The Good Daughter

by Amra Pajalic

  ‘I need to get a haircut myself.’

  ‘I’ll make an appointment for you tomorrow after school,’ I said. ‘You’ll owe me an apology big time for being such a prick.’ I hung up. ‘Mum,’ I yelled when I burst into the living room. ‘Can I ring Refika at home now?’

  Mum had emptied the kitchen cupboards and was cleaning every shelf. I picked up the address book and flipped to R. ‘Sure, but you’ll look desperate,’ she said with a pained expression.

  ‘It’s not for me,’ I wrote down the number. ‘B—,’ I remembered my ruse with Dina. ‘Dina wants it.’

  ‘Is that a good idea?’ Mum asked. ‘What if she likes him too?’

  I was about to say that Dina had a boyfriend, but swallowed the words back in time. It was a hassle keeping track of lies. ‘We have different tastes.’

  Mum nodded as she cleaned. ‘Be careful. Girlfriends can be devious.’

  She was so on the money it was scary.

  The next day I walked Brian to Refika’s after school, my certainty about Edo’s heterosexuality ebbing with every minute. An hour later he came back to the café where I was waiting, trying not to be desperate.

  ‘So not gay,’ he said.

  ‘I told you so,’ I said as relief flooded me.

  ‘What’s our plan?’ Brian rubbed his hands together.

  I frowned. I didn’t know what I’d expected, but it certainly wasn’t for Brian to be so eager to set me up. I’d hoped that when he saw Edo as competition, he’d step up, tell me he cared about me as more than just a friend.

  ‘I’m not sure,’ I muttered.

  When I came home from school Mum walked in front of me three times before I noticed her smug look and her newly permed hair. ‘You got a new hairstyle!’ I exclaimed.

  ‘Oh, that,’ she touched her hair. ‘Yes, I did.’

  ‘Okay, spill.’ I gestured my hand in a ‘gimme’ motion.

  I’d thought about lying to Brian and telling him Mum found out nothing about Edo, but I had no choice but to continue with Brian’s mission.

  Mum didn’t say anything.

  ‘If you don’t want to talk.’ I headed for the door. ‘I have homework.’ My hand was on the door when she stopped me.

  ‘His father is Serbian and his mother Bosnian,’ Mum said.

  As if I cared?

  ‘Usually the children follow the father’s religion, but then again Edo and Halida—that’s his sister—are both Bosnian names.’

  ‘Whatever…’ I made a gimme gesture again, prodding her to move on.

  ‘These things are important Sabiha,’ Mum pronounced. ‘If the two of you became serious you need to know what his religious beliefs are.’

  ‘Mum,’ I whinged. ‘I haven’t even had a proper conversation with the guy and you’re already marrying me off.’

  Mum frowned and finally continued. ‘They’re originally from Prijedor and were in Austria as refugees before getting their visas to come here.’ She was telling me nothing I was interested in.

  I tuned her out until one word snapped my attention back. ‘Girlfriend?’ I asked.

  ‘They went to high school together and she’s still in Bosnia.’ Mum patted my hand. ‘They haven’t accepted that they won’t see each other again.’

  ‘Mmm…’ I rubbed my lips. This was my out with Brian. If I told him about Edo having a girlfriend we could put this whole mess behind us.

  ‘Okay, interesting Mum. Gotta call Dina now.’ I kissed Mum on the cheek and headed for the door.

  ‘There’s more,’ Mum sighed.

  I winked at her. ‘I want to save it for later.’

  ‘Most guys would have moved on,’ Brian said when he answered my call. ‘It means he knows how to love. Now we have to get him to love you.’

  ‘Oh my God, Brian. Since when have you been such a romantic! I’m not sure—’

  ‘Come on, Sabiha. No guts, no glory. Anyway I thought you really liked him?’

  ‘I do—’

  ‘Leave it to me. First, proximity,’ he said. ‘We need to plant Dina as a mole in his group and then you’ll make your move.’

  ‘This sounds complicated.’

  ‘Slow and steady is the way to go,’ Brian said.

  ‘Since when are you the dating expert?’ I stirred.

  ‘I’m a guy aren’t I?’

  ‘Yes, but—’

  ‘How many boyfriends have you had, Sabiha?’

  My first ‘boyfriend’ was Michael the cripple. Michael was born with one leg shorter than the other. He was Frankie’s neighbours’ son. We fell into hanging out together while I was living with Frankie, during the episode when Mum had a nervous breakdown and was admitted to hospital.

  Michael was socially underdeveloped, otherwise he never would have committed the cardinal sin: dear, clueless Michael asked me out directly.

  We were in his living room watching Grease. ‘Will you go out with me?’ he whispered in my ear.

  I was engrossed in the movie and murmured my assent. It was only when his sweaty palm pawed my hand that I noticed his blissful face. There was only one thing to do.

  While Michael didn’t adhere to the going-out protocol, I followed the breaking-up protocol and sent Kathleen to do the deed. She came back teary-eyed and refused to tell me what happened.

  My first official boyfriend was Joshua. He was the Casanova of our high school. Everyone knew Joshua. He was friends with the Nerds, the Skinheads, the Headbangers, the Emos, the guys who were into sports and the ones who were into cars. He had developed a suave routine by latching onto girls who were new to the school. The girls he asked out overlooked his spotty face and pudgy body because they saw a ticket to being accepted.

  Joshua followed high school protocol. Our relationship began with hello, developed over lingering glances, and was confirmed with whispered conversations between our best friends who passed on messages, until it culminated into the official asking out.

  It happened at lunchtime, under the walkway between buildings. He waited at one end of the walkway, his best friend Dean stood beside him like the best man, while the rest of his friends gathered behind like groomsmen. I stood at the other end, Kathleen beside me, Shelley behind me.

  A crowd gathered at the possibility of a spectacle. We walked towards each other and met in the middle. ‘Does Sabiha want to go out with Joshua?’ Dean asked Kathleen. Kathleen repeated the question in a stage whisper, as if I wasn’t standing right next to her.

  ‘Yes,’ I answered, staring at the ground.

  Dean stepped towards us and took my arm, thrusting me at Joshua. We walked to the oval for the official consummation, our friends following behind and cheering. When we were hidden behind bushes Joshua put his hand lightly on my waist. I stood in a ditch. I stretched onto my tiptoes and we kissed.

  His breath was minty fresh. He kept a toothbrush and toothpaste in his locker. My breath smelt of the hotdog and chocolate milk I’d had for lunch. We mashed our lips together, opening and closing our mouths like sea creatures gasping for water.

  Every few seconds we tilted our heads in the opposite direction, our lips never breaking contact. I heard the shouts of kids playing on the oval and the giggles of our friends. I opened my eyes and saw one of them peering at us. My calf cramped and my leg trembled.

  Dean came around the bushes. ‘Fifteen minutes.’ He tapped his watch. ‘You’ve made a new record.’ Joshua clutched me tighter against him. Furtively I wiped the spittle from my mouth with my sleeve. ‘You can’t wipe off someone’s kiss,’ Dean said.

  Embarrassed I dropped my arm and turned away from Joshua. It was like I was wearing a clown mouth. Joshua bent his head and kissed me again. Two days later I sent Kathleen over to break up. All the novels I read talked about kisses being romantic or hot or steamy. I never heard about a slobbery kiss where your mouth dried up because your combined saliva ended up on your face. Joshua moved onto the new exchange student.

  And don’t even get me started on the unofficial w
ouldbe-boyfriends I stalked…

  ‘I’ll call Dina.’ I was defeated. All I could do was follow Brian’s instructions and hope I’d eventually find an exit strategy.

  Her phone kept ringing. She had call-waiting and was probably talking to Tony. She finally answered with a terse hello.

  When I explained the plan, Dina said: ‘You want me to befriend him, be your spy and informer, so you can hang around with Edo?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said.

  She hung up.

  the jealousy game

  I called Brian back. ‘Dina’s not with us on this one.’ For once Dina’s self-absorption worked in my favour.

  ‘Doesn’t she see the beauty of the plan?’

  ‘Evidently not.’ I rubbed my ear, still ringing from Dina’s hang up.

  ‘Did your Mum find out anything about his interests?’

  ‘Wait…’ I ran to the living room.

  ‘Okay, great news.’ I panted from my sprint back to the phone. ‘Amazing. Mum somehow knows he’s going to the movies at Highpoint this Saturday.’

  ‘Your mum, the private investigator.’

  ‘If only.’

  ‘I’ll get the paper and we’ll fine tune tomorrow at school,’ Brian said.

  ‘Si, Capitán,’ I teased.

  I was carrying the phone back down the hall and heard Edo’s name. I slowed. ‘You shouldn’t be encouraging Sabiha’s interest in that boy,’ Safet murmured. ‘Mevluda said his father is a gypsy.’

  That’s what I thought the first time I met him. I couldn’t wait to tell Brian. I stepped back from the door.

  ‘You could ruin the boy’s life with those rumours,’ Mum said.

  I stopped dead.

  ‘You’ll ruin Sabiha’s life if you let her pursue this boy.’

  ‘He’s Muslim,’ Mum said.

  ‘No, he’s not. If his father is a gypsy then he’s taken on a Muslim name to make things easier for himself in Bosnia, but make no mistake, he’s no Muslim. Gypsies follow no god,’ Safet said.

  Gypsies had always sounded romantic to me and Mum had told me how they lived in the former Yugoslavia. They were nomads and travelled with a horse and carriage from town to town, usually following the local fairs where they worked. I loved to fantasise about them in their colourful outfits and old-fashioned carriages, the men tall and swarthy like Edo.

  But Mum said they were seen as vermin because they were known to beg and steal. The rumours were that they stole children and maimed their own so they could get money from begging. They were the bogeymen Bosnian mothers used to keep their kids in line.

  ‘It has to be his real name,’ Mum said. ‘They wouldn’t let him into the country without proper papers.’

  ‘Anyone can pass himself off as a refugee.’ Safet’s voice was angry now.

  I tensed, waiting to see if their argument would escalate.

  ‘This is the first time Sabiha has liked a Bosnian boy.’

  ‘Then put her into an Islamic school. She’ll meet only Muslim boys.’ Safet’s voice calmed again.

  ‘She’d never go…’ Mum sounded despondent.

  I smiled. At least she knew which fights she could win. Next thing, the front door slammed and Mum yelled out: ‘Don’t go!’ The car revved and Mum moaned.

  This day was getting better and better. First I met a cute guy and now there was trouble between Mum and Safet.

  I was waiting for Brian at the front of the school, so we could organise our Edo-stalking at Highpoint on Saturday. Mum was in on the plan and she was letting me get out of mejtef. Her willingness to do anything that manoeuvred me with a Bosnian was scary.

  When Brian arrived he spread the newspaper on the picnic table and we bent to study the movie sessions.

  ‘Definitely Juno. I’ve heard it’s great.’

  ‘Did you forget we’re staking out Edo?’ Brian insisted.

  ‘So?’

  ‘No guy would see Juno unless he was on a date. He’ll either be watching American Gangster or the Bourne movie.’ He circled the session times.

  ‘The Bourne one wouldn’t be bad. Matt Damon’s hot.’

  ‘Earth to Sabiha.’ He pretended to knock on my head. ‘Now we have to guess what session he’ll see.’

  Jesse stood in my line of vision. ‘Are you going to the movies?’ He dropped his library bag on the ground.

  I straightened and signalled Brian to keep quiet. ‘We don’t know yet,’ I said. I was so focused on my plan to make Brian jealous, I’d almost forgotten about Jesse’s near kiss.

  Brian shifted without looking at me. ‘We’re staking out Sabiha’s new crush.’

  As he spoke it was like I was watching a train collision, helpless to prevent it. Jesse blinked rapidly.

  ‘You want to come?’ Brian was still scanning the newspaper. ‘We’re seeing The Bourne Supremacy. You can help provide a cover for us.’

  ‘No,’ Jesse said. ‘I’ve seen it. ‘ He turned and walked away, his shoulders hunched.

  ‘You shouldn’t have told him.’ I slapped Brian’s shoulder.

  ‘Told him what?’

  ‘That we were going to the movies.’

  ‘Why?’ Brian asked.

  I stared at my feet in confusion.

  ‘What’s the problem?’

  I bit my lip and said nothing. Jesse and I had had that conversation about being friends so I didn’t owe him anything. Right? If that was true, why did I feel so guilty about the possibility of hurting him?

  ‘Best stake-out time is the afternoon session.’ Brian tapped the pen on his lip.

  At lunchtime we went to the oval. Jesse sat on the other side of the group, reading his book. I sat in the middle: Adnan and Brian on one side, Gemma and Dina on the other, and I switched between the two conversations.

  ‘Did you see the match highlights on SBS?’ Adnan asked.

  ‘I watched the whole thing,’ Brian said.

  ‘Wicked.’ Adnan slapped Brian’s knee.

  ‘I’ve got it on tape. Come after school and watch it.’

  ‘Great!’ Adnan punched him on the arm.

  ‘I thought we were going to the library?’ I said.

  ‘We’ll go tomorrow,’ Brian replied.

  ‘He gave me a necklace.’ Gemma held the chain away from her throat for Dina to inspect. ‘It’s eighteen-carat gold.’

  ‘It’s pretty,’ Dina said unconvincingly.

  I leaned closer and saw that the gold paint had gone from one of the links, revealing the metal underneath. I grinned at Dina. She tried not to laugh.

  ‘We’re moving in together soon,’ Gemma said. ‘He’s saving money for the bond and rent.’

  I caught Jesse looking at me. He returned to his novel, hunching down so he wasn’t visible behind Adnan. I shrank back too.

  The next day Jesse, Brian and I set off for the library. We were walking to the station when a car slowed to a crawl and followed us. The window rolled down and Adnan’s face appeared. He pushed his sunglasses down his nose. ‘Want a lift?’

  ‘Sweet ride,’ Brian shouted at Adnan’s car from ‘The Price is Right’.

  Adnan nodded smugly.

  Brian jumped into the passenger seat and caressed the dashboard. ‘This is sick, mate.’

  Jesse opened the back door for me. ‘Thanks,’ I muttered as I slid across the backseat.

  After Jesse got in, Adnan took off. ‘Where to?’

  ‘Sunshine library,’ Brian said.

  Adnan turned into St Albans Road. ‘You’ll have to give me directions.’

  While Adnan and Brian talked in the front, Jesse and I stared out our separate windows as if our lives depended on it. Adnan’s sharp turns made us jostle on the backseat like bottles in a crate.

  ‘Here we go.’ Adnan screeched to a halt. ‘It’s a shame you’re busy, Brian,’ he said, as we got out of the car. ‘I’m hooking up with my Bosnian mates for a soccer game at Foot-scray footy ground. We could use your ball skills.’

  Brian pulled his leg back in
side the car and closed the door. ‘You don’t mind do you?’ he yelled through the open window.

  Jesse and I stood on the footpath and watched as Adnan drove off, Brian’s arm waving out the side. Too scared to look at Jesse, I stared down the street.

  ‘I don’t think he’s coming back,’ Jesse said.

  ‘I can’t believe he did that,’ I whispered.

  ‘That’s Brian for you,’ Jesse said wryly. ‘Always on the lookout for something better.’

  I followed Jesse into the library, dragging my feet. I was going to kill Brian. After we’d borrowed our books, Jesse and I walked to the station. ‘What did you get?’ I asked him, desperate to fill the silence.

  ‘The usual.’ Jesse hitched his backpack higher on his shoulder. ‘What’s the name of your new crush?’

  His expression was neutral. Okay, he was just being an interested friend. ‘His name is Edo.’

  ‘I hope it works out on Saturday,’ Jesse said.

  During the train ride he went on about homework. I held up my end of the conversation with monosyllabic responses, but I was out of sorts. I must have been wrong about him liking me. I was so stupid. I’d avoided him when there was no reason for it. I was seriously deluded, imagining both Brian and Jesse liking me more than as a friend. What was wrong with me?

  When the train pulled up at St Albans I mumbled a quick goodbye and leaped out as soon as the doors opened. I was almost at the gates when someone called my name. I turned and saw Edo standing at the ticket office window. He was wearing jeans and a white shirt under his black leather jacket, his hair slicked into a ponytail.

  ‘Where are you off to?’ I asked.

  ‘City.’ He nodded east. ‘We’re going to a club on King Street.’ The notorious street where anyone with a fake ID could get into a club. There were always reports of a stabbing or fight there. ‘What about you?’ He nodded at my backpack.

  ‘Just came back from the library.’

  ‘They told me at English school that the best way to improve my English was to read, or get an Australian girlfriend.’ He winked, then looked away.

  I turned and saw a bunch of guys approaching. ‘I nearly left without you,’ Edo shouted at his mates.