Between Two Worlds

by Shelter Somerset

  “I got my beard and hair shaved while at the Denver airport,” Daniel said. “I didn’t want to stand out while traveling. I had time to kill and was feeling kinda rebellious. I figure none of it will grow back much in time… in time before the wedding in a few weeks.” He flushed and glanced toward the ground. “But I don’t care. I’ll come up with some excuse.”

  “You… you haven’t left the church?”

  “Nay. I just needed to get away. To find some solace. I needed to think before getting married. I call it my bachelor party with God.” He chuckled. “Being around nature always helps me think better. But I’m still with the church. Can’t get married unless I am.”

  “What about your family?” Aiden asked, gazing unremittingly at Daniel. He stepped closer, stunned. “Do they know you’re here?”

  With the chatter of ground squirrels in the background, Daniel said, “Ya. They know I’m here. They come to expect it, I figure, since I ran off last time just before marrying Esther. Tara wasn’t too pleased, but I told her I was going and she couldn’t stop me. Elisabeth seemed to understand the most. She hugged me before I left and told me she hoped I find whatever it was I was looking for.”

  “I still can’t believe it’s really you.”

  Daniel chuckled. “It’s really me.”

  “Did you know I was here?”

  “Not until I got to the trailhead this morning. I recognized your car with Maryland tags. Then I saw your name in the register. Seemed too impossible that it could be you. I had to see for myself. I followed your fresh prints, saw you took the south loop at the fork. I went the opposite way hoping I’d bump into you. I figured you’d been out on the trail at least overnight. The last six miles I wasn’t sure I’d see you. I started thinking I was on a wild goose chase, and that it was somebody else’s car down there, some other Aiden Cermak from Maryland with a light-blue Chevy. When I reached camp here, I saw someone had set up a tent and hung up a pack. I recognized the same prints from the trailhead. I was hoping it was you. You weren’t around so I figured you were up at the tower. I was beat and took a catnap, waiting for you.”

  Daniel smiled a smile Aiden had never seen on him before. It was so wonderfully unreserved. Fresh and open as the calypso orchids growing in clusters at the forest’s edge.

  Shaking his head, Daniel said, “I didn’t even plan on this route. I wanted to hike through Many Glacier, but the park ranger told me it was snowed in. Got another six inches last night. He told me I wouldn’t be able to get through without snowshoes. So he recommended this loop. Aiden Cermak, God has put you before my path more often than goose poop.”

  “Oh, that’s a pretty picture.” Aiden giggled.

  “Ach, you know what I mean.”

  “God’s will, maybe?”

  “Ya, God’s will, I figure.”

  They both stared at each other. The osprey barking and the wind rustling the leaves filled the silence.

  The reality of Daniel’s presence covered Aiden like a warm blanket. Daniel was really here, in Montana, looking at him with those penetrating eyes of his, so dark they looked like black gold. The pine needles beneath their boots were soft and real. The towering conifers, spraying their moist pine scent upon them, protecting them almost, were all real. The smell of Daniel from his rigorous hike from the trailhead that morning was as real as the sky and the earth.

  “I’m sorry I never said goodbye to you or your family,” Aiden said, not knowing what else to say. “Things were a little strained before I left, I guess.”

  “Ya, I understand. Everyone wanted to say goodbye to you, too, but Dad ruled against it. He said it wouldn’t be such a good idea. The kinner still talk about you, a lot.”

  “I miss everyone. How are they all? Elisabeth, Mark…?”

  Daniel filled Aiden in on his family. Elisabeth had been working as an assistant teacher the past spring, and most likely would be teaching full time in the fall at the district’s one-room schoolhouse. Mark met an Amish girl last December in Texas during his rumspringa. He’d been back three times by bus, helping her family rebuild English homes after the gulf storms. She might be moving to Henry. Marriage seemed likely. Grace was dating a boy from the eastern district. He was nice enough, chored hard on the farm, although Daniel didn’t think he was the right boy for Grace. Moriah and David were growing fast, like weeds, but at their age nothing really exciting much happens to them, and they seemed all the happier for it.

  “And little Leah?” Aiden worried why Daniel had failed to mention the youngest of the Schrocks.

  Daniel peered toward the pine covered floor. “Leah isn’t doing too good. It’s hard for her to even sit up, much less walk. The past few months she’s had to be in a wheelchair most of the time.”

  Aiden brought his hand to his mouth. He wished there was a way he could be of some support to the Schrocks. He never did stop thinking of them as his second family, even when he had thought they had rejected him.

  “She’s handling it as good as she does these things,” Daniel said. “Happy as a chickadee despite everything. I figure we can all learn from her.”

  “How are Rachel and Samuel holding up?”

  A flush stretched along Daniel’s hairless jaw line. “Last Christmas Mom found out she’s with child. She’s expecting in August.”

  Aiden shared Daniel’s flush. “Just in time for the threshing season.”

  “Ach, I figure.”

  “What about your shop?”

  Daniel went on to tell Aiden about the shop permanently closing last month; they could no longer justify keeping it open. Orders had slowed to a trickle. Others were in the same shape. The family hoped to sell the furniture Daniel crafted over the Internet, lowering overhead costs. Uncle Eldridge had an English friend who could design and run the website for them. Lots of Amish were doing it that way nowadays. It was practical and cheaper. Daniel stored his crafts in a warehouse shared by three other families.

  Aiden remembered that evening they had strolled at the county park along the pond. “You’re becoming more English every day,” he said, using nearly the exact words Daniel had uttered then.

  A perceptive glimmer appeared in Daniel’s eyes. He took a step closer. Shaking his head, he nearly threw his head back and laughed again. “I remember you said you always wanted to backpack Glacier. Never expected in a million years to find you here when I flew out from Chicago yesterday.”

  “Why did you come, Daniel?” Aiden said. “Why did you need to get away before your wedding, like last time?”

  A bald eagle flew over the crowns of the trees against the cornflower-blue sky. Out of habit, Daniel reached for where his beard used to be and pulled on his smooth chin.

  “Last week, Reverend Yoder and his family were hosting church services,” he said. “It’s usually considered something special when one of the ministers hosts. But I didn’t think so. Not that time. I didn’t even join in the singing waiting for the ministers to come downstairs from their meeting. I didn’t care if anyone looked at me wondering why I wasn’t joining in. I didn’t feel like it, or care what they thought. It was strange. I never felt so apart from everyone, even after Kyle’s death.

  “When Reverend Yoder came down, I tried to get him to look at me, to lock my gaze. But he wouldn’t. He never does hold anyone’s stare. Then I remembered he wasn’t always like that. He used to stare hard at people, knowing how his piercing blues could make people feel small like a field mouse. I thought, didn’t he stop looking people in the eye around the time Kyle died?

  “Where I sat I could see out the window to the Yoder’s barn. I could almost see Kyle hanging there from the rafter. I pictured what it must been like for Kyle just before he did it. Then your words came to me. What if you was right? What if Reverend Yoder did kill Kyle in some scuffle because of what he saw us do in the barn? What if he hung his son up in the barn like a deer kill to make it look like a suicide? I suddenly thought you was right the whole time.

  “Then I
saw Tara sitting on the women’s side in her black bonnet. I pictured us kneeling together before the bishop on our wedding day, just a few weeks away. I saw her as nothing but a stranger. I didn’t know her. I didn’t know any of them.

  “I ran from the house sick. I needed fresh air. Just ran out. Didn’t care what anyone thought. That’s when I knew I had to come back here. To collect my thoughts. Think things through before I got married, like last time. I needed a good few days to be alone. To make sure. I always wanted to come back to Glacier. I like it here. I wouldn’t mind moving to Rose Crossing. Out here I feel closer with God. Like He talks to me more. I figure I can see His clues clearer.”

  “Have you seen God’s clues clearer this trip?” Aiden asked, his eyebrows raised.

  Daniel drifted to the base of a red cedar. The sun was setting beyond the trees and a dance of light sparkled through their powerful branches. He looked back to Aiden; his mouth opened slightly. Tugging at his chin, he looked like he wanted to say something weighty. Aiden’s eyes were unmoving from him.

  “When I found out about Dad asking you to leave,” he said, staring beyond Aiden into the deep forest, “I got all empty inside. I figured it was for the best, but I was angry yet. You just wouldn’t know how miserable I been. Having you around for sure didn’t make things easy, but once you left Henry…. Well, I just didn’t like life much. I have to admit, I stopped feeling things. Choring in the field, taking care of the horses, being in my woodshop, none of it mattered. I didn’t even care much after the shop closed. It was all boogered.”

  “I know what you’ve been through,” Aiden said, taking another step toward Daniel. His heart lifted into his throat. “I’ve been feeling all boogered too.”

  “You have?”

  “Yes, of course. I don’t think a day has gone by when I haven’t thought of you. I’ve never met anyone like you, Daniel Schrock.”

  “I been wanting to call you since you left,” Daniel said, flushing. “I carried your number around with me for a while. Then I finally just threw it away. I figure there was no point.”

  “I wish you had called me. I would’ve come to you if you needed me.”

  Daniel averted his eyes. “I remember the first time I realized you grabbed my heart,” he said, his words deliberate, thoughtful, as if he had rolled them over in his mind many times. “We were coming back home from the horse auction. Remember? When we stopped by that country store and you fed Badger those granola bars.” He blew out a quick chuckle. “I knew then you had turned my life upside down.”

  “I think that’s when I knew I loved you too,” Aiden said, unabashed about expressing his true feelings now. It seemed easier, hidden away in the Montana backcountry. His mind raced back to that time in the market wagon. Almost a year to the day. “It was right after we got home. The way you looked so pensive at the coming storm. I would’ve given anything to have eased your load. I still would.”

  They stood quiet, gazing at each other. Aiden considered all that had brought them together. All the events that had led to them standing at that exact moment face to face in Glacier National Park. Aiden had taken such a colossal risk coming all the way to Montana, to start a new life alone, that to run into Daniel, literally in the middle of the forest…. It was incomprehensible. He was now at that juncture in his mind where fears, doubts, worries ceased to exist; just unadulterated existence, where peace and matter fused, frozen in one moment.

  How could he not believe in God when Daniel, so beautiful, so masculine, stood before him?

  Images from their first meeting, like pictures from a slide show, popped on and off in his mind. It seemed implausible really, to be standing within steps of each other. Aiden inched closer. They were a mere arm’s length apart.

  “I always wanted to be a strong man,” Daniel said under his breath. “To stand tall, and do what is right by God, right by my family. That’s all I ever wanted, nothing more than that. Why does it come so hard?”

  Under the towering conifers, Daniel looked so frail and alone. Aiden wanted to throw himself into him, to hold him. To save him. Just like that time when they had returned from the horse auction. Just like when Daniel had lain so helpless in the hospital.

  Daniel looked to the ground. “I used to think everything was a test from God, a test for me to prove myself to Him, to everyone. I thought even you were a test, my biggest test yet.”

  “Maybe it’s not a test,” Aiden said. “Maybe it’s God’s way of trying to tell you to just take what He puts in front of you and embrace it.” Aiden again wanted to fall into Daniel, to comfort him the way he’d so often dreamed.

  But before Aiden could budge, Daniel stood directly in front of him, gazing down at him, his breath sour. There was a slight resistance in Daniel when Aiden rested his hands on Daniel’s chest.

  “It doesn’t have to be so hard to do what you think is right, Daniel,” Aiden whispered. “All you have to do is trust yourself. Trust me.”

  “No matter what I do, you’ll always be there,” Daniel said, hypnotic-like, “whether in my dreams or for real, either way, you’ll be there. Marrying Tara, having kids, none of that will change it. You’ll be hovering all around me.” He looked up at the sky, then back to Aiden. “Took me a while to see it, but I figure I found what I been looking for. It’s all too clear now.”

  Daniel’s heavy breath parted the curls on top of Aiden’s head. Peering down at him, Daniel said, “I can’t marry Tara. I’ll have to fly home and let her know. I’ll have to tell her face to face, that I can’t marry her. I figure I never could. After running into you out here…. If God doesn’t want for you and me…. Ach, then what does He want?” He looked long at Aiden, nearly stopping Aiden’s heart. “I can see the clues clear now, Aiden Cermak. Finally, I can see.”

  Daniel wobbled a bit on the uneven earth. This time, Aiden stood stronger, braver, and refused to let Daniel waver so easily. He had the liberty to touch him now, the right to embrace him.

  He wrapped his arms around Daniel’s torso, his cheek flush against his pounding chest.

  Daniel reciprocated Aiden’s embrace. A frisson traveled through Aiden’s body. His head rose and fell with Daniel’s heavy breathing. Dreamlike sleepiness enveloped him and he relished the warmth coming from Daniel’s hard body and strong arms. It felt so good to be touched again.

  Daniel twined Aiden’s hair with his broad fingers. He gently lifted Aiden’s head from his chest so that their eyes locked on each other. He was quiet a moment, staring down at him, his large hands stroking Aiden’s black curls the way Aiden had so often fantasized. “Your eyes,” Daniel murmured. “I forgot how golden they are, like the sunset.”

  They hugged again, harder, longer. As if they were trying to push through each other.

  Suddenly Daniel nudged Aiden and looked away, almost stricken. “But we can’t live in my world,” he said toward the trees, “and we can barely live in yours.”

  With a soft smile, Aiden guided Daniel’s smooth chin to meet his eyes again. He found his hands, and their fingers weaved together. “Then let’s live in our world,” Aiden said, simply.

  Reaching beyond the massive trees and soaring beyond the monolithic mountains, riding on the wings of eagles, their declaration of love was tossed up to whoever cared to have it. It didn’t matter. They had each other.

  Daniel and Aiden, both stuck in the middle of two worlds, belonging nowhere. Yet it was in the middle where Aiden realized they had discovered each other.

  A short year ago, Aiden had been lost bumping along the central Illinois country lanes, searching for the Interstate for Chicago. It seemed he’d been trying to find his way home his whole life. Surrounded by the pines and cedars of northwestern Montana, Aiden had, at last, found his way.

  Wrapped in each other’s arms, Daniel and Aiden breathed life into each other, their saliva and tears flowing like nectar. They did not pause when, during their passionate kiss, they spotted the group of day hikers from the fire tower wandering
into camp. They were insignificant. They were outsiders in their world.

  Breaking their lip lock, Aiden looked up into Daniel’s eyes, their arms snug around each other. “Would you like some supper? I bet you’re hungry after your long hike.”

  “I for sure could use something to eat.” Daniel smiled at him. His thick lips glistened with both their tears and spit.

  “But first we better get your tent set up before dark, don’t you think?”

  Daniel eyeballed Aiden’s erect tent to his right. Looking back at Aiden, his eyes lustrous, like onyx, he smiled impishly. “I don’t figure we need to do that.”

  Aiden flushed. His heart beat wildly against Daniel’s chest. Inside, his whole body simmered with love and happiness. Daniel leaned in to kiss him lightly on his lips, a kiss full of awareness and promises. Aiden locked his fingers with Daniel’s, and together they walked to the flat outcropping to prepare supper, the sun beaming on them through the branches of the trees.