“Not necessarily. The nurse can do the blood work. When you make your follow-up appointment we’ll extend it to allow for consultation time, unless you want to reschedule and do the consult at the same time as the blood work.”
“No,” Maddie said with a smile, “I’d rather not waste this appointment.” She collected the urine sample first and put it through the little door. After washing her hands she rejoined Matt, rolling up her sleeve in preparation for the blood draw.
“I was hoping we could talk to Dr. Lawrence,” she said as they waited for the nurse to stop fiddling with things. “I always feel better when I know the plan.”
Matt put his arm around her, rubbing her shoulder. “Yeah, me too.”
“Maddie,” the nurse asked, interrupting them. “Have you had a period since your last IVF?”
Maddie thought for a few moments. “Yeah, it’s been three months—two cycles,” she answered at last, assuming the nurse wanted to make sure everything was operating as it should. “I was supposed to get this going last month but put it off.” She looked at Matt, and he squeezed her knee. They’d put it off because they’d thought she was pregnant, and then she wasn’t.
“Huh,” the nurse said. She opened a cupboard and pulled something out.
“Is something wrong?” Matt asked.
“Well, hang on a minute.”
Matt and Maddie exchanged another concerned glance, though what bad news could be uncovered by a urine test was yet to be known.
Another minute passed, and the nurse looked up at them smiling. “You’re pregnant.”
Maddie blinked, but the instant hope was quickly smashed. “No, it’s the hormones from the last round.”
“I don’t think so. The hormones only give false positives for a few weeks at most. You’re pregnant.”
Maddie stopped breathing and stood up, hurrying to the counter and staring at the two tests, both showing the pink plus sign she’d seen over a month earlier on the test she’d taken at home.
“We always do a mandatory pregnancy test before we start any medications or blood work,” the nurse said, looking back and forth between the two of them with a huge grin on her face. “The first one came back positive, so I ran it again to make sure.”
“But I had a period three weeks ago,” Maddie said.
“Was it lighter than usual?”
Maddie had to think for a second. “Well, yeah. It only lasted a day or so, but—”
“It’s not uncommon for a woman to have a short period early in the pregnancy.”
“I can’t believe this,” Maddie said, stunned and unsure how to react. They had waited so long for this, and yet she felt she needed someone to jackhammer it into her head in order for her to understand what was happening.
“And there’s no way it could be wrong?” Matt asked. He’d come to stand behind Maddie, and his voice showed as much shock as her own had a few moments earlier. He put a hand on her shoulder, and she reached up, squeezing it.
“Well, there’s always a chance,” the nurse said with caution. “But let’s get a blood sample. If I can get it to the lab right away, we can have your results in about an hour.”
Matt and Maddie sat in the waiting room without speaking. They were in shock and afraid to talk about the possibilities. Maddie had never been so nervous. In all the years of trying, this was the closest they’d come to a confirmed pregnancy. She had to fight herself not to get too excited about it. The nurse had told them they could go home and she would call, but they’d decided to wait. It had been the longest hour of Maddie’s life.
At five minutes to six, the waiting room empty except for them, the swinging door separating the exam rooms from the reception area opened up.
“Congratulations,” the nurse said with a huge grin.
For a few seconds there was total silence as the words sunk in. Then Maddie screamed and Matt picked her up, swinging her around and around. When he put her down, she was crying and he was laughing. She ran to the nurse and hugged her too. “Really?” she asked.
“I’d have to be the cruelest person on earth to be teasing you at this point.”
“Oh my gosh!” Maddie squealed, looking at Matt in shock. They hugged again, Matt still speechless.
“Now, you’ll want to come in on Friday for a confirmation test. We’ll check to make sure the HCG levels have doubled, a sign of a healthy pregnancy. We don’t have any ultrasound appointments available that day, and the doctor is leaving town for a week on Saturday. Hmm.” She went around the desk and moved the computer mouse, making faces at the monitor. The receptionist had gone home at five-thirty. “You can either get an ultrasound from another doctor, or wait until Dr. Lawrence gets back.”
Matt and Maddie looked at one another. “This HCG test on Friday, it will let us know if everything’s going well?”
The nurse nodded. “For the most part, yes.”
“Then if it doesn’t matter, I’d like to wait until Dr. Lawrence comes back. He’s been through everything else with us.”
The nurse chuckled and nodded while typing on the keyboard. “How about a week from Monday. It’s Valentine’s Day and his first day back. I can wiggle you guys in at one o’clock.”
They’d both have to take off work, but Maddie knew Matt wouldn’t mind, and she wasn’t about to complain. “Sounds fine to me,” Maddie said, beaming up at Matt. He gave her shoulders a squeeze.
“Okay,” the nurse said, hitting one final key with a flourish and looking over at them. “One o’clock on the fourteenth.”
“Perfect.”
They hugged before deciding to meet at a restaurant to celebrate. All through dinner they chattered and laughed as if there had never been any strain between them.
“Clay if it’s a boy,” Matt said before putting a bite of steak in his mouth.
“Clay?” Maddie said with dismay. “I like Zane.”
“Zane the insane?” Matt questioned. “I knew a Zane growing up—we can’t name him Zane.”
“How about McKenzie for a girl,” Maddie suggested. They hadn’t had name conversations for months, and she’d forgotten his suggestions—but was still partial to the ones she’d held on to since junior high school.
“There are only about thirteen McKenzies in our ward—we need something more original. Like Naomi.”
“Naomi?” Maddie said, wrinkling her nose. “As in Naomi Judd?”
They continued to argue and banter, returning home as if floating on air. A baby—all their own. She’d always known the feeling would be glorious. But she’d never known just how sweet it would really be. Thank you, Lord, she said in her mind over and over throughout the evening.
“I just have to check my e-mail. Justin was getting me some background on a new fund,” Matt said when she asked if he was ready to go to bed at nine o’clock that night.
“Promise?” she asked with a smile.
“Promise,” he replied with a smile and wink.
“And then you’ll pack up the laptop and come to bed?”
He nodded, clicking on an e-mail and beginning to read.
Maddie picked up his laptop case from the floor and rested it on the table.
“What are you doing?” he asked as she started to unzip the case.
“I’m helping,” she said, flipping open the top.
Matt jumped up and grabbed the case, causing Maddie to pull back. “I’ll do it,” he said.
“Okay,” she said, stepping back with her hands up as if caught in a searchlight. “I was only trying to help.”
“I know, sorry. I have everything organized just right.” He smiled, leaned forward, and gave her a quick, light kiss. “I’ll be right there,” he said.
Maddie accepted his apology with a nod, not wanting to ruin this day by getting angry about his weird behavior. “I’ll be waiting.”
****
Matt watched her walk into the bedroom, and then he opened the laptop case and stared at the pink envelope he’d thrown in there l
ast week. He picked it up and hurried outside, hoping she wouldn’t notice he was gone. Less than two minutes later, with the envelope in the dumpster, he turned off his computer and headed down the hall. He chose not to dwell on what he’d just done, reminding himself of all the good things the day had held.
Chapter 9
Ta-da!” Sonja called out as she threw open the door of the trailer. Anna, her sixteen-year-old kid sister, looked up from the stove, where she was stirring what smelled like mutton stew. Anna had gotten into traditional Navajo cooking over the last year, but Sonja would have just as soon heated up a frozen pizza. Walter was watching TV.
“Ho, ho, ho,” she sang out again, then staggered in and put down the bags she was carrying. She shouldn’t have had so much to drink, but she was celebrating, and it was a half hour drive on rutted roads back from Gallup—the closest Wal-Mart and bar. As far as she was concerned, Operation Child Support was a slam dunk. She’d given all the information to her caseworker, and the woman had said she would take it from there. Sonja had taken her BIA check and splurged.
Anna and Walter didn’t say a word; they just looked at her. “Well,” Sonja said, flopping into a chair and lighting a cigarette. “Aren’t you going to say hello?”
“Hi, Mom,” Walter said, sitting back against the couch but eyeing the bags.
“Hey,” Anna said. She opened the only cupboard that still had a door and removed some spices. Sonja wondered why they didn’t just remove the door altogether—then the cabinets would all match. Cabinets with doors were a waste of effort. “I got something for you,” Sonja said, turning her blurred eyes to look at her son.
“You did?” he asked.
“Yup, come get it.” She began digging in the bag, and when she pulled out the box, Walter’s eyes went huge.
“A Game Cube,” he said with reverence. Then he looked at her face. “For me?”
“You betcha,” Sonja said with a nod. She took a long drag on the cigarette and kept fumbling in the bag, pulling out three different games one at a time. Anna had come up to stand behind her.
“Where’d you get this stuff?” she asked as Sonja pulled out a new pair of stiletto heels and some cheap, very un-Navajo jewelry.
“Can’t you read the bag?” she said. “I got it at Wal-Mart.”
“Where’d you get the money?” Anna asked, picking up the shoes to inspect them.
Sonja slapped the girl’s hand, causing the shoes to fall back on the table. “None of your business,” she said. Then she looked at Walter, who was shredding the box in an attempt to open it. “We’re celebrating,” she said.
“Celebrating what?” Walter asked. Anna had gone back to the stove, and though Sonja knew she was pouting, she didn’t much care. Their mother had left the trailer to Sonja, and it was out of the goodness of her heart that Sonja had allowed Anna to stay.
Sonja leaned forward. “I may have found your real dad,” she said.
Walter stopped fumbling with the package and looked at Sonja. “Garrett?” he said. Sonja never let him call Garrett Dad; it bugged her that even after ditching child support he should get the title. Now she was proud of herself for not letting him do so. She’d been thinking ahead and didn’t even know it.
She shook her head. “Not Garrett. He’s not really your dad.”
“He’s not?” Walter asked. He looked at the floor, and she rolled her eyes.
“Now don’t get all dramatic,” she said. “It’s not that big a deal. You know how all this stuff works. Anyway, I think I know who it is. I met with an attorney today, and we’ll be getting child support soon.”
“I’m going to go to Grandmother’s,” Anna said from behind Sonja. She turned off the stove and grabbed her jacket from the hook by the door. She started saying something to Walter in Navajo but stopped when Sonja turned and shot her a look. Sonja had never learned Navajo, and she hated it when Anna or Walter spoke the little bit they had learned from school and from Grandmother. The only reason they spoke it was so Sonja wouldn’t understand, and it aggravated her to no end.
“Don’t be such a prude, Anna,” Sonja spat. The cigarette had burned down, so she smashed it into the ashtray and lit another one.
“I don’t think he needs to know this,” Anna said quietly, opening the door and letting in a cold gust of air.
Sonja whipped around, making herself dizzy, and glared at her little sister. “I didn’t ask you, did I?”
“I’ll go with you,” Walter said, looking at Anna and jumping to his feet.
“No!” Sonja roared, the alcohol intensifying her anger. “You’re going to stay here and play the stupid game I bought for you!” Walter sat back down, but his pleading eyes were on Anna. “Now play!” Sonja ordered.
Anna was waiting at the door. Sonja turned toward her and told her to get out, following it with a few choice expletives. The door banged shut behind her, and Walter ducked his head. He didn’t touch the box, and Sonja’s anger boiled over. Of all the spoiled, ungrateful things!
“Play it!” she screamed.
Chapter 10
The week following the confirmation that Matt and Maddie were having a baby was wonderful. Maddie went into the doctor’s office for the HCG test on her way to work, confirming everything was going well. The nurse said she would call and let her know the results. On her way out the door, Dr. Lawrence came out of an exam room and congratulated her. She’d had a perma-grin for three days and thanked him for all he’d done. The office called that afternoon, confirming that levels were within normal range. Maddie thanked them and called Matt right away.
That night they called their parents, siblings, and close friends, not the least bit hesitant to share their good fortune now that they were certain. Everyone was ecstatic for them, and Matt and Maddie loved finally sharing good news.
Their evenings centered on detailed discussions of their plans. They suddenly had so much to talk about. First on the list was choosing a regular OB/GYN for the rest of the pregnancy.
The following Thursday, after a week of walking on air, Matt went home and got the mail. There was a form telling him he had a certified letter from the Navajo Nation Division of Child Support Services waiting for him at the post office. He drove to the post office in order to collect the letter. In the car, he opened the official envelope and started reading. When he finished, he started at the top again as his arteries and veins seemed to stop the flow of blood through his body. He’d received a Service of Process and was being asked to supply a blood sample to test for paternity of Sonja Begay’s son, now nine years old. Matt had thirty days to comply, at which time he would be taken to court and likely forced to obey.
Matt was sure his heart had stopped beating as he read the letter a third time. This could not be happening. In a daze, he drove back home. Inside the apartment he picked up the phone and called the local lab listed in the letter. He almost hoped it was James or some other friend pulling a sick joke on him. But no one knew about Sonja. This had to be real, even if it did seem impossible.
“Uh, yes,” Matt said when the call was answered. “I need to make an appointment for a . . . uh, blood paternity test . . . Monday morning would be okay.” It was the same day they would get the ultrasound for Maddie. His stomach turned.
He hung up after confirming the appointment, leaving his hand on the phone and staring at the kitchen counter. Now what? He’d promised himself he would tell Maddie if he got any other correspondence from or about Sonja. But the idea of telling her was even more unattractive now than it had been two weeks ago. After all their joy and closeness, revealing this now was out of the question. She definitely didn’t need the extra stress now that she was pregnant.
But not to tell her? What kind of reflection was that on their relationship? No, not on them, on him. He’d kept his secrets for so long, making it that much harder to face up to them now.
He dropped his head in his hands, raking his fingers through his hair and letting out a long, deep breath. It’s no
t for sure, he told himself. He was only one possibility—there were four other guys on the list. Thinking about that further disgusted him. He slipped from his chair and knelt on the floor. As he begged and pleaded for this child to not be his, he realized that the boy’s paternity had already long since been established. The Lord couldn’t change it. But Matt begged anyway. He begged that this would not be another roadblock for him and Maddie. He pleaded that the paternity test would come back negative. By the time he said “Amen,” he was in tears. There was no doubt that should this test come back positive, he was in big trouble. The sheer magnitude of the trouble terrified him.
He had dinner with clients after work and drove around for an hour afterward, hoping Maddie would be asleep when he got home. Last week’s euphoria, when they had learned their child was coming, had been all but squelched. He had to find a way to get it back. But until he got the test results, he knew he would be more tense than ever. He prayed in his heart to have the strength to do what was right, but even when he felt impressed to go home and tell Maddie right away, he resisted. Surely tomorrow would be better than today—next week better than this week. He needed time to absorb it himself, find a way to put the words together. Again he felt the urge to go home and get it over with, but again he pushed it aside. Not yet, he told the little voice inside him. I’ll do it, but not yet. This isn’t the right time.
Chapter 11
Maddie was having a bad day on Friday. Matt was gone by the time she woke up, which worried her since he’d come home after she’d already fallen asleep the night before. But the newness they had before them was enough to keep her from analyzing it too much. As she sat up, her stomach churned, and she lay back down, unable to keep from smiling.
Maddie had been feeling a little nausea for weeks, but since she’d been certain she wasn’t pregnant, she had ignored it. Now that she knew the cause, it seemed worse, and she didn’t mind it a bit. Kim had been the perfect cheerleader and told her to eat small meals during the day and drink peppermint tea. Maddie followed those instructions to the letter, and yesterday the nausea had gone by the time she left for work. She followed the same advice today, and by eight o’clock she was feeling pretty good. Her mother called to see how she was doing just as she was heading out the door. Her mom’s exuberance made Maddie grin.
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