When the Elephants Dance

by Tess Uriza Holthe

  Arturo inclined his head.

  Gabriel turned to me and said loudly, “There you are, boy. Give the lady her secret message, then.” He laughed out loud as he walked away, turning back to survey me a couple of times, only to laugh to himself again. He disappeared into the sea of elegantly dressed people.

  The house was filled with guests; apparently these people kept different hours than at our house. Each room was lit with tall scented candles. Bottles of wine and food were laid out on tables.

  “Come …” The servant gestured with a wave. What is it you need to tell the miss?”

  “I promised to tell only her,” I replied solemnly. He seemed annoyed by my response but led me farther, in his tightly gaited stride. I tried to keep up and nearly tripped over my own leg. As we walked I eyed the grand portraits that lined the carpeted halls. The plush cushioned rugs engulfed my sandaled feet in blessed silence. I was led to a second floor, crowded the same as the first, only with younger guests.

  We paused at the top of the stairs until Catalina acknowledged us. She was seated at one end of the room, smoking a cigarette, a glass of red wine in her pale hand. She wore a turquoise gown that clung to her flat chest. She nodded at Arturo, and he approached her. She leaned back as he explained my visit. She peered over his shoulder at me, then dismissed Arturo with a wave of her cigarette. He walked back to me and placed a hand on my neck to guide me forward. I remember how his hand lingered a little longer, his fingers dipping just beneath the collar of my shirt, before he turned and left abruptly.

  She was leaning against a tall serving counter trimmed with soft tan leather. She raised a brow at me, poured a generous glass of red wine, and handed it to me.

  “I do not drink wine, miss.”

  “Take it. In case you become thirsty. Arturo tells me you came with Gabriel.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “How did you manage that feat? Gabriel has no patience for anyone but me. That alone piques my curiosity. But tell me. You have a message. Who is it from?”

  I took the glass and held it. “It is not a message, really, but a warning.”

  “A warning, oh. Well, now I am really curious. Who dares to warn me?”

  “Are you to marry Tearso Batongbukol?” Before she could reply, I said, “He is already taken. I came to warn you that he sees another woman.”

  “Taken?” She inclined her head, her face wearing an amused frown. “And why should you care about me?”

  “I have seen you with him, at the San Lupes’. You seem like a nice lady. I do not think it is right what he does. No woman should be treated that way. I thought you should know.”

  “Such a gallant lad.”

  I did not like her words. The tone was mocking.

  “But what do you think, that I was born yesterday? I am not blind. I know that Tearso has other women, all men do. That will stop once we are married.” She blew smoke toward me and smiled. “Besides, you lie, boy. You come for a different reason. One I do not care to know.” She laughed at my stunned expression. “Finish your drink. Stay as long as you like. There is chicharron, bibingka, sweet saging, and other meryenda on the table.”

  So that was it? Her response to my announcement was to point to the direction of fried pork skin and sweet bananas? I scratched my head in confusion as she slunk away through the crowd. It was hard for me to think; I had never seen such food, and in such abundance. I proceeded to gorge myself with the sticky cakes sprinkled with shredded coconut. I choked on the vinegar and garlic sauce made for the fried pork rinds. I had never tasted anything so rich before.

  I became the center of attention for a group of her friends. They were playing a game, and I was pulled into it. The game was simple. We each had to repeat words to a sentence, adding on a word until the story grew longer and longer. We were laughing hilariously, and their cups continued to be refilled by invisible hands. I did not pick apart until later how the group had nudged one another repeatedly, whispering things such as “Look how the peasant boy eats. It is as if he has eaten nothing but dirt all his life. This must be like paradise to him. How sad.” All along I thought I was laughing with them, but they were laughing at me. I was their sport.

  An hour later, after my stomach had begun to ache from too much of the fried bananas dipped in sugar, Catalina chose to approach me again. “Boy, tell me. Does that witch have as fine clothes as I? Truly, I do not see what Tearso sees in her.”

  “Esmeralda’s beauty is not in her clothes. And she is no witch,” I defended her heatedly, and immediately I realized Catalina had me, for neither of us had mentioned Esmeralda’s name until then. That was the night I took my first drink of wine. I drank more than I should have, with my belly already filled with the food from the San Lupe house and then Catalina’s display. I felt the heat of the room. The noise of the party made the room seem smaller to me. My tongue felt thick in my mouth. I went in search of a way out. In my wanderings, I mistook one door for an exit and surprised the butler, Arturo, who was locked in an embrace with a servant boy. He did not jump away; in fact, he seemed to wear a smug smile. The boy, however, took that opportunity to walk past me and out the door.

  “Who are you looking for?” Arturo asked.

  “I took a wrong turn somewhere,” I said lamely, gesturing behind me at nothing in particular.

  “Come find me before you leave. I may have something for you.”

  “All right,” I said, backing out. I remember the lighting in that small room, which I think now was merely a hallway. It was odd, the light made Arturo’s face seem longer, paler. I remember the intense heat that overcame my body. The laughter coming from the floor below seeped through the floorboards and licked at my feet. It followed just behind my ears. When I finally found the back door, I was dripping with sweat. I was almost certain it would not open, but it did, and the cool air hit me like a benediction.

  Once outside, I could hear someone gasping. I expected to see someone doubled over from drinking too much wine. Instead I saw Gabriel, my traveling host, with his sleeves rolled up. He was walking toward his coach, where he had a plate of lumpias on the roof. He took a bite of one, placed it back down, and walked to a man who was bent over. He hit the man cleanly in the jaw and the man fell to the ground, still clutching his face.

  Gabriel snorted as the man fell. “Not so loud now, are you, my friend?” He was about to kick the man when he noticed my presence. “Boy, did you find the Catalina?”

  “Yes.” I nodded, then added in my confusion,” Thank you.”

  “Well then?” he barked. “Why are you standing there? Do you have business with me?”

  “No,” I answered, and in my eagerness to get away I stumbled over my lame foot and fell. I was so nervous that I got up and heaved all the rich food and wine out onto the flower beds.

  Gabriel laughed, then coughed, then forgot about me altogether as he gave the man his undivided attention.

  I learned later what I had already guessed, that this Gabriel was Catalina’s most trusted lapdog.

  I SPENT THE following Wednesday trying to sort through the pain in my head and the images from the previous night. Had I accomplished anything? Had I succeeded in scaring the woman away from marrying Tearso? If I had known that I was sitting on a wagon at the very top of a steep precipice, I would have jumped out and run away to another town. Blind as I was, I decided that nothing eventful had happened the night before. How wrong I was.

  When I came home from working in the cane fields that evening, my head was still in a fog and my back was so brittle that it took longer to climb the stairs to our room. Esmeralda’s first customer was already seated.

  Her customer was dressed in heeled sandals and she wore a yellow dress, with arched sleeves and a square neckline. The woman was Catalina Marquez. I ran quickly to our other window to be sure, and there outside, leaning against a fine carriage, was her guard dog, Gabriel.

  What had I done? Think, I ordered myself. What did you say last night? Before
I could remember, Esmeralda began their session.

  “Tell me, how can I help you?” Esmeralda poured a cup of tea.

  “What kind of tea is that?” Catalina countered with a sneer.

  “Ginger tea. It helps to soothe.”

  “I only like black tea, and it must be the finest. Not this peasant tea.” She turned her face away in disgust. “I have no time to waste. Let us make this short. I have come to see if you have a cure for a witch.”

  I cringed at her words, remembering now how easily I had given her Esmeralda’s name. Esmeralda seemed taken aback by the woman’s attitude, but she was used to people coming in with fierce snarls on their faces, only to leave with content smiles. She was not daunted. “So this witch?” she prompted.

  “Yes, she is poor, an orphan from what I understand. She wishes to steal my fiancé. He is a wealthy, handsome man, from only the finest of social circles. His charms are universal. I can understand how others would be attracted to him. Even this poor girl from the gutter.”

  Esmeralda hesitated in the act of sipping from her cup. She looked into the woman’s eyes steadily. “He loves this witch?”

  “He is under her spell. It is not the same thing.”

  “And he has asked you to marry him?”

  “He shall. His family approves wholeheartedly, that is really all that matters. His parents are the ones who hold his purse strings. And Tearso, my husband-to-be, loves his money.”

  I watched as Esmeralda struggled with her emotions. “You would marry a man who cares for another?”

  “Yes, if he is the man I have set my future upon. This witch I speak of would rather drag him down with her poverty. His family would never approve of her. They would disown him. What kind of love is that? Would you not rather see the man you love living in fine clothes and eating good food?” Catalina smiled angelically, her long nails drumming on the oval table.

  Esmeralda could not speak. She was flustered. She spilled her tea. She dropped a jar of her flowers. Petals spilled onto the floor, mixed with sharp pieces of clay. “I am sorry. This is not the kind of problem I can cure. I do not think there is a cure for your intended.”

  “Oh, there is a cure for my intended. There is no cure for your intended.” Catalina stood. “Let us make this our first and last visit.” She opened a beaded purse and threw out four pesos onto the table. The coins spun loudly on the table, then fell to the ground.

  I thought Catalina would leave then, but her next actions made me think she had lost her mind. She pulled apart the clean tight braid of her hair, then she proceeded to rip her own dress. She grabbed a bottle of Esmeralda’s lotion and threw it on herself, all the while screaming for Esmeralda to have pity on her. “No, please, do not hurt me, Esmeralda! It is not my fault Tearso asked me to marry him and not you.” She rushed out, stumbling down the stairs. Our neighbors came outside to see what the noise was about. What they saw was Catalina running to her coach, sobbing.

  Esmeralda never moved. She watched Catalina’s performance with horror.

  ON THAT NIGHT, a storm began. The following day people could not stop speaking of how poor Catalina Marquez had to grovel at the feet of Esmeralda Cortez. They could not stop talking about how Catalina had to actually beg the woman to leave her fiancé alone. What nonsense, I thought. But can you believe how readily everyone accepted this? The senator’s wife was Catalina’s biggest supporter. Between the two of them, they made a big show of the wronged fiancé.

  “We must oust Esmeralda from our community. Our husbands and brothers and sons are fooled by this witch. She leads them astray.”

  The gossip raged like a fire in a dried-up wheat field. It consumed everyone in sight. Esmeralda’s customers stopped coming. I realized then how ready everyone was to turn on Esmeralda, how anxious they were to discredit her, as a liar, a man stealer, a whore. She knew all their darkest secrets. She was a threat to them.

  Mildred, the nun, visited her that night, with a great show to the villagers of the pious nun pitying the poor sinner.

  The nun sat with a knowing look on her face. “Do you remember now what I have told you? How this path could lead only to heartbreak? And now the entire village has turned against you. If you follow me now, if you admit to your sin and marry yourself to the church, all will be forgiven.”

  “Please, Sister Mildred, I cannot hear this right now.” Esmeralda’s voice was strained.

  I felt bad for what was happening to Esmeralda. I blamed myself. I wished at that moment that I could open a box and put all the badness back into it. But what I started was something that had been breeding for a long time.

  “No, we must talk on this matter now. You shall go to church and pledge yourself as one of us. There is nothing else to be done, your reputation is shattered. It has been from the day you were born, an orphan, an unwanted child. You started with a black mark against you. And I tried to steer you the right way.”

  I watched Esmeralda’s eyes grow dim. “And who put that black mark there, Mother?”

  Sister Mildred looked stunned. “Esmeralda, your mind grows weak in all this chaos.”

  Esmeralda’s gaze did not waver. The tone of her voice was firm, yet there was almost a pleading to it. “You could clear my name. You come from a wealthy family. If you were to stand up and take the responsibility for becoming pregnant with me twenty-one years ago, my standing would change. I would then come from a good family, you would be the black sheep.

  “Tearso’s family might change their minds. They would be happy to know I came from a decent family, and one connected with the church. Are you willing to take the burden from me? Are you willing to take responsibility for your part in all of this?” Esmeralda pleaded.

  Sister Mildred sat stiffly, her hands folded in her lap. “You do not know what you speak of.” She wore a smug look. She reminded me of my aunt at that moment.

  “But I do know. If you told Grandmother …” Esmeralda paused at Sister Mildred’s sharp look. “If you told your mother, she might be happy to find she had a grandchild. You could still change things, if you spoke to her. Explain what happened so long ago. She is a powerful woman, she could save us both.”

  Sister Mildred stood quietly and smoothed her robe. She looked at Esmeralda. “You think she does not know of your existence? Who do you think insisted that I place the baby on the church doorstep? Even when I begged and told her that the father …” Sister Mildred’s eyes looked wistful for just a moment. “You were my child long ago, but too many years have passed. We are both grown women now. We are no longer anyone’s child.”

  “You are wrong. You are still her child.” Esmeralda’s voice lowered to a whisper.

  “You would do well to pledge yourself to the church. This is the only help I can give you.”

  Esmeralda sighed after her mother left. “No one to stand up for me. Not one person. Such a sad, silent town.”

  Padre Ramirez came to visit her soon after. Sister Mildred must have reported the news to him. He came with a humbleness of attitude that was sickening, for throughout it all, his eyes gleamed with greed. I was never so surprised as when she asked him to leave. When the padre left I thought to myself, She has sealed her fate.

  A few customers came to visit her, but they were like sprinkles of sand on a smooth floor where once there had been a beach. Esmeralda listened to their troubles. It was only after the last one had left that her confidence collapsed. She put her head down on the wooden table. That was how she looked when Tearso walked in unannounced. He stood at the door for a long moment. The expression on his face was one of torment. When she stirred, he strode to her side and took her hand in his. She pulled it back slowly.

  “Why did you not tell me?” she asked.

  “I had hoped to make plans for us. I had hoped to entertain my parents until we could elope secretly, and they could tell everyone I died, or moved abroad.”

  “But now it is public knowledge. This woman is claiming to be your intended, and I have lost
everything for trusting you.”

  “Forgive me, my love, you must know I would never do this. Somehow, it all unraveled before I could catch the loose thread.” He tried again to put his arms around her, but she pushed him away. “Tell me, what can I do?”

  “Go.” She pointed toward the door. “Decide who it is you are to marry. Do not come back until then.”

  Tearso stared at her a long time. He tried a few times to hold her face in his hands, then he said, “It is already decided. I am to be married next month.”

  “In my church?” There was a sob in her voice. I hated him for putting it there.

  Tearso closed his eyes and brought his fingers to press them shut. He seemed to struggle with himself. When he opened them he took a deep breath and paced the small of her room. “Esmeralda, it cannot be helped. I have thought long and hard on this. I have dug marks into my palms from clenching them when I sleep. I am accustomed to the money. I cannot live without it. I can take better care of you this way. Catalina Marquez is rich. I can buy you whatever you want.”

  “It was never the presents, Tearso. I want only you. I want us to be married as you promised.”

  “It is not possible, not in name. That I cannot give you, though I had hoped to.”

  “I will come to watch the ceremony,” she replied. The desperation in her voice was difficult for me to swallow. I sat on my knees with my fists clenched, not caring whether they could see me or not, through our open windows. I wanted to run from that room, to keep from hearing her pain, but I willed myself to stay. I owed her that much, after all that I had started.

  “Do not do that, my love. Please, spare yourself. I cannot bear to hurt you further.”

  “I will come,” she said quietly.

  “Then know that when I speak my vows, I say them to you.”

  “No, Tearso. You will not be saying them to me.”

  “Esmeralda, you know that I love you. Only you.”

  “I do not know that anymore.”