A Different Shade of Violet?

by K E Osborn

  I nod and sit up ready to tell them absolutely everything.

  I’ve been in this fucking uncomfortable, annoying hospital bed for a week. My lungs got worse before they got better, and even though at one stage I could hardly breathe I was still fighting to see Hudson. But they keep refusing to let me see him. He’s too critical and me taking my pneumonia in there is a bad idea they say. Apparently they don’t want my infection getting anywhere near him, that plus, I still can’t walk without my leg or my lungs caving in. So I’ve stayed put, but I don’t know how much longer I can stand being away from him.

  They say that he’s awake, but not completely lucid and that they’re trying to have him rest as much as possible, but I feel like I’m dying inside with the need to just see him. I hate that I’m not there for him every time he wakes up. I’ve been able to make some calls to Angel to check in on how things are going. Angel cried most of the time and I had to calm her down when I filled her in on what had happened. She said everyone misses me and to be honest I miss them too. She wanted to close shop for a few hours so everyone could come here to visit, but I said no. To be truthful, I just don’t want them all to see me like this. Angel was adamant that she was going to come in on her own, but I talked her out of it. I really just want to try and look human again before I go and see people outside of the hospital. I know how terrible I look. Practically my entire body is bruised or cut in some way and to be honest I haven’t been in the best of moods over the last week. Actually, I know I’ve been a complete bitch, but all I want, all I need, is to see Hudson and make sure he is actually okay.

  A nurse comes in and I glare at her. “Don’t give me that look. I come bearing good news this time.” I’ve been a bit of a bitch to the nurses and they’ve been nothing but courteous to me. I just can’t shake this bad mood.

  “Good news?” I ask sitting up a little higher in the bed. I do feel a lot better than when I first came here. I’m still a little weak in the chest, but it’s not as bad as day four, that was the worst! The crushing feeling in my lungs had me gasping for air. I had a fever which felt like an intense burning, but I actually had the chills, lots of muscle aches and pains through my entire body, an overwhelming fatigue, so much so I couldn’t keep my eyes open, a sore throat that felt like razor blades every time I swallowed and the pain in my chest was worse than any pain I’ve ever felt except, of course, when I thought I’d lost Hudson.

  “I have pulled a few strings and I’m having a wheelchair brought in so I can take you to see Detective Stone.”

  I squeal and jump slightly in the bed, then wince at the pain in my ribs and collarbone.

  “Now you won’t be able to go in to see him, but I can take you to the door and let you look in—”

  “I’ll take anything I can get. Thank you, Hilda. I love you right now,” I say and she smiles. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a bitch—”

  “Hey, stop that. You’ve been ill and you’ve been worried sick. Those two combined would make anyone cranky. I understand Violet. That’s why I’m making this happen for you,” she says and walks over to me.

  I reach out and grab her hand. “Thank you,” I say through tears and she smiles caressing my cheek.

  “You’re most welcome,” she replies as another nurse comes in with a wheelchair while Hilda helps me off the bed and into it.

  I wipe my tear soaked face and breathe a lot easier as she wheels me out of this God forsaken horrible hospital room. I can’t help but notice the security guard out the front of my room who then follows closely behind. She moves the chair down a few corridors and she doesn’t say anything, but my excitement grows and grows.

  I’m finally going to see Hudson.

  He will still be out of it, and I won’t actually get to touch him, but at least I will see him. To know he’s recovering, but that’s all that matters right now. I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat as we reach the doors to intensive care. Hilda presses a button and the doors swing open and she wheels me inside. I have to wash my hands and sanitize them thoroughly before we can go any further. It smells in here, like a sterile cleaning cupboard that’s been cleaned with bleach. I turn my nose up and frown. I stretch which makes me grimace in pain as it shoots down my collarbone and ribs. Hilda starts to walk and as I look in the rooms as we pass them, I notice in each one there’s a person lying on a hospital bed with tubes and stuff coming from them. I frown knowing these are people’s loved ones and they’re all so sick. It’s so sad in here. I start to wonder if this was really such a good idea?

  Hilda pulls up at a door and she positions me in front of it. I notice another security guard standing by Hudson’s door.

  “This is him,” she says and I look in and gasp. The sight before me is terrifying. Hudson is laying on the bed with monitors connected to him everywhere. A ventilator is attached to his mouth and his chest is rising and falling in time with its pumping noise. There is also three distinct wound dressings across his chest. My hand shoots up to my mouth as I hold back my sobs. I move my hand to the window and press my palm against it trying to feel closer to him.

  “He’s had a piece of his left lung removed, and that’s why it’s taking so long for him to recover. His body has to adjust. He’s a fighter, and boy is he fighting! I’m sorry I can’t take you inside the room, but maybe next week I can, when you’re feeling better yourself,” Hilda says and I nod continuing to stare at the lifeless body in front of me.

  “Can he feel anything? I mean… is he in pain?” I ask and Hilda’s hand rests on my shoulder.

  “No sweetie, he’s not in pain. He has pain meds and he’s asleep most of the time—”

  “So, he’s been awake then?” I ask my head shooting back to look at her.

  “Yes, but only for a minute or so at a time. He’s still recovering and they’re trying to keep him sedated because every time he wakes up he’s hurting himself trying to get to you. You two have been quite a handful for us. You must love each other very much,” she says and I look back at Hudson and nod.

  “We do, so much,” I say and sniff as fresh tears come to the surface.

  “Well, I’ll give you some time,” Hilda says and she and the two guards walk off to the nurse’s station. I rest my hand back on the window and his head moves slightly. My heart races and I open my eyes wide watching him, but he quickly stills. My breathing is rushed and with the lack of lung capacity that I have I’m feeling a little dizzy. I exhale forcefully trying to slow my breathing.

  “I love you,” I whisper and he remains still as I lean my forehead against the glass to get closer again. I’m not sure how long I stay against the glass just staring at him, but eventually Hilda comes back.

  “Okay, the doctors are going to be doing their rounds shortly so I need to get you back to your room. Have you had enough time with him?” she asks and I look at her and half-smile.

  “Not nearly long enough, but at least I’ve seen him now. Thank you, Hilda, I really appreciate it. Can I come back later?”

  “No, not today. I think you’ve had enough excitement for one day, but I will bring you back down tomorrow. How’s that sound?”

  “Okay, great,” I say and turn back to look at Hudson one last time before I have to leave.

  “I love you, Hudson,” I say loudly hoping he can hear me, even though I know he can’t.

  “He knows sweetie, he knows,” she says and I exhale and nod at her. She smiles and steps in behind me and turns my wheelchair around to walk me out. The security guard follows and I don’t move my eyes from him until he’s out of sight. We turn a corner and I exhale. I feel great for seeing him. Knowing he’s fighting and holding on for me, but then seeing him so… incapacitated, well that broke my heart into a billion pieces.

  “Will he live a normal life after this, Hilda?”

  She exhales. “He will be mostly normal, but he will only have eighty percent lung capacity,” she says confusing me.

  “Which means?”

  “Which
means, he won’t be able to push himself as much as he could before. Exercise could make him short of breath and any extra exertion could make him feel weak,” she says and I bite my bottom lip.

  “What about… sex?” I whisper the last word which escapes before I can think about it. She chuckles.

  “He will be fine. He may not have the same stamina he once had, but he will still be able to perform. It might just be at a slower rate.”

  I nod and exhale. That’s good, just means we’ll make love slowly from now on and not the hurried fucking like normal, and I’m totally fine with that. Having Hudson any way I can get him is perfectly fine with me. Suddenly I realise that even with us both being okay, he still might not want to work things out between us.

  What if he still doesn’t want to be with me?

  What if he resents me for being shot? They were there for me after all, and I did force him into looking after me at that stupid cabin.

  Shit!

  I need to prove to him that I have to be with him. I decide to do the only thing I can do to win him back.

  I’m going to sell Cupiditas!

  The next week I spend getting better and feeling stronger. My leg is still bad and I’m going to be recovering from that for at least eight to twelve weeks, but I have crutches now and I can at least get myself to and from the bathroom. My lungs have practically cleared up, which is great because that pneumonia, even though they said it wasn’t the worst case they had seen, still felt like shit to me. And even though I was sick I still went to visit Hudson every day. They moved him from the ICU into the Surgical Ward for recovery, so at least he’s improving. And thank God they took that ventilator out, it was scary seeing him with that on his face.

  Hilda or whatever nurse was on duty would take me to sit outside his room for an hour or so each day, and it was my highlight. I was constantly checking with the nurses for progress reports when I wasn’t with him just so I knew what was happening.

  The guards are still outside both our rooms, even though the Dogs are all locked up. Apparently Mad Dog has been quite cooperative with the police and decided he didn’t want to live that type of lifestyle anymore. I don’t know if that’s because of our chat in the van or just because he was sick of living that way, or perhaps he’s just playing with the police. But either way, I’m just glad he seems to be steering clear of me and my employees, and more importantly – Hudson. Hilda walks in and I smile. She’s quickly becoming my favourite person at the moment.

  “I have some great news for you today.”

  “What?” I ask.

  “You’re well enough to be discharged,” she says and I frown. “That’s a good thing, honey, it means you’re well enough to actually go in and sit with Hudson,” she says and I squeal loudly.

  “Really, you mean it?” I ask and pull back the covers ready get out.

  “Yep, sure do. I’ll help you pack your things and then I’ll help you down to the Surgical Ward. The only thing is that means you won’t be here anymore. So you will probably have to go home to sleep and then come back during visiting hours to see him.”

  “Oh man. Can’t I just stay by his bedside? I won’t leave him now that I can actually be in there with him.”

  “I’ll see what I can do, but the nurses hate having people in the Surgical Ward if it’s not a necessity. I don’t think there will be much I can do about it, but I will ask for you. Okay?”

  “Please do. I don’t want to be too far away from him and especially not at home. That’s over an hour away from here. I can’t drive so the taxi fares will be ridiculous to and from here each day.”

  She caresses my shoulder as I grab my crutches, stand up and start to walk toward the door.

  “And where are you going now?” Hilda asks.

  “To see Hudson,” I reply.

  She takes my arm stopping me and I look at her furrowing my eyebrows.

  “Hold your horses love, let me get you a wheelchair, it’ll be too far to walk on those. Can you wait five minutes while I get a chair for you?”

  “Okay fine, but try and hurry, I’m bursting to see him,” I say and hobble back over to the bed to sit down.

  “Right, one wheelchair coming right up.”

  I’m so excited, I’ll get to actually hold his hand and touch his face. Being near him is all I crave and not knowing whether he’ll want me or not when he sees me is a worse torture than what the Dogs did to me. But I try to push all my doubts aside because I hope more than anything he’s willing to give us a go once I tell him I’m selling Cupiditas. I still haven’t told the girls that I’m going to be selling the business, and I know they will all be upset about it. But if this small sacrifice will win me Hudson permanently, then I am all for it. I was drowning there anyway, and I’m sure I can find work somewhere. Not that I actually need to work, I have plenty of money, but I would like something nice and easy, like a receptionist or bookkeeper to keep me occupied. Something with no stress and definitely no chance of outlaw motorcycle gangs showing up on my doorstep.

  Hilda walks back in with the wheelchair quite quickly, maybe only a minute or two after she left.

  “That was quick,” I say excitedly as I move to the edge of the bed.

  “Well, I know how badly you want to be in there with him. I also know if it were my husband in there, I’d want to get to him as quickly as possible too.”

  I blush a little. “Oh, we’re not married—”

  “I know, but you have the same connection and bond that I have with my husband. I can tell how much you love him, and even though you’re not married, you’re in each other’s souls. And that my dear, is better than marriage,” she says while helping me into the chair.

  “Thank you, Hilda, for everything.”

  “Right let’s go.”

  The security guard follows and I think I might tell Denzel he can stop with my security now. I’m pretty sure I’m safe, but I want him to keep it on Hudson. I definitely don’t want to risk anything happening to him… ever!

  She wheels me down through the ward and straight through to Hudson’s room. My heart is beating so fast, I feel like my lungs are full of water again and I can’t breathe. I know he’s still asleep, but to be able to touch his skin, well that’s something I’ve been waiting two weeks for since the incident.

  “You okay?” Hilda asks and I nod.

  “I can’t wait to touch him, and hold his hand,” I whisper mostly to myself.

  “Let’s get you in there then, hey?”

  “Yes please,” I say as the security guards both smile at me. One of them opens the door to Hudson’s small room and Hilda wheels me in. I hold a breath as I’m wheeled over to his bed. He still has the dressings on his chest and a tube for oxygen going up his nose, not to mention all the wires coming off him in all directions. I swallow hard as even though he’s fast asleep and a bit of a mess, he’s still the most beautiful mess I’ve ever seen.

  My hand shoots to my mouth as I try to hold back a sob. I’m so happy that I’m finally in here with him, but utterly devastated that he’s so badly hurt.

  “Do you want me to stay or come back later when you’re being discharged?” Hilda asks and I can’t take my eyes from Hudson.

  I can’t even find it in myself to answer her. There’s a ringing in my ears and my heart is racing so fast. I lean in toward him and reach out my hand to touch his face. He’s slightly cold, but he feels like the Hudson I know and love, just with a slight beard on his gorgeous face. It almost suits him. I sniff back the tears threatening to fall and take a deep steadying breath.

  “I love you,” I whisper under my breath and Hilda rests her hand on my shoulder.

  “I’ll give you some time, I’ll be back later. Just let one of the nurses know if you need me and I’ll come right back down,” she says and I nod, still not taking my eyes away from Hudson. She presses a button on the bed and it lowers down so he’s more in line with me in the wheelchair and I can get to him more easily.

&nbs
p; “Thank you,” I say while she smiles at me and then walks out of the room.

  I inch closer to him and take his hand in both of mine. I notice I’m breathing quite quickly, and I’m not sure if that’s because the vision in front is scaring the fuck out of me, or whether it’s just the normal chemical reaction I get whenever I’m near Hudson.

  “I know I fucked up. I’m so sorry you got hurt like this and I will never forgive myself for it,” I say as a tear runs down my cheek. “I love you so much, Hudson. Please make sure you come back to me.” His hand tightens in mine. I look at his eyes and they’re fluttering open and closed. “Hudson I’m right here, I’m right here. I love you so much,” I say as I look at his face.

  He opens his eyes wide and looks up at the ceiling, his eyes look empty like there’s no life in them at all. I feel anxiety bubble through me as he moans and I can see his chest rising and falling rapidly.

  “Hudson?” I ask and he suddenly pulls the tube from his nose and goes to sit up groaning out in pain.

  “Vee,” he calls out and I push on his shoulders for him to lay back down. He looks like he’s panicking. “Vee,” he calls out again as he tries to sit up yet again.

  “Hudson. Stop! I’m right here.” I run my hands along his arm as his eyes search around the room.

  “Jesus, Vee, I need you,” he says looking lost while he struggles against me.

  “Shhh, Hudson. I’m right here. Please stop and look at me,” I say loudly as I notice the security guard look in through a crack in the door.

  “Is everything okay?” he asks.

  “I need to get to her,” Hudson says and tries to get up again only to groan and fall back to the bed.

  “Something’s wrong,” I state as I grab hold of Hudson’s face and force him to look at me.

  “I’ll get a nurse,” the security guard states and I nod even though I’m looking into Hudson’s eyes.

  “Hudson stop moving, you’re hurting yourself. I’m right here,” I say forcing him to look at me as a tear falls down my face. I hate seeing him like this, it’s tearing me apart. I look deeply into his multi-coloured eyes and try to focus on our breathing. “It’s okay, I’m right here.” His lifeless eyes start to show a little brightness. I think he must’ve been having a bad dream and now he’s finally waking up and realising I’m here.