White is for Virgins

by Necks, S. Eva

  I sighed and reentered the center.

  Fox stood there, propped against his mop.

  I gave him a quizzical look, daring him to speak.

  “Mad at him, huh?” he asked sarcastically.

  “Shut up,” I growled, returning to my stepladder. Only to find that it wasn’t there.

  "I take it you guys made up?”

  “Yeah. Where’s the ladder?”

  “I put it away,” he shrugged, wheeling the bucket of water and the mop toward the maintenance closet.

  “I know,” I drawled, “But why?”

  “Because the windows were clean.”

  “No they weren’t, I wasn’t done.”

  “That’s why I finished for you.”

  “..Oh,” was all I said. What I really wanted to do was go “aww” and pull him into a hug.

  “Thanks,” I said when he reemerged from the closet.

  He brushed past me. “Yeah,” he said, as if he was in a hurry.

  “Did I do something to you?” I asked him, a tad annoyed.

  “Nope,” he replied, popping the p. He went to the computer, and I followed. He paused the music, and the turned around to find me standing there.

  “You sure? Cause you seem to have a problem with me,” I challenged, looking up at him. This newfound confidence wouldn’t last very long, so I had to make the most of it.

  “I don’t have a problem with you,” he said, looking away.

  “I doubt that,” I sighed.

  “Why?”

  “You won’t look me in the eyes,” I pointed out. And his eyes immediately flashed to mine. They looked different; glazed.

  “Fox, what’s up your ass?” I inquired softly, batting my eyelashes.

  He smirked, smiling slyly as he licked his lips. I forced myself to stop looking at his lips and to stare at his eyes – no, his eyebrows. If I looked at his lips, he’d think I wanted to kiss him… which I didn’t (couldn’t) want to do. If I looked at his eyes there’s a good chance I’d get lost in them. I needed to keep myself under control, and his eyebrows were a feature that didn’t make my knees weak, or my palms sweat, or my heart race, though they were perfect as well.

  “Why are you so concerned?” he asked, equally as quiet. His voice sent shivers up my spine.

  I brushed my side swept bangs out of my eyes and focused on his eyebrows.

  “You’re acting weird,” I said, keeping my voice steady, “Is it because I talked to Nick or something?”

  “Or something,” he repeated.

  I glared. Why must he be so infuriating?!

  “You’re mad that I didn’t tell Nick off?” I asked, guessing randomly.

  He shook his head. “You hugged him.”

  “So?”

  “You are too nice, Emery. Too easy.”

  I frowned. Am not!

  He continued, “You let people get away with too much.”

  “No I don’t,” I protested.

  He put his hands on my waist. I tried not to shiver; at least I was wearing a long-sleeved shirt. The goose bumps would’ve surely been visible.

  “Yeah… you do,” he taunted, biting his lip.

  “Do not,” I said.

  His hands started traveling to a very different region of my body. My butt.

  They were literally big enough to cover my butt… I blushed, and then realized that he was feeling me up.

  “Yeah you –” he started, but I cut him off. The palm of my hand met his cheek with a decent slap; it was enough to sting both of us.

  “No I don’t,” I said with anger and triumph. I’d never slapped a guy before. I tried to stay angry, and ignore my tingling lower back.

  “Only sometimes,” he muttered, challenging me.

  I punched his arm. That got a smirk out of him. God! Why can’t I faze him?

  “You don’t know when to walk away,” he teased, getting closer, “You don’t know when to let things go.”

  “How can you let something go when it’s staring you right in the face?” I asked, not sure if we were talking about the same thing anymore.

  His hands cupped my cheeks, causing my breath to hitch as I watched him bring our faces closer together. I really hoped that he couldn’t feel, or hear my heart pounding…

  He held my face about two centimeters from his while his thumbs traced circles on my cheeks ever so lightly. I could’ve sworn he was about to kiss me. He might’ve even admired my lips... but I was too drunk on his eyes to notice anything but their intense hue, and the gold flecks splattered around that made them all the more intense.

  “Like this, for example,” he whispered huskily, almost hesitantly. His hot breath tickled my lips as he inched away from me, and his hands dropped from my face.

  He stared at me for a minute with the strangest look on his face. Then he squeezed past me and headed for the bathroom. I was alone, behind the counter. Let me tell you, it has never looked more spacious. And empty.

  I stood frozen, probably looking like the biggest, bug-eyed idiot. But I was in complete and utter shock at what he’d just done. What he’d almost done. What I had wanted him to do.

  The pictures and feelings flooding through my mind were so… I couldn’t… He was just so… ugh!

  I blinked and exhaled slowly, running my hand through my hair and biting my lip. Trying to process and organize all my thoughts, it was only then that I realized just how scorching hot my cheeks felt. I ran to the bathroom to cool myself off.

  ***

  Since the Daycare was taking a break for the holidays, I stayed at the center for longer than I normally did on Fridays.

  The usual awkward silence clouded around Fox and me as seven o’clock approached.

  “Hey Nina, I’m gonna go,” Fox called, swinging his jacket around and sliding his arm through the sleeve in a swift motion. I tried not to stare, and busied myself with my term paper.

  “Hot date tonight?” Nina joked as she wrapped her wool sweater tighter around herself.

  “Two, actually,” Fox smirked, texting someone on his cell phone.

  Nina’s smile widened.

  “What’s the occasion?”

  “Winter Ball,” Fox said nonchalantly, zipping his bag up and lifting it off the couch.

  “Ooh, how fun,” Nina commented, “Shouldn’t you be going soon then too, Emery?”

  They both turned to look at me. Shit. If there was one thing I loathed, it was being put on the spot.

  “No,” I managed lamely.

  Nina’s smile turned to a frown within seconds. She looked confused.

  “Why not, love?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

  I shrugged. “Dancing’s not really my thing.”

  “It’s everyone’s thing, Emery,” she laughed, “I bet you just haven’t tried.”

  “I don’t have a dress,” I lied.

  “I bet you still fit in the one you wore last Christmas. That little red number,” she winked, once again smiling. “The boys would be all over you.”

  Fox smirked and tried to hide the amusement in his eyes. Nina and I both ignored him.

  Nina, God bless her, always found an exception. But she just didn’t get it this time. I was dateless, and it’d take me forever to get ready. I was just shit out of luck tonight.

  “No, the boys could care less about me,” I said simply.

  “Oh, Emery, baby, that’s not true,” Nina assured me. She walked over and placed a hand on my shoulder. Her other hand stroked my cheek.

  I shrugged. “It’s fine. It’s just a dance.”

  Nina hugged me, and then returned to her office. I looked down on my sheet of notebook paper, which had a few careless words scribbled across the page. I felt a warm trickle down my cheek. With a plop, a droplet of water landed on the page. Followed by another.

  “Fox, would you come in for a sec?” Nina called, and my head jerked up. I’d forgotten he was still here.

  Fox’s eyes caught mine for a split second before he turn
ed and went to Nina, closing the door behind him. I wiped my eyes with the bottom of my palms and cursed under my breath.

  He’d seen me cry. He probably thought I was pathetic.

  I didn’t blame him.

  ***

  Eight thirty on the dot, Nina had left. I was blasting music and dancing around, trying to keep myself entertained. The ounces of regret rushed through my veins, and the ‘what if’ questions had hijacked my mind. There was nothing I could do, but sing.

  “Because you hot hot, chitty chitty, bang bang, chitty chitty, bang bang,” I sang obnoxiously.

  With the exception of the lamp behind the counter, all the lights were off. I was hidden from the rest of the world.

  Or so I thought.

  “Oh yeah, you hot hot, chitty chitty, bang bang, chitty chit –” I stopped, hair in my face, with the most unattractive facial expression, twisted in a mixture of surprise and awe.

  The music had stopped. No, changed. It was slow.

  Fox was about four feet away from me, in a tux, with his hair gelled and spikier that usual.

  Good God, Mary, and Joseph…

  “You were right, you know,” he said softly, that husky voice adding to his sexiness.

  I arched my brow as I dropped my hands and smiled sheepishly. What was he doing here?

  “Dancing is totally not your thing,” he continued, trying to keep a straight face.

  I went to punch his shoulder, but his hand shot up and grabbed my wrist. I struggled to free myself from his tight, yet gentle grasp but he only pulled me closer. I growled, and he growled back teasingly as his hand grabbed my other wrist and put both of my hands around his neck. I held on with limp fingers, and his hands snaked around my waist. I was about to let go of my hold, but then, I remembered to breathe. One whiff of his cologne and I was a goner.

  He licked his lips and lifted one corner of his mouth in a lopsided grin as he started swaying our bodies. I gulped and tried not to make eye contact. He must’ve taken this as a sign that I wanted to cuddle, because his chin was soon pressed lightly against the side of my face.

  This is not happening…

  “Not so bad, is it?” he whispered. His warm breath tickled my ear, and my fingers came to life. Attentively, the tips of my fingers brushed his hair and the skin on his neck. I could hear him smirk, so I stopped.

  Shit, he is going to think I’m head over heels for him. Which I’m not.

  Heels over head? Perhaps.

  Oh, God. Leave it to me to be interested in a player. The world is a cruel place.

  Suddenly, I didn’t want this to be real. That would mean my feelings were real; that he was here, in the flesh, dancing with me instead of getting it on with his two hot dates at the dance.

  “Fox, why are you here?” I asked. I waited anxiously for his answer, terrified of what he’d say and terrified that he’d let go.

  We continued to sway slowly to the music.

  “Because this is a great song,” he replied.

  Collide by Howie Day really was a good song, but that was beside the point.

  “That the only reason?” I asked.

  “We fit pretty well,” he shrugged lightly. “All the other girls at the dance are in six inch stilettos.”

  We did fit, but I felt like he was hiding something.

  “Fox…” I prodded.

  “Emery,” he mimicked. He pulled away a bit, and looked at me with the same glazed eyes as before. “Are you trying to ruin the mood?”

  “Are you drunk?” I asked in disbelief, trying to back away from me. His grip on my waist held though.

  “Something like that,” he smirked.

  I eyed him, deciding he was sober. There wasn’t a scent of alcohol on him, only deliciousness.

  God was I losing it.

  “Why aren’t you at the dance?” I asked him quietly, holding his gaze.

  He bit his lip, and his gaze lowered. This time I was sure he was contemplating kissing me. Why it would even cross his mind? I had no clue, but the thought brought out a little color in my cheeks.

  We’d been in this situation so many times before; I was becoming a little too comfortable with it. I wanted to explore new boundaries.

  If only we’d get a little closer…

  Just a few more centimeters… And…

  Something caught my eye, or rather, some one.

  Nina stood behind the window, smiling.

  Something in my mind clicked, and my fingers released their grip on his short strands of hair. His grip was weak and I broke free easily, backing up a few steps.

  Nina’s smile fell, and my glare moved from Fox, to her, and back.

  He turned to see Nina in the window as well, and faced me with a guilty expression.

  It’s always too good to be true.

  “Emery–” he started, scratching the back of his head.

  I cocked my head and crossed my arms. “What, Fox?”

  He just stood there. And while my lips were aching to meet his, my legs were glued to the floor.

  I nodded, managing to laugh sarcastically. “I’m sorry Nina made you waste your time on me,” I said, brushing past him to shut the music off.

  “She didn’t make me do anything, and it wasn’t a waste of time,” he said, coming up behind me.

  “No?” I asked, closing my notebook and snatching my pens and shoving them into my backpack. “Then what was it?” I looked up at him for a moment, not sure of what I wanted him to say.

  He opened his mouth, but no words came out. He looked so frustrated; caught off guard.

  “Fox, spare my feelings, ok?” I sighed, tugging on the zipper of my bag. It was caught on the fabric of the bag. I pulled on the other zipper, eager to make my escape.

  “Emery, what are you doing?” he asked, watching me as I pulled my jacket on and swiped my hair out of the collar.

  “Exactly what you told me to do,” I replied, speed walking to the glass door, “Walking away.”

  He sighed, rubbing the back of his head.

  “Lock up for me,” I muttered. “It’s the least you could do.”

  Stepping out into the cold night, I started wiping my wet cheeks. I felt like an idiot, crying? Really? I cursed under my breath, sending clouds of white into the air.