Lighten up.”

  He drained the glass in three gulps and Jess’s frown deepened.

  “I’ve never seen you like this,” she said, joining him at the bar where she poured herself a mineral water and he resisted the urge to replenish his scotch. “What’s up?”

  “I told you—”

  “I want the truth this time.” She perched on the caramel suede sofa lining one wall of his office. “Though I reckon I have a fair idea.”

  Reid inwardly cursed Jack for blabbing. “I knew that schmuck you’ve hooked up with couldn’t keep his big mouth shut.”

  Jess smirked. “Jack adores me. So stands to reason he’d confess when I threatened to…uh…withhold—”

  “Too much information, Sis.” Reid held up his hand, not wanting her to elaborate.

  He could accept the fact his best friend and sister had fallen in love. He couldn’t accept any details of their dalliance.

  Jess chuckled. “Jack said you lost it when I didn’t give you Adele’s number so you chased it up yourself.”

  “What else did the big mouth tell you?”

  She crinkled her nose. “Sadly, that was it, considering it’s impossible to withhold sexual favors once he left and we’re now an ocean apart.”

  “When do you fly out?”