A Different Shade of Violet?

by K E Osborn

  “Violet, I don’t think that’s—”

  “I don’t want to be alone,” I blurt out before he can finish his sentence.

  He exhales and walks back toward me while removing his shirt. I look at his chest and stomach and wipe the imaginary drool from my chin. I forgot how utterly gorgeous and toned he is.

  “I’ll lay on top of the covers until you fall asleep, how’s that?”

  “Hudson, I was beaten up tonight. I need comfort,” I say and he closes his eyes tightly.

  “I’ll get Midas to come in here and lay with you.”

  “No Hudson, I need you. I need you to hold me—”

  “Vee, c’mon—”

  “Please Hudson,” I beg and he rubs his nose looking slightly uncomfortable and I hate that he looks that way. He stands up and pulls back the covers and hops into the bed. I instantly feel all the panic leave and a comfortable ease wash over me.

  “Roll over,” he says.

  I smile even though it hurts and roll turning my back to him. He slides in behind me and wraps his arm around my stomach pulling my back to his front. The connection of having his body against mine is sending a chill up my spine but in a completely good way. He nuzzles into my back and it feels like we’ve never parted. His hand runs under my shirt and rests on the skin of my stomach. His touch is soft. I know he doesn’t want to hurt me. I can’t resist and I move my hand up and under my shirt and on top of his. I move my fingers down between his and he slowly moves his and intertwines our fingers.

  Suddenly all the drama and pain of the last few hours washes away and it was all worth it to have this moment right now with Hudson. I lean into him completely and revel in his smell. He smells just like I remembered. I close my eyes and relish the feeling of his breath on the back of my neck and for the first time since I was beaten, I feel like I have something to fight for while I drift into the black crevice of my mind.

  I wake slowly, still with his arm wrapped around me and our fingers entwined. Even though my body is aching more than I thought possible, I feel safe and calm. I feel the best I have emotionally, in a month and I’m so glad my autopilot skills brought me here.

  “Morning little firecracker,” he whispers in my ear and my heart skips a beat when I hear the words I’ve been craving.

  “Morning,” I say as I turn in his grip to face him.

  As I turn he winces. I forgot I must look like shit. He brings his hand up and caresses my cheek.

  “I can’t believe they did this to you. Trust me Vee, they will pay for it,” he says and I smile.

  “As long as it doesn’t end up with your severed head in an alleyway. I’m all for it,” I joke.

  “I’m not going after them personally, Vee, even though every inch of me wants to rip Mad Dog’s head off. I know I can’t match them, but I will go after them with the law. I’m going to hit them with everything I have. Don’t worry they’ll pay.”

  “Thank you, for everything. You were amazing last night, even with that bitch ex of yours,” I say suddenly feeling very cold at the thought of Cassie.

  “I’m sorry about her. She’s very protective of me and she’s helped me through some rough shit. Doesn’t excuse how she treated you though,” he says and I look into his eyes. My vision is clearer today and I can see just how stunningly attractive he really is. He looks back into mine and a moment passes between us. His hand stills on my cheek and I inadvertently lick my lips. I lean in closer and I can see his breathing increase, as does mine. I lean in a little closer, our lips so close together, but still too far apart for my liking.

  “Vee,” he whispers as I inch closer again.

  “Mmm?” I murmur.

  He exhales breaking eye contact and rolls on his back away from me.

  “I’m sorry, I can’t…”

  I back off feeling rejected and a whole lot of insecurity runs right through me. I thought he was feeling the spark too. I know it’s still there and I was sure he was feeling it.

  I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat and nod rolling over onto my back.

  He sits up suddenly and pulls the covers off of him. He stands up from the bed and looks at me.

  “I’m sorry. I’m going to make you something to eat and then we’ll go down to the station to report this. Okay?” he asks sounding increasingly distant.

  I sniff as my heart races frantically. “Sure.”

  He nods and walks out of the bedroom, grabbing a tank top and slipping it on, on his way out. I watch as he leaves the room quickly. Seems that the connection I’m feeling, maybe he isn’t.

  I slowly rise up from the bed and make my way to the en-suite. I figure I’ll have a shower and wash away some of the residual blood stains. I get completely undressed and turn on the water, it’s still set to forty degrees, just the way we both like it. I feel slightly weak on my feet, but I’m sure I can manage something as simple as a shower. I step in the alcove and shut the door.

  I step under the shower and the water droplets running onto my skin would normally soothe me, but today it does nothing but remind me of my bruising while every drop of water beats onto my skin in a painful thump. I wash quickly and to get out asap! Suddenly the en-suite door opens.

  “Vee, are you in the shower?” Hudson calls out, but he doesn’t come inside.

  “Yes.”

  “Well, be careful. I don’t want you passing out in there or something when I can’t help you.”

  “Hudson, you don’t have to yell you can come in,” I call out and then there’s a pause. I rub the mist from the shower screen to see if he’s coming through the doorway or not. He isn’t.

  “Hudson?”

  “I’m here, just make sure you get out soon and don’t stay in there if you feel weak,” he says and then the door shuts.

  I swallow hard and wrap my arms around myself for comfort. I think it’s pretty obvious he’s trying to steer clear of me. I don’t blame him. I guess this situation of me being beaten to a pulp hasn’t changed the previous situation. You know, the one where I’m a madam and he’s a cop. Yeah, that situation hasn’t changed and I guess it means his stance on us won’t change either.

  I wash the last of the blood from my body and get out of the shower quickly. I dry myself with his towel and then make my way to the walk-in robe to find some comfortable clothes and pull them on.

  Once dressed and my hair looks more normal and less like Chewbacca, I make my way to the kitchen to see Hudson cooking up some bacon and French toast. He would always cook my favourite weekend breakfast and it’s nice that he remembered that I loved it so much.

  Midas runs up to me smiling like he always does wagging his tail manically.

  “Hey boy, I’ve missed you,” I say in that stupid voice you make when talking to your animals.

  Hudson turns around to see me patting Midas and he half-smiles.

  “He’s missed you too,” Hudson says and I bite my bottom lip to stop it from quivering.

  “And what about his owner? Has he missed me?” I ask and he exhales and turns back around to face the frying pan. “Sorry,” I say under my breath and walk to the fridge to get out the orange juice like I always used to when he would cook for us.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “I’m okay,” I reply quietly.

  The tension in the air is thick and suddenly the feelings I had of being safe and secure are outweighed by feelings of insecurity and loneliness. Even though he’s in the room with me, it feels like we’re a million miles apart.

  “Leave the OJ, I’ll do it all. You go and sit in the lounge room and relax. You must be sore still?”

  I nod even though I know he isn’t looking at me. I swallow hard and place the orange juice on the counter and walk toward the lounge room. There’s no point staying here if he’s going to ignore me the whole time. I already feel like I’m worthless, he doesn’t need to prove it.

  I take a seat on the sofa where I always used to sit and rest my head back. I close my eyes a
nd suddenly a thought pops into my mind. I open my eyes and look over at Rock, in the google-eyed goldfish’s tank. And Spider is still in there too. I smile and my nerves are settled slightly. At least he hasn’t gotten rid of her. I turn around and look in the wall cutout and see that Lizzy lizard is still in her tank as well. Midas comes in and jumps up on the sofa next to me, laying down and resting his head on my lap. I smile down at him and caress his soft head.

  “I really did miss you, boy. I wish things were different so I could still be here to play with you, but your daddy doesn’t want me anymore. But, I promise I’ll try to visit every now and then, okay?” I whisper to him and then hear Hudson clear his throat. I look up to see him standing there with a plate of food and a glass of orange juice ready for me. I swallow hard and look into his eyes.

  “How much did you hear?”

  “Enough, and just so you know, Midas would love to see you every now and then,” he says placing my plate and drink on the coffee table in front of me. “Eat up, you need your strength,” he says leaning down and patting Midas on the head and then he walks back to the kitchen.

  I exhale and look down at the monster plate of food and decide there’s no point letting it go to waste, so I start to eat… in silence… and without Hudson. Once I’ve finished my breakfast I look at the time on the clock and see it’s after three p.m. I guess I did sleep in, but after getting home at dawn I think I was entitled to a good rest.

  I pat Midas again who hasn’t left my side and then gently move his head from my lap. I stand up and grab my plate and cup and head into the kitchen and Midas follows closely behind. It’s like he doesn’t want to leave my side. I guess he figured I left once before so he will get in as much quality time with me now as he can. Don’t blame him. After we go to the cop shop, I’ll be heading back to Cupiditas and he will probably never see me again. The thought almost cripples me and I feel like doubling over in pain as I walk into the kitchen to see Hudson sitting at the table playing with his food. He looks like he’s hardly eaten anything. I don’t say anything but make my way to the sink and place my dirty dishes onto it.

  I turn around leaning on the counter and look at him, but he still isn’t looking at me.

  “Hudson, I’m not infested or anything. I don’t have the plague or Aids. You don’t have to avoid me you know,” I say and he exhales and rests his head in his hands. He really looks like he’s struggling and it’s breaking my heart.

  “I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel, Vee,” he says so quietly I can hardly hear him.

  I swallow hard and walk over to the kitchen table and pull out a seat opposite him and sit down.

  “You just feel how you do. There’s no particular way you’re supposed to feel. You can’t help the way you feel. Do you want to talk about it?” I ask and he finally looks up at me.

  “I don’t know how to be around you. I want to hold you and look after you and tell you everything is going to be alright, but then what would that achieve? It doesn’t change the fact that we’re just not meant to be.”

  My heart thuds in my chest so forcefully it’s making it hard to breathe.

  “What makes you think that we’re not meant to be?” I say, but it barely comes out as a whisper.

  “Vee, you’re a madam… I’m a cop, nothing will change that,” he says putting his head back in his hands.

  I exhale and bite my bottom lip. “Does that really have to stop us? I mean, I love you Hudson, that’s got to count for something, right?”

  He shakes his head and stands up abruptly. “C’mon, we better get you to the station and make this report,” he states, taking his full plate to the counter and scraping the bacon and French toast into Midas’ bowl. I stand and wrap my arms around myself. He really doesn’t see a way past this, and I guess I always knew it would stay this way. Can’t blame a girl for hoping though.

  He puts his plate in the sink and walks toward the front door not looking at me.

  “Hudson, for God’s sake, you can look at me you know!” I say loudly and he turns back.

  “I have trouble looking at you, Vee. I hate seeing you all banged up like this knowing if I’d done my job properly and put Mad Dog away, this never would’ve happened. You looking the way you do right now is my fault, and looking at you just reminds me of how much I’ve failed you, as a cop, as a boyfriend and as a human being, I’m a failure Vee, and that’s on me,” he says grabbing my car keys and walking out the front door.

  I stand there shocked at his admission. He blames himself for me being beaten, but it’s not his fault at all. Technically it’s Papi’s if we want to play the blame game. But really it’s just the Rebel Dogs doing what they do best, intimidation and threats until they get what they want.

  I inhale a deep steadying breath and walk to the front door to see Hudson sitting in my car waiting for me. I close the front door locking it and walk to the passenger side and slide in. He starts the ignition and proceeds to drive the car toward the police station. The car is filled with an awkward tension and I hate that we’ve been reduced to not even talking to each other. This is ridiculous and I regret that he’s feeling down on himself.

  “This isn’t your fault, Hudson,” I whisper and he glances at me sideways.

  “It is Vee. I should have found a way to protect you from those Dogs and instead you got hurt… I…” he stops talking as he shakes his head and grips on to the steering wheel tighter.

  “Hudson, stop it! This is not your fault,” I say putting out my hand to touch his on the steering wheel. He looks at it and then his tight grip on the wheel loosens and he relaxes slightly at my touch.

  “We’ll just agree to disagree, okay? We’re nearly there so you can make your statement and then I can go after Mad Dog and bring him in,” he says and I exhale and take my hand from his and place it back in my lap. He looks at me and I look back and for a brief moment, I thought I saw a faint smile, but he quickly looks away and then the tension is back. I don’t say anything else in the car, and neither does he, but thankfully the trip to the station is a short one and we arrive quickly.

  He pulls up my car and then gets out. I exhale feeling frustrated that the man I love feels more like a stranger to me than anything. I get out of the car and everything hurts as I step out and stand up. I wince as the pain in my legs shoots up and into my back.

  “Ouch,” I moan under my breath as I shut the door.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah, just a bit sore and sorry for myself,” I reply as I straighten up and start to walk toward the station. He follows behind but says nothing.

  He leads me in and I follow him as he walks. We walk past the front reception area and he punches in a code on the door and it opens, then he ushers me through. I can’t help but notice all the front desk staff looking at us. Well… no… looking at me. I guess that’s what happens when you look like I do. We walk down the hallway and then into an open area where there’s sectional partition offices with small desks. He walks me down the back to a large office where a man is sitting at his desk talking on the phone. He looks up and notices Hudson and then looks at me raising his eyebrows, he gestures for us to go inside so Hudson opens the door and we walk in.

  “Okay, thanks Bill, have it on my desk by tomorrow,” he states and then hangs up the phone.

  “Hey Stone, is this the girl you were talking about?” he asks and Hudson sits down opposite him at his desk and gestures for me to sit as well.

  “Yes, this is the woman,” he answers looking at me and I can’t help but think back to all the times he has said I’m not a girl, but I am all woman.

  “Hi! I’m Chief Thomas. I hear and, unfortunately, can see you’ve had a run-in with The Rebel Dogs?” He seems nice enough, he kind of reminds me of Denzel Washington, but with an Australian accent.

  “Yes sir.”

  I’ve never been a big fan of the police and being in the station and in such a high-security area is making me uncomfortable.

  �
��So, your name is Violet, Stone tells me?”

  I swallow a lump in my throat as I look around the office.

  “It’s okay, Vee, he’s here to help,” Hudson says and I nod and relax a little.

  “I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now, Violet. You must be scared and very afraid—”

  “More like fucking angry and annoyed,” I reply and Hudson smirks.

  “Yes, I can understand those emotions as well. Now Stone tells me you want to file a report on the men who did this to you?”

  I look at Hudson not really knowing if I’m doing the right thing or if I’m about to stir up a hornets nest.

  “Yes she does,” he says.

  “Yeah, I do,” I repeat and Chief Thomas nods.

  “Okay, well first thing’s first. Do you know who did this to you?”

  “Yes, it was the Rebel Dogs. Mad Dog told his gang to ‘take care of me,’” I say and I see Hudson’s body tense up.

  “Do you know why they targeted you, Violet?”

  “A few days ago Mad Dog came into my business at Cupiditas, the place where you guys found the four duffle bags of ecstasy tablets. Well, because you took the drugs, Papi, no sorry, Carlos was storing for the bikers, they came back looking for their stash. They couldn’t find it obviously because you seized it, and then they said if I paid them the money for the drugs they would call it even and if I didn’t then they would take an employee every day until I did pay. I paid them after they beat up one of my employees – but we didn’t tell you guys because I thought once I paid them they would fuck off and leave us alone.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me they threatened you?” Hudson asks looking at me with sad eyes.

  “I didn’t think you’d want to know. I didn’t want to bring in the police because I thought it would make it worse—”

  “It got worse, Violet, look what they did to you!” Hudson berates loudly and Denzel looks at him raising an eyebrow. He obviously doesn’t know of our involvement.

  “How did this happen, Violet?” Denzel asks pointing at my face.

  “After I paid them they came back the next night and said they needed more money. I said no and they took it quite well, they were actually polite and left without any issue. I should’ve known it wouldn’t be the end. When I was walking to my car, they cornered me in a circle and one held me down while one of the younger Rebel Dog’s laid into me. Mad Dog came over and said if I didn’t come up with the rest of the money in twenty-four hours that next time he got to me he would kill me,” I say and take a deep breath.