Blackness Awaits

by Karlsson, Norma Jeanne

  After two hours there is a fully dressed seven foot tall fir in Kid’s hospital room. There are presents under it now that the rest of the family has shown up. You’d never know what we’d been through the last ten days if we weren’t in this room with Kid stuck in this bed. It feels like a normal Christmas Eve.

  “Now, I know they’re bein’ cautious with food, but you’re too thin,” Maggie says pointedly after Kid refuses a Christmas cookie the size of her head.

  “Ma, I don’t feel great. I can’t eat that, I’ll get sick. I kept the smoothie down this morning but that was pushin’ it. I’ll gain the weight back. I’m okay, don’t worry,” Kid urges. Everyone fussing over her is starting to take its toll.

  “I’ll always worry,” Maggie says softly pushing a tear from her cheek. She and Mary cry so much it’s a wonder they’re not constantly dehydrated.

  “Ma,” Kid soothes.

  “I know. I know. Love you,” Maggie coos and kisses her daughter’s cheek lingering a moment before exiting the room, to surely cry her eyes out on Sully Senior’s shoulder.

  “What’d you do now, Kid?” O’Sullivan chides from his bed where he’s been immersed in some game on his tablet.

  “Just bein’ my marvelously extraordinary self,” Kid snarks.

  “All right gentleman, if you all can clear out for a few minutes I need to see to my patient,” Sheryl the nurse states firmly as she rolls a cart in the room. Most of Kid’s brothers are in here so one by one they clear out. They won’t go far. I stand up and place a chaste kiss at the edge of Kid’s mouth and follow the group. As I leave the room Sheryl pulls the privacy curtain and gets to work. I’m guessing she’s changing bandages on the bullet wounds. She’ll need plastic surgery to remove the scars from her beating. Kav already talked to a surgeon who assured us it can be done once she’s ready. Not soon e-fucking-nough!

  “I hear you’re visiting the jewelry store, Dylan,” Mary says quietly from behind me. There are no secrets in this group.

  “I am,” I respond with a grin as she makes her way around me. She’s starting to look like herself again. Her blonde hair is smoothed back from her flawlessly aged face. The bags and dark circles are gone from beneath her ocean blue eyes. Her slacks and red sweater make her look like a Christmas card has come to life. Doc is a lucky man.

  “Always a good choice,” she says kindly, though I can tell she wants to say something else. “I met Robert when Aidan was six months old. There was this gorgeous man standing in the baby aisle of the grocery store with three little boys, all of which were screaming, as Robert tried to load the cart with diapers while having Aidan in a baby carrier, Ryan on his hip, and Finn in the cart seat. That scene would have made most men wanna rip their hair out and run screaming in the opposite direction. Robert had a smile on his face. I melted.” I smile because I don’t have any idea why she’s telling me this story, but I’m happy to listen.

  “A lot of things changed in my life that day. I didn’t know it then but I became a mother, a wife, a future grandmother, and a future mother-in-law in the baby aisle of a grocery store. Then about seventeen years later I got the daughter I always hoped for. My life was complete when we got Kid. She was the missing piece in our family we didn’t know was gone. I have the feeling you’ll be involved in some of those future roles I was blessed with twenty-nine years ago and reinforced thirteen years ago. I’ll be nothing but pleased to have you included in our family, Dylan,” she says softly patting my cheek two times. I have not a clue how to respond to that. I’m afraid she thinks I’m proposing.

  “Mary I appreciate that more than you know, but anything that may be in our future is a long way off at this point.”

  “Oh Dylan, you just keep telling yourself that,” she mocks and shakes her head walking away. Okay, that was weird. I didn’t know that Cal’s mom died when they were that young. Dude doesn’t talk about that shit. He doesn’t talk about much actually. The way I understand it, he only really talks to Mary and Kid. Not bad choices for conversation companions.

  “You wanna head out?” Kav asks moving next to me. “Nurse’ll be a while and the rest of the family is all staying until after we eat Christmas Eve dinner.”

  “Let me just tell her I’m headin’ out.”

  “Grab our coats too would ya?” I offer a chin lift and head into Kid’s room.

  “Hey Kiddo, a couple of the guys and I are gonna head out for a bit. We’ll be back soon okay?” I explain through the curtain as I move around the room gathering up the guys’ coats.

  “Okie dokie,” she says loudly. She’s so fucking cute when she says shit like that, I chuckle. “Don’t laugh at my old lady saying,” she feigns offense.

  “Be good, Kiddo,” I instruct moving toward the door. “Love you.”

  “Love you too, Kel,” she purrs in her raspy sexy voice. On that note it’s time to go before I do something sexually inappropriate in front of Sheryl and the rest of Kid’s family. I may have let out a growl as I make my way out the door trailed by Kid’s giggles.

  “What?” O’Sullivan asks grabbing his coat from me.

  “Your sister,” I grunt. A Cheshire grin sweeps across his face.

  “Pain in the ass right? Or should I say a pain in the dick?” I snort and shove his shoulder, though I can’t disagree with him.

  “Quit fondlin’ each other,” Cal snarks. “Let’s move.” So off I limp into the Windy City to find the perfect Christmas present. No pressure.

  Shannon

  “How’s that?” Sheryl asks as she eases the nightgown over my shoulders.

  “So much better,” I groan in relief. I’ve had a sponge bath, my hair washed and conditioned, my bandages changed, and am now in a soft jersey nightgown Mary bought me. I feel like a new woman. My catheter (medical device of the devil) was removed shortly after I woke up yesterday. I’ve since had the lovely experience of using a bed pan. I’m healing well and off all the weird drugs so I finally get to get out of bed and pee. Whoo hoo!

  “You’ll have to just let your hair air dry, honey. The wound at the back of your head is still healing,” she explains as she cleans up around me.

  “It is not a beauty contest around here. I’m good with air dried hair.” I snicker.

  “Tree’s gorgeous by the way.”

  “Thanks. I just sat in bed and barked out orders. I could get used to this.”

  “Somehow I doubt that,” she remarks, brow raised. She’s right. I can’t wait to get the hell out of here and back to my life. I grin in response. “Now get some rest. I’m gonna keep your family outta here a little while so you can sleep. Let your pain medication do its work. If you need me, call me. Do NOT get outta that bed on your own,” she orders sternly.

  “Promise,” I respond crossing my heart. I wonder how long she’ll be able to keep my family out of this room. I should time it, but I can feel my eye lids starting to droop. Who knew having someone wash and take care of all your needs could be so exhausting? Sleepy time it is.

  “Shanny,” I hear calling in the distance. A warm hand holding mine squeezes ever so slightly. I flutter my eyes open to see my long lost friend smiling at me.

  “Nicky,” I rasp hoarsely. “What time is it?”

  “A little after four,” he answers. Wow I was out a while. The room is empty besides Nicky and me. Sheryl must have some kind of long distance wasp spray she uses to keep my family out. I’m impressed. “How’re you feelin’?”

  “Better than yesterday. Still tired, but I got cleaned and changed earlier and that made a big difference,” I beam. It’s weird sitting here talking to someone I thought I’d never see again. Even weirder the circumstances that have brought us back together. Today has been harder than yesterday. More nightmares and thoughts of the almost rapist and everything he did to me. The bathroom incident hasn’t bothered me yet, I’m not sure it ever will.

  “I know this is hard for you,” he says reading my mind. “You strugglin’ with stuff?”

  “I don
’t know, Nicky. You’re right this is hard. Hard actually doesn’t begin to cover it,. I’ve been through another trauma before and it took a lot for me to get back to myself. I’m here recovering, thankful to be alive, and on some great drugs but when that relief fades and the drugs are gone, I know how this goes. There is a blackness awaiting me.”

  “I know about what happened thirteen years ago,” he mutters softly.

  “What?!”

  “Your house was bugged, Shanny. From what I can tell Mancini’s crew didn’t listen too much and I don’t think they listened to that part. It hadn’t been flagged as listened to. I listened after you were here though. No one else in my agency has or will hear that,” he explains quickly.

  “Fuckin’ shit,” I huff. “The pool guys right? The crew that came to winterize the pool?” I knew those guys were shifty. Teach me to trust a cute pool boy again or answer the door for a flower delivery. When I get home I’m permanently attaching a gun to my hand. He nods. “This is what I’m talkin’ about, Nicky. That’s some dark shit.”

  “I won’t lie to you. You ask me anything I’ll tell you the truth. The truth is not pretty and it’ll be hard to hear, but I won’t lie to you.”

  “Don’t ever tell me Taylor loved me again. That backstabbin’ prick passed me off to them knowin’ what they’d do. He led me to slaughter. He tried to take me from Kel and when that didn’t work he was willin’ to sacrifice my life. I did nothing to deserve that,” I whisper before finishing. “That shit that went down yesterday about killed Kel.”

  “Kellerman? You’re worried about him in all this?” Nicky scoffs. Okay it’s lesson time.

  “Yes, I’m worried about him. I’m worried about my whole family. They went through a trauma just like I did. Theirs was different, but it was scarring nonetheless. You met me when I was eight and had a privileged life. I’m not the same person anymore. You know what happened when I was eight and apparently what happened when I was seventeen. That shit changed me. I’m not complainin’ because I love who I am and the family I have now, but I’m different. So get me when I say they mean everything to me. Knowin’ that my life bein’ in danger hurt them, pains me worse than what was done to me.” There’s an edge to my voice, but he needs to understand how I work.

  “You’re not different,” he says smugly. I raise a brow at him and wait for an explanation. “You always loved fiercely. You refused to leave your dead father as you were losin’ your own life. You told me you took care of your Uncle Mick until he took his last breath. You asked a little boy to play with you and gave him your first kiss because he asked you for it. And you threw yourself in front of me without thought to protect me from bein’ shot after everything you went through. You’re not different.” Okay maybe not that different, but I am different.

  “I’m different. I don’t trust people anymore. I don’t sleep feeling comfortable and safe unless I’m in Kavy’s arms or as of late Kel’s. I’m so terrified to let anyone close enough to love me I almost ran Kel off the day that they grabbed me. Yes, I’m still fiercely loyal and probably more so, but a girl that takes comfort in knowing how to kill someone with her bare hands and relishes in her weapons skills is not the same girl that you knew.”

  “Point taken,” he acquiesces.

  “I’m not havin’ a great day in my head today. Strugglin’ with Taylor and I can’t really talk to the guys about it. They’re too pissed. I’m havin’ some nightmares about the almost rapist too,” I whisper. I feel like such an idiot for believing anything Taylor said. I’m generally a good judge of character, but wow I was off the mark with that one. Pretty bad time to make that mistake.

  Nicky’s face is marred with sorrow, not pity, but painful sorrow.

  “You have to cut yourself some slack with Taylor. He played you all and that was his job. Don’t carry that guilt. And Bruno…that motherfucker is dead, Shanny. He can’t hurt you! I know that won’t help you forget what he did, but he’s never comin’ near you again. You need to talk to someone though. Can’t leave this shit to fester. Have you told your family, Kellerman?”

  “I haven’t said anything. I don’t want to tell anyone. They’ve dealt with so much already because of me I don’t want to add to it,” I admit guiltily.

  “Don’t make those kinda decisions for them. They love you and are here to support you. It’ll be hard, but carryin’ that shit on your own will be devastating. I’m here for you and you can talk to me about whatever you need to. I’m not goin’ anywhere,” Nicky finishes emphatically with an attempt at a hand squeeze. Kel and him could be hand injury twins.

  “What do I do about Taylor? I’m questioning my sanity at this point. How did he get that over on me? I knew he wanted me, but I truly believed he had feelings for me. Then he sends me off to be tortured, raped, murdered? How could I be so damn blind?” I’m an idiot!

  “I wasn’t gonna let anything happen to you,” Nicky says strongly.

  “Taylor didn’t know that.”

  “No he didn’t. But I want you to know it. I wasn’t gonna let anything happen to you.”

  “You didn’t let anything happen to me,” I remind him.

  “Bullshit!” Nicky spouts. If I didn’t know any better I’d think Kavy was sitting next to me. So I offer Nicky a Kavy worthy glare.

  “It’s true, Shanny. If I’d been there the whole time you wouldn’t have takin’ that beating or the hanging. And I sure as shit wouldn’t have had to pull him off you before…” Nicky trails off. “And then the bathroom. Fuck Shanny I let shit happen that never shoulda even come close to you!” he yells at himself.

  “Why is it that I always have men in my life carryin’ guilt around like priceless Louis Vuitton luggage they can’t take their eyes off of?” I huff. “Did you order the kidnapping?”

  “No.”

  “Did you beat the shit outta me, order it, have any say in it?”

  “No.”

  “Did you leave me hangin’ afterwards?”

  “No.”

  “Did you come into that room and plan to rape me?”

  “NO!”

  “Did you leave me in that bathroom thinkin’ I’d have to kill someone to keep myself safe?!”

  “Fuck no!!”

  “Then fuckin’ quit with the guilt shit!!”

  “Okay,” Nicky relents softly.

  “Okay.”

  Round two of rid Nicky of guilt seems to have been more successful. Nicky keeps holding my hand and starts filling me in on some legal proceedings that are starting after Christmas. Nicky’s touch is soft and soothing, but I can tell it’s doing more for him than me. He still feels guilty. That won’t go away but maybe someday it will be less intense for him. He may have shit to feel guilty about in this life…I’m not one of them.

  Kavanagh

  We went out of control shopping. Yes we’re men and shopping is not our idea of a good time, but shopping for Kid is different. She loves holidays and presents so we always make a big deal out of all the holidays. This one we may have lost our minds a little bit. The four of us can barely carry all of the stuff we bought back up to her room. As we walk down the corridor to Kid’s room I notice everyone is still milling around the waiting area outside her room.

  “You guys went out of control,” Maggie admonishes us. She’s not wrong. We set down all of the bags and boxes in the waiting area. I turn around and see Cooper (I’ve been warned to use the correct name or suffer the wrath of Shannon Kelly weapon extraordinaire) sitting with Kid…alone. I see this about two seconds before Kellerman sees it giving me about half a second to intervene before he ruins some other part of his body. The bathroom can take no more abuse.

  “Man, keep it together,” I urge with a firm hand on his shoulder. Finn walks over to offer some back-up.

  “We’ve been watchin’. She’s good, Kellerman,” Finn explains softly.

  “She was kidnapped, beaten and almost killed. I don’t want him near her and I can’t fuckin’ believe any of you do eithe
r,” Kellerman bellows to the group. He’s right. I don’t want him near her either, but I know Kid. Her and Cooper have history, she’s going to have him around. I’ll admit I’m jealous. She had someone before me that was her friend. I don’t give a shit if he was a little kid, and it was for one afternoon. He had her before me. I’m possessive of her and what we have. Caveman? Yes. Alpha male? You bet your ass I am. She’s my best friend, my sister. I share her with the guys because they’ve got as much claim on her as I do, but this fuckwad…no.

  “Let’s go,” I growl. I got myself worked up with all that. I push her door open and stalk in. Kid clocks my mood before I’m two steps in with Kellerman, Cal, O’Sullivan and Finn right at my sides.

  “Kavy,” she warns. “Easy.” Kellerman and O’Sullivan growl while Cal and Finn snort in disgust.

  “I’m guessin’ there’s a room full of angry men behind me,” Cooper says knowingly as he pivots his head to witness his telepathic abilities.

  “Damn skippy,” I spout.

  “I’m gonna head out, Shanny. I’ll be in touch,” Nicky says as he stands up moving toward her and kisses her cheek. Kellerman is shaking next to me so hard I can feel the floor moving beneath our feet. As Cooper moves toward us we stand in his way, a wall of testosterone. “Can I talk to you a minute?” he asks me. That was unexpected. I look at my posse and they’re all thrown too. I give him a curt nod and turn on my heel to exit the room. This should be interesting. Once out of Kid’s room he motions with his arm for me to follow him. We go to the end of the hall into a stairwell outside the ear shot of the family. I could get a good ass whipping in on him in here and no one would hear it. I’ll keep that in mind.

  “I get that you all hate my fuckin’ guts,” he says honestly. “I’d hate me too if I were in your position. The thing is there’s no way in hell you all can hate me more than I hate myself. If I coulda stopped this or made it easier on her I would’ve. I did the fuckin’ best I could but it’ll never be enough in my mind. If I hadn’t shown up, let me give you a picture of what that woulda been. They woulda beaten her, raped her, tortured her, starved her and then they would’ve cut her into pieces and shipped her to you guys. I can tell by the look on your face the thought makes you sick, well it makes me fuckin’ sick too because it’s true.