“I know, I remember.” I reach for his hand and he grasps my fingers tight.
“I lived in a fraternity for one year, and Paul was my roommate.” His nostrils flare and he lets go of me.
I ask, “Do you think it could have been Paul?”
He closes his eyes and nods before dropping his head to his hands. “He told me he likes complete submission. I thought he meant BDSM. I don’t know. That’s an awful thing to assume about someone, even Paul.”
“I know.”
Derrick trains his eyes on me, and I expect his familiar stare but he speaks. “Did you believe it?”
I reach for his cheek. “No. I was upset because Cooper believed it and was so afraid for me when I knew there was nothing to fear. But I couldn’t remember why I knew it wasn’t true. I was scared of what might happen.”
I huff. “I should probably become a crier like most girls. It’s a lot safer.”
The weight of my injuries settles over me, but I push it off. “When Casey was here earlier I asked her to text Cooper that you couldn’t have raped that girl and I could prove it. But I guess that will have to wait, since he’s not allowed in here.”
Derrick shakes his head. “I get why he would be so protective of you, but I still don’t like the guy.”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to.” My lower lip starts to tremble, and tears well up in my eyes. “It’s not like we’ll be training together.” Oh Fudgsicles, I’m going to cry.
Derrick’s chair scrapes over the vinyl floor as he gets as close to me as he can. He leans over and kisses the tears streaming down my cheeks. “Darling, go ahead and cry.”
So I do. Big, heaving sobs that hurt my ribs, and Derrick touches me as best he can. I long to be held, but the warmth of his skin on mine will have to do.
I cry for my lost dream, and fear I won’t be able to run or snowboard again. I cry for things as silly as knowing I’ll get soft and maybe fat. And I cry for the injustice of what happened to the girl, and the rumors about Derrick.
When I’m done, the adoring look in Derrick’s eyes makes me want to cry all over again. He’s seeing my blotchy skin, greasy hair, and ravaged body, and he loves me more than I ever wanted anyone to.
I begin to speak, and I voice all the fears and disappointments that made me cry. He listens with his ears and his heart. And when I’ve shed every bit of armor, I feel lighter and my head is clear. I realize I want to spend the rest of my life with this man, and I believe he feels the same way.
I fall asleep with Derrick’s hand clutched in mine and on my chest, over my heart.
Chapter 47
In the last four months I’ve learned that physical therapy is no joke, and the pain associated with it would make the old me want to vomit and run. The new me swallows down the nausea and lets an occasional tear fall.
I lower my foot from the air and the burn fades away. Finished with my home exercises, I lay with my muscles trembling on Nika’s yoga mat while I recover. My pelvis healed nicely, and months later most of the metal in my leg has been removed. A few pins were left behind, and I may get to keep them forever.
Cleo licks the salty residue of sweat from my face. Her rough tongue almost tickles, and I scratch her neck. She leans her head back and I stroke her, letting the soft hair slip through my fingers.
It made sense to move in with Nika and Derrick when I came home from the hospital. Both of them switched to part time to take care of me. A bedroom was set up for me in the den on the first floor. But I only use it now as my personal space. I prefer sleeping with Derrick.
I rise up from the floor, and the varnished wood of the coffee table is smooth under my hand as I use it to brace myself to stand. My bad leg is weak from exhaustion, but I can walk unassisted and revel in the freedom.
I head to the kitchen to top off my cold coffee. My entourage of canines follows my slow trail. The aroma of dark roast fills my senses when I pour a cup. I look over at the one-cup coffee maker Derrick gave Nika for Christmas. She hates it because the coffee is too cold. Derrick uses it while I stick by Nika.
I swirl my coffee and go sit at the table in the breakfast area to stare out over the Rockies. Clouds smear the blue sky, and a pang of longing tugs at me as I recall spring snow under my board.
Next year, I tell myself. I smile thinking about Lyndsey getting a silver medal in Boardercross at the Olympics. Her run was “bat-shit crazy,” and I called to tell her so. Cooper grabbed the phone, and I congratulated him on his medals too.
They’re dating now, and it makes seeing Cooper easier. I’ll never really know if he was still in love with me last fall, and if that was the motivation behind his refusal to believe me about Derrick, even after I told him about Derrick’s annual trip with Nika. But he found a way, and we can laugh together when I see him.
Stroking Jake’s back, he lays his head in my lap while Ollie is sleeping with his paws on my feet. Princess Cleo sighs and rests her chin on the windowsill, waiting for our walk.
I glance at the woods but know I’m not ready. The uneven ground and ice patches are too dangerous for my fragile leg. Instead we walk down the road, and I push myself a little further each day.
I groan like an old woman as I use the table to help me push myself up to a stand. The dogs know what’s coming the moment they hear their collar tags jingle when I remove them from the hook.
So well trained, they sit before me with tilted heads as I lower myself to the bench by the coat hooks. Each one comes close when I call their name and waits patiently for me to clip on their collar.
Jake’s skunk-like puppy breath makes me grimace as he eagerly tries to lick my face. “I know, Pooh. What do I expect, sticking it so close to you, right?”
The dogs scramble out the door into the cool garage. The roaring of the garage door opening drowns out the excited barks, and I pull on an old sweatshirt of Derrick’s that hangs on a hook. The metal handle of a lacrosse stick chills my fingers when I grab it and slip three balls into the worn cotton, pouch-like pocket of the hoodie.
I step out into bright light glistening off the snow. The driveway is clear, and the drip of icicles matches the sporadic movements of the dogs as they wrestle with each other.
When I lift my face to the sun, sadness dampers my mood. I wish I were on the mountain. I want to hear the scrape of skis and boards on snow, feel the wind on my face and the exhilaration of moving fast.
When I make it to the clear sidewalk, I launch a ball ahead of me. Mostly vacation homes on this street, it’s a rare car that uses it this time of day. But to be safe, I keep the balls on the sidewalk.
Ollie and Jake race after the ball, but Cleo waits, knowing I will throw another before the first one comes back to me. I try to have three balls going at the same time for my sense of order, but the reality is the dogs just want to run back and forth. It also helps me to think about something other than the ache in my leg as I focus on walking normally.
We haven’t gotten very far when the rumble of an approaching vehicle makes me call the dogs. All are panting at my feet when I realize it’s Derrick.
I guess they didn’t need him to patrol today as the season is winding down and less trails are open. I head back toward house with the dogs.
The splash of slush quiets as Derrick pulls up beside me and unrolls his window. His eyes shine in his sun-kissed face as he says, “I have a surprise for you. Hurry back to get changed.” He pulls away from me before I can ask what it is.
Wishing I could run, I walk faster than usual, and Derrick is out of the car, petting the dogs when I make it to the driveway. “Where are we going?”
“I’m not telling, but dress like you would if you were boarding today, except for the boots.”
He’s grinning with excitement, and it’s contagious. The balls clunk into the bucket, and I drop the stick in it with a thud. Peeling off the hoodie as I walk, I’m moving as quickly as my leg will let me.
When I get to my room, I search for my board g
ear. The musty smell that hits my nose when I open my bag makes me wish I had washed everything. But I yank out my pants and hope they still fit.
A bit snug, I suck in my gut to snap them and decide my daily bagel habit might have to stop. Gosh, I feel like a kid on a snow day and almost let out a “whoop” when I slip an arm into my fleece. The familiar grind of my zipper makes me want to rap my helmet, signaling I’m going in.
Derrick peeks into the doorway. “Ready?” He grabs my helmet and gloves for me.
“Just about. Should I put on sunscreen in the car?”
“Yeah, I can’t wait for you to find out your surprise.” If Derrick were the skipping kind, I think he would right now.
I pat each dog on the way out. “Sorry, guys. You’ll just have to wait for Nika to play.”
The black leather seat of Derrick’s SUV is warm from the sun, and I’m tempted to unzip my jacket when he unrolls the windows a bit. “I thought you might like to feel the fresh air.”
“I miss the rush of air in my face so much I might just stick my head out like a dog.” I chuckle and put my hand out the window instead.
Derrick’s fingers beat on the steering wheel to the rhythm of Imagine Dragons. I flip down the visor mirror and smear greasy white sunscreen over my pale complexion. Looking at my bleached hair, I wonder if it’s time for a color change. Maybe I’ll return to my natural light brown with highlights instead.
When we drive through town, Derrick turns right onto the access road for Peak 8. “Are you taking me to the mountain?”
Derrick gives me a sly smile. “Yes.”
I decide that he must be taking me to lunch on the deck. The idea of a cold beer and a burger in the sunshine appeals to me. “Are you taking me out to lunch?”
“Nope.”
Huh. Does he have something to show me? I shake my head. “Can I have a clue?”
“Nope, but you’ll find out soon enough.” He pulls out his phone and hands it to me. “Text Joel we’re almost there.”
Joel is the supervisor for the ski patrol. My curiosity is killing me. Why on earth does Joel need to know we are almost there? I tap out the text and read what was written before in hopes of learning something. Unfortunately, it’s work-related messages.
I huff and put the phone in a cup holder. I join Derrick in tapping as I impatiently wonder what the surprise is.
Chapter 48
We pull into the employee parking lot of Peak 8. Tiny rivers of water wind through the slushy snow, and I twist to step out with my good left leg hitting the ground first. Derrick comes to my side to take my arm, and I ask, “You still aren’t telling me anything?”
“No, but you’re about to find out.” He leads me in the direction of the locker room.
The growl of a snowmobile comes down the hill toward us and parks near the entrance. Joel’s teeth sparkle against his deeply tanned skin when he calls out to me. “Your chariot, m’lady.”
“I’m going on a snowmobile ride?” My pulse quickens with the idea of going fast.
Joel winks at me. “For starters.”
I take my helmet from Derrick and put it on. His grin is so big I know whatever else he has planned is going to make me happy too.
I pull down my goggles from the top of my helmet, and the foam tight around my nose makes me inhale deeply to feel cold air clear my head. I wrap my arms around Joel as the engine sputters back to life. The vibration under me matches the thrill I feel when he speeds up. My quads flex as I squeeze the seat between my legs, and I’m sure they’ll be screaming soon. The wind is bouncing my braid on my back, and I tilt my head to the side to get the full effect of it on my face. I guess I am a dog.
I marvel at the smell of pine when he takes me on narrowly-cut maintenance trails. I’m glad there aren’t any bugs because my smile covers my face and I would be eating a few. I’m almost at the point of exhaustion when Joel stops us at the base of the 6 Chair.
He gets off, and his strong arms bear weight to help me stand. “Joel, that was so fun. Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome. Derrick should be here soon. He had to take the chairlift.” He pats the seat. “Sit and soak up some sun.” He walks toward the lift loading area leaving me alone.
I gladly sit because my leg aches. Tilting my head back, I close my eyes and breathe in the crisp air. Happy voices offer bits of conversation as people go by me to get into the lift line.
The scrape of skis sliding on snow close to me makes me open my eyes to Derrick who asks, “How was your ride?”
“So fun. Now what are we doing?” I stand and stretch out my leg to loosen it.
“Getting on the chairlift.” He checks his phone and smiles. When he taps out a text, I lean in to see, but he pulls the phone out of sight.
Wearing his red patrol jacket, Derrick takes us to the front of the line. Grateful it’s only a few steps, I walk gingerly on the soft snow. When the lift attendant sees us, he nods at Derrick and stops the chair, timing it so one is right at the loading zone for me to easily get on.
Dangling my feet from the chair is strange without the weight of my board pulling on my right leg. Although I’m sure that would be uncomfortable right now. Derrick lowers the safety bar and leans over to look at me. “Having fun?”
I reach out and touch his face with my glove. “I love being on the mountain again. Thank you.”
“It’s not too sad for you?”
“No. It might be if I couldn’t board again, but I will next year.”
Derrick frowns and I remember he’s going to medical school next fall. We haven’t talked about what will happen then. Not a cloud in the sky, the white expanse of the mountain is stark against the cerulean blue. “Are you glad Nika convinced you to come to Breck this winter?”
He snorts. “How can you even ask that? If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met you.”
“And if you didn’t move here, I wouldn’t be even close to this happy.”
Clearly that was the right thing to say because he leans in and rewards me with a steamy kiss. One that makes me want to strip him naked and crawl on his lap. When we break apart we’re almost at the top. The lift attendant waves to us, indicating he knows we’ll need the chairlift to stop.
“Okay, so what happens up here? You said you weren’t taking me to lunch.”
“I’m not.” He turns to his left and glances in the direction of the patrol shack used to store the sleds that bring injured people down the mountain. “You’ll see in just a few seconds.”
Just before the chair stops, I get a glimpse of an instructor’s purple and red jacket as if someone is hiding behind the shed. Silence caresses my ears when the chair stops in the perfect place for me to hop down on my good leg and walk down the ramp.
The snow here is hard from the cooler temperature, making it much easier for me to move. After I’ve taken the few steps down the ramp, the whine of the lift engine starts up. Derrick says, “Hop on my back. Your leg looks sore.”
“It is. I’m sorry, I—” Derrick’s stern face makes me stop. “Yes, I would love a piggyback ride.”
He lowers himself for me to get on easily and says, “I love it when you spread your legs for me.”
I swat him on the shoulder and climb onto his back. He skis to the shack and over his shoulder multiple instructor jackets appear, along with a few other familiar coats.
“Surprise!” A chorus of my friends greet me with smiling faces. Derrick sets me down gently, and Casey slides her skis around me to give me a hug. “Oh, my God, it was so hard to keep this a secret from you.”
I’m still confused as to why Derrick would bring me all the way up here to have my friends meet me, and it must be apparent on my face because Lori says, “We’re skiing with you.”
“What?”
Kaleb points to an orange metal sled. “Your ride.”
Nika’s bouncing a little and squeals before I say, “Oh.” Wait. “Oh! You’re taking me down in the sled?”
Lori pipes in.
“I’ve always wanted to ride in one of those. This is going to be so fun.”
With a suggestive tone, Jason adds, “I’ve wanted a ride in one of those too.” He winks at Casey, and Nick shakes his head, laughing.
Megan clicks out of her skis and walks to the sled, “Get in and we’ll get you all squared away. We’ve got a trail to ride.”
I step into the long, flat, metal sled. A pad cushions my bottom, and Megan pulls a thick nylon strap across my waist, securing me in. My heart beats quickly because the idea of having no control is kind of freaky.
Derrick says, “There’s a brake under the sled that I can use to keep it from going too fast, and Nick will be the tail roper in the back to keep it from fishtailing or to help me break.”
I nod and he continues. “We’re going over to Contest bowl.” A concave section of the mountain referred to as a bowl, it’s wide and steep and flattens out at the bottom.
I sit up tall and say, “Let’s do it.” As my friends ski and board by me, a bit of snow sprays up, and I welcome the cold moisture on my face.
I’ve heard that pulling a sled on steep terrain can be treacherous with an injured person, and the thought fills me with excitement, imagining the wild ride.
Casey is by my side, and when she scrapes her skis turning in the snow, the familiar sound reminds me of so many days on the slopes together. While Derrick has to make big moves for the sled, I let the rhythm of Kaleb’s quick turns help me imagine I’m riding down on a board instead. The sled pushes snow with a swish and jostles me, but the sensation of speed feeds my adrenaline.
I grip the metal edge of the sled with my gloves and let the cold bite through them as I survey the area. Not having to read the terrain I’m riding allows me to watch my friends do what we all love best. Without control of my motions, I’m dependent on someone else to do the right thing, and the uncertainty is thrilling.
As we slow to a stop at the bottom a smile covers my face. I love my friends. “That was amazing.”
I unbuckle to get out and turn to Nick. Beads of sweat are on his face, and I realize he and Derrick worked hard to get me down safely. I throw my arms around Nick’s neck. “Thank you.”
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