My Heart Lies in Pisciotta

by Cate Nielson Raye

  I said goodnight and retreated behind my door before he could ask any more questions. I threw myself onto the large bed with its fluffy covers and took out my phone. Opening the WhatsApp messenger I fired off a quick message to Sam.

  Smooth. Really smooth. A response immediately appeared below it from him.

  It’s rude to message another man while you’re with a boy.

  I rolled my eyes and couldn’t help my grin as I typed my reply. I don’t invite boys into my room. I’m alone in my bed.

  It was significantly longer before he replied, his answer disappointing me somewhat.

  Goodnight, Ana.

  I quickly sent my response and buried my head in my pillow, eager for sleep to overcome me and empty all the thoughts swimming around my mind. Goodnight, Sam.

  Our first full day in Rome was spent exploring the sights. Our early morning started at the Cafe Canova-Tadolini with coffee and pastries for breakfast. Its rooms contained numerous paintings, statues, and busts that could be viewed before the rush of tourists arrived around lunchtime. Next, we walked to the Santa Maria del Popolo Basilica to see the works of Caravaggio, Raphael, and Bernini. We then visited the famous Bernini sculptures The Rape Of Proserpina and David with his slingshot in Galleria Borghese. After a delectable, carb-filled lunch the afternoon was spent in the Vatican. We wandered through the Sistine chapel where I stood under the famous ceiling for the first time, awestruck and slightly emotional.

  Around 6 PM we all escaped to our hotel rooms to freshen up and dress for dinner. We were all going out for a few drinks and a nice meal to celebrate the end of a fantastic trip. I wore a chic little black dress that brushed the top of my knees and black stilettos that I worried about walking in all night. Charlie met me at the elevator down to reception where the rest of our group and Sam were waiting. “Now that we are all here…” Sam avoided my gaze and proceeded to lead the group out into the city. We had kept our distance from each other for most of the day, only speaking when necessary or helping him with interpreting for the group.

  I held Charlie’s arm as he guided me over the cobbled streets. At dinner, I sat next to him, with Sam directly across the table shooting fleeting scowls our way every time we laughed. I enjoyed fried calamari, gnocchi, and gelato, washed down with copious amounts of wine. Although I had drunk a lot I was nowhere near to catching up to Charlie, who had polished an entire bottle off by himself and was merrily shouting to his friends down the table. After downing numerous shots of Limoncello Sam decided to cut him off. We left the restaurant and wandered around the streets enjoying the fresh air, the lights, and the warm glow that a hot meal and plenty of wine had provided.

  When we reached the Trevi fountain, lit up and glowing against the dark night sky, I took a coin from my pocket and held it to my lips. I wished for good health for my family, especially Nonna, and for my love life to sort itself out. As my coin sank below the surface of the blue waters I noticed Sam watching me. He took a coin out of his own pocket and, without breaking eye contact, tossed it into the water near to mine. A loud laugh and a splash of water from behind me made me turn. The alcohol had hit Charlie full force in the fresh air and he was now slurring and giggling as he reached his arm into the fountain and splashed around like a child, soaking the other tourists and attracting unwanted attention.

  I ran to his side and tried to pull him away from the water but it was too late, the police were pointing through the crowd and heading toward us. They grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the fountain, speaking in fast and angry Italian to a swaying Charlie who didn’t understand a single word. I followed close to his side apologising profusely and tried to explain that he wasn’t in any state to know what he was doing. I heard Sam yelling for everyone to return to the hotel then I felt his hand on my shoulder pulling me behind him. He spoke calmly to the officer, asking for forgiveness and promising to remove the drunk boy from the area and shut him in his hotel room until he had slept off the alcohol.

  After much deliberation and extensive grovelling on mine and Sam’s part, we were allowed to escort an unsteady Charlie back to the hotel. His arms draped over each of our shoulders as he gradually sank lower toward the floor. “You sure know how to pick them, Ana,” Sam huffed as he pulled Charlie higher up his shoulder. I puffed out a gust of air as I tried to remain balanced in my high heels. “How many times do I have to say, we are just friends.” We continued bickering about Charlie’s inconsiderate behaviour all the way to the hotel, up in the elevator, and into Charlie’s room where we deposited him on his side with an ice bucket next to the bed. Outside the room, we both leaned against the wall stretching our aching arms. A quick glance at each other and we started laughing, diffusing the tension and lightening the mood.

  “There’s a bar downstairs…Fancy a few drinks and a catch-up?” I looked over at Sam, his back was to the wall, his voice was gentle and his eyes were bright from the evening’s festivities. Part of me, the part that had walked around Rome all day, wanted to go back to my room and sink under the fresh sheets. The other part of me, most likely run by my heart, wanted to know what he had to say. “Ok,” I agreed and shrugged nonchalantly. It was getting on for 11 PM and we could only buy drinks for another couple of hours. Sam offered me a stool and we sat at the empty bar. A barman arrived and took our orders, Sam asked for two drinks in Italian before I could respond and order wine.

  “Godfather?” I asked, not knowing what I was about to be handed. He smirked and pointed it out on the cocktail menu. “Amaretto and Scotch Whiskey. You’ll like it, trust me.” The drinks arrived and he slid it in front of me. I took a sip of the warming amber liquid and smiled, I liked it a lot. “Cheers,” Sam held his glass out to me and I clinked them together. Before long the alcohol lowered our inhibitions and we were talking animatedly again. We discussed art and my coursework. We discussed work at the cafe and how he was doing with teaching. Eventually, we moved on to more personal matters and, in my inebriated state, I told him about my past encounters with Charlie and how I had told him I wasn’t interested in a relationship with him.

  It was 1 AM and the barman was making it clear we should leave. I drained my glass and stood from my stool. Wavering slightly on my heels I bent down and pulled them off, clinging to Sam’s shoulder so that I could stand upright again. We staggered toward the elevator and went up to our rooms reaching Sam’s first. I stopped and placed my hand on the wall to steady myself. “Well, thank you for the drinks. And for earlier, stepping in with Charlie and saving the day.” Sam leaned his shoulder against the wall, swaying slightly, and smiled warmly at me. “That was nothing, you’d already charmed them enough, I just sealed the deal.” I smiled and lay my head against the doorframe.

  “Well, thank you for sealing the deal. He’s my friend, I didn’t want him ending up in jail or with a fine.” Sam put his hands in his pockets and stared at me seriously. “You’re a good friend, but I didn’t do it for him, I did it for you.” I giggled girlishly and tugged gently on his shirt front. “Then you’re a good friend to me.” He shrugged away from the wall and leaned in closer to me. “You know this whole friendship thing between us is bullshit right?” I sighed and pressed my back against his door. “Yeh…I know.” He stood in front of me, our eyes met for a moment too long, and before I knew what was happening his mouth was on mine. Not sweet and soft, but with a frantic passion that I met him with, kiss for kiss. Pinned against the door I gasped into his mouth, he tasted like whiskey and lemon.

  His hand fumbled for the door handle and we fell back into the room as I pulled his shirt open to reveal his bare chest. His fingers scraped against the hem of my dress and he pulled it over my head roughly, allowing himself a few seconds to admire my black, lacy underwear before bringing his mouth down to my neck. We stumbled backward onto the bed, our breathing feverish and our bodies desperate to be as close as could be. I pushed his black Calvin Kleins past his hips to release him as he removed my underwear with one hand. He was inside me befor
e his briefs had dropped to the floor. My legs wrapped tightly around his waist and his mouth silencing my cries.

  He rolled us further up the bed, fingers digging hard into my buttocks so that our connection wouldn’t be broken. I had missed the feel of his touch, of his skin on mine. Nothing with Tom had felt that good, a magnetic attraction so strong we could not pull away from each other. His hips were grinding hard into mine, I felt the tension tightening between my legs as we climbed closer and closer to climax. His fevered pace increased and his moan in my ear triggered my release as I cried his name. “Ah, Ana!” He panted and with two more deep thrusts, his body shook and was calm once more. Sated and exhausted I curled up into a ball against his side, and as my breathing returned to normal I fell into a deep and peaceful sleep.

  Chapter 19

  I woke in a daze, confused that I wasn’t in my own bed back home in York. Gradually my senses returned and I realised I was in the hotel in Rome, feeling groggy with lack of sleep and an alcohol haze. It could have been a lot worse with the amount I had drunk the night before. I didn’t have a headache or feel like I was going to say goodbye to my stomach contents. I wiggled my toes and stretched my arms to make sure I hadn’t done anything stupid and injured myself. Satisfied I wasn’t damaged anywhere I slid further below the duvet and closed my eyes, eager to get a couple more hours of napping in before I had to leave for the airport.

  A groan from behind me made me jump up with a loud scream. I hit out at the person in the bed beside me as they too scrambled to get out of the tangled sheets. I rolled and fell backward out of the bed, landing hard against the bedside table where a book that was not mine and a stick of male deodorant fell into my lap. Realising I was not in my own room, and that I was almost completely naked, I pulled the sheet over my chest as the man emerged from the other side of the bed clutching his head. “Sam?” I cried out in shock, looking around slightly panicked and at a complete loss as to what I was doing naked on his hotel room floor.

  His head snapped up and the little colour that was in his cheeks drained from them. “Ana? What the fuck?” Realising he was also naked he scrambled for his underwear and pulled them on hastily. I sat watching him in awe before he came over and pulled me off the floor, placing me to sit on the edge of the mattress. I clung to the sheets now wrapped around me like a toga and watched him struggle to assess the situation. “What the hell have I done?” He sank into an armchair across from me and rubbed his face with his palms. “Sam? Did what I think happened actually happen?” I squeezed my eyes shut as memories from the night before came back piece by piece. The bar, the kiss at his door, the feel of his fingers gripping my thighs as he pushed inside me.

  He looked at me gravely and nodded. “Shit…we are going to be in so much trouble.” I fidgeted nervously inside the bedsheet, “Why?” I asked, almost scared of his answer. “Because I’m going to have to tell them aren’t I. The department heads, I’ll have to tell them what I’ve done. Fuck!” He stood and began pacing the room. I grabbed my clothes from where they were strewn across the floor and quickly shut myself in the bathroom to get dressed. When I came back out Sam was sitting at the end of his bed, still dressed only in his boxers, with a slightly foreboding look on his face. “We don’t have to tell anyone anything. Can’t we see each other in secret until the end of the year?” I offered as I sat next to him, desperate to reach out and touch his bare thigh.

  He met my eyes then, smiled sadly, and stroked a thumb across my flushed cheek. “You know I can’t do that.” I grasped his hand and ran my finger along his lifeline. “Then what can we do?” He closed his eyes, at war with himself, and removed my hand from his. “Well…I either quit teaching and cause a scandal by dating my former student. Or…” He paused and avoided my eye. “Or?” I prompted. His forehead creased and I saw the resolve in his eyes. “Or we pretend this didn’t happen…go on with our lives as we have the past few months…we stay away from each other.” My eyes widened as I considered the prospect of returning to our distant relationship after last night’s activities. “And which are you going to choose?”

  He pushed off from the bed and paced the room again, running a hand through his hair and rubbing at the stubble along his chin. “I don’t know, Ana, I can’t think. I need time to think.” My chest hurt and I held my breath to prevent the shuddering gasp that I knew would escape me. The fact that he could still consider us separating even after everything we had been through, after we were unable to stay away from each other, wounded me deeply. I stood and walked quickly toward the door. “Where are you going?” He called across the room. I stopped with one hand on the handle and turned to look at him, the disappointment rolling off me in waves. “I have to get back to my room, everyone will be up soon. Talk to me when you’ve decided.”

  With that, I left, quickly checking the hallway for anyone I knew before hurrying toward my own door. As I fumbled with my key card I heard a handle rattle and a door open a few rooms down. I glanced up briefly as I stumbled through my doorway and saw the surprised face of Charlie as he poked his head out into the hallway. I quickly shut the door behind me and immediately jumped in the shower. As the scalding water beat down over my head and shoulders I desperately tried not to remember Sam’s lips on mine or how, as I lay in his arms after our amazing reunion between the sheets, I had felt the safest I had felt since leaving Pisciotta.

  * * *

  Early on Monday morning, I received a text message off Charlie telling me to check my emails. I grabbed my laptop from my bedroom floor and opened my student inbox. There was an email from the department head stating that Sam would not be taking his assigned classes that week and we should carry out self-study during his usual sessions. I chewed on the skin at the edge of my thumb nail nervously, wondering if his absence meant he had told the school about our relationship. I fired a quick text off to Charlie to confirm I had read the email and that I would see him in the studio sometime later that day. I pushed my laptop away from me and stuffed my phone under my pillow before pulling the covers over my head.

  Sam and I hadn’t spoken since I was in his hotel room the previous morning. I isolated myself from him, and everyone else for that matter, on the way to the airport and our plane seats were not next to each other on this flight. Instead, he was situated across the aisle from me, two rows back, and I avoided his gaze by putting on my sleep mask and headphones as soon as the safety demonstration was over. On our coach ride back to York I had no choice but to sit next to him once more, but the awkward silence between us stretched throughout the entire journey. I practically ran off the bus when we arrived on campus, grabbed my bags, and jogged to the bus stop before anybody could stop me for a chat.

  Later on Monday afternoon I got the bus to campus and met Charlie at the student union bar. He had a cold, fruity cider waiting for me when I got there. I took the bottle gratefully and we commandeered a booth that had just emptied on the far side of the room. “Sorry I didn’t get a chance to talk to you yesterday,” I smiled apologetically. Charlie gave me a studious look, “Uh yeh, you disappeared so fast, I was going to ask if you wanted to hang out.” I shook my head and leaned back against the cushioned booth. “You know…I was so tired from travelling, and I hadn’t fully recovered from all that alcohol on Saturday, I just wanted to get home to my bed.” Charlie’s cheeks flushed a little and he gave me a bashful grin. “Yeh, we did drink an awful lot. I heard I was a bit of an idiot, and that I owe you one.”

  We laughed about his drunken antics and I teased him mercilessly. “I seriously don’t know what I was thinking! Thank God I had you and Sam there to get me out of it!” I took a hasty gulp of cider at the mention of Sam’s name. Charlie traced the condensation on his bottle and didn’t meet my eye. “So…what happened after the police incident?” I cleared my throat nervously, “Nothing much…everyone went back to the hotel…Sam and I walked you back to your room.” He still wasn’t looking at me but took a long draw from his beer bottle and went back to ex
amining his fingers. “And then what happened?” It was then that I realised that he knew more than he was letting on.

  “What do you mean, “and then”?” I faked nonchalance but he wasn’t buying it. His eyes met mine, his were questioning, mine were giving away my fear. “Come off it, Ana…I know you spent the night in Sam’s room, I saw you in the hallway yesterday morning. You were still in your black dress doing the walk of shame.” My heart stuttered as I tried to compose myself and not give Sam and I away. “What makes you think I was coming from Sam’s room?” Neither of us was drinking now. We were stuck in a standoff of wills and, with a smirk, he was about to deliver the winning blow. “Because right as you shut your door he called your name and dove out of his room in nothing but his boxers.”

  I froze like a statue and felt all the colour drain out of my face. I could not look at him. I leaned away and swigged on my cider while he continued. “Oh, that’s not all. I noticed the tension between the two of you on the way home. He watched you none stop on the flight, just stared intently at the back of your seat for two hours. Then you practically ran from him when we got off the bus.” I leaned my elbows on the tabletop and hid my mortified face in my hands. We had been caught out. “Look…I know some girls like to sleep with the lecturers…It’s like a thrill thing, I get it…But if you are doing it at least own it. Don’t lie to me.”