by Cassie Cross
He shifts uncomfortably. Jason is a man of wealth and power, and part of establishing that power in any interaction is being prepared for all possible scenarios. He never lets anyone catch him off guard.
But his wealth of business knowledge and negotiating tactics can’t prepare him for how to deal with the angry best friend of the woman he’s falling in love with.
Since he’s never allowed himself a relationship, he isn’t sure how to deal when one hits a rocky patch. He also isn’t all that familiar with apologizing or admitting he was wrong, but he needs to do that, too.
He decides that instead of going with his first instinct—offering Janine a polite smile as he walks past (assuming she’ll let him walk past)—he’s going to sit down and talk to her. Maybe she can offer him some insight into the situation that will do him some good. He figures it’s better than barreling into the situation without getting a read on it. Janine knows better than anyone how Kaia’s feeling, especially since she wouldn’t answer any of Jason’s calls.
“Hey,” she says warily as he approaches her.
Jason notices the lit cigarette in her hand. It’s almost down to the filter; clearly she’s been sitting out here for a while.
He takes a seat next to her, feeling the cool concrete on the backs of his legs.
“Hey,” he replies.
“Don’t tell Kaia,” she says, holding the cigarette between her index finger and thumb before she stomps the butt out on the step beside her. “She thinks I quit. And I have, for the most part. It’s just that some days, I really...well, it helps.”
Jason nods, resting his elbows on his knees. “I won’t say anything,” he replies, adding a quiet, “Seems I’m pretty good at keeping secrets.” He figures it’s best to go ahead and address the elephant in the room.
Janine nods. “You know, I’ve heard about that.”
Jason isn’t at all surprised. He’s guessing that spending all afternoon consoling an angry Kaia might be one of the reasons why she’s sitting out here taking a smoke break.
“I’m going to be better about that. If she’ll let me.”
Janine nods slowly. “I think she might be willing to do that.” Hope swells in Jason’s chest, but it’s quickly deflated when Janine follows that up with, “Eventually.”
He didn’t expect to come here and have everything forgiven. He expected a difficult path, one where he’d have to lay himself bare to make her understand where he was coming from. Still, hearing the word “eventually” is a little discouraging.
“I’ve been keeping secrets for a long time,” he explains. “This whole relationship thing is incredibly new to me, but...I’m trying not to keep the secrets anymore.
Janine nods in what seems like understanding. “That’s a good way to be, but I think it might be a little too late in this particular situation.”
Jason takes a long, deep breath, and then lets out a bitter laugh. “So it seems.”
“It’s not my place to say this, really. I want you to understand that I’m speaking out of turn before you hear what I have to say next. It’s just that I haven’t seen Kaia this happy in a really long time. And I don’t think you’re a bad guy - I’m pretty good at reading people, and that’s not the vibe I’m getting here at all.”
Jason isn’t quite sure where this is going, but he’d like to get there as soon as possible. “So what is this thing that isn’t your place to say?”
Janine lowers her hands, and plants her palms on the steps before she leans back. “Your relationship isn’t my business. But Kaia and her happiness are my business, and...god, you really should’ve said something to her about this before she found out the way that she did. She thinks you were having her followed.”
Jason blanches in irritation at himself. Yet another thing he hadn’t counted on when he decided to bring on a security team without telling her: that she’d find out about it and get the wrong idea.
“I would never do that.”
Janine shrugs. “Based on her reaction, it doesn’t seem like she knows you well enough to believe that.”
True as it may be, that’s certainly not something that he wanted to hear. “I’ve been alone for a long time,” he explains, not quite sure why he feels compelled to do it in the first place. “I’m not in the habit of informing people about my decisions.”
“No offense,” she says, “but I get the feeling that even if you were, this isn’t a decision that you would’ve shared with Kaia.”
He doesn’t have a response for that, because she is absolutely correct.
“I get that it must be scary for you, letting someone like Kaia be attached to you publicly. She’s amazing, and people are assholes when it comes to strangers in the spotlight. And who knows what some loon might do in order to get to someone like you?”
Jason’s breath nearly catches in his throat. If Janine, someone who is pretty far removed from his situation can understand that that’s a worry for him, surely he’ll be able to open Kaia’s eyes and make her understand, too?
Janine isn’t finished making her point, though.
“You have to give her all the facts here, Jason.”
He knows that. He knows how unfair it is to ask Kaia to commit to him when she doesn’t even know what she’s committing to: a life of luxury, where she’ll never want for anything, but a life that could be taken away, threatened, or changed in the blink of an eye.
It happened to him and his parents when he was younger, and he’s been terrified of history repeating itself ever since. So terrified that he was willing to live the rest of his life off on one-night stands and the loneliness that followed them.
Now, he wants more.
He wants Kaia.
He knows that having her in his life means sharing all the shattered pieces of himself that he’s always been afraid of letting anyone see. It means taking the risk knowing that she might not want anything to do with him one she sees those pieces.
Truthfully, he’s scared. It’s a difficult thing for someone like Jason to admit to. But what scares him more is the thought of losing Kaia because he didn’t let her in, and always wondering what might’ve been if he was willing to take that leap.
“Do you think she’d slam the door in my face if I went upstairs and knocked?”
Janine shrugs. “There’s only one way to find that out, I guess.”
Jason stands, and holds out his hand. Janine takes it, and gives it a squeeze.
“Thank you,” he says. “For the insight, and for being there for her when I let her down.”
Janine seems almost taken aback by that, and tilts her head, like she’s seeing him in a different light. He hopes like hell she is. It gives him hope that Kaia might forgive him.
“You’re welcome,” she replies, a friendly smile on her face. “I’ll give you guys some time.”
Jason grins as he makes his way up the steps. “I appreciate that.”
“One more thing?”
He turns. “What’s that?”
“If you hurt her, or if I come home one day and find out that you’ve lied to her, or kept something else from her, I will kill you.”
Despite the threat, Jason can’t help but smile. “Fair enough.”
* * * * *
With his heart feeling like it’s about to beat right out of his chest, Jason reaches up and raps on Kaia’s front door. He hears footsteps, and through the thick wooden door, he makes out, “Did you forget your key again?”
The last word trails off as he sees the peephole darken. Since she knows he’s the one standing on the other side of the door, he’s a little stunned when she actually opens it. If she’s surprised to see him there, she doesn’t show it. Her face is well-schooled to the point of indifference.
It’s not the most welcoming sight Jason’s ever seen, even though she’s still as beautiful as she’s ever been. Her eyebrows slowly draw together, and when she looks at him with anger in her eyes, it makes Jason wish for the indifference she’d shown
him only moments before.
“Did the fact that I wouldn’t answer your calls, and telling Paul that I didn’t want to talk to you not make it explicitly clear that I don’t, in fact, want to talk to you?”
“Kaia,” he pleads. “Please let me explain.”
“Why do you want to explain now? Seems to me the best time to explain would’ve been before you hired a group of men to follow me around and spy on me night and day.”
She’s livid. He expected that she would be, and he understands why she is. But he’s not sure how to talk her down. He holds his hands out, palms open in surrender. “I didn’t...that’s not what happened. Please, Kaia. Will you let me explain?”
Kaia inhales, long and deep, then folds her arms across her chest. Jason can see that it’s working, can see her defenses falling little by little. The businessman in him is oh-so-tempted to use that to his advantage, but he doesn’t want to pressure her. He’s toeing such a delicate line, and one wrong move either way could make everything crumble. As desperate as he is for Kaia to hear him out, he knows that it has to be on her terms.
So far, everything has been on his terms, and judging by the state of things between them, that hasn’t worked out so well so far.
“Not tonight,” she says.
It’s not a no, but it’s not a definite enough answer for him to feel good about walking away from her tonight.
“Tomorrow, maybe?” he suggests hopefully.
She looks so vulnerable right now; he finds himself reaching out for her without thinking about it, wanting to take her hands in his. He wants to give them a gentle pull and hold her close. He fights that desire with every fiber of his being.
“I’d like it if you came over to my place, so we can have some privacy. And I promise you that whatever you want to know, I’ll tell you.”
He’s offering her everything. Every single thing that he’s kept hidden for most of his life, and it’s terrifying. But they are the words she was looking for, he can tell by the way she relaxes.
“Anything?”
Jason nods solemnly. “Anything. I promise you.” He’s not sure what his promise means to her, but he hopes like hell it’s something.
A few never-ending, heart-stopping moments pass, and she finally breaks the silence with a reluctant, “Okay.”
He almost can’t believe what he’s hearing, and is completely unable to hide the utter relief in his voice when he says, “Okay?”
He’s surprised, and hopeful.
“Yes,” she says, and the corners of her beautiful mouth tilt up into something that looks kind of like a smile. “Okay.”
CHAPTER FOUR
Kaia is so nervous throughout the day that she hardly gets any work done. It isn’t until she’s drawn and redrawn the same section of the design she’s working on several times over that she decides that she’s going to call it quits for the day.
She can’t get any work done when she’s distracted thinking about what tonight will bring.
Kaia doesn’t know if she’s still angry at Jason, or relieved that he’s willing to tell her anything about him that she wants to know. It’s probably a mix of the two, which is making things even more complicated for her than they should be.
She doesn’t like that the only reason she found out about Jason’s secret security detail was because they tackled Clark in the park. Would he have ever told her otherwise? It bothers her to think how long that could’ve gone on without her knowing.
Before Jason left her apartment last night, he’d practically begged Kaia to agree to let the security team stand guard overnight, until he could explain to her why he’d hired them in the first place. Since he could’ve ordered them to watch her without her being the wiser, Kaia thinks it’s a good sign that he asked for her approval anyway.
That’s what makes her give it to him.
Jason telling her that he’s ready to open up to her about anything goes a long way toward quelling some of the anger she feels toward him. She’s not sure what the outcome of tonight’s discussion is going to be, but she feels significantly better about the way it’s going to go than she did yesterday, so that’s something.
Yesterday, Kaia thought she was done with Jason. All she wanted was to go back to her life before she met Jason. A life where she could meet a friend in the park without worrying about him being taken for a threat and accosted.
Today, Kaia is full of anticipation. She realizes that’s probably foolish, but she can’t help herself. She’s never wanted to pressure him into talking about his past if he’s not ready, and she’s still not going to pressure him. Once she gets to his place, she’ll see how things go. If she thinks he’s going to be comfortable talking about something, then she’ll ask him about it.
She just hopes like hell he’s actually going to follow through with his promise to tell her anything she wants to know.
If Kaia’s honest with herself, there’s a part of her that worries that maybe he told her he’s ready to open up to her just to get her to agree to come over. That maybe he thinks once they’re alone together again, he’ll be able to get her back into bed, and so swept up in him that she forgets about what made her angry with him in the first place.
Kaia decides not to let those thoughts fester, because they can’t lead to anything good. Jason seems to be making an effort, and she’s going to believe that he’s being honest with her. Otherwise, she’s setting them up for failure before she even walks through his front door.
She watches the clock as it crawls toward 8PM. Jason told her he’d send his driver over to pick her up, and he’s right on time, pulling up in front of her building at 7:40 on the dot.
On the short ride over to Jason’s, Kaia second-guesses her choice in clothing. She didn’t want to get too dressed up, didn’t want to make Jason think that sex was an option tonight. She wonders if maybe she went too casual, deciding on jeans and a sweater. As the car weaves through traffic, she almost laughs at how silly it is that she’s worried about the outfit she decided to wear when her boyfriend bares his soul to her.
When the driver opens her door in front of Jason’s apartment building, she recognizes one of the men she’d seen in the park the other day; one of the guys who helped smooth things over with Clark after he’d been tackled. This man—whose name she doesn’t know—is standing in the lobby in plain view, giving her a tight smile and a short nod.
Kaia has never seen this man in all the times she’s been over here. In fact, she’s never seen anyone in this lobby other than the doorman and the concierge, and the occasional resident on their way out the door.
It’s a small thing, but she loves that something that Jason had hidden is now out in the open.
Kaia figures that probably bodes well for tonight.
* * * * *
Kaia and Jason sit on either side of his sofa, the width of the middle cushion between them. It’s a strange feeling, being so distant, and so different from all the other times she’s been over here. Times when the two of them would curl up against each other, unable to keep their hands to themselves. Hell, half of the time they’d forego the living room altogether, and Jason would walk her back to the bedroom, hand-in-hand, desperate to worship her body.
Kaia shakes away those thoughts. Tonight isn’t about sex.
“Thank you for coming,” Jason says.
“Of course. I…I wanted to hear you out.”
They’re both completely tense, like a couple of strangers. The contrast between how things are between them now, and how they used to be hits Kaia hard.
“I want to start by apologizing to you,” Jason says.
Kaia thinks he’s going to follow up with something, but the words just hang there between them.
“Apologize for what?” Kaia doesn’t want a blanket apology. She wants Jason to list all the things he’s sorry for so that she can make sure they’re both on the same page about what is and is not acceptable between them.
“For not telling you about th
e security. I’m not sorry for hiring them,” he clarifies. “I’ll explain to you why. But I am sorry for keeping it from you, and sorry that you found out the way that you did. I’m sorry that you were scared, and that I was the cause of that. I’m sorry for keeping things from you that you should know about if we’re going to be in a relationship with each other.”
It feels like a herd of butterflies are trapped in Kaia’s stomach, desperate to get out. Those apologies are more than she thought she’d get from Jason tonight.
He clasps his hands together, scooting a little closer to the edge of the couch. His back is rod-straight, and he looks incredibly uncomfortable. Despite the rift between the two of them, Kaia wants nothing more than to reach out and take his hand.
Acting on instinct, she closes the distance between them, and that’s exactly what she does.
He’s trembling a little, and it breaks her heart. Even though this is a huge step for him, and whatever he’s going to tell her is definitely something that she needs to know, she decides to be kind and offer him an out.
“Jason,” she begins softly, “if you’re not ready…”
“I might not ever be ready,” he admits. “But I know for sure that I’m not ready to lose you, so I need to tell you this.”
“I didn’t give you an ultimatum, you know,” Kaia says. “We’re not working on a timetable here.”
“I know.” He nods. “I want to do this.”
Kaia isn’t sure that she believes him, but she’s going to trust that he’s telling her the truth.
“Should we get some wine?” She’s teasing, but only a little. If some alcohol will help him get through this, then he should have that.
“I had a couple of shots earlier.” He squeezes her hand, then brings it up to his lips, pressing a kiss on the back of it.
He takes a deep breath, then his eyes meet hers, all haunted and sad. “When I was twelve, my parents were murdered.”