Climbing Out

by Lila Rose

And I loved it.

  He pulled back and said, “Next time some punk gives us shit, I will take you right in front of ‘em to show that you are mine.”

  I rolled my eyes and giggled like a schoolgirl. “Sure, handsome. Now let’s have sex before we go and get Swan.”

  He threw me over his shoulder and made a dash for the stairs.

  Three weeks later

  Deanna

  It was bound to happen. We'd been going great after our last fight—one that could have been prevented if Grady hadn't been a jealous fuck.

  Only this time, I knew it was my fault for the fight that was gonna brew as soon as he walked in the door. I'd done something I shouldn't have, and I knew it, but it was something I had to do because I had been worried. Swan wasn't up-to-speed of what a two-year-old should have been, so I took her to see a paediatric specialist. I came away with great news, but—and that's a huge fuckin' but—I shouldn't have done it without telling Grady about it first. I knew it, but still, I went ahead and did it.

  And now, I was going to suffer from what would come from it.

  I could only hope I wouldn’t lose them in the process.

  I was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee when I heard the front door open. Swan was out with Nancy, Zara’s mum. I felt she and Zara were the only ones I could confide in. Both of them told me I needed to tell Grady, get it out in the open, and they were right. I’d been sitting on it for a week, and it was eating at me like a living thing.

  The front door opened, and his heavy footsteps paused. I knew what he was thinking—the house was too quiet. Usually, he’d walk in and find Swan sitting in front of the television while I was getting dinner ready. Instead, the only light on was the one in the kitchen, where I was waiting for my doom.

  Fuck. My heart rate sped as he called out my name, a dot of worry in his tone.

  “In the kitchen,” I answered.

  His keys hit the stand just beside the front door, and he made his way in. He stopped just inside the archway. “What’s wrong? Where’s Swan?”

  “She’s fine.” I tried for a smile, but it slipped from my face as quickly as it appeared. “Ah, she’s out with Nancy for a bit. I need to talk to you.”

  His body was tense; I could see it in his furrowed brows, clenched jaw and tight muscles under his white tee, club vest, jeans and his usual biker boots. He pulled out the chair next to me and sat down.

  “I’m fuckin’ stressing here, princess. What’s going on?”

  “I’ve done something I shouldn’t have.” I nodded to myself, looking down at my nervously wringing fingers in my lap.

  “You slept around on me?” he growled.

  Glaring, I snapped, “No, dickhead. Oh, my fucking God, why in the hell would you think that? I’d never, ever do that.”

  “Shit, sorry, okay. Look, I’ve seen you stressed, but this—what I’m seeing in front of me—is a state worse than I’ve ever seen you in. So please, just tell me what the hell is going on.”

  It was true. I knew I was showing how scared I was. I even felt sick to the stomach. I didn’t want—no, couldn’t lose them.

  Ever.

  “Sorry.” I took a deep breath and went on. “I took Swan to see a specialist, because I was worried she wasn’t developing the way normal two-year-olds do. I know I should have told you, but I was worried you’d say no. But the good news is that she’s going to be fine. Yes, she’s a little behind and still very quiet, but she isn’t missing anything. She’s a bright young girl, and with our help, she’ll be up to the standard soon.” I looked up from the table. The first thing I saw was that his fists were clenched on the table in front of him, and as he leaned forward on his elbows, he brought his angry face in front of mine.

  “Who in the fuck do you think you are? She is my girl, my daughter, and what she does has nothing to do with you. I would have done it. I was getting there, but then you just had to go and prove to everyone I’m a shit father to my own baby girl.”

  Tears filled my eyes. “No one knows,” I uttered.

  He shoved the chair back with a foot and stepped away from the table.

  “Bullshit. You wouldn’t have kept your big trap shut. Fuck. You need to stay outta my business, and that means my daughter. Not yours. Do you damned well get that?”

  I knew it would be bad...just not this bad.

  Standing, I gripped my own fist to control myself, because I so wanted to punch him and wail like a little baby, all at the same time.

  “All right, Griz.” His head moved back, his eyes widening at the way my voice was...sad, and because I’d called him Griz. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry I involved myself in your business.” You fuckin’ arse. Couldn’t he see he was doing the same goddamn thing by moving in here in the first place? The two-faced fucker. “It won’t happen again,” I said and left the room.

  “Where are you goin’?” Grady yelled. He stomped after me.

  I picked up my bag and keys near the front door and looked over my shoulder. “I think you need time away from me. I’m going out for a while.” I opened the front door.

  “I don’t fuckin’ think so. You’re staying; we need to talk.”

  “Don’t you mean you need to yell at me more? I’m not staying for that.” I took a breath and faced him. “In my heart, Grady...” I tapped my chest “...in my heart—the one you and your little girl made whole—I was trying to do what’s best. I can see I was wrong and I’m sorry for it...no, fuck that. I’m not sorry. Now I know what I have to do to help Swan.” I laughed sadly. “Oh, wait, now I know what you have to do to help Swan. I’ll be sure to let you know. You’re a great father, Grady. I’ve never said any different to anyone. I just wanted to help...isn’t that what families are supposed to do?”

  Spinning back around, I quickly made my exit, shutting the front door behind me before he could say anything else. I was in my car and pulled onto the road before the dam broke.

  Sniffing and wiping my nose, I pulled over and grabbed my phone. She answered after two rings.

  “Hey, hun. What’s happening?” Zara asked.

  I bit my lip and took in a deep shaky breath.

  “Deanna?” She sounded panicked now.

  “I-I...can we talk? Can I come get you?”

  “Sure, yes. Drive safe and come get me.”

  “See you soon,” I whispered. I hung up, only to dial a different number.

  “Satan girl, how are you doing, my lovely?” Julian answered.

  “A-are you up for a girls’ night?”

  There was a pause on the other end. “You okay, sweetie?”

  “No,” I answered honestly.

  “I didn’t think so, and you know I’m always up for a girls’ night. Do you want me to meet you somewhere?”

  Blinking hard to fight the tears, I said, “I’ll come get you. I just have to pick up Zara first.”

  “Okay, I’ll be ready. What are you wearing?”

  Looking down at myself, I realised I was only in jeans and a tee. That wouldn’t matter though; I wanted to go somewhere quiet.

  “Jeans and a tee, why?”

  “So I know what to dress in. I don’t think boxers would go over really well, and doll, I have to look better than you—can’t have all the guys spying on your lush form.”

  I snorted a laugh. “Th-thanks, Julian. I needed that.”

  “I know, biscuit. I’ll see you soon.”

  Griz

  Fuck, shit. What had I done? Yeah, I was pissed, but I was more pissed at myself for behaving the way I did. I raised my goddamn voice at her and told her to mind her own business.

  Dammit.

  This was her business. Swan and I were hers.

  She was right; this was what families did for each other, and I knew—once I had calmed down—all she was trying to do was help.

  Still, at that moment, I’d seen red, which I fuckin’ regretted it in a huge way.

  She wasn’t like Kathy; she wasn’t like the other gold-digging, co
ntrolling bitches I’d had in the past. No, Deanna was different, and yet here I was, treating her like she was the same as those other hoes.

  Motherfucker. I was the biggest idiot in the whole world.

  As I sat on the couch with my head in my hands, thinking about how I was gonna save this, the front door opened. I was off that couch in seconds, but when the door came further open and in walked Nancy with a sleeping Swan in her arms, I growled and then sighed. My shoulders slumped as I walked up to them to grab Swan from Nancy without saying a word.

  “What did you do?” Nancy glared and spun Swan away from me. “No, wait, don’t tell me just yet. I want to tell you off good and proper without a child in my arms. I’ll go put her to bed. You go and make me a cup of tea.” Without an answer from me—not that I could have fuckin’ given her one, since I was gob-smacked she’d spoken to me that way; I was fuckin’ forty for God’s sake—Nancy moved from the room to the hall, and then I heard her footsteps on the stairs as I made my way into the kitchen.

  I was leaning against the bench with a cup in my hand and staring at the floor when I heard Nancy approach the kitchen.

  “How’d you know I’d done something?” I asked as I looked up to see her walking to the other side of the bench.

  “Pfft, please. I know a wounded, this-is-all-my-fault look from a mile away. Richard has them all the time.”

  Setting the cup of tea in front of her when she sat in a chair at the bench, I asked, “I guess you know what she did?”

  “Yes, and...?”

  “She should have come to me first. I should have taken Swan, not her.”

  “Don’t give me that shit, young man,” she snapped and sat her drink back down in front of her once again. Fuck, from her glare I could tell I was in for a lecture—one that I was too old for, but probably deserved.

  “Tell me, Grady. Who was it that moved himself into Deanna’s house? Who was it that had forced himself and his child onto Deanna without taking in any of her feelings?”

  “It’s not like she argued about it,” I replied pettily.

  She scoffed. “Of course she didn’t. She knows who she has to deal with when it comes to you alpha males in the biker club. She knew she didn’t have a chance. But it wasn’t that. She knew not to fight, because this—you and Swan—is what she wanted. She’s had you living here for some time now, and she has adapted to become a part of that little girl’s life up there.” She pointed to the ceiling, indicating Swan’s room above us. “Still, anyone could tell it worried her that she was going to be a bad influence on Swan. But it was you who showed her she was more than just a loud-mouthed young lady. You let her in also, Grady Daniels. So, of course she’s going to open her heart and soul to not only you, but that precious baby, and do things for you both—sometimes without thinking, but she does it because she cares so much for you both. But now you’ve thrown some of it back in her face...haven’t you?”

  I looked away. Fuck. I had, and I’d done a lot more. I’d shoved her out of what we had—our family.

  “I know I was wrong, and I can only fuckin’ hope she’ll forgive me for it.”

  Nancy cleared her throat, and when I looked over at her, she smiled. “Of course she will.” She laughed. “It may take some time...and begging, but she’ll forgive you. You may just need to use that nice body of yours. Seduce her.” I choked and spat what coffee I had in my mouth out onto the floor.

  “Ah, okay. Thanks, Nancy.”

  “My pleasure, dear. Oh, and speaking of pleasure, I must get home to my Richard. Thanks for the cup of tea, and be a good boy.”

  I was forty-years-old, and I was going red from embarrassment. How in the hell had Wildcat survived growing up with her and not turned out strange? Although, Wildcat did have her moments.

  Deanna

  I picked up Zara, who waddled out to the car with Talon following her. Blue and Stoke were standing out on the front porch looking on as the boss-man threatened me if I didn’t bring his woman home safely. Though, his threat was a mild one to what I’d seen in the past, because once he saw my tear-stained face, he knew something big had gone down and I needed my girl.

  We drove on silently and picked up Julian. I’d asked Mattie to come, but he was already in bed asleep; he hadn’t been feeling well. Julian got in the car, looked at me and then Zara, and then back to me and asked, “Who do I have to hurt? I’ve never seen our girl like this—well, besides...nope, not even then.”

  I snorted.

  “I know. It’s even worse than when we found her with a department store in her house. Tonight, she let Talon rip her a new one—though he did it gently—and usually she’d bite back big...but nothing, and she hasn’t spoken, like, at all. I think she’d dead.”

  Biting my lips, I mumbled, “No, but I do feel like it. And stop talking like I’m not in the fuckin’ car.”

  “There she is.” Zara smiled as she grabbed my hand. “What’s the plan?”

  “To talk about my feelings and shit,” I said with a snarl. I hated this crap, but I needed advice. Even if he didn’t like me talking—no, opening my big trap and telling people— he could go and get fucked by a donkey.

  “Don’t worry, pumpkin. We’ll get you so drunk you won’t even know your name.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” I started the car and drove to the nearest pub, which was two blocks away.

  Zara and Julian chatted while I consumed five shots and two rum and cokes. I was on my third when it went down the wrong way and I started coughing.

  “Maybe you need to burp her; get you some practice till the peanuts are out of you.”

  Turning my head, I saw Zara shrug and move her arm to my back. “If you try it, I’ll post that picture you took when you were drunk and running around naked out in the backyard.”

  She glared, uttered ‘Bitch’ and placed her hand back on the table. I had to laugh; her belly was just touching the table in the booth we’d sat in. Looking around the small, somewhat-clean pub, I found I liked it. It was loud and bustling with people. The jukebox was playing softly, there were two other guys at the bar and Blue was sitting in a booth three down from us. Apparently, Talon didn’t trust me all that much with his wife...or had it been Grady? If it was, did that mean he still cared?

  I looked back at Zara, who sat next to me, and then to Julian, who sat across from us. They were the bestest friends anyone could have.

  Okay, I may have been a bit drunk. It sure would have explained why I burst out with, “I fuckin’ love you two. I really do. I know I can be the biggest bitch, but you guys put up with me and I really appreciate it.” I sighed and leaned my head against the table.

  “Um, hun, you could catch something from doing that,” Zara said.

  “Why do I have the song, ‘Ding dong the witch is dead. Which old witch? The wicked witch,’ playing around in my head when I see her like this?” Julian asked.

  “Screw you.” I laughed and sat back up. “My life ended tonight. I told Grady about takin’ Swan to see a specialist behind his back and he went ballistic. I’ve never seen him that mad, guys, and it was all because of me and my stupid, interfering, big trap. He hates me. He really does. He’s gonna move out now,” I whispered, and tears slipped outta my eyes and down my cheeks. “He’s gonna move out and take that gorgeous little girl with him. Then I will have nothing.” I took a breath and sighed. “Jason may as well come and kill me.”

  “Don’t you dare say that, bitch,” Zara hissed. “He was just in the moment. I’m sure he’s gotten over it and feels really sorry for the way he’s spoken to you, hun. I’m sure of it. Men talk and rant before even thinking about the situation.”

  “That they do. I know; I’m one of them...well, sort of. But Mattie does it all the time. One second he’s yelling at me for something, and then later, he sees I was right all along, because I am. Then he apologizes and we have make-up sex. You just watch—you’ll get home later and he’ll be all sorry, and the sex will be crazy mad.” He leaned over the
table. “And I wanna hear about it all tomorrow. Don’t even think about leaving anything out.”

  “He’s right,” Zara started.

  “See? Always right.” Julian smiled and winked. I snorted.

  Zara rolled her eyes. “Well, this time he is. He’ll be begging for your forgiveness, and then you will do the deed in the hottest way yet, and then, yes, I also want to hear all about it. I’m not getting enough; Talon’s scared he’ll do damage to the babies with his ‘ginormous’—his words, not mine—‘perfect pecker’. I’ll never live that saying down.” She sighed, but grinned.

  “You really think so?” I asked.

  “Yes,” they both replied.

  “Come on, cupcake from hell. I’ll drive you both home and you’ll see that tomorrow will be a brighter day.” Julian clapped.

  I hoped to fuck so.

  Griz

  I don’t know how long I’d been sitting at the kitchen table after Nancy had left, but I’d keep sitting and waiting for my woman until she was home so I could crawl up her arse and tell her how sorry I was. The phone rang, and my heart jumped into my throat as panic settled in. Had something happened? A car accident?

  I reached to the phone on the table. “Deanna?” I answered.

  “What in the fuck did you do to her?” Talon growled down the line.

  Shit.

  Ignoring his question, I asked, “Where is she?”

  “Probably out drinkin’ her sorrows away with Zara. Again, brother, what did you do? I’ve never seen her look so...fuckin’ defeated. Like her world had ended. Not even when she’d told us the story about her past. Fuck, man, I’m seriously thinkin’ I need to come over there and beat the livin’ shit outta you for putting that look on her face.”

  Sighing, I rubbed at my temple with my free hand. “Maybe you should. Jesus, Talon, I really fucked things up.” I sighed. “Still, I did get a stern talking-to from Nancy when she dropped Swan off. Then she proceeded to tell me she was going home to pleasure her husband.”

  Talon’s loud laughter filled the phone. “Goddamn, brother. I seriously don’t know about that woman’s sanity sometimes.”