“You’re okay, right? You and the baby both are okay?”
“Dr. Hayden said I’m in great health and he saw no problem with me carrying the baby. He advised me not to gain too much weight because of the pressure on my leg. Otherwise, he sees no problem.”
“Thank God,” Cutler muttered, continuing to stare at her with that look of awe.
“I’m so relieved you’re okay with this.”
“You really doubted that?”
“Yes, I did,” she said honestly. “Babies are a real commitment and responsibility and I simply didn’t know how you’d react, especially to more responsibility.”
“Well, now you know,” he said with a tender grin, followed by a kiss that led to much better things.
“You take it easy today, you hear?”
Kaylee pecked Cutler on the cheek. “Hey, don’t start treating me like I’m breakable, because I’m not.”
“But you are under a lot of stress at the agency right now.”
“No more than you,” Kaylee countered.
“But I’m not pregnant.”
She grinned, then pinched him on the cheek. “Think again. This is your party, too.”
He laughed out loud. “Touché.”
Suddenly Cutler’s cell rang. “McFarland.”
The second after he flipped his cell closed, Kaylee asked, “What’s wrong?”
“I’m not sure. That was Mother. She wants to talk to me.”
“She didn’t say what about?”
He shook his head. “I know her and whatever it is, I don’t think it’s good.”
“Maybe you’re just imagining things.”
“Maybe so.”
“Let me know.”
He kissed her briefly. “I’ll talk to you later and see you this evening.”
Kaylee arrived home much earlier than planned. But she’d had no choice. It was as though her body simply refused to cooperate any longer. She had told Sandy that it had shut down.
“Go home and go to sleep,” Sandy had ordered.
Kaylee had told her assistant that morning that she was pregnant.
Following a bout of laughing and hugging, they had finally settled down and gotten some quality work done, though a shadow continued to hover over the agency as a result of Barbie’s murder, Jessica’s arrest and Nicole’s dilemma.
Perhaps that was why she had used up what little energy she had so early. Now that she was home and had changed into something comfortable, she already felt better.
She hadn’t heard from Cutler all day. She had tried to call him on his cell, but he hadn’t returned her calls, which was not like him. Most likely he’d just gotten tied up in court.
If something serious had been wrong with Mary, he would’ve called. She just wished he’d get in touch with her or come home. As if her fairy godmother was looking out for her, the utility-room door opened and in walked Cutler.
She was halfway to him when she pulled up short, her hand going to her chest. “Cutler, my God, what happened?”
His face didn’t have an ounce of color in it. His lips were twisted into a thin, bitter line. Even though she wasn’t within touching distance of him, she knew he’d been drinking. The strong smell of alcohol assaulted her senses.
She tried to squash the burgeoning panic inside her by breathing deeply.
“When I find him I’m going to kill the bastard.”
“Cutler, what are you talking about? Who are you talking about?”
“Rush, that’s who.”
“Drew?”
“Yes, Drew,” he lashed back.
She reeled against the venom in his tone and in his eyes. “What’s happened now?”
“He crucified my mother.”
“How could he do that? He has nothing to do with Mary anymore.”
“He’s using her to get to me. Because our office has the goods on him and he knows an arrest is imminent, he went to one of the elders in Mother’s church.”
“Maybe there was another reason for the visit. You can’t know what was said. Why not talk to Drew?”
Cutler’s features contorted. “I don’t want to be anywhere near that bastard.”
“If only you’d get to know him.”
“Get to know him?” Cutler laughed an acid laugh. “That’s the joke of the century. How you can continue to defend that lowlife scumbag is beyond me.”
Kaylee flinched under his choice of words and the harshness of his tone. Yet she refused to back down. This time Cutler was way out of line. “The Drew I know is a good man.”
“He raped my mother, for chrissake.” He strode up to her. “Now do you still think he’s a good man?”
Kaylee stumbled back. “I…I don’t believe that.”
“Are you calling my mother a liar?”
“Of course not,” she cried. “You’re putting words in my mouth.”
“Your father got screwed.” Cutler shook his head. “We got screwed.”
Kaylee blanched. “My father? What does he have to do with any of this?”
Cutler didn’t answer. Instead he continued to stare off into space as if she hadn’t spoken.
“Cutler,” she demanded, grabbing his arm and turning him around, “answer me.”
“It was all for nothing,” he muttered, staring at her out of unseeing eyes. “All for nothing.”
“Cutler, please, you’re scaring me. You’re not making any sense.”
He stared at her for the longest time with the saddest look on his face. Her heart climbed into the back of her throat, rendering her speechless.
“Look, I gotta go. I gotta be by myself and think.”
With that, he turned and walked back out the way he’d come in, slamming the door behind him. Kaylee didn’t, couldn’t move long after she heard his car leave.
Finally she crumpled to the floor and sobbed.
Forty-One
“Come on in, honey. What a nice surprise.”
Kaylee practically pushed her way inside the door, then pulled up short. “Are you alone?”
A flush stained Edgar’s face. “Of course. Why would you think otherwise?”
“Never mind.”
“Rebecca and I don’t live together,” her father added in a rather huffy tone.
Kaylee didn’t bother to acknowledge that declaration, knowing it would take the conversation in an altogether different direction. She didn’t want that. She had come on a mission, and she had no intention of letting anything or anyone distract her.
“Sit down, and I’ll get us some coffee.”
Kaylee shook her head. The thought of coffee made her want to throw up. But then the thought of anything in her stomach made her feel the same way. “I have to talk to you.”
“Honey, what’s so urgent that you’re out at seven o’clock in the morning?”
“Sit down, Dad.”
His frown intensified. “Where’s Cutler?”
“He didn’t come home last night.”
Edgar gasped. “What the hell—”
“I don’t know. That’s why I’m here.”
A veil seemed to descend over Edgar’s face with her looking right at him. The fear that had been growing inside her climbed to a fever pitch. The room suddenly spun.
“Dammit, Kaylee, don’t you dare pass out on me.”
She took several gulping breaths and the room righted. “I’m not going to. I’m all right.”
“Like hell you are,” Edgar responded. “Whether you like it or not, I’m going to get you something to drink.”
“A Coke, then.”
Once he’d walked out of the room, Kaylee fought back tears. If she didn’t get control of her splattered emotions, she wouldn’t make it through this encounter.
Moments later Edgar returned with a glass of iced Coke and a cup of coffee. He handed her the glass. She took a sip and sat down.
“Are you and Cutler at odds, honey?”
“I guess you might say that.”
“Wha
t’s going on?”
“I was hoping you could tell me.”
While Edgar looked taken aback, Kaylee noticed that he shifted his gaze and that his hand shook slightly as he sipped on his coffee.
“Me?” He set his cup down. “Why ask me?”
Kaylee leaned her head sideways, her eyes delving into his. “Because of something Cutler said.”
Edgar stood and turned his back. Her fear continued to mount. When she had come here, she’d told herself she was nuts, that Cutler had simply spouted empty words. Now she wasn’t so sure. Something was definitely not right.
Instead of confronting her father, this visit should be a joyous occasion. She should be telling him that he was finally going to have the grandchild he’d always wanted.
“Dad, look at me.”
Edgar turned around, though she sensed he did so reluctantly. His face appeared carved out of concrete. “What did Cutler say?”
His voice told the rest of the story. She could taste her fear. “To quote, ‘Your father got screwed. We got screwed.’”
“Is that all he said?”
“No. He said it was all for nothing.”
“He didn’t explain that?”
“No. He just left.”
Edgar rubbed his forehead, then blew out a harsh breath. “I hate that you two are quarreling.”
“Daddy, stop playing games.”
“What do you want from me?”
“The truth,” she said in a hard but quivering voice.
Edgar opened his mouth and then slammed it shut, looking suddenly panicked, as if someone had a gun to his head and was about to pull the trigger.
“Kaylee—”
“The truth, Daddy. Now. Did you have anything to do with Cutler marrying me?”
He flinched visibly, as if she had just pulled that trigger and shot him through the head.
“You’ve never lied to me. Please don’t start now.”
“It’s not that simple, honey.”
“Don’t honey me, damn you. Did you have anything to do with Cutler marrying me?”
He flinched again as hurt filled his eyes. “You’re happy, aren’t you?”
“Daddy!” she cried, then, bending over, grabbed her stomach.
With the speed of lightning he crossed to her and knelt beside her. “Are you ill?”
“If you don’t want me to lose my baby, you’d better answer my question.”
“You’re…you’re pregnant,” he said in an awed voice.
“But maybe not for long.” She bit the words out tersely.
His eyes widened while a myriad of emotions stampeded across his face, some she could read and some she couldn’t.
“I never intended for you to know this, Kaylee. But yes, I asked Cutler to marry you.”
“Asked? Or bribed?”
“Okay, bribed, dammit.”
“With…with what?” she managed to stammer, hanging on to her control by a mere thread.
Edgar blurted out about finding Cutler’s birth certificate and parental termination papers in Drew’s safe.
“Why?” That word was a plaintive cry. “That doesn’t explain why Cutler would—” Sobs clogged her throat and she couldn’t go on.
“Oh, God, honey, don’t do this.”
“Answer me,” she cried again.
“I told Cutler I’d use this information against his mother.”
Hot searing pain robbed Kaylee of her next breath; she felt the room spin again.
“I know you perceive what I did as the ultimate betrayal.” Edgar’s words seemed to tumble over each other in his effort to get them out fast enough. “On the contrary, I did what I did out of love for you.” His eyes were pleading. “You have to believe that.”
Kaylee couldn’t say anything. With tragic clarity her worst fear had come to fruition. She had always known a man could never love her as she was or for whom she was, especially a man like Cutler. And she’d been right.
Their marriage had been a sham from the beginning and still was.
Edgar reached out to her. “Kaylee, please.”
By sheer force of will she rose, then stumbled back. “How could you? How could you?”
Then she turned and walked out.
Somehow she reached her vehicle, and with tears drenching her face she cranked the engine and drove off, feeling as if her heart had been ripped from her chest and stomped.
This time Kaylee wasn’t sure she would ever recover.
“Son, you look awful.”
Ignoring her words, Cutler asked, “How are you?”
“Come here,” Mary said in a tender voice, patting the cushion beside her.
Cutler sat down, and she took his hands. For the longest time they sat in silence. Then Mary looked him straight in the eye and said, “Let it go, son. It’s not worth it.”
“I can’t, Mother,” he said harshly. “There’s too much water under the bridge. I’m drowning.”
She tightened her hold. “No matter. You can still let it go.”
“Because of me, you’re going to lose your pastorate.”
“I don’t think I am. But even if I do, I can and will survive.”
“If I had left Drew alone—”
“He broke the law. You had no choice but to arrest him.”
“But look at the price.”
“I have a loving and forgiving congregation. I’m going to be fine.” She raised his hand and kissed the back of it. “I’m sorry I told you that Drew went to an elder.”
“You couldn’t have kept that a secret.”
“That’s why I told you. But what I didn’t tell you, because you didn’t give me a chance, is that I lost my appetite for vengeance long ago. I’m begging you to do the same. I’ve chosen to be blessed rather than bitter.”
“Oh, Mom, I’ve done something awful, something I probably can’t ever fix.”
“Does it have to do with Kaylee?”
“How did you know?”
“A mother thing.”
“I let my mouth overload my ass.”
If she was shocked by his words, she didn’t show it. Instead she asked, “What happened?”
He told her everything, from the time Edgar had walked into his office until now. “And in a fit of anger and need to get even, I all but told her our marriage was a sham.”
“And is it?”
“God, no.”
“Do you love her?”
He didn’t even have to think. “Yes, more than life itself.”
“Have you told her that?”
“No,” he said in a strained, harsh voice.
“Don’t you think it’s time you did?”
He didn’t say anything for a moment.
“Cutler?”
“It’s way past time,” he said.
“Then what are you waiting for?”
He leaned over, hugged her, then whispered, “Thank you, Grandma.”
She ignored Cutler’s string of expletives. She stilled herself against even the sound of his voice.
“Kaylee, let me in. Please.”
Silence.
“Please, open the door. I’m begging you.”
She remained unmoving in a fetal position on the sofa, trying to pretend he wasn’t there. Thank goodness she’d had the locks changed so he couldn’t get in. She would’ve preferred to have been in the bedroom, but when she’d returned from her dad’s place, the sofa was as far as she could get.
“Don’t make me have to kick it in.”
“Go away,” she cried.
“I’m not leaving until you hear what I have to say. If you still want me to go then, I will.” He paused. “And that’s a promise.”
She knew she couldn’t avoid him forever. Sooner or later she would have to see him. Realistically she would never be free of him because of the child growing inside her. Thinking of that miracle, tears poured down her face.
She hated him. She hated her father.
The truth was that she didn’t
hate either of them. She loved them both. That was what was tearing her to pieces. The two men she loved most in the world had betrayed her. What about Drew? She couldn’t forget him. He had betrayed her, too.
“Kaylee, please. I’m begging you to talk to me.”
Forcing herself upright, she made her way to the door and opened it. She waited until he had crossed the threshold before she said, “It’s over, Cutler. Get your things and get out.”
“Kaylee, I can explain.”
She laughed without mirth or emotion. “There’s nothing to explain. My daddy offered you a bribe and you took it. And the fact that it was for a noble cause makes no difference. You still betrayed me.”
“I won’t deny that.”
“Enough said.”
“No, it’s not enough said. We’ve just gotten started.”
“You don’t love me, Cutler,” Kaylee responded in an emotionless voice. “You never did and you never will.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. In the beginning I didn’t love you. I’ll admit that. I was attracted to you, wanted you in my bed. But love, no. I didn’t want any part of that.” Cutler laughed bitterly. “But you see, somewhere in between, I fell in love and now I can’t bear the thought of living my life without you.” He laughed again. “So you see, the joke’s on me because I’m not prepared to lose you.”
Kaylee placed her hands over her ears, then cried, “Stop it. It’s time the lies ended.”
“As God is my witness, I’m not lying. I know I was wrong to let my vendetta against Drew consume me. I’m going to work hard on letting that bitterness go. I don’t care about anything but you and our child. If I win reelection, fine. If I don’t, that’s fine, too. You’re all I need to make my life complete.”
“I wish I could believe that,” Kaylee whispered in a tear-clogged voice.
“You can. I swear you can.” He dropped to his knees in front of her, then peered up at her, tears streaming down his face. “Please give me a chance to prove my love for you.”
Kaylee’s mind reeled. Could she ever trust him again? Could she let go of the demon inside and accept herself for the imperfect person she was? More than that, could she ever forgive her husband and her father?
She didn’t know the answers to those questions. But the one thing she did know was that she didn’t want to live her life without Cutler. But again, she was so afraid.
Evening Hours Page 28