Falsies (The Makeup Series Book 1)

by Olive East

  I hadn’t felt that carefree since before my dad and the cut. I felt light and I never wanted to lose that. I wanted to be with Brooks—hell my body was screaming at me to stay—but my heart yearned for that feeling only Aaron could provide.

  “I have to go.” I kissed his forehead.

  “Okay.” Brooks sat up and punched at the mattress when he thought I wasn’t looking.

  He was definitely angry but trying very hard not to show it. I acted like I didn’t notice when he made no move to walk me to the door, but he must’ve followed after me, because he was suddenly at the bottom of the steps once I made it to the door.

  “Can we go out tomorrow? Do I get to have you the whole night?”

  The way he said it made me think he knew he was sharing me.

  I forced a laughed. “Yes, after the dress fitting I’m all yours.”

  “Okay.”

  “What did you have in mind?”

  “I’m not telling you,” he said, sounding like a brat. “This way you’ll have to come over to find out.”

  I agreed to it. Of course I agreed to it. I was so sick of myself. Being with Brooks was everything to me, but deep down, I knew we’d never last. I loved him. I loved him with everything within the universe inside me, and that was overwhelming. But it wasn’t enough. He thought he loved me now, and maybe he did, but it was temporary. Everyone eventually leaves.

  Chapter

  Twenty-Three

  “It’s about damn time,” Aaron complained as I trudged through the door.

  “How’d you get in here? Why are you in here?”

  He flashed a roguish grin. “Ways. And because I really wanted to see you. Look what I found.”

  Aaron tossed a silver and black photo album onto my Ikea coffee table.

  “Oh my God. You still have that thing?”

  The old photo album was like a forgotten time capsule. Anyone who says she didn’t have at least a few pages of pictures to chronicle her first love is lying. Somehow along the way, my analog shots of Aaron and me ended up at his place. Did he keep them or did his mom?

  “Of course.”

  After I ditched my bag in my bedroom, I joined an excited Aaron on the loveseat. We began flipping through the pages. We didn’t leave any room between us, and Aaron placed the book on our laps. The first picture was a posed shot I had my dad take during a visit Aaron and I made to his place. I looked so much younger with my face fuller and rounder, but Aaron looked exactly the same.

  “Is that your dad’s house?” Aaron asked.

  “Yeah.” I ran my finger along the edges of the picture where the cheery yellow walls could be seen. I wished I still lived there.

  “Seems like forever ago, but like it was all yesterday at the same time, ya know?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, it does.”

  I flipped to the next page in the velvet-lined book and two snapshots fell out of place. I gasped, my hand springing to my chest.

  “You all right?”

  Aaron slammed the book shut, but I ignored him and his question to open it again. The picture that got the reaction was of me. But not just any old picture of me. It was a candid shot my dad must’ve taken.

  Aaron hung on me like he was being tugged away by kidnappers, and I was clinging back while in a fit of laughter. My dress was ivory and flowy—I’d thrown it away recently after not wearing it once last season—and my hair was shorter and more manageable. If I had to guess, we were reacting to something my dad had said, which was why the laughing was so hearty and true.

  A stranger stood in that photo. A dead stranger at that, because that girl didn’t exist anymore. Never in my life would I be able to laugh at one of my dad’s jokes, and that thought was too sad to bear. The girl in the picture wasn’t worrying about that. She was with her two favorite people in the whole wide world and having one of the best days ever. I could see the sun radiating out of that girl, and it was so beautiful it would’ve moved John Updike to tears.

  “Who is she?” I asked under my breath.

  “You.” Aaron answered like he knew my whole thought process.

  “I wish.”

  Aaron gently nudged my face in his direction using his thumb and his finger and forced me to look at him. When our gazes locked, the look in Aaron’s brown eyes told me he was harboring so many feelings for me that we never should’ve broken up in the first place. He kept them buried deep under a layer of affection for Sadie, but they were there.

  He traced his thumb along my bottom lip, arousing a muscle memory in my body of when I would respond by kissing him. I didn’t let that happen, of course.

  When I look at you, he signed after dropping his hand from my chin, this is what I see.

  I shook my head. I longed beyond longing to be that way again, but I certainly didn’t feel that way.

  Yes, O. I do. That’s still in you. You can be this happy again. Please let me bring her out in you.

  I want to. I really do. But I don’t think I can. Things happened, Aaron. Things even you can’t change.

  But I can, because I don’t have to make you different. It’s more like…changing you back. I want you back.

  I wanted me back too, and being with Aaron, spending time with him, made it seem almost reachable.

  How can you help me?

  I’ve put a lot of thought into it. We just need to be us again. Talking like we used to these past few days has meant so much to me. I’m happier when I’m with you too. I think of my life and my future and it has to have you in it.

  I swung my legs out from under me and Aaron grabbed them up to let them rest in his lap. Leaning forward to be closer to him, I rested my head on his shoulder.

  We’re both with other people. You’re engaged.

  I know that, but I’ve been feeling this way for so long now. You have to admit you feel it too. All the time spent with Sadie, she didn’t even need to be there because we’d sign the whole time and she’d get annoyed with us.

  True. An engagement isn’t something to take lightly, Aaron.

  Despite myself, I was believing him, but that one pesky detail couldn’t be ignored. Maybe I’d be willing to risk my already doomed relationship with Brooks, but the real test was if Aaron was willing to risk a soon-to-happen wedding.

  I’m not taking it lightly. I really care about Sadie and I don’t want to hurt her, but if we’re not meant to be, we’re not meant to be. I have an idea.

  Aaron’s arms encircled me as he crushed me in a hug that left me feeling like the fizz inside a can of Coke. Dammit, I hugged him back, and though I was fighting to keep everything between us innocent, there was no way our positioning could be seen as such. It felt exactly like it did when I was a teenager and I had never done anything with a boy and I was excited and nervous and so in love and so ready to just be with him that the anticipation was close to being unbearable. Aaron was simply casting a spell on me. I couldn’t say if it was on purpose or if it was just what was happening, but it was real.

  What’s your plan? I asked.

  We had to pull almost completely apart to be able to sign to each other, which was such a silly thing to do. Talking verbally wouldn’t have meant moving at all, but we used signs anyway. If we were going to recreate the past, we were going to do it authentically.

  If we make love, we’ll know it’s right.

  Chapter

  Twenty-Four

  I had been expertly straddling the fence with both Brooks and Aaron. It was effortless to fall back into a comfortable place with Aaron. I tried to keep things with him as appropriate as possible for a man engaged to another woman. He didn’t make it easy with his promises of a lifetime of happiness.

  He was convinced, and trying to convince me, that if we finally had sex we’d magically know the right thing to do. He said it was the missing piece in our relationship. I could never imagine another man making love to me besides Brooks. On my nights away from Brooks, Aaron would come over with movies and take-out, when he couldn’t
convince his dad to cook.

  It was all very innocent, really it was. We hadn’t even kissed again, but it still made me feel dirty.

  Sadie was so wrapped up in wedding planning she hardly noticed what was happening with anyone besides her and Heidi. I met her for dinner the Wednesday before the wedding after she called and asked me to.

  “How are things with you and Will?” she asked as soon as we sat down at the new Mexican restaurant in the plaza down the street. She had already ordered us both pop and had chips and salsa on the table waiting because I was running late.

  “Great.” I couldn’t help but smile despite everything else. Sadie, on the other hand—something was off.

  “Really? Because I haven’t seen your car all that much. You used to be there always.”

  “Exactly, and it felt quick to be living together. This way we have time to miss each other.”

  She looked skeptical. As she should. “Well, I got your RSVP back…finally.” She rolled her eyes and picked up a tortilla chip. “Nothing like waiting till the last minute. Anyway, you’re bringing Will.” She scooped up more salsa than I thought possible and crunched the whole thing into her mouth, probably not even worried about dripping any on her shirt.

  “Yeah.” I hadn’t told her that. Was she guessing or did someone else tell her?

  “He said he wants the beef at the rehearsal dinner,” she said while scrolling through her phone. The diamond in her ring kept catching the light. She must’ve recently gotten it cleaned.

  “How do you know?”

  There was a flash of something in her eyes when they met mine. “When you neglected to put his name or food choice on the card, I asked him.”

  “When?” My elbow was in something sticky on the table, but I didn’t care.

  “I don’t know. The other day.” Sadie picked up her phone and scrolled back.

  The idea of her talking to Brooks without me present filled me with white hot rage. I wanted to ask her eight different questions, but I couldn’t give her the satisfaction. Not to mention Brooks never told me they talked.

  Was it a yelling-across-the-street kind of question, or did she invite herself to the house?

  “You’re still bringing him.”

  It wasn’t a question, so I wasn’t sure how to respond. “Is that a problem?”

  “No. I just wanted to make sure. I gave Heidi final numbers, so no one can change their mind.”

  “I’m not changing my mind.”

  “Well, it’s just…you know how you are, Ollie.”

  “No, how?”

  “Oh, come on,” she said around a mouthful of salsa. “With guys you’re like, so finicky.”

  I couldn’t exactly tell her she was wrong. My nights were divided between two different guys. But the more I thought about it, the more I knew who I wanted.

  “No, I’m not,” I said with absolute certainty.

  “Well, now that you’ve cleared that up.”

  “Are you stressed out?”

  “No!”

  Which is exactly what and how a non-stressed person would answer. She was being snappy and it wasn’t unwarranted, but she didn’t know that.

  Did she? The guilt over what I was doing, even though I wasn’t doing much, weighed too heavily on me. I refused to fight with her.

  “Do you need help with anything?” Nothing like offering at the last minute.

  “No, everything is one hundred percent taken care of at this point. I think.”

  “Are you having cold feet?” Oh, please have cold feet.

  “I’ve never been more sure. Honestly, I’m so positive about this.”

  My heart sank. I actually felt bad for her. “I’m glad,” was the only thing I could muster enough enthusiasm to say with a smile.

  It was all so wrong and they weren’t meant to be. I started to tell her, I wanted to tell her, I needed to tell her. It was on the tip of my tongue when the waiter came over and ruined everything. I ordered my chicken enchiladas, Sadie ordered beef tacos, and I lost all my nerve.

  “Stop drumming your fingers, you’re driving me crazy,” she snapped a few long minutes of silence later.

  I stopped immediately. I hadn’t even realized I was doing it. “Sorry.”

  “No, no. I’m sorry. Look, Ollie, I really need to talk to you about something.” She put the chips down for the first time since I got there.

  “Okay.” A huge knot formed in my throat. I wanted to mess with my phone for a security blanket, but it felt too inappropriate to pull it out, so I stroked my lashes instead. “Go ahead, I’m listening.”

  “I’m pregnant.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “Well, tell the three sticks I pissed on they’re wrong.”

  “They could always be wrong. You need a blood test. You need to go to—”

  “The doctor. Yeah, I just came from there. It’s very early, but I am. You know how attuned I am with my body.”

  I didn’t fight the eye roll. “What did she say?”

  “For fuck’s sake, Ollie. Would we even be having this conversation if she said I wasn’t pregnant?”

  “Okay, I’m sorry, but this really caught me off guard.” I dragged my drink across my forehead. “What’re you going to do?”

  I guess the jig is up. All the white Sadie had been wearing was a total lie and Aaron was such an idiot.

  “You know I don’t believe in that. Besides, we’re getting married Saturday anyway. We could just say it was a honeymoon baby and no one will ever have to know.”

  She started dipping chips in the salsa again, being casual about everything. It was so unlike her.

  “I thought you didn’t ever want kids?”

  “I don’t,” she snapped, then shook her head and patted her stomach as if she were nine months along and the baby could hear her. “I mean I didn’t, but things changed, and now I do. Aaron always wanted kids, he’ll be thrilled.”

  That was so typical of their relationship. They were barreling into this marriage despite the fact that they had differing opinions on something as significant as wanting children.

  “So you told him?” I didn’t think he knew anything about it because he hadn’t said a word.

  “No, no. You know how traditional he can be. I’m contemplating not telling him at all until a few weeks after the wedding. Let him have the fantasy of creating a life on the first night of our marriage.”

  “Yeah, that’d be really nice.”

  I don’t even know how I made it through the rest of the dinner. I didn’t drink, even though I wanted to, because the mommy sitting across from me didn’t. It was like I didn’t know who I was looking at. She even mentioned names and a baptism, with me as the godmother, obviously.

  It was wrong, it was all so wrong. He didn’t love her but now he was having a baby with her.

  Maybe he did love her. He never called off the wedding, and the rehearsal dinner was only two days away. He said he wouldn’t do it until we had sex and I said I wouldn’t have sex with him if he was engaged. Either way, he had no business trying to get with me.

  I’d lost all sense of what was right a long time ago. Sadie was beaming, or dare I say glowing. She was so happy and I was so pissed. Maybe I had no right to feel that way. Maybe I had every right to feel that way. The only thing I could say for sure was Aaron would marry Sadie without hesitating if he knew she was pregnant. I just didn’t want to be the one to tell him.

  Sadie followed me the whole way to Brooks’s.

  “He’s translating again tonight,” she hollered to me from one driveway to the other as we got out of our cars. He wasn’t. He’d been lying to her almost every time he told her that. Right that very second he was waiting for me at my apartment.

  I sat on the steps and pulled out my phone to text Aaron. Since I’d already told Brooks I wasn’t staying over, I wasn’t sure if he was home or what he’d be doing, but I knew I had to end my little thing with Aaron right that second and his house was too sacred
to do it in.

  Ollie: I’m not coming. You belong at Sadie’s.

  I sent the text.

  Aaron: What?

  His reply came instantly.

  Aaron: You liar. Get over here.

  Ollie: No, really. We’re done. You’re getting married. We’re never speaking of this again.

  I was powering my phone off just as Brooks and Boden returned from a walk. I could’ve cried at the sight. I should’ve been on that walk with them. I never should’ve been spending any time with Aaron.

  Why was I such a cyclone? It was like I couldn’t be at peace unless I was destroying everything around me. Here I was, already surrounded by rubble, and I was trying to figure out how to set the pieces on fire.

  Brooks had on his nerd shoes and lounge clothes that didn’t match at all, and I couldn’t believe how hot he could be with no effort. His face lit up when he saw me. I swear Boden looked happy too, and I felt like absolute shit.

  “Hey, this is a nice surprise.” He quickly closed the gap between us and hoisted me up from the step to hug me.

  I felt even worse.

  “I decided spending time apart, when all I want is to be with you, is stupid.” His mouth quickly found mine as Boden scratched at the door. “I’m sorry,” I told him with more than one meaning behind it.

  He looked at me with eyebrows knit together. “I’m happy you’re here. No sorry needed, you wanted to think and it didn’t take you long to come back around.”

  “Still, I’m sorry.” And I was, I so was. He needed to hear it, I needed to say it, and I wasn’t sure if he’d forgive me if he knew the truth. I didn’t deserve him. I never did, but especially now. “Can I stay tonight, please?”

  “Ollie, yes. Always yes. I missed you,” he told me before he began kissing me all over.

  ***

  All day Thursday I waited for Aaron to contact me. When he didn’t, I assumed it meant Sadie told him she was pregnant.