Lacrimosa (Requiem Series)

by Fonseca, Christine

  Mikayel appears next to him, sword drawn. “As you wish,” he says, his lips twitching.

  Booming thunder rattles the Council chamber as the ground beneath Aydan’s feet splits open. His wings unfurl, ripping themselves from his back. He falls backwards into oblivion, a shower of feathers all that remains in the chamber.

  “And now you are mine.” Azza’s voice rings through the hall.

  And Aydan continues to fall.

  “No!” I scream. My legs won’t hold me a moment longer. I crumble into a heap on the cold floor of the library. Bits of memory stream past my eyes, emerging from the depths of my soul. Every intimate embrace, every stolen moment. I’m lost in the depth of a love I feel for the man that still holds my heart.

  But he isn’t a man anymore.

  He is the UnHoly. A Beast. The one I must kill.

  If I can.

  Chapter 17 – Grim Dilemma

  Nesy

  Morning arrives encased in the memories of my life as Elle. I loved Adam then. Adam who is Aydan. Craved him. It’s a life I need to again forget.

  The peace I found only when I was safely nestled in Adam’s arms…forget it all.

  The security no one but he offered…release that life.

  The need I had for his touch…bury it away.

  I’d learned to lock away the memories once, transcend the feelings that lingered in my angelic heart.

  But that was before.

  Now that my memories of that life are unleashed, now that my feelings are awakened, I have to face the bitter truth.

  I will always love Aydan.

  I stare out of the window of my small bedroom, my human body asleep. The sun rises above the nearby buildings, casting beams of pink and yellow light bouncing off the glass encased skyscrapers. The scene is breathtaking. Calm.

  And completely lost on me.

  Nothing will make me feel calm. Not until Aydan is gone and my emotions purged.

  “Hey,” Zane says as he walks into the room. “You okay?”

  “I guess.” I turn from the beautiful view and look at my dearest friend, wondering. How much does he know? “What happened with the Council?”

  “We got the ‘your-loyalty-is-to-Celestium’ speech. No big deal.”

  “They think I’m going to fail.”

  “They think you can’t separate from your emotions. And they’re worried that we’ll cover for you.”

  “And would you? Cover for me?”

  “Would I have a reason to?” Zane stares through me, pushing into my thoughts.

  I block the uninvited intrusion, not ready for him to know everything yet.

  “This looks serious,” Cass says. “What am I missing?”

  “Nesy’s going to ask us to choose between her and the Council.”

  “I didn’t say that. I just asked what you would do if my plans differed from theirs.”

  “Do they?” Cass asks.

  “No. Not really.” I turn back to the window. I want to tell them I can’t do this. Want them to tell me there’s a way out that I won’t have to kill the one I still love.

  I feel Cass’s hand on my shoulder. “You know we’d do anything for you, Nesy. But Aydan is evil. You have to finish this.”

  “He wasn’t always this way.” The words pour out before I can stop them. All I can think about is the way he was as Adam—his kindness, his love.

  “None of them were.”

  I turn to my friends, lost in a fantasy I want to be real. “What if he could find his way back to us?” I ask. “Stop being evil?”

  “Impossible,” Zane says. “It’s too late for him.”

  “Why?” There has to be a way. Some path of redemption. I’m not ready to lose him again, no matter what he’s done.

  “Because he likes killing too much,” Zane answers. “He’s Azzaziel’s right-hand man. There’s no redemption for that kind of evil.”

  My silence betrays my thoughts, confessing everything I won’t admit.

  “It’s him, isn’t it?” Cass asks “Adam.”

  I nod.

  “I'm so sorry.” Her embrace showers me in pity.

  I step away from her. “Don’t. I won’t have you feeling sorry for me. I’ll figure a way out of this and fulfill my duty.” I look from Cass to Zane, disgusted by the pained expressions on their faces—reminders of all of the ways I’ve failed.

  “Are you sure you can?” Zane asks, his body tight with anxiety.

  “I’m a Sentinal. Trained by Mikayel himself. Of course I can.”

  Cass furrows her brow. “And you’re in love with your target.”

  “That was a long time ago. I’m not that person anymore. Neither is he. We both left that life—and our love.”

  “Still, asking you to kill the one you love is more than any one should have to bear, even a Sentinal. Perhaps they should—”

  “No, I will not ask for a new team. I don’t love that UnHoly. Not anymore. And I don’t fail. Not ever.”

  “Why are you being so stubborn?” Zane's forehead wrinkles. His mouth twitches. “If you’re wrong, if you can’t handle this, Aydan will kill you. Or worse, Azzaziel will figure out who you are. He’ll torture you until you join his ranks. We’ve all seen it happen before.”

  “Not with me, you haven’t.” I clench my jaw, refusing to acknowledge the truth of his words. “Look, I know I can handle this. It’s just another assignment like all the others. I’ll do my duty, regardless of anything else. I owe Mikayel that much.” I feel my emotions subside. Feel my warrior’s mask harden. Centuries of training take over and slowly I become everything I’ve been trained to be. . .

  A cold, heartless, warrior.

  “I am not broken. I will do this.” I say the words more for myself than my friends.

  “This isn’t about your being broken, Nes. It’s about being smart. A Sentinal would know that, would see when they’re outmatched.” Zane’s voice is barely audible.

  “I’m not outmatched,” I say through gritted teeth. “Not even close.” I look at my physical body still sleeping. “Now, if you two will excuse me, I need to slip into form. I have a demon to vanquish.” The lie sticks in my throat.

  “Nesy—”

  “I'm fine, Cass. But seriously, get out of here and let me get dressed. There's a chance he hasn’t figured out who I am. I need to get this finished before he does. Then I can forget all about Aydan. About everything.”

  Yeah, right. No chance of that.

  Chapter 18 - Conflicted

  Aydan

  Azza expects my allegiance. Demands it. But things are different for me now. The mere thought of taking his vows fills me with disgust.

  I can’t go through with this. Not anymore.

  I think of the Seer, Lori. There is something familiar about her too. Something that pulls on the fringes of my memories. I reach for the fragmented pieces of that former life, desperate to unlock the riddle of who the Seer really is, but I can’t.

  I only know her presence binds me to Azza forever. He won’t stop now. Not until I’ve been branded. Not until I’ve fully become the Beast.

  This was always the price for my vengeance so long ago. But now that it’s time, now that the Seer has been found, I’m torn.

  I don’t want this life anymore.

  I want Nesy.

  She reminds me of everything I’ve lost. Everything I still have to lose. If only I could find a way out of this fate.

  My mind swims in the possibilities, a drop of hope blooming in my chest. Maybe I can find my way back to Celestium.

  The Beast claws through me, shredding any possibility for a different life. My eyes water as every death I’ve caused streams past.

  It’s too late.

  There have been so many lives ruined. So many atrocities committed.

  Hope withers and dies and I’m resigned to the disgust of who I am and the only option left to me—

  A life spent as Azza’s slave.

  A life filled with killing.<
br />
  A life as…

  the Beast.

  Chapter 19 – Finding Lorelei

  Nesy

  I arrive at East Side moments before class. Aydan is bound to be at school, if for no other reason than to feed off the students’ torment and pain as they learn about their classmate’s death.

  Was that only yesterday? It seems like a lifetime ago.

  The campus is quiet. Solemn. Grief counselors meet with small groups of students helping them process the loss. They huddle together. Some cry. Many seem curious, whispering questions. “Was it a drug overdose?” “Was she attacked by some psychopath?” “Did she kill herself?” The questions are endless.

  And all wrong.

  Aydan is to blame. Only Aydan.

  Two innocent deaths on my watch. Two more reasons why I have to finish this now. Today.

  Before I change my mind.

  My morning classes creep by with no sign of Aydan. No sign of Azzaziel. Strange. They should be here. I reach out my thoughts, searching. Every feeling leads me back to school. They’re here.

  Somewhere.

  The bell for lunch rings and I head out amongst the throng. The students are not as sad, not as shocked. They walk with their friends as death fades from their conversations.

  I walk too, still looking for any sign of Aydan. Tendrils of emotion seep through my façade as seconds turn into minutes. My body tenses and I imagine the feel of his hand in mine.

  No. I won’t do this. I won’t pine for him.

  Focus, Sentinal. I ignore the waxing tide of feelings threatening to overcome me. Desire, guilt, rage. Sentinals do not give in to emotions. I repeat the words, desperate to embrace my training. None of it works as the tempest continues to rise, swirling through me. Confusing me.

  I make one last attempt to find Aydan amongst the crowd at lunch. My mind splinters as pictures of my sister filter into my thoughts. Images of a suicide. Her suicide.

  Help me Nesy. Please. Make me strong. This is the only way…

  I try to dismiss the voice, the images, and focus only on my job. It’s no use. Lorelei’s pleas are too compelling.

  “Nesy.”

  Not in my head.

  “Nesy.”

  That voice is real.

  “Are you okay?”

  I spin around and face my past. “Lori?” Her name scrapes across my throat. I stare into her eyes. She’s alive, just as Raphael promised. Alive with no memory.

  I hope.

  “Hey! I was looking for you.” I say.

  “That’s funny, I was looking for you too.”

  “Me? Why?”

  “I wanted to make sure you were okay. You know, after last night and all.” Lori stares relentlessly into my eyes and I see the truth. She is my sister. My human sister. Impossible or not, Lori and Lorelei are one. “I needed to see that Aydan didn’t really hurt you.” She looks from my neck to my arm, scrutinizing my skin.

  So much for no memory.

  My body stiffens and I fumble for the right words. “Um, what do you mean? Hurt me how?”

  “You don’t need to play dumb with me. I know what happened, same as you.”

  I remain silent, unsure of exactly what to do or say.

  Lori takes my hand and leads me to the same low wall where we talked two days ago. She sits, motioning for me to come next to her.

  “I know who you are,” she whispers. “I know what you are.”

  I say nothing, praying this isn’t actually happening.

  “You’re an angel.” Lori smiles at me, looking more like the six-year-old girl I left behind so long ago. “You came to protect me. Just like in Germany.”

  Guess I can’t pretend this isn’t happening anymore. “Lorelei?”

  She nods. My world fractures as both lives collide. I wrap her into a tight embrace, unwilling—unable—to stop the flood of happiness I feel. “I can’t believe it’s really you. How much do you remember? From last night? How much?”

  “Everything. You and Aydan were fighting. Azza took me away. I thought he was going to kill me.”

  I did too.

  “An angel rescued me. He frightened Azza away and brought me home.” Tears glistened in her eyes. “The angel tried to make me forget you, tried to change my memories. But he couldn’t. I hid them away, just like Momma taught me.” Lori fumbles with the winged charm around her neck, biting her lip. “I’ve waited too long for you to come back to me to forget everything now.”

  “I don’t understand. You shouldn’t be alive. You can’t be.”

  “But I am.”

  “Then you must be a…” I couldn’t bring myself to finish the sentence. To admit the truth.

  “A Seer.”

  I nod.

  “I am.”

  “I thought the Seers were a dead race.”

  “We almost are. In fact, Momma said I was the last one. I’m not sure I believe that though.” She releases a labored breath and closes her eyes. After a moment she shakes her head, opens her eyes, a sad smile forming on her face. “Most of my kind were killed by a powerful monster with large black wings, empty eyes.”

  “Azzaziel.”

  “Yes. Aydan’s friend, I think. He’s much worse than Aydan.”

  “You said ‘most were killed’ by him. What happened to the rest?”

  “Suicide. It’s the only way to keep him from stealing our souls. Momma killed herself to protect me. She was a Seer too.”

  Lori’s eyes cloud over as her tears spill over cheeks—just like they did the day I left her for Aydan, the day I died. “I’m sorry, Lori. I didn’t know.”

  “She died to save me. I never understood that choice before last night. But now…now I think it’s the only way.”

  “No. I don’t believe that.”

  “Azza knows who I am, what I am. He’s relentless. He’ll hunt me and he won’t stop until I’m dead, until he’s claimed my soul.”

  The thought of Azzaziel or anyone hurting Lori sickens me, strengthening my resolve. I have to end this.

  First Aydan. Then Azzaziel. Mikayel’s warnings or not. I will not let him hurt my human sister.

  “Why does he need your soul?” I ask, knowing there’s more to this story.

  “I don’t know. When Azza took me, he called me the one he’d been searching for to fulfill his plans. He said he’ll follow me to the ends of the Earth, that I’d never be safe now that he can recognize me.” More tears fill Lori’s eyes. “Nesy, I’m tired of running. I’ve been hiding for centuries. I can’t do it anymore. I’ll die before I let him touch me again.”

  “What if I could find a way to protect you? Make it so he could never hurt you again?” I don’t care that she isn’t my assignment. I don’t care about Mikayel’s warnings or the Council’s wishes.

  This is personal.

  “You can’t protect me all the time.”

  “I’ll find a way. I swear it.” I hug my sister again, determined to keep my promise. “I’m here for Aydan. But that doesn’t mean I’m willing to let Azzaziel take you. I have to figure this out. In the meantime, I need you to hide. Keep yourself safe. It’ll only be for a day or so.”

  “Momma’s choice makes more sense.” Lori lowers her head, mouthing one word. “Suicide.”

  “No! That’s not an option. There are horrible consequences for that—things far worse than losing your soul.” Lori will not pay for my failures.

  “Before I agree to hide again,” Lori says, wiping the tears from her eyes. “I need to ask you something.” Her hands again fumble with the winged charm around her neck.

  “What is it?”

  She takes a deep breath. “Do you know who Aydan really is?”

  An involuntary shutter ripples through me at the mention of his name. “Yes,” I whisper.

  “You know that he was Adam? Before?”

  Hearing the words from her lips somehow makes everything worse. More real. “Yes. I know.”

  “And you’re sure you can still do this?
Protect me from him, from Azza?”

  I fight back the rush of emotions and ignore the crushing weight of despair threatening to rip me in two. Aydan is not Adam. Not anymore. He is an UnHoly, one I’m ordered to kill. I have to say the words. Force myself to admit the truth. “Aydan isn’t the person I fell in love with in Germany.” The words scrape across my lips. I swallow, desperate to quench my suddenly dry mouth. “He’s nothing more than a monster. And I always chase away the monsters.”

  “But he had you pinned last night. Maybe he’s too strong for you.”

  Why does everyone keep thinking that? He is not too strong for me.

  “He caught me off-guard, nothing more. That won’t happen again.”

  A slight wind ruffles my hair, carrying the putrid scent of the Dark One. Azzaziel. My senses go to full alert as I begin to scan the crowd for him. “Lori, I need you to tell me exactly what Azza said when he took you last night.” My angelic form pushes against my body, poised to fight. “Every word.” I turn back to my sister.