by Shey Stahl
I simply walked away muttering under my breath about my brother being the best form of birth control I could ever need.
The scary part about that was, he probably did.
I made my way over to the food table and stopped, laughing. Hayden had did what she said she was going to do and made a titty cake.
“What are you guys doing?” Tommy asked coming up behind me to prop his chin on my shoulder.
Tommy scratched his head only to have Willie ask, “What is that?”
“What does it look like?” Rosa asked him, seeming amused.
“A tit cake.”
“Well, genius, you figured it out.” I said, patting his back.
“Can I have the nipples?” he asked Hayden.
She gave him a strange look and then rolled her eyes when dad walked up smiling at the cake. “Sure.” She said, looking over at dad next.
“Alley made titty cake pops too.” Tommy said, and then eyed the cake a little closer. “Is that a replica of Sway’s chest?”
Tommy hadn’t even finished his sentence, turned to see my dad, and then took off running the other way. Laughing his ass off but knowing my dad would have his ass on a cake platter for that comment if he caught up with him. Tommy is stupid but he’s not that stupid.
Rosa looked at the cake then cupped her breasts. “I think they look like mine.”
Jack snatched a cake pop, two of them actually and handed one to Jonah, his blue eyes lighting up as he took in the sugar. They had no idea what they were.
Lily approached from behind and before she could stop them, the boys were eating them.
Casten smiled. “How’s that boobie, Jack?”
Jack stared at the cake pop and then shrugged. “I’d be a good daddy.”
Lily smacked Casten in the ear. He got smacked in the ear a lot.
Rager came up too with Abigale on his shoulders. “Are those titty cake pops?”
“Yep.” Alley said proudly.
“Impressive.” He laughed, looking at me and then Alley again. “They look good.”
Rager reached over his shoulders to pull Abigale down setting her on the ground. Immediately she was straightening out her dress with her hands. Jack had snagged a cake pop for Abigale and handed it to her. She looked at it like she was offended by it and then gave Rager this funny look. “Sucio.”
Rager laughed and nudged Rosa with his elbow. “What’s she sayin’?”
Lily glared at Rosa. “Stop teaching her Spanish.”
“Why do you care?” Everyone watched Abigale as she gently took a napkin from the table and set the cake pop down on it looking disgusted. “She’s Lane’s kid.”
And if it was timed perfectly, Jonah smiled widely up at Rosa tugging on her dress, like a trained dog and pointed to his own cake pop. “Tatas!”
“That’s why I care.” Lily said taking both cake pops from her boys.
I didn’t see the harm in teaching them Spanish but I didn’t have a kid.
The throngs of people caught my attention around us. I smiled knowing they all came for her.
Grandma still had her upstairs. The plan was for her to come down, walk outside and have Dad start playing her favorite song, “It’s Time” by Imagine Dragons.
When that time came, the look on her face said it all. She never expected us to do this for her but immediately you knew this was the best day of her life. Her eyes and smile said so.
My attention was drawn to the stage as dad started that familiar beat she loved so much, like the crowds beating on grandstands with their feet. My mom loved hearing my dad sing more than anything and to be showcasing more of his talents in front of all of these people, yeah, she knew this was truly a magical day.
He smiled widely when he saw her and leaned into the microphone. “So this is what you meant…”
I’ve heard my dad sing before but on a stage with a live band, never. He was amazing. I was kind of proud of him and his ability. I couldn’t believe it. I gasped just like everyone else did, even my brothers were star struck by him singing and they don’t impress that easily.
This song meant a lot to my parents. It came out at a time when dad was on top of the NASCAR world. Mom always related it to his rise to fame and him leaving home to pursue a dream. His dream. Their dream.
Mom was supportive of him back then, endured everything because his dream was ultimately hers too. Maybe that’s the difference right there, the difference between what Easton and I have and what my parents had. It’s hard to be supportive when Easton’s dream isn’t mine as well. But how do we get past this?
Mom made her way to the stage with Emma, Grandma and Alley to stand below it. Like she was his groupie or something. He laughed in the middle of the song causing all of us to as well.
It was perfect.
Casten and Axel found me standing in the middle of the field watching this and stood next to me hugging me between them. “It’s perfect for her,” Axel said, kissing my cheek.
It felt good to do something like this for her. The look on her face was etched into my brain forever. This night she was in the spotlight and my dad was shining it on her instead of him being in the spotlight and her being his sidekick. Mom’s never had this sort of treatment and now, more than ever, she deserved it. A night to forget everything and have fun. Who knows what the future will hold but tonight, right now, we have this ability to live for now and enjoy the ride.
Dad was right though, he played all her favorites. They went with some Kings of Leon and “Back Down South” and then moved onto more Imagine Dragons and then The Black Keys.
He sang a song by Bob Seger that his friend Grayson played an amazing piano solo to that I know gave everyone goose bumps.
Maybe to tease Mom a little, he started with the intro to “Purple Rain” but then moved onto “The Beautiful Ones” instead. She glared at him but smiled knowing, or maybe hoping he was going to eventually play it for her.
When “The Beautiful Ones” ended, dad’s head was down, staring at his feet when the music faded and it was just the slow drum beat and then it picked up into “Purple Rain” and everyone started to scream. If you knew my parents, you knew that was their song.
Mom was on stage with him standing in front of him staring at him when she recognized the beat. Her hand flew to her mouth as she openly gasped.
Dad has a very distinct voice. It’s nothing like I’ve ever heard before, even from Uncle Spencer who has something similar, but not that same crackle dad has.
You wouldn’t expect him to be able to sing that song either, not with the way his voice was. But he rocked it. He fucking rocked it.
When I heard his voice crack and looked up to see his hands shaking.
“Honey, I know, I know…” He dropped to his knees before her, his voice echoing through the field, so raw and emotional everyone gasped that not only my dad could sing that good, but that everyone was witnessing this.
Everyone practically had tears. Even Hayden who swore she never cried. She was a liar.
I gave her a look and that pissed her off as she pointed to the stage. “I can’t fucking handle it when he cries. It’s too much.”
I’ll tell you what was too much. When the song ended, the slow drum beat faded and the stage went quiet and dark with only my parents illuminated by a spotlight. Dad was still on his knees before my mom, tears in his eyes when he took her hand in his. You could hear the audible gasp like a rolling wave leaping off of the stage as it traveled over everyone who was witnessing this moment, a moment that should be shared between two people but, nevertheless, a moment that was going to be nothing short of history making, I just felt it. I remembered watching their original proposal in victory lane the other night and knew what dad was going to do.
“This night was for you, honey. Just for you. I hope you see how much we can’t live without you. And I hope that you’ll give me another twenty-five years to show you. Marry me?”
Mom threw her head back laughing. “We
’re already married, Jameson.”
Dad shook his head, a certain amount of seriousness there but smiled through the emotion. “I mean again. You…” his voice broke and his head fell forward, his shoulders shaking. It was hard to watch but not one eye could look away. He swallowed attempting to control himself when mom’s hands ran over his shoulders went to his head and angled his face to look up at her. When he found his voice it was shaking. He reached up and took mom’s hand and put it over his heart placing his own hand over her heart as well, a symbiotic beat that couldn’t continue without the other. “There’s something here…and it’s something nothing else compares to.” She seemed to know what he was going to say right then and smiled, a breathtaking sight. “It’s worth all the tears and aches in the world to believe in. A man and woman in love. Marry me, all over again?”
Mom pulled him up, jumped in dad’s arms and screamed for all of us to hear, “YES!”
And the crowd went wild, much like I imagined victory lane had been like. This was their victory lane.
For some reason in that moment, I looked at Rager. And he was looking at me. I felt his sigh even from ten feet away. I felt it because he believed what my dad just said.
Soon there were no more tears, only shots. I lost count around nine, as did Rager who in the past, had been one of my favorite drinking buddies. We started with shots and moved onto just taking the bottle with us as we moved closer to the stage. I had a feeling he was going to ask me to dance when I felt his hand snake around my waist. I looked around to see who was near us.
Tommy and Willie were slow dancing and Casten was taking pictures for future blackmailing I’m sure.
Mom and dad were to our left, slow dancing with sparklers in their hands. Dylan and Grayson had taken over on stage and continued to play all of mom’s favorite songs.
“It was perfect for them.” Casten said, leaning in to whisper to me. And it was. He was absolutely right.
It was clear when I looked back at Rager he’d kept his distance too long tonight. His eyes were hooded no, bloodshot but lively. He was drunk but so was I. Every time I turned my head, shit moved a little slower.
“Dance with me.” Rager whispered when Casten walked away to dance with Hayden. It most certainly wasn’t a question.
I remember the song that was playing when I said yes. “Beautiful War” by Kings of Leon.
He took me in his arms, mine wrapped around his broad shoulders. Immediately I felt him pull me tighter, his breath wetting my neck. The humid night had me already sweating but when he touched me like this, my body was on fire.
“Where’s your husband?”
I sighed, it always came back to that question with him. “Racing.”
“Would he care that I was holding you like this?” His arms squeezed bringing me closer, if that was possible.
“Probably.”
“Mmmm…” Rager made a throaty sound, his lips at my ear again. “He’d probably kill me if he knew what I was thinking then.”
I dared myself to look at his eyes, but couldn’t. “And what’s that?”
“How fucking good it’d be.” He spoke slower now, his voice drawn out and weary.
I was drunk. Drunker than drunk actually. That’s my only excuse for what I said next. “What’s stopping you from finding out how good it can be?”
He swallowed and I finally met his eyes, so intense they took my breath with them when he blinked. “Pride.”
I pulled myself closer, shivering when his fingers bunched the fabric of my dress at my hips with a tight grip, my heaving chest against his.
“You’re a tease.” He mumbled, his attention on the bottle in his hand now.
“I’m not trying to be.”
“You never try to be. It’s just something that happens with you.”
I wasn’t sure how to take that.
“It’s not easy seeing you every day now…and knowing you’re still untouchable.”
“What if I’m not untouchable?” His eyes were drawn back to mine.
His lips dipped forward but he didn’t touch my lips. Instead, he kissed the bare skin of my shoulder gently pushing the strap of my dress aside with his nose. His hands tightened around my waist revealing what he wanted. “Then I would take what was always mine.”
Engine Change – This refers to a team changing out the engine in a race car because of either wear and tear, or failure.
He’s moving painfully slow and I’m aching just as painfully. Tortured, surrendered, breathing for this.
There’s no stopping, neither of us can. My mind is reeling, how’d I get like this?
I’m married. I’m no better than Easton with those girls. This is wrong.
Stop, Arie. Stop him before it’s too late. Don’t do this. Don’t throw away what you have with Easton for one night of temptation.
None of these thoughts stop me.
Rager’s hand moves from my thigh to my neck sweeping my hair aside and bringing his lips to mine. His hips press forward again and again, slow but forceful too.
“Fuck, Arie…this is too good. Why’d we wait?”
“You waited…” I breathe finding his lips, giving him my kiss. “You could have had me anytime.”
I wonder if he knows how true that is. “I was stupid.”
Rager’s been with a lot of girls and I don’t dare ask how many. I just know it’s a lot. By the way he moves, his touch, his words, I bet they’ve all left him satisfied. I’m sure of it. But I’m here with him now, finally where I’ve wanted to be for years and oh, my, God, it’s definitely been worth the wait.
“How long have you wanted this?” I ask giving my body what it wants. His touch.
“Feels like forever.”
He feels different than Easton. Different touch, different words but a familiar heat I once knew, once craved. He’s moving painfully slow and I’m aching just as painfully. Torturing, surrendering, breathing for this.
There’s no stopping either of us, I know that now.
My mind is reeling. How’d I get like this?
I don’t remember coming inside the house after dancing with him. And I’m also not in my room. It’s his room.
I’m married but my husband is the last thing I’m thinking about right now.
Holding himself at my entrance, he waits for me to look at him. We don’t say anything when he pushes forward but I see it in his eyes. He’s desired this as long as I have.
Rager’s hand moves from my thigh to my neck sweeping my hair aside and bringing his lips to mine. His hips press forward again and again, so slow but forceful too. He lets out a groan filling me again. Instinctively I glance down as he enters me, watching, wanting to see everything I can.
“Come for me, Arie… I can’t hold on much longer.” Whispers against my neck pick up the pace. He grunts slamming into me, so right, so forceful I almost did and starts kissing his way up my neck.
“Arie…”
My mind searched for the voice, it wasn’t Rager’s. I can barely focus on anything but this, who would be calling my name?
“Arie…”
…
That’s when I heard my door open.
“What?” I asked, only to see Casten standing there starting at me eating a bowl of cereal.
It was a dream?
How could it have been?
Fuck. That really sucks. I couldn’t even catch my breath. I kept gasping like that would help and that only made Casten laugh even more.
Looking around my room, it’s very clear that was a dream. I scrambled to the bathroom leaving Casten laughing at my door. My body was so wound up even a shower wasn’t helping me. But then again maybe that was a remedy that was only for men.
It was so vivid and real.
The entire time I was in that shower my skin was all warm and tingly like it was when he touched me. Why wasn’t it like that when Easton touched me? What was the difference?
Mom’s surgery was scheduled for three that afternoon
so we took our time getting ready.
When I got done with my shower, Casten was in the kitchen. It’s like none of us but Axel lived at home these days.
“What’s with you?” He was on his second bowl of cereal it appeared.
“Nothing, why?”
“You’re all flushed.”
“No I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.” His smile was huge. If I didn’t know any better, he knew that I’d had a dream. “Why are you all weird acting?”
“I’m not.”
“You’re definitely weird.”
“Shut up.” I punched him in the ear.
Immediately he cursed at me holding the side of his face as he dropped his spoon in the bowl. “The fucking women in this family piss me off.”
“It’s okay, sweetie.” Mom cuddled his head and kissed his forehead. “Mommy’s here.”
Around ten we made our way to the hospital in Charlotte where they admitted mom and got her into a gown. She made me go back there with her. Me. Only me.
First thing out of her mouth when we were alone?
“What’s going on with you and Rager?” She asked as she straightened out her gown. She was swimming in it, oversized and bunched up around her waist.
“What? Why?” I handed her another warm blanket making sure it covered her feet. “I mean, what did Casten tell you?”
“Nothing. I’ve always seen the way Rager looked at you. He’s been in love with you for a long time. Couldn’t even make it through your wedding without throwing up after the ceremony.”
“He was drunk.”
“No,” Mom shook her head, smiling now. “He was physically sick that he did nothing to stop it.”
I was quiet thinking about that night as I sat next to her in the small pre-operation unit of the hospital. I didn’t like hospitals and all of it reminded me of the months we spent in one following dad’s surgery.
“You’ve been flirting with him.”
Okay, she had me there. She did. But I lied and said, “Have not.”
“Arie, I know how you flirt, you are too. And I saw you at the party last night dancing with him.”
Well, shit. There was that, huh?