by Vanessa Mars
"Mom, can I have a look around? It's making me crazy here sitting and listening to that machine guy over there." he pointed to the organizer of the program who didn't stop talking through the microphone. He was babbling about something. Even I couldn’t understand what he is saying.
"Okay dear. But just around the hall. No stepping outside." I told him. He nodded then kissed my cheek. I followed him with a look as he disappeared in a crowd of guests. Sheryl and I went back to talking about the who’s who in this little gathering.
"Very much like him, huh?" She teased.
"He sure is. Zoey's a great guy. I'm sure of that," I began tasting the meal that was served. Sheryl seemed to call for someone. Then, a woman in a sophisticated red dress walked to our table.
"Hi!" She greeted with a classy tone. Such voice imitating the wealthy baroness I often see in London soap operas.
"Rachel, she's Catherine. Remember?" Sheryl said. I stared at her trying to remember who she was. Then I remembered.
"Oh! You! Nice to meet you." I exclaimed with sarcasm but I tried to hide it. Now I know her. She was the one who claimed that she and Zeih were dating back in college.
Of course I almost freaked out that time. Good thing Zeih told me that it wasn't true. Eventually Catherine started bullying me just because Zeih often went me. My university days would have been like hell if it weren’t for Zeih. Back then, I only knew that the safest place on earth was in his arms.
"Rachel!" Catherine snapped. I immediately got out of my momentary trance and remembered my son. I stood and left them. Sheryl tried to stop me but I kept going.
Zeih never left me – I am the one who left him. I think it’s because I was too shocked about what happened. But I was wrong for leaving him and not even thinking how he would feel.
I continued walking around the hall, worried where Zoey might have gone to. I found myself in the parking lot. I gasped. I heard Zoey's voice. He was laughing and it seems like he was playing with someone. Then I heard another voice. It was familiar yet I think it sounded strange. I slowly walked towards them.
“Mom!” Zoey said when he bumped into me.
“Sorry, honey. Are you okay?” I hugged him.
"Mom! I want you to meet someone! This guy is awesome!" Zoey said as he pulled me towards the man. I immediately felt numb inside. I can feel my son's hands on mine though my body felt cold as stone.
I can forget him. But not all of him. His face. His eyes. I always see them through my son. And I know the real one would definitely make me cry.
"Rachel." His voice was soft yet it paralyzed me from the heart.
It was Zeih. He seemed taller than I remembered. But I knew it was still the same man me before. Tears started to fall – maybe because I missed him so much or perhaps I was angry at myself – or maybe both.
"Y-you, recognize me," I stuttered. That, I believe, is the dumbest thing to say in epic history. But hey, I said it. It was the geekiest thing to say–but hey, I said it; suck it up and move on, right?
"Of course I did,” replied Zeih as if not knowing how to take my reaction to his presence. “You just removed your nerdy eye glasses and curled your hair a bit. Nothing much has changed," he answered.
I took a long hard look at him and then I noticed his smile. If this was what having a heart attack was like, then maybe I already died two minutes ago. My heart skipped a few beats. Okay, so I’m still alive – at least to some degree. Why didn’t I notice that smile before? Wait a minute; did he get Photoshopped or something? That smile is too gorgeous. He patted Zoey's head. I began to grin like a little girl who just found a new favorite toy.
"Your son?" He asked. That broke the internal monologue I was having just a moment ago. I could swear I heard tires screeching to an abrupt halt somewhere.
"Uh, yes. That’s Zoey, he’s my son" My heart was pounding so fast I could barely put one word after another.
"He's a good boy." He messed Zoey’s hair and smiled at him.
"Y-yes." I said.
"We have a lot in common." He said. My mind told me that things were quickly turning out for the worst. My heart was telling me that this is where we belonged.
A lot of things ran through my mind. Now there’s no stopping the flood of tears from my eyes. This is the result of holding on to those tears for many years.
"H-how did you—?"
"I knew. What happened between us, it was real," Zeih said, looking straight into my eyes, and I can feel his sincerity.
"You remember everything?" More tears began to stream down my cheeks. It was the only thing I can do. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t walk away. Wait a second; did I just ask him if he remembered everything? That’s the most out of place sentence in this whole discussion. And he just shrugged it off? The nerve of this guy; but why can’t I budge out of this mess?
And the biggest cliché moment of them all happened that night.
Drops of water began to drip on my arms. Is this really happening? Then it was followed by more until the whole place was wet with the rain. Still, none of us made a move. I just felt Zoey's hand holding me tighter.
"I was there Rachel. Every month I would visit the both of you in London. I would play with Zoey and watch you secretly." I looked at my son. I didn’t want to believe the words I was hearing. He was playing with Zoey without my knowledge. I kneeled in front of my son and asked him.
"Mom, I knew he was my father. Lucius told me. During my 5th birthday, Lucius told me that he was my father." Zoey was now crying too. It broke my heart to see my son confused because of my fear. I was so damn upset of what I did.
"I was so scared to tell you because I didn’t want to break your heart… I didn’t want you to cry." He sobbed but my tears felt heavier.
We are all scared of something. If it wasn't ghosts and monsters, then it maybe we’re just scared of the realities of life. I hugged my boys tight as the rain embraced us together. I missed him. I really do. We try to avoid the pain by running away. But in the end, we often realize that there's such greater pain than not trying.
"Does this mean I officially have a daddy?" Zoey asked. “Oh yes you do,” replied Zeih and we frolicked in the rain. Another cliché? Yes, but this was as real as I could get.
It will always be you and me, so why do we have to dream alone?
“The End”
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The artillery and gun fire was all around Chad. Its noise droned on in his ears. He felt it in his bones. He can’t remember the last time he slept. He tried to wipe dust from his eye, but only succeeded in getting more in it. He could hardly see their targets as the sand storm kicked up worse.
He was tired of this war. He was tired of this land. He wished he were back home in Virginia with his ma and pa, eating ma's home cooked chicken with potatoes covered in gravy. He licked his dry lips but they felt like gravel. He wished there were water in his canteen right now.
This was the hardest deployment he had yet endured. It was a faraway place where young kids shot machine guns in the direction of his battalion, and he didn't know whether to shoot back or cease fire. They hadn't trained him for this. War certainly hadn't hardened him the way they had promised. He wasn't sure if he wanted it to. He saw his friends lose arms and legs and dreaded being sent home a broken man.
Someone crying out suddenly broke his co
ncentration. His lieutenant was suddenly hit by a bullet. Chad jumps up to return fire, but out of the corner of his eye he sees Roger’s blood pouring from his neck. In one swift move Chad perches his gun on his knee. He uses the other hand to put pressure on Roger’s artery to stop the bleeding. The lieutenant looks him in the eye. “It's okay,” he mutters. He pulls Chad’s hand away, giving him permission to return to his primary duty; to protect his country over protecting his friend.
It's only a matter of moments before Chad glances over and notices Roger has lost consciousness. His face is ashen white and he is very near death now. This wasn't the way Chad wanted his deployment to end. He only had 8 more days to go before the fighting would end in here and they would send his battalion back home. But he wasn't going to make it the last 8 days.
Suddenly, a bullet tears through his arm. Two more land behind him. They are being sprayed with bullets. He has just earned a one way ticket back home, albeit not at their scheduled deployment. He needs to return fire, but he freezes. His battalion is in danger. The pain is overwhelming him. He bites his trembling lip and braces himself. His breath catches when the sand clears and he can see his assailant through the scope of his gun.
The assailant is just what he has feared. It is a young boy who looks to be barely 14 years old. He is hardly more than a baby. Damn it. Chad sees the boy aim towards him again. Chad finally pulls the trigger of his gun and does the unthinkable to protect his own life. The bullet hits its intended target, center mass, because Chad is a marksman. He turns and slumps down behind cover, covering his shoulder and wincing in pain. He looks over and his comrade purses his lips and shakes his head in dismay.
Back home in Virginia a month later, they give Chad a Purple Heart for being wounded and a bronze star for bravery in a big, important ceremony. But he doesn’t deserve it. He certainly doesn't feel important. The truth is: Chad hardly feels human after killing a child in cold blood. He doesn’t forgive himself just because the kid was shooting at him. The kid was trained by bad people. The kid hardly had much of a choice, given the rough circumstances he grew up in. At least Chad had the choice to sign up to fight in a war. He imagined that this kid was given a gun, but not many other choices in his short lifetime.
Civilian life isn't the same as it is in the military. Chad doesn't remember quite how to act here after 3 subsequent deployments right after he joined the day of high school graduation. He didn’t want to spend any more time in Virginia. His parents could hardly feed a family of 7. He had to find another way to make a living that didn't entail shooting an enemy in a foreign war. He has to get an apartment and move out on his own instead of being under his parents’ roof and under their wing. He has to make some friends along the way.
But how does he do all of those things when he feels so utterly broken. His parents let him come back to live in their home, but he has been away for so long that he doesn't quite fit in there anymore. Ma and pay still treat him like a baby. They haven't found out what he has done in the war, and they haven't seen the things that Chad has seen. They just wouldn’t understand if he told them.
Chad’s mother and father try to help him get his first job shortly after their reunion. His ma buys a nice, crisp business suit in his size. It was terribly uncomfortable compared to the jeans and t-shirt he lounged around in at home. Just like when he was with the ladies, he couldn't find the right words when he was interviewing with random employers. They asked him dumb questions about why he wanted to work there. Chad knew they would be happy if they would just hire him and let him prove himself.
He couldn’t understand why they wanted all this paperwork and all these words. Chad wasn't a complicated or sophisticated man. His parents taught him to be humble and respectable. It didn't help matters that he was never strong in his academics. Most of his childhood was filled with a stutter and neighborhood bullies.
Chad wasn’t sure if he could work for an employer who didn't value hard work. They were more worried about what Chad said than his strong and dependable work ethic that his daddy taught him. He would wait weeks for a callback. Then he would get a rejection letter in the mail, apologizing that they hired someone smarter and with a college education. Chad could have gone on to college with his Montgomery G.I. bill, but he hadn't ever been all that great in school. Besides, he would never know what it is he should attempt to go to college for. Academics really weren’t his thing.
That was the reason he went to fight a war he didn't believe in. He was nearing graduation and couldn't think of anything else to do with himself. He figured he could fight for some cause bigger than himself and maybe even earn some room and board while doing it. His daddy thought he was wrong to go. Ma cried a river when he had left their small town on the only bus that came through town. The truth was that maybe his daddy was right. Maybe war was a bad thing for Chad.
Chad was having a particularly discouraging day on the day that he met her. He was fidgeting with his too-tight business tie on the way to the men’s room at the local pool hall. He nearly stumbled into her and wasn’t watching where he was going. She was so captivating that he forgot where he was headed to.
“Uh… Hi,” he stammered. She giggled at him and tossed back her hair. Her brunette bangs had fallen into her eyes, and she batted them away. He could see that her eyes were green and stunning. Chad had always had a thing for brunettes, but there was just something about this girl that was capturing his curiosity.
Chad started to dance back and forth on his feet, because his bladder was near bursting. But he wanted to talk to her. He didn’t want her to wonder away. He noticed that her laughter was infectious. She nods in the direction of the Men’s room, but doesn’t say a word. He ducks through the door in embarrassment, but he hurries back out to try to find her before she disappears into the crowd.
When he entered the bar area again, he spotted her across the room. She is playing pool with a blond girl. They were talking and laughing, enjoying each other’s company. Chad made his way across the room. He stretched his arms a little bit to relax his exhausted body. He craned his neck and drank in the view. He goes to smooth down the suit coat that he is still wearing from his interview. He is sort of embarrassed to be in here dressed the way he is. He wanted to see if he could muster up enough courage to talk to her.
After a bit of effort, he was able to get her attention, and surprised to see that she seems to take a liking to him. She introduces herself as Jenni. He forgets her friend’s name, but she doesn’t seem to care. She is enthralled in his funny stories, and she laughs at them the way he imagined his soul mate might laugh. It doesn’t take long before he thinks to himself that he wants to marry this girl someday. Maybe the two of them could have a family and a beautiful life together.
After a few moments with her, he noticed that Jenni was different. She wasn’t like other girls his age. Most of them were saddled with kids or divorced by this age. Most of them were soured with jobs and busy with life. Jenni seemed to drink in every little beautiful thing around her. He can’t get her laughter out of his head. Her lips are just the right shade of natural, and he can smell her soft perfume over the other scents in the pool hall.
Stooping over the counter and sipping a beer to replenish his fading energy and fill him with courage, he drank in every word she says. He felt exhausted, glancing around the room which was now bursting at seams.
“I have to go soon,” he stuttered, rotating and darting a look at wrist watch. Her smile deflated at the words. He could tell she was disappointed. His ma would be furious if he got home after hours. She still waited up for him like she did when he was young. He liked her glossy hair and curvy body. Her soft eyes looked in his. He couldn’t keep his own eyes off of her. He wanted to touch her and to kiss her goodnight. He wanted to give her his phone number.
As all of these thoughts swarmed around in his weary head, she kissed him.
With her warm and inviting kiss, she made him feel real again. She made him feel whole. She
put her hands around his neck and curved her body into his. Before he knew it, she was swaying to the music softly with him in her grasp. At that moment, he wished he had learned to dance.
Her gentle touch and calming scent made him forget all of the bad memories of the past. She accepted him the way that he was and he could fall in love with her for that reason alone. He stepped back from her after a few moments.
“I have to go, okay?” He pecked her on her nose this time.
Rolling her eyes and flashing a sentimental smile, she stretched her hand out and grabbed his hand. She wrote her phone number on the back of it. Her romantic eyes settled over his oval face. He was overcome with emotion. The taste of her lips remained on Chad’s as he drove back home that night.
That was the first day that he met Jenni Johnson. It wouldn’t be the last day. Days stretched into weeks and then into months. He fell in complete love with the brunette, green-eyed thing of beauty. It took a little bit of time to tell, but it seemed to him that she felt the same.
**************
He had everything perfectly timed that morning. Dressed in his suit and tie, it took him exactly five minutes to walk from his home to the restaurant. There, he would find Jenni, the love of his life, waiting for him. From there, the two would walk to the bus stop to catch a bus to town. She didn’t mind that he didn’t have a job or have a lot of money. She was happy spending time with him and they were rich in love.