Love Shadows

by Catherine Lanigan

  Charmaine folded her hands on the desk and peered at Sarah. “Know what? I agree with you. If it was me, I’d do the same thing. I’d face the devil himself if I thought I could help them out. I remember being that little and that scared in grade school. I think it’s a treacherous place. If I had kids, I’d homeschool.” She chuckled. “Anyway,” she waved her hand in the air. “Go. Take the time. Once you think the kids are settled in, then you’ll come back to the office.”

  “Absolutely,” Sarah assured her.

  * * *

  LUKE WALKED INTO the construction office in time to hear Jerry say, “Thanks so much for letting me know the good news, Sarah.”

  Luke waited until Jerry hung up the phone. “Sarah Jensen?”

  “Yeah.” Jerry grinned and actually rocked back on his heels. “We got it.”

  “Got what?”

  Jerry laughed. “Sorry. I didn’t say anything to anyone before this because I was afraid it might not happen. We won the construction bid for St. Mark’s renovations!” He slapped Luke’s hard upper arm. “We’re saved for the winter, buddy!”

  Luke looked at Jerry suspiciously. “I didn’t know we were in the running. There were some much bigger outfits than us.”

  “Yeah. And they bid big, too. Since you told me about that summer festival, I contacted Charmaine Chalmers and she put me in touch with Sarah, who went to the pastor or board or somebody and we got the job.”

  Luke rubbed the back of his neck, wondering why he felt strange about this good news. This meant his crews would have work through the winter. Barry and the other guys who were helping him with the ballroom could now use that money as secondary income. This meant that by next spring, when the church was finished, Luke would have enough money to move the kids to their own home. More important, he’d be able to afford the tuition at St. Mark’s again.

  Luke was aware that Annie and Timmy were having a difficult time in their new school. Initially, he wanted to chalk it up to first-week jitters. Then he started hearing Timmy whisper to his sister about the “big kids” and Annie told Mrs. Beabots that there was a group of girls in the fourth grade who called themselves “Mean Girls.”

  Luke had never broached the subject about bullies with his kids. He had no idea if they knew how to defend themselves, what to do or not do. This new landscape was suddenly just as frightening to Luke as it was to the kids.

  He wondered if this was payback from the universe for his pride in turning down Mrs. Beabots’s “scholarships.” He hoped not. He didn’t want his kids to have to pay for his foolhardiness.

  “This is really good news, Jerry. This could make a real difference in my life.”

  Jerry beamed joy. “You’re telling me? I can’t wait to call my wife. I think I’ll take her out for burgers tonight to celebrate.”

  Luke bit his bottom lip. Simple reaction. Wanting to share joy with someone you love. But Luke didn’t have anyone to call or share a burger with. Jenny was gone.

  Suddenly, Luke wondered if it was always going to be like this for him.

  Moments of joy came so seldom in life, and to not venerate them was somehow wrong.

  He thought of Sarah. She was the one who’d made this all happen. He knew her well enough by now to know that winning this bid had everything to do with Sarah and little to do with their expertise as a construction company.

  Sarah was giving Luke another gift. She hadn’t told him about the bid or the possibility of Jerry winning it. She hadn’t asked for an accolade or pat on the back. She just took care of business. She helped out a friend.

  He needed to thank her.

  Luke looked at his watch. “Jerry, I know it’s only a little after four. Do you mind if I knock off early? I thought I’d stop by Sarah’s office and thank her from both of us. Heck. All of us!”

  “Great idea, Luke,” Jerry said, picking up the phone. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  SARAH SAT ON the piano bench next to Annie and went through the scales with her. Annie had tinkered around with the piano at the church through the summer and had taught herself a few rudimentary songs.

  “Very good. Let’s try something a bit more difficult than ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.’” Sarah flipped through the pages of her very first piano music book. The pages were worn and the binding coming apart, but Sarah didn’t care. With the turn of each page she remembered her mother sitting on this same piano bench, teaching her just as she was now passing on her skills to Annie.

  Timmy sat on the floor playing tug-of-war with Beau, who had a thick, tied rope clamped in his teeth.

  “Beau did really good on his walk,” Timmy said. “I scooped his poop and put it in the bags and then put it in the poop barrels on the boulevard.”

  Sarah sucked in a horrified breath. “Timmy Bosworth! You did not cross that street all by yourself!”

  “No! Annie watched me. Besides, Miss Sarah, I can cross by myself. I’m in first grade now.”

  Shaking her head, Sarah scolded him, “I don’t care. If I’m not home, you ask Mrs. Beabots to watch for you. Okay?”

  “Okay,” Timmy replied guiltily.

  Sarah placed her hands on the keys and halted. She spun around on the bench. “Just how far down Maple Avenue did you walk?”

  “Only one block and then back, just like I promised Dad,” Timmy said defensively. “I heard him when he asked Mrs. Beabots to watch out for us. He said he didn’t want us to be kidnapped.”

  Annie shivered. “Snatched. That’s what Mom used to say. You can’t be too careful.”

  “Hmm,” Sarah mused. “I think from now on, I better go with you when you walk Beau. If you promise never to go farther than either corner, that’s okay. Maybe I should buy you a cell phone so you can call me if there’s trouble.”

  “Seriously?” Annie asked.

  Sarah lifted her chin and pretended to peer at the sheet music. “I think I need to look into these things. I’m not used to having kids around. I can already see there are all sorts of dangers.”

  Annie looked up at Sarah. “You really care about us, don’t you, Miss Sarah?”

  Sarah’s eyes welled as she put her hand on Annie’s head and smoothed her hair. “Of course I do. I couldn’t love you more if you were my own,” she said.

  Impulsively, Annie threw her arms around Sarah’s neck and hugged her tightly. “I’m so glad because I love you, too.”

  Timmy didn’t look up from his play with Beau, but he’d heard every word of the conversation. “I love you, Beau,” he said and kissed the dog’s head.

  * * *

  LUKE HAD JUST reached the bottom step of Sarah’s porch when he looked up to the open front windows and saw Sarah sitting at her piano with Annie.

  Luke had stopped at Sarah’s office and was told by the receptionist that Sarah had gone home early that day. He’d thanked the pleasant woman and had driven away, thinking of just how he should thank Sarah.

  As he approached the house, he was surprised to hear the sound of his children’s voices coming from inside. He’d thought they would be at Mrs. Beabots’s, helping her with dinner or watching television.

  At first, Luke smiled, hearing Timmy’s giggles as he played with Beau on the floor. Luke could see the dog lick Timmy’s cheek and then pick up one end of a large rope, flinging the other end at Timmy, urging his friend to play.

  Then he heard a few plunks on the piano, a missed key and a few bars played perfectly. He heard the muffled sounds of Sarah’s voice as she spoke to Annie.

  But it was the distinct and reverberating echo of Annie’s words that caused Luke’s internal protection devices to engage. “I’m so glad because I love you, too.”

  Luke peered through the screen and watched his daughter wrap her arms around Sarah. Sarah’s back was
to him, but he distinctly saw Annie’s joy-filled face.

  Jealousy gripped Luke in an excruciating vise. His anger stormed from its cage, free and unfettered as it had never been before. Luke felt as if he could tear the door right off its hinges.

  He should be the one his daughter was hugging. He should be the one making his son laugh. He should be the one they sought out for everything. He didn’t know why the kids were here and not next door, waiting for him. Why did they need Sarah and not him? Why was she better for them than he was?

  Luke went to the door and banged his fist on the wood. “Annie! Timmy! You come out of there right now!”

  * * *

  STARTLED BY THE banging, Sarah jumped. She looked at a horrified Annie. “I’ll take care of this,” she said, touching Annie’s cheek reassuringly.

  “Okay,” Annie said, already starting to shiver.

  Timmy sat stock-still on the floor and watched as Sarah walked to the door.

  Miss Milse came rushing from the kitchen with a very large rolling pin in her hand. She clomped up behind Sarah while Sarah opened the door.

  “I want my kids,” Luke fumed, looking past Sarah at Miss Milse.

  Miss Milse raised the rolling pin high enough so that he could see it.

  Annie scrambled off the piano bench and rushed over to Sarah, standing next to her. “We’re here, Dad,” Annie said bravely.

  “Exactly. Here and not at home. You and Timmy go next door. I have to talk to Sarah.”

  Timmy hugged Beau one last time and slowly trudged past Sarah and out the door. As he reached the top step he turned around. “Bye, Miss Sarah. Thank you for letting me play with Beau.”

  “You’re welcome, Timmy,” she said.

  Annie looked up at Sarah. “Thank you for the lesson,” she said and then glared at her father. Quickly, she raced across the porch and down the steps to her brother.

  Luke glared at Sarah. “Can we get rid of the bouncer, please?” he said, motioning toward Miss Milse.

  Sarah turned around. “It’s okay, Miss Milse.” She turned back to Luke. “He won’t be staying long.”

  “You’re right about that,” Luke said.

  “What’s this all about? Now my house is off-limits to them?”

  “In a word, yes. You and your house. I saw that little display you had in there with Annie. I was right all along. You were using my kids. You keep inching your way in bit by bit.” He threw his hands up in the air. “This was all a mistake! I should never have moved next door. I guess I wasn’t thinking straight at the time. I definitely should have rented out of town.”

  Sarah stood her ground, matching his laser looks with some of her own. “Are you finished?”

  “Just stay away from my kids. You got that?”

  “I got it. But now you get this, lunkhead. I don’t care what you think you heard or if you heard everything correctly. I’ll spell it out for you. I love your kids, and whoa! News alert. They love me back. You can’t change that. But as you so distinctly put it, they aren’t my kids. They’re yours. So I will abide by your rules and not allow them into my house. You, however, will be the one to tell Timmy he can’t play with Beau anymore. You tell your talented daughter that she has to wait to learn the piano. By the way, most kids these days aren’t up to the discipline, but she’s wise enough to know she will be rewarded in the end. And then you can abide by my rule,” she continued, feeling indignation and power mingle in her veins. “You don’t come here, either. Ever. You got that?”

  “Fine by me.”

  “One last thing, Luke. I just want to know what it feels like carrying around that iceberg inside your chest that you call a heart. It must burn something fierce!”

  Sarah slammed her front door and threw the dead bolt.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  OCTOBER GILDED ALL of Indian Lake in an extravagance of bronze, amber, crimson and gold, casting an iridescent shawl of sunset hues from misty dawn’s light to evening’s shadowed, streetlamp glow.

  Rather than walk Beau past Mrs. Beabots’s house every night after work and risk being seen by Luke, or worse, catching a glimpse of the children, whom she missed terribly, Sarah stole the last of the day’s light by walking the beach along Indian Lake. She watched the sun set through the amber maples and towering oaks and felt the warmth of the Indian summer sun on her face. Soon the days would be so short she’d go to work in the dark and come home in the dark. But for now, she and Beau enjoyed these stolen moments alone.

  It had been over a month since her argument with Luke, and for all that time, she’d watched him come and go from the house. On the weekends, she’d often caught Timmy waving to her from Mrs. Beabots’s kitchen window. Annie had been a bit more brave and had surreptitiously put notes in Sarah’s mailbox.

  Sarah didn’t know how much longer this strange and stupid attitude of Luke’s would last. Sarah was still involved with the children’s choir, and she saw the kids every Sunday for practice, which was wonderful for all three of them. Sarah felt like a divorced parent only allowed to visit her children once a week. She marveled at those who were able to withstand that kind of emotional torment.

  She supposed that in Luke’s mind, this little bit of contact was not to be avoided or feared.

  As Sarah walked among the cattails and falling leaves, she realized that because of Luke’s presence in her life, she’d faced her greatest fear of all.

  Rejection.

  Of all her demons, Sarah had been most vulnerable to rejection. She’d learned to deal with clients who didn’t like her ideas, and even Charmaine when she quashed one of her projects. Both were accomplishments toward her well-being.

  Luke, however, was another matter. She’d come very close to losing her heart to him.

  Who are you kidding, Sarah? she thought, picking up a gold leaf. You can’t stop thinking about him.

  She looked sadly across the lake. But he didn’t want her. Not as a friend. Not even as an acquaintance.

  The setting sun touched her face with warm, amber fingers. Thinking about the days to come, Sarah felt her expectations spring to life once again.

  You are such a hopeless romantic, Sarah.

  In November, the construction work for the church would begin. She would be forced to see Luke from time to time on the job. Thus far, she’d only communicated and worked with Jerry on the church project. Luke had been able to remain distant, so far. It wouldn’t be long until he was forced to talk to her, though. As heartbreaking as it was, that project could be Sarah’s last hope.

  But hope for what? Another shot at rejection? Oh, Sarah. You’ve got it bad.

  Sarah pulled Beau’s leash to bring him away from the water’s edge. “Let’s start heading home, Beau,” she said, and looked out at the sunset one last time.

  Sarah supposed that in a way, she should be proud of herself. She’d actually lived through Luke’s rejection. That was something, wasn’t it? She hadn’t fallen apart. Hadn’t gone into a depression. She hadn’t lost her mind.

  What she had done was come face-to-face with a new and more vicious fear.

  She was in love with a man who was never going to love her back.

  * * *

  SATURDAYS AND SUNDAYS had become two mind- and body-numbing days for Luke as he, Barry and Matt worked on the ballroom. They’d divided all the rooms according to Sarah’s blueprints. The frameworks were finished, Sheetrock hung, the walls floated and puttied. Matt had installed a six-foot-long bathtub and tiled a walk-in shower area that finished off the new bathroom. The kitchen was taking shape. Mrs. Beabots had decided to purchase modular cabinet units, which made Luke’s job a great deal easier. The new wiring allowed for ceiling fans in each bedroom and an electric fireplace unit to be installed in the living room.

  Once the cooler nights of October hit, both A
nnie and Timmy liked sitting next to the electric fireplace reading their books.

  Luke had just finished hanging the doors on all the bedrooms when he walked down the hall in time to see Timmy looking out the window onto Maple Avenue.

  “You guys about ready for bed? I got the doors up,” he said with a smile.

  Annie closed her book. “Can I finish this after my bath?”

  “Sure,” Luke said, noticing Timmy was watching something outside with great interest.

  “Timmy? Bedtime.”

  “Okay,” Timmy replied and turned around. He was wearing his favorite dog pajamas, but as he walked toward his father, Luke noticed the pajamas were suddenly several inches shorter. “Did those shrink?”

  “Naw. I grew,” Timmy said and walked away.

  Curious, Luke went to the window and looked down the street. Then he saw what had caught Timmy’s attention. Sarah was getting out of her SUV with Beau. She went around to the back of the vehicle, opened the door and took out a beach towel. She wiped the dog down and rubbed him dry. She shook out the towel, put it back in the car and closed the door. Then she walked into her house.

  Luke also noticed that Sarah didn’t look up at Mrs. Beabots’s house. He was surprised that he felt very disappointed.

  * * *

  MRS. BEABOTS CARRIED a china plate piled high with oatmeal-raisin cookies as she climbed the steps to her house. It was nearly Halloween, and this year she had cajoled Luke into driving her and the kids out to the pumpkin farm to buy the pumpkins and mums she wanted to decorate her front porch.

  The children had loved the hayride and the romp through the corn maze. Because Mrs. Beabots took her pumpkin-buying quite seriously, she asked Luke if he would pull the little red wagon through the rows of gray, white, Cinderella, orange, yellow and green pumpkins so she could make her selections.

  When she’d finished, Mrs. Beabots had bought no fewer than a dozen pumpkins, a half dozen mums, a bale of hay and three sets of corn shocks, which she would tie around the lamppost in the front yard.